200.0 One Bite At A time

This morning as I got ready to weigh myself after being without a scale for 5 days, I was talking to myself about how much I probably gained over the holidays. Whoa! I was so pleased and happily surprised to see that on this last day of the year, I weighed the least I have in probably 10 years! Yep, I did get off and on again just to make sure.

Since we were eating out, eating in, eating special holiday foods, I was sure that I had gained weight. My clothes didn't feel tighter, but in my mind I didn't see how I could NOT have gained weight. I ate mashed potatoes, I ate persimmon pudding with real whipped cream, I ate oyster dressing, I ate ham, I ate ice cream, I ate a little cake. In other words, I ate what was offered and enjoyed every bite. But here's where the truth lies...I ate each item one bite at a time. I really savored each bite, thought about whether I really wanted more before I took another bite, and I did start out with small portions.

I also had a time each day where I went inside myself to ask for help in making the best of each day and staying aware of all that I ate in the coming day. It is so powerful to know that we have this resource within ourselves, and it is really working for me. All I have to do is ask and believe.

So now, along with all of my readers, I face the New Year with hope, tools for success and the goal of losing at least another thirty pounds. Welcome 2010!

no scale Graceland, Tennessee

Graceland, Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee! I keep hearing that in my mind! I need a little grace right now and I am in Memphis, TN as I write. I don't have a scale, and I am in the throes of wondering how much damage I have done. Grace will allow me to take in stride wherever I am on the scale and allow me to continue this amazing adventure.

Being with my son's family has been such a gift. The boys are silly, active, brilliant and so sweet depending on the moment! I will never forget the 3 year old (Julien) thanking my sister and her husband for so seriously for the gifts they gave him. He wanted to get it just right and repeated his "thank you Uncle Phil and Aunt Prill" until he did. So adorable and heart felt and not that easy to say!

Last night I got another gift. My son said he was so happy to see me moving so easily and that I was just so much younger! When I started this program with my clinical hypnotherapist Jennifer Scott about a year and a half ago and about 50 pounds heavier she would tell me that I was getting stronger, more agile and younger. I wanted to believe her and I did a lot of work to make it happen, but to have Ted say that he was observing the results really meant so much.

Home tomorrow! I am so sad to be leaving these boys and so grateful that I had this time with them. I wish I could add some pictures of them to this post but I didn't bring the thingy to download pictures from my camera.

200.4 Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas!

I wasn't going to blog today, but since my weight is down another pound and I just did the elliptical for 11 minutes I just had to write about it.

We are headed to church with our daughter Alee, then we'll share some Chinese food, finish wrapping presents and we will be ready for tomorrow!

Hope you are all feeling merry and bright!

201.2 An Unexpected Gift

Here's my grandson Julien's Christmas stocking, finally finished. It has been 3 years in the making with me working sporadically every Christmas season hoping to get it done by that Christmas. Well, my son Ted asked about it about a month ago and reminded me that Julien would really notice this year if he didn't have a special stocking made by Grandma Sue. Phew! It took forever this year to finish it. I thought I had about 5 hours to go when Ted talked to me about it, but I think I have logged more like 12 to 15 hours. I am so glad it's done.

Today I received an unexpected gift about this blog. My nephew's wife Nicola took me aside and told me that she has read every post and that it has really touched her life. She said that the weight loss focus has been very helpful, but more than that, my sharing my view of life has meant a lot to her. I really liked hearing that this blog has become important to her and I hope it will continue to be a source of info, humor, and perhaps inspiration to many of you.

I am not sure if I will post a new blog everyday throughout the next week since we will be celebrating, traveling, and enjoying our family. But do check in every so often. With me in charge (I think the blog is the only thing I am truly in charge of :) ), you never know!

Happy Holidays to you all.

202.2 A Broken Record

Maybe I should say a broken CD, but since I grew up with the term broken record I think it sounds better. My current plateau is feeling like that. Being stuck is no fun, but I am trying to take it in stride. Weight is such a funny thing, or maddening, or frustrating thing! We all have it, but we all handle it differently, and it is very individual. Some folks don't have to deal with it at all, some heavier folks don't seem to deal with it at all (I was one of them for about 20 years), and some have watched their weight continually thereby keeping within about a 2-3 pound range most of their adult lives. I want to be in that third group eventually. Since right now I am proving to be so good at maintaining a certain weight that should be a piece of cake! Ouch! Bad phrase to use right now.

So as I approach the holidays and all that includes (read wonderful food) my goal is to stay steady, to use my inner voice to keep me present and careful, and enjoy my friends and family. That's not too tall an order!

202.2 A New Elliptical Record For Losin' Susan

In the midst of all the preparations for Christmas today, I went over to our community center's workout room to do the elliptical. Another record was set by Losin' Susan ~ 8 minutes and 3 seconds! Pretty soon, I won't bother with the seconds but I am still aware of each and every second! Tomorrow I head to PT for my last visit for a while. My physical therapist is hard to impress, but I would like to be able to hit the 10 minute mark tomorrow, for me as much as for her.

Food issues are going pretty well since we have been here at home over the last several days. Tonight, Dover sole and Brussel sprouts and I am really looking forward to it. I will probably go out on a limb (remember that book by Shirley MacLaine?) and add a salad! But truth be told, I can't think of what I would rather have for dinner. So, Bon Appetit as Julia would say!

202.2 Welcome Back Hip Bones!

Newflash! My hip bones are re-emerging! I am not sure where they have been and what they have been up to, but I am delighted to have them back!

I also want to say that the Christmas pictures I have posted with this blog over the past few days and today were taken at the Conservatory at The Bellagio. The designs are all made from flowers. The polar bears posted today were amazing - contemplating the work that went into creating them and bringing them to life takes my breath away! I have suggested to Jeff, who is feeling a little better today, that we make the trip to The Bellagio at Christmas time an annual event. It was just so beautiful and Christmassy! (By the way, you can click on the photos to enlarge them.)

202.6 Yikes!

And I didn't even eat anything special or salty or whatever. So today I have tried not eating much at all, and I am famished and head achy. I want those 6 ounces gone by tomorrow!

It has been a good day though. I got a call from a dear friend in Ohio, I got a lot of grocery shopping done for the coming week, and our Christmas card is finally coming together. That is my upbeat, positive self speaking. On the other hand, when I returned from the store, Jeff was on the phone talking to his doctor. Yesterday he had a very painful skin treatment and was in a lot of pain. During the night he developed chills and that happened again while I was gone. His dermatologist doesn't think his symptoms match any after affects of the treatment, so now we may be looking at a guy who has the flu. How can that be? He had a flu shot and is scheduled to get the H1N1 shot in mid-January. He's doing his part! And, our daughter Alee is arriving on Tuesday, and in a week we are heading to Memphis to see our grandsons. Excuse me, but we have no time for the flu!

I just read my friend Kathleen's blog, Among The Savages, and she is feeling sick. It is sort of like this blizzard that is hitting the east coast. Hello?? Doesn't Mother Nature know this is Christmas week? Blizzards do hit and people do get sick, but.... Oh, please Jeff, don't have the flu.

scale was under the bed.... Speaking of Which

A new excuse for not weighing myself this morning? No, honest, it's the truth. The scale is not just under the bed, it is way under the bed which has a big dresser with a mirror attached to it pushed up against it. The guest room is being painted (no more yucky yellow), and so everything is in a state of total chaos here. But it's exciting. The master bath is almost done and looks so much better. This is fun, except for the mess. I think I will be able to get to the scale tomorrow morning so that will be my next adventure on the scale.

Speaking of which, I hope you all read the comments as well as my blog. Some of them are very witty, others very helpful and supportive, and others, let's say, challenging! Rarely have I not posted readers' comments. I did get one about the joys of viagra that I didn't bother to post ;). I do see them and read them and love getting them, so keep the comments coming.

Today I had breakfast with three of my good friends from my neighborhood, and we exchanged gifts. I have to admit I gave them candy, but none are on the weight loss adventure! One of my friends is the most wonderful baker, candy maker, extraordinare and, besides a Christmas cinnamon "flavored" candle for me, she gave me 3 bags of goodies designated for Jeff. I am not sure he is going to see any of it as I have decided, probably in my wisdumb, to regift and give them to the relatives that are coming for dinner next Wednesday. As I am writing this it is becoming clear to me that maybe I should let him make that decision. Maybe wisdom is reigning over wisdumb? And, today he brought home a copy of the Bocelli Christmas CD I had wanted. Yep, the decision is his, but I hope he hides it well if he keeps it.

202.0 Reward System Revealed!

I finally went Christmas shopping. I have bought several things online, but today was the first day I faced shopping in stores. It was really quite eerie. I didn't have to wait long to get checked out, people were available to help me, and except for the Andrea Bocelli Christmas CD I wanted, I found perfect gifts for several people.

As I was waiting to get checked out my eyes fell upon all the candy bar choices (I was at Target) and I had a major flash back to the time when I would buy a candy bar every time I went to the grocery store. This was several years ago when I didn't want my kids to see me eating candy or Jeff, for that matter. It was a little reward system I set up for myself, sort of like a frequent flyer point system. The more times I shopped for the family, the more often I could have a candy bar. I am really aware of the addictive qualities of certain foods now and I know that an addiction to chocolate was well established. That chocolate that we had at the Bellagio triggered it all over again. I find myself thinking that I want some chocolate, after not having that message running around rampant in my mind for a long time. So, the next time I am tempted to take a piece of chocolate I am going to try to remember that it will be a little like uranium, having many half lives until I can get it completely out of my system.

By the way, I am delighted that Jeff's birthday dessert hasn't come back around to haunt me. I wonder why....

202.0 Wisdumb!

Here's what I wrote yesterday in all of my wisdumb. "I want to go out with him and I know exactly what I will order without even looking at the menu and it will all work out fine." Not...! I did order very carefully and had a delicious dinner and then life got in the way again! I should have known when the waitress set down a spoon at each of our places after clearing our dinner plates. But we were busy talking about how Jeff didn't want dessert and that we would stop at the grocery store on the way home and get him his favorite Weight Watchers Ice Cream Bars. And then the waitress reappeared with a platter, a huge plater containing a huge dollop of whipped cream, a huge scoop on vanilla ice ream with pecans in it, and a butter rum cake about 5" in diameter covered with caramel sauce, and bananas in a flaming liquor! My first mistake was to take one bite. This first mistake was followed by many more mistakes. OMG, it was so good.

And the irony is that I was down a pound from yesterday. I am afraid it will catch up with me tomorrow. We shall see. We don't have any events that include eating out for several days so maybe I can get back to home and healthy. That does make it easier, but last night was soooo good.

203.0 Happy Birthday, Jeff!

My son-in-law is a poet. I wish I were a poet. I would write a poem entitled How Life Gets In The Way! Today is Jeff's birthday and we are going out...again. I want to go out with him and I know exactly what I will order without even looking at the menu and it will all work out fine. But I make these proclamations to myself about home and healthy and then I find myself out and about. But honestly, I love my life and that we are together to celebrate his birthday so I will quit my complaining! I just realized we have celebrated 45 birthdays together! Now that's something to be very happy about.

I did face the scale this morning with some trepidation and it was barely okay, but it will go down. Today I went to my PT and, are you ready, I did the elliptical for 5 minutes and 16 seconds! How's that? She covered up the digital display so I couldn't see how long I was ellipticaling and when I finally stopped, I was really surprised, and happy, and I could hardly move! My PT told me that doing the elliptical is so much harder than the treadmill because the motion is more like running than walking. So, I was running for 5 minutes and 16 seconds??? No, but it is fun to think about.

Happy Birthday, Jeff! Let's go celebrate!

no scale Back to Home Cookin'

Driving from Las Vegas to Scottsdale is one of the most boring, beautiful, and longest 5 hour rides imaginable. The Hoover Dam and the new highway and bridge that are being constructed there right now are very interesting and are amazing engineering feats! But once we saw that, there was basically nothing to break up the desolation of the area. There is even a place to stop for snacks called Nothing! My daughter Alee and I stopped there once just so we could take her picture in front of the "Nothing" sign! There was nothing there.

This morning was the last challenge, but it actually wasn't as hard as it might have been. We didn't have time to go sit down at one of the restaurants in the hotel so we went to the John Philippe chocolate display where we could get coffee and "a little something" quickly. After studying each of the gorgeous pastries, including bear claws, my favorite, I ordered a vegetable quiche and ate just one-half. I really didn't want a bear claw or any of the other pastries so that was a good change. Before undertaking this weight loss, I probably would have had a big croissant or bear claw and ordered another one to eat in the car, ostensibly for lunch, but it never would have made it that long! We did stop at a Wendy's for lunch, and after a lot of thought, I ordered a baked potato with reduced fat sour cream and chives. It tasted fine and was so much better for me than any of the other choices. And, I just came home from the grocery store with fish and vegies.

Getting back on track after traveling is always accompanied with a welcome sense of relief now. But we sure did have a great time. Now I have to get my act together for Christmas, right?

no scale Bellagio Christmas

This is a very complex place to visit. I definitely have an ambivalent view of Las Vegas. Right now there is snow on the mountains that we look out at from our room, and it is simply gorgeous. But down on the street things are pretty gritty and grim. I have done surprisingly well with my gambling fortunes so that has been fun, and unexpected. And, I have been walking everywhere, very different from past visits. It means a lot to me that I can walk.

The Andrea Bocelli concert last night was absolutely fabulous. What is so phenomenal about seeing him perform is that he sings effortlessly, whether he is singing an aria or a Christmas Carol. I didn't realize this about his style and was struck by it throughout the performance. Whether it was an unusually high note or low note, it was sung effortlessly and beautifully. Can weight loss be effortless? I think that depends on the definition of effort. It does take discipline and practice, I can attest to that!

So, home tomorrow!

202.4 Viva Las Vegas!

Well, maybe it was just the salt, or at least I can blame some of the weight gain yesterday on the salt since I was down a pound this morning! I am munching on a delicious apple right now. We had breakfast at our favorite breakfast place after we dropped our dog off at the pet sitter. I had my standard spinach and feta omelette and one pancake and then didn't have lunch so now I am hungry. Also, it is an hour earlier here in Las Vegas than in AZ, so a lot of time has gone by since I ate.

I am laughing to myself about our room situation. Our room at the Bellagio is free because we got a special offer based on the fact I had a recent birthday. We have the room for two nights and it is beautiful. But, there is a but! When we checked in, the only non-smoking room that was available (read for free) was located in the new Spa Tower which is several miles by foot from the lobby.:) In the past I would have been ticked off about this, but now, with my change of mind, I am just looking at it as a great source of exercise. And, it is a lot further from all of the gambling activity than the rooms in the main building here, so that is probably a good thing, too.

So we are off to go get some dinner and then see Andrea Bocelli. I wonder if he has to worry about what he eats! Just as I am finishing this, a bell man just brought us a complimentary box of eight truffles! Oh, my!

203.4 "It's Just The Salt"!

OMG, I couldn't believe my eyes when I got on the scale this morning! I told myself it was the salt in the wonderful food I had at lunch yesterday. Then my sister Priscilla called and when I told her how upset I was, she said the same thing. "Sue, it's the salt more than how much you ate". And just a few minutes ago as I was complaining that I hadn't written my blog and we have to leave to go eat dinner with some friends, Jeff asked me what I was going to write about. I told him about my weight today and, you guessed it, he blamed it on the salt. Let's hear it for salt because if that is the culprit, I should be able to get those numbers back down soon.

Except..., we are leaving tomorrow for Las Vegas to see Andrea Bocelli perform, and gamble, and eat? Life is so good and yet I get upset and worried about handling everything. Well, I have had practice juggling social life, fun and food, so I will have to trust in myself, listen to my inner voice, and walk as much as I can. Wish me luck with the food and the slot machines! I know I will enjoy hearing Andrea Bocelli! :)

201.4 Pride Goeth Before The Gain

I guess I knew in my heart that my weight would probably bounce up a little once I made a big deal about reaching 200! But, if I look at the history of this weight loss, it is certainly not a straight line.

Today I taught my last ESL class until late January and the class members brought food that is typical of their country of origin for an end of semester party. Wow! What a wonderful buffet! There were frog legs and escargots from the French student, Pad Thai, Spring Rolls, and a Tofu dish prepared by the sister (and former restaurant owner) of a student from Thailand, there were several Middle Eastern dishes brought by folks from Iran, Morocco, and Pakistan, and more. Of course, they all wanted me to try everything, and have seconds, and it was very hard. I did take very small portions of each offering, and then I just took a deep breath and reassured myself that I should enjoy the delicious flavors and leave a little of each thing I put on my plate. And, that's what I did. I will have a very light dinner!

Yesterday when I blogged about being on the elliptical I forgot to write that my physical therapist likened working out on the elliptical to running rather than walking and that is why I get so winded so quickly. Tomorrow I see her again and I know she will want me to up my time on it. I can't exactly write "no problem", but I do know I will increase my time.

And now I have to get back to work on my grandson Julien's Christmas stocking!

200.4 Two Special Milestones

Did you see that? 200.4! I got off and on the scale a second time because I was surprised and so happy to finally reach that milestone. So, now I have lost 47 pounds since I started and 37 pounds since April. I do know that 200 is just another number in the downward slide on the scale, but seeing it this morning was just great!

I went to see my PT today and she really put me through my paces, reminding me that I initiated more visits to see her because I wanted to get in better shape. So we started with 2 and 1/2 minutes on the elliptical. She assured me I could do it, and I did! Then we did several core strengthening exercises, and then she challeneged me to do 2 more minutes on the elliptical and, guess what? I did!

And one more thing... It was one year ago yesterday that I had my first laser spine surgery, and that was life changing for me in the most positive sense possible. After that, I could walk without the horrible pain in my legs, and I could stand up straight. Being able walk has played a big part in my weight loss success. So, the surgery plus my determination to get the weight off using Jennifer's program has made me feel younger and definitely more agile and happy. What a couple of days!

Whose Thigh Is This?

After writing yesterday's blog, I received comments from 2 of my faithful blog fans. One supports me in staying true to the course I have set for myself because it has worked so well, and the other challenges me (she always does:)) to think about the fact that I don't really know how many calories my body needs to stay healthy and still lose weight. I know how many calories I need to eat to maintain my weight and I know that if eat about 500 a day less than that, I can lose a pound in about week, but how many calories do I need to sustain my health? Who knows? My inner voice, my inner spirit is suggesting that I not worry about calories in and out since we don't know that number, but to eat enough so I don't lose control due to hunger. I can do that, and I'll see how things go.

This morning as I was getting out of bed I looked down and saw my thigh. But I didn't recognize it because it's definitely gotten thinner. "Whose thigh is this"? to the tune of "What Child is This..." ran through my head. That started my day off with a smile.

(I didn't get weighed today because we were at a friend's home. Tonight we are going out to dinner with friends so I will need to take care to enjoy the meal with awareness!)

202.4 The 7,000 Calorie Question

202.4 The 7,000 Calorie Question

I am writing this in Tucson, AZ, which is located about 2 hours south of Scottsdale. We are visiting one of the couples who spent the week in Cortona, Italy with us about 9 weeks ago. One of the first things that JoAnne said when we arrived was that I looked like I had lost even more weight. I have lost almost 9 more pounds since that trip to Italy. It is really curious to me how I have fallen into the pattern of losing about one pound a week. That doesn’t sound like much, but to lose that pound means that I have to eat over 3,500 calories less than my body needs to maintain its current weight every week. I was trying to do the math in my head during a sleepless period last night to figure out how many calories I haven’t eaten that has allowed me to lose 45 pounds. So, 45 X 3500 = 157,500! Now that’s impressive!

Do I want to speed up the weight loss? Can I eat over 7,000 calories less than I need in a week so that I can lose 2 pounds a week? I am working on that question, as I have mentioned before. It sounds daunting, but by upping my exercise maybe I could whittle that number down a bit. Hmmm.

202.4 Keeping Compliments Compartmentalized

I just returned from the workout room at the community center and I have a mixed report to report! I did 12 minutes on the treadmill and I got my heart rate up to 131 which is close to death for someone of my age. Oh, no it's not, (silly me) because this morning on the Wii Fit my age was 45 after I did the evaluation which is optional every time you get on. I did get the treadmill up to 3 miles an hour. For some of you, you are wondering what the big deal is, but for me it is very big because the fastest I ever had gone was about 2.6. So, progress is being made on the treadmill front. However, the elliptical did me in again today. I see my PT tomorrow and maybe she will have some magical technique known only to experienced ellipticalists that she will share with me so I can spend some time on that *#^?/ machine.

But before I hit the machines I went to a magnificent Holiday Brunch. Several people ooohed and aaaahed about my weight loss, but mainly because they hadn't seen me in a while. I have to keep the compliments compartmentalized so I don't think I am done. I took a good hard look at myself in the mirror today before getting all la te da for the party and there is definitely lots of work to be done. It is good to get down to basics in this process of losing weight. After all, I had deluded myself for several years that I either couldn't or didn't need to lose weight and I don't want to fall into that trap again. Again, staying present, being aware of where I am and where I want to be is so important. Compliments are wonderful, but not the same as achieving my goal!

202.4 It's Beginning To Feel A Lot Like Christmas

I know it is only the 5th of December, but I have a husband who loves Christmas. The tree can't go up too early and it can't stay up too long! I was out doing errands and came home to a wreath on the door and the tree half-way put up in the living room. As I have said before, whadda guy!

While I was out, I went to get a pedicure and ran into a gal I have met and talked to about 3-4 times over the past 3 years. She did not recognize me! Once I told her who I was and explained about the weight loss, she knew me! I think that is one of those little things that mean a lot moments! (See 12/01.) What is really interesting for me as a big loser is that I can't imagine how I lugged around almost 50 pounds without realizing what I was doing to myself, and without understanding that I had the power to lose it. I can picture myself being much heavier, but I can't imagine living with all the weight.

So now I have just over 30 more pounds to lose to reach my goal. No problem!

203.0 A Green Tea Kind of Day

I am sitting here at the computer drinking green tea. The link that I sent yesterday in the blog about MUFA's also talks about how good green tea is for us. The article suggests 4 cups a day which seems like a lot, but now that it is cold, I am definitely up for hot tea at least a couple times a day.

My chiropractor confirmed what I thought about my extreme improvement on the Wii Fit following an adjustment. It is up to my muscles, not his technique or glue (!) to hold the adjustment, so I have my work cut out for me to strengthen those core muscles. I think I will go do the Wii Fit right now so I can score even higher than before. But before I do that, I think I will go over to the workout room and give the elliptical another chance. Challenges abound!

203.2 I'm Back Home

My college roommate from UCLA days, Barbara, sent me another article that she thought might be of interest to all of my blog readers. Is there a name for blog readers? If so, I don't know it, but think there should be. Anyway, the article features food that have been proven to help rid people of belly fat. Arrgh! Belly fat is almost as bad sounding as obese. These foods are called MUFAs, standing for mono unsaturated fat acids. I read through all 26 meal ideas and think some of them look good enough for me to try. Here's the link: http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/longevity/flat-belly-shortcuts?icid=main%7Cmain%7Cdl3%7Clink3%7Chttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fhealthy-living%2Flongevity%2Fflat-belly-shortcuts

I have no idea if this really will help and I don't often put up links like this one that touts fast weight loss. But hey, maybe this will help and I doubt if it can hurt. Let me know if eating these foods is a good thing (as Martha would say).

My physical therapist cancelled on me today because she is sick, so I didn't find out why the elliptical is giving me such a hard time. I walked briskly today, partly because it is cold here for a change and partly because I had missed real walks while we were in Boston. It was way too cold for this Arizona gal to relish walking outside there. My daughter Alee invited me several times to walk with her and her dog Paco, and I did walk twice around the neighborhood, all the while wishing I was in the house by the fire in the fireplace. So today I had a great walk, did the Wii Fit, and am wishing it were warm enough to go out and do my water therapy. I'm back home.

204.0 So, What's Goin' On?

Today I went over to my Community Center workout room and jumped on the elliptical after not being on it for over a week. I use the term jumped on lightly because I don't really jump on much except maybe a good idea. Anyway, I thought I was going to die and I had only been on it for 1 minute and 45 seconds. This time it was a total body revolt, not just my legs. So I stopped, waited about 30 seconds to regroup and give myself a pep talk about how I could do this, and then completed the last 15 seconds so I could claim that I did 2 minutes today. Can I blame it on jet lag? Who knows, but tomorrow I head back to my physical therapist and I'll ask her about it.

A funny thing happened last night. I had been on the plane all day and after dinner I decided to do the Wii Fit. I was awesome! I was so good that I thought I might be ready for the ski slalom event in the next Olympics. However, this morning when I got on it, I was terrible. What happened? Here's my take on this. After we got home from the airport yesterday, I went over to my chiropractor's office for an alignment. I think I was so good last night because everything was where it is supposed to be, but by this morning, I was already out of alignment. Maybe he should apply a little glue once he gets everything in place. I think that as I continue to lose weight and strengthen my core muscles, it may be possible to stay in alignment for at least 24 hours. It does have me thinking about how important my alignment is to my balance issues. Ah, motivation, motivation!

204.0 Little Things Mean A Lot

If you are old enough you will remember a song with that title. I think Dean Martin sang it, or maybe Perry Como. Sorry if I am dating myself, but it is fun to look back, way back for that one!

Sitting on the plane today, after sleeping for about 2 hours, I started thinking about some little things that have changed as I have lost the weight. For example, I don't have that sinking feeling that the seat belt is going to be too small to go around me. I never did have to ask for an extension, but sometimes it was nip and tuck to get it on. Another flight related change is that the arm rest doesn't ride on my thigh anymore, and my hips aren't snuggled up next to some stranger's as we fly through the air. These are little things in a way, but they are really huge in the overall picture.

And there are more little things. I can get up from a chair or sofa without it being a major effort, and I can get out of bed easily, too. For a while, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to leave a restroom if I couldn't use the handicapped stall. Too low meant all sorts of maneuvers to get up and off the toilet. Now I don't even think about it. Maybe that was too much information, but when it was happening to me, it was a significant problem.

So now I am back home, missing my family very much and I know that my old way of handling my sadness would have been to eat. Instead I am blogging and I know that I'll be seeing my daughters again before too long. The spinach is ready to be cooked, the fish is thawing, and I am definitely back to my routine!

203.5 Holidays Happen!

It's Monday on the other side of Thanksgiving and I can't believe I haven't blogged for so long. The blog has become a part of my daily routine and since I have been in Boston with my family, my routine is definitely very different and unpredictable. Tomorrow we head back to Scottsdale and to "my routine".

Speaking of routines, yes, you are already reading ahead of what I have written, my meals haven't been routine, either. What I have learned is that it is hard to keep losing weight during holidays. I have been able to not gain a lot of weight so I am very thankful for that. Probably the most important thing that has happened is that I have stayed conscious/aware of what I am eating, but that doesn't mean I haven't enjoyed some high calorie very delicious food. And, all this has been complicated by going out a lot with friends and family. So what am I trying to say?

Holidays happen with all the food traditions, friends and family. And I want to celebrate that. What will be very different this holiday season is that I won't spend the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas eating like everyday is a holiday and that it's to be expected. In my life now, it is the exception.

202.0 Happy Thanksgiving

Here’s a poem from a friend:

May your stuffing be tasty,

May your turkey plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Have never a lump.

May your yams be delicious

And your pies take the prize,

And may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off of your thighs!

And I am adding:

Little bits of everything,
taken in small bites
Will make you feel so comfy,
filled with Thanksgiving delights!

No need to eat a lot,
or dream of cleaning your plate.
Remember, tomorrow,
you’ll be checking on your weight.

Have a very special day
of good fellowship and cheer.
Be thankful for your life
and for those that you hold dear.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

203.8 Beside Me In My Mind

I went back to see my physical therapist, today. After scolding me for being a little late - it was only 5 minutes- we got down to work. She runs a very tight ship. I "hopped" on the elliptical and did it for 2 minutes! I didn't feel like I had climbed Mt. Everest, but it does give my legs a workout that they are just beginning to get used to. It also works my heart, and that is what it is really all about. Because, if my heart rate goes up so will my metabolism.

So now I am looking Thanksgiving in the eye and am pretty secure that all will be well. We'll be with the Boston contingent of our family, daughters Miranda and Alee, and son-in-law Jud, and they all know what I am trying to achieve. The pressure to please people by eating will not be at the table with us. So, I can gently graze, tasting and enjoying small portions of whatever strikes my fancy.

But the day will only be partly about the food. It is really about being thankful for all aspects of my life and the people, all the people, that by being a part of my life have made it richer. This is my first Thanksgiving since I started writing this blog, and I am very grateful for every reader. I write it for me, but you are always beside me in my mind as I write.

I don't know when I will next blog since we will be traveling and I am not sure how the time will be spent while in Boston. Check in occasionally over the next few days. I may surprise you with a blog or two.

Happy Thanksgiving.

203.2 Ah, The Mysteries of Weight Loss

It is so curious how this weight loss stuff works. If you look on the right, you can see how long I have been stuck in the 205 range. And then, yesterday I weighed 204 and today, 203! What changed? What is the reason for this drop all of a sudden?

Is it the Wii Fit? Is it the eliptical? Is it the self hypnosis that I started doing again, after letting that slip for a while? Is it a combination of factors? I don't know. What I do know that makes it even more mysterious is that last night at about 9pm I got on the scale and weighed 206.

I am not going to spend too much time wondering about why. I am going to be grateful, smile and keep working on this weight loss using all my tools. I just love it when that scale tells me I lost weight and I didn't even move it! (See my blog written on 11/15.) I did get on twice this morning just to make sure I wasn't seeing things! And, of course, the suspense starts building! What will I weigh tomorrow morning?

204.0 The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Yesterday I blogged about using the Wii Fit at my PT's office and how much fun it was. Well, this morning, Jeff had dusted off ours and it was sitting in the middle of the living room floor ready for me to hop on. Whadda guy! So, I got on and had to answer a lot of questions as I stood on the sensor board, like my height, how much my clothes weighed (of course I said a lot!), my age, etc.. And then, it shared with me the good, the bad and the ugly!

The good is where I'll start. The good news is that, in measuring how I did this morning on some preliminary balance exercise tests, in combination with the information I gave in answer to the questions, my physical age is...53! Yay! When I did this last spring when we first got it, my physical age was 73! So, the weight loss and all my walking and pool work has enabled me to be younger and more agile! For someone who is 67 that is great news. The bad news is my BMI (body mass index), which I won't share, but it is way too high, yet down about 4 points from what it was last spring. Then the really ugly...that I am still obese! Oh, is that not one of the ugliest words in the language?

So, I have a new friend to play with every day, and a three new challenges to meet head on every day: to lower my BMI, to improve my balance and thereby become younger :), and to get out of the obese category.

205.0 Climbing Mt. Everest!

Today I went to my physical therapist. I hadn't seen her in almost 7 months because I was doing well and was able to incorporate what she had taught me into my daily life. I went back because I still have some leg weakness as a result of the first surgery, and since I am doing better, I wanted to add some new things to my workout program. What I also really wanted from her was the go ahead to try to eliptical machine. I am here to say that that turned out to be quite an event! I did it for almost one minute and you would have thought I had climbed Mt. Everest! So now I do have a real challenge and that is to get stronger so that I can really do the eliptical. Jennifer, who is 73, does it for almost 35 minutes! Amazing!

The other thing my physical therapist had me work on was the Wii Fit. I had bought a Wii Fit last spring, but started walking and just forgot about it. We had a good laugh this morning as I tried to get the balls to fall through the holes, and as I tried to ski down the hill going through the gates. And, then there was the one where I tried to hit the soccer balls with my head, while moving out of the way of the shoes that were thrown at me. For those of you who have never seen a Wi Fit, this is all on a TV screen and is probably the best way to have fun while working on balance, strength, etc.. I was working on the balance activities, since that is quite an issue for me.

So it was a good day and it's not over yet. I've walked my 30 minutes, but still want to do my pool workout before it gets too cool outside. And then there is a party tonight. I am already thinking about how I will best deal with the wonderful food that I know will be served. Small bites of what I want sounds like a plan to me.

205.2 Why and Now What?

Here's a thought... Was hitting the wall on my jewelry a reflection of hitting the wall on the weight loss? Hmmm. Perhaps it is obvious to some, but until today I hadn't put the two together.

Which leads me to the larger question of why... Why am I here? What meaning has my life had, and what meaning do I want it to have as I go forward? Since facing retirement, my life has been consumed in large part with dealing with health issues, not life threatening, but life changing. Fortunately, the importance of those issues has diminished, especially over the last year, to the point where my life is not constrained in the same way it has been over the past 5 to 6 years. So, now what?

205.2 Grandma's Secret

I may as well put it out there! My bras are suddenly filled with nothing. Where did all that empty space come from? If there was one thing I really liked about being such a heavy gal it was the ballooning of the boobs! When I was slender in my long ago past, I definitely did not have a big bosom. What I did have did not exactly balance my hips which I have always had in abundance. Somehow, with the weight gain, I actually had a much better proportioned figure. So, now I am heading back into that flat chested look. Just because I am older doesn't mean that I don't want my clothes to fit well and that I don't want to have a good (looking) figure.

I've been in Victoria's Secret a few times with my daughters, but I just don't think it is a place for me to shop. I am thinking of designing bras and selling them for (older) women, like me. And, I think I have the secret. What I need is a push up bra with more support across the back and under my arms. Does anyone want to go in on this venture with me? It could be called Grandma's Secret! And then maybe, just maybe there would be no more cartoons about older women with their boobs down to their knees. Oh, but they are funny, aren't they!

204.8 My 90th Post!

Not that I'm counting:)...! Actually, blogspot, my blog address counts them for me. It would really be great if blogspot would also remove some of my weight occasionally. Let's say for every ten blogs, a pound would mysteriously slip away. But, I don't think that is going to happen.

I am off to the closest shopping area. Close is relative when you live in the far north reaches of Scottsdale. We do have a Target and an Office Max about 15 minutes away so that is where I am headed. My plan is to walk the exterior of the whole shopping area and the interiors of the Safeway, Target, and Office Max. Variety is good and I am ready for a change in my walking routine. And I may as well confess, this shopping center is also where Chico's is located. I just may have to walk through Chico's, too.

Oh, yesterday I went to my rehab doctor and she couldn't believe her eyes. She hadn't seen me since July when I weighed 222 pounds. She put me through my paces and as usual checked for reflexes in my knees and ankles (cankles:). I haven't had any reflexes there since my first back surgery 6 years ago, and we both laughed as she tried one more time. Actually, I have gotten along just fine without those reflexes and am not quite sure why most people have them. It was a great visit but a little sad because she said she really didn't need to see me anymore. When she said it made her day to see me doing so well, that made my day.

204.6 Feelings and Being Real

I've been thinking lately about some of the changes that have taken place as I have been losing the weight. The one I feel (did you note that word feel?) like writing about is that of feeling my emotions. When you think of a heavy friend or just your stereotype of a heavy person do you also think of anger, energy, feelings? I don't! I think of a nice, calm, not very energetic person. Stuffing down negative emotions was part of what eating all that food was all about, at least for me. Wearing my mask of complacency, I hid all those feelings of discontent within myself. When I weighed 40 pounds more I didn't really think about it because that would have been too dangerous, too painful. As I have released the weight I am also releasing feelings. No, it is not always pleasant to be with me, but I am becoming more real and often, a lot more fun. Anger is the first emotion that I have uncovered, and I am also aware feeling sad. As I have been experiencing more anger and sadness, I have also been experiencing more laughter, happiness, fun! Not a bad trade-off.

205.0 Can Scales Be Stuck, Too?

A funny thing happened today, or maybe it was a miracle! If you've been reading this blog lately, especially yesterday's blog, you know how frustrated I've been with being stuck, or having plateaued (is that really a word?) at 205.4. There's a very popular book out there called Who Moved My Cheese?. It's a book about dealing with change, so I have learned. I haven't read it, but I may after reading a synopsis of it. Anyway, this morning, as usual, I weighed myself and my weight was still stuck at 205.4. So, for some reason, I moved my scale and guess what? I lost those 4 ounces! Is that cool or what? So, I moved it again, thinking I had just found the secret to innovative weight loss. What do you think happened? Nothing! It's now stuck at 205.0. So what have I learned today? That scales like people trying to lose weight can also be stuck. I can hardly wait for tomorrow!

205.4 Get Me Off This Plateau!

Let's just name it! I am stuck, but calling it a plateau gives it a bit of a French connotation, yes? I swam and walked today and was very aware of all I ate, so we will see what happens tomorrow. How do you say in French, "Get me off this plateau!"?

In spite of not liking the scale much lately, I have had some very special things happen. Yesterday when I was out walking I saw two friends who hadn't seen me since last spring and they were blown away by the change in how I look. They said they didn't recognize me at first. And today, a gal whom I hadn't seen in about 2 months said she couldn't believe the change! It was great to hear the praise and delight they shared with me about my success so far. I love the compliments but I am also hearing a small voice saying, "Maybe you don't have to lose any more weight since, according to your friends, you look so good!" But I keep reminding myself that that is not the point, it's just one part of this journey. I want great health, to feel younger, to be able to really play with my grandsons and lift and hold and play with any more grandchildren that I may be blessed with. So lookin' good is good, but reaching my goal is going to be the best.

205.4 Determination to Change

I think my scale is in crisis so I am not getting all worked up about what it says. Maybe it got dropped on its head! Who knows, but now I am used to the fluctuations and know my weight will come down.

One of my friends with the great name of Sue told me about an acquaintance of hers from Ohio who has lost over 200 pounds during the past 4-5 years. Tonight this gal, Nancy Schluesser, is being featured on the Dr. Oz program. He first met her when she was in the midst of her weight loss journey and he has just made her a "Wellness Warrior" so that she can help others achieve their weight loss goals. This morning at Sue's home I had a chance to talk to Nancy's mom about her daughter's success and struggle and it was really inspiring to me. Although there are some differences in how each of us has gone about losing the weight, one thing is very similar and that is the rate of loss of about a pound a week on average. My hat goes off to Nancy for staying with her program for about 4 years and she is still working on losing.

If you can't or don't want to watch the Dr. Oz show, you can watch the video of her appearance by going to http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/success-story-returns.

Hers is a great story of determination to change so that she could lead a happier, healthier life. If she could do it starting at about 400 pounds, I can surely reach my goal.

204.4 Getting There

I am so affected by the weather, I can't stand it! It was only about 75 degrees where we live and it was overcast all day. Living in the desert when it is overcast is complicated. I don't like to see the gray hue and the low clouds. It is as if those elements do not belong in the desert. It makes me edgy and I feel like something is really wrong. And it is wrong! I moved here for the hot weather and the sunshine! People who have lived here for years love days like today. Maybe someday I will love these cooler gray days, but I am not there yet!

So where am I? I am in a good place, feeling like I will be at the 200 mark within about a month, or by Christmas for sure. Today I bought a pair of beautiful pants. The brand is Misook, a brand I have never worn because this designer does not design for plus sizes as far as I know. They are too tight, but that is exactly why I bought them. When I hit that 200 pound mark I am going to have some very special pants to wear!

204.4 Oh, Susanna's Taking A Hiatus

It's been going on for a while now and I don't really understand why, but I have no interest in designing and making jewelry. What happened? A year ago I was buying beads like there was no tomorrow and could hardly wait to find time to settle down and make things. Now, I don't seem to have the time and I don't have that feeling of anticipation about putting new designs together. I recently offered classes in jewelry making. I was hoping that by teaching it, I would get excited about it. But no one has come to the classes for two weeks now, so I think the writing is on the wall

When I think about the reasons that might be at the bottom of this, I do have to say my life is very different today compared to a year ago. I walk everyday now, something I couldn't even think about a year ago, and now I write this blog, and that takes a fair amount of time everyday, in addition to everything else I have always been doing.

I do have some guilt about quitting. First of all, I hate the idea of being a quitter in anything. Also, I have spent a lot of money on beads and all of the associated components and materials that go into designing and making jewelry. I can try to sell all of the stuff, but if I don't have the passion to sell my finished products, where will I get the energy to sell strings of beads? How do you like the word hiatus? I think I will pack the materials away and take a hiatus. If and when I get urge to start beading again, I will be ready. Whew! I think I feel better having spit this out!

(The dinner I blogged about that I wasn't sure how to handle was cancelled.)

204.4 Taking the Night Off

I am taking the night off! Check back here tomorrow evening for my next blog!

204.4 A Change of Plan

Tomorrow I have to give a short talk at the monthly meeting of a group I belong to that supports entrepreneurial women. I know, some who know me well are wondering how I think I can call myself entrepreneurial. But anyway, I am not talking about my jewelry business tomorrow. I am talking about how you can plan all you want but that doesn't mean that your life will follow your plan. And, I'll talk about how because of changed plans due to my back issues, I have been involved in things I never dreamed about doing. For example, I never dreamed I would write a blog or lose 42 pounds at the wonderful age of 66-67! I never knew I would design jewelry, and I never knew I would teach ESL! What had I planned on doing in retirement? I had planned on playing golf with Jeff and that was about it.

Although I hope to give this talk sort of off the cuff, I have written it several times! Here's what I wrote to sum up how I feel about this topic of accepting change. "So we can plan all we want to and think we know where we are headed, but we also need to realize that change may come, and in fact, it can make for a better, more interesting journey that we might have planned for ourselves."

205.4 Hanging In There

I love the comments I receive from folks who read my blog. Some of you comment frequently and some comment once in a while. If you want to read the comments that I receive, just scroll down to the bottom of each blog and click on comments. The comments often reflect agreement with what I have written about, and sometimes they come from a different point of view and make me think. I like both kinds of comments and really appreciate the time and thought put into the comments. So, thanks to all who have participated in this blog by commenting. They are always a source of encouragement and it helps me know that others are reading this wonderfully self-indulgent blog :) ! (If you've never commented but want to, just click on comments and follow the easy steps.)

I am in a bit of a slow period for those who are watching the countdown by the title of each blog. I got a kick out of one of my friend's telling me that she thought the numbers were some kind of blog code, rather than indication my weight. I know I will keep losing, but I am frustrated by the lack of progress lately. And, I am feeling threatened by the fact that I am going to be facing no pool time for about 2-3 months when the temperatures drop too low at night for our heat pump to keep up.

But, a year ago I weighed around 240 pounds and I wasn't walking, and I wasn't engaged in this weight loss process. My cholesterol was 240 and I wasn't feeling very happy. I just learned that my cholesterol is at 150 now and I am feeling so much better. So let's hear it for a little frustration, and hope it gets me losing again.

205.4 Julia child vs Amelia Earhart

We just came home after seeing the movie Amelia. After the movie we went to a nearby restaurant where we had dinner with friends. I was delighted to find a grilled vegetable platter on the menu which I ordered along with some chicken. When it arrived, it was beautiful and was really delicious.

Since I have been home it dawned on me that I don't think there was one scene in that movie that featured food or even talk of food. There were a few scenes where it was obvious that drinks had been served, or perhaps a meal had been served, but food was not shown. Why does this matter? Well, the last movie we saw at that theatre was Julie, Julia, which of course was all about food. I didn't like the movie Amelia half as much as I liked Julie, Julia. Did food play into that response or did I just like the story of Julia Child more that that of Amelia Earhart?

205.0 Living With Compromise

A couple of days ago I wrote that I was drawing the line about getting together with friends around a meal. It sounded like a great commitment to make at the time and even inspired Jeff to get in the act.

Today I received the first invitation to get together with friends since I made that decision! Oh, this is really hard. A friend is coming into town for a short time and it is a chance for a group of us to all gather. And, my friend who is planning the get together said she would make chicken tetrazzini and I started feeling like I wanted to run away. I know that I could go and just have a small amount, but I really want to stay away from all the temptations for a while to see if I can't lose a little faster.

I don't know what I am going to do about this. We probably will go and I will do the best I can. But if we do, I will have broken the commitment I made with myself. I was just nudged by my inner voice and this is what I heard. I can bring a salad and fruit for dessert to share, and just have a small amount of the other things. This way I will have more control over what will be available to eat, and I will feel safe. I can live with this!

204.6 Smiling From My Heart

Today I was back at PVCC with my ESL group! As I was getting ready to leave, I had a thought provoking conversation with one of the staff members there. She said that I had changed so much over the last year. She said that she noticed the difference when I came back this September. Since this was all about me :), I asked her what she meant by different. Here's what she said...she said that I was much more energetic, and that the weight loss was really evident. Then she said that I used to smile in the past, but recently when I smiled, it was a much more genuine smile, that it came from my heart. That really struck me and I explained that until this year, I was always in pain when I was there, either from walking from the parking lot to the classroom, or from teaching for two hours, which involved a lot of standing, and then seeing her as I was leaving. It is strange and wonderful for me to think that I have changed from being someone who was having a lot of pain a lot of the time, to someone who rarely thinks about how that was, and who is so filled with energy and enthusiasm now. Viva la difference!

205.4 Breaking the Habit...With Sugarless Gum!

This morning I went over to the community center to see if there was any interest in my jewelry making class. There was nada! But that was just fine. I worked on designing a necklace while I was there, and I had a great chat with my friend, Annis. She is the one who gets the credit for suggesting sugarless gum when the night-time hunger pains strike! I was telling her today that since I started using the gum at night, my hunger issues at 10 PM have disappeared. It just seems clear that so much of my eating was habitual, in addition to being emotional, etc. Having supportive friends has been such a gift!

Even if you already read yesterday's blog, Drawing The Line, check out the end of it. Jeff added something fun!

Drawing the Line

I am frustrated. I simply can't keep eating out and expect to be able to drop the weight at a rate I can live with. This week is already a wonderful mix of people and events, so starting next Sunday, I think we have 10 days with no commitments that involve eating. We love our friends and activities, but I think it is time to re-evaluate what is going on and what I can do to get on a better path. I am anxious to see if I can drop some more weight because I will have no excuse not to.

It is truly wonderful to have so much to do and so many great people to do things with, but I am drawing the line for a while to see what happens... because, we are heading into the major holidays and the challenges will be even greater.

(Jeff spent hours working on adding this website with this note: I'd walk the line any day with you babe. Love Jeff.)
Whattaguy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7K4jH7NqUw

205.4 Gratitude

Last night we went over to Terry and Louise's for dinner, a delicious dinner featuring a wonderful tortellini, sausage, tomato soup.  Louise assured me she had cooked it a day earlier so she could remove all the fat from the sausage!  I relaxed and truly enjoyed it.  While we were talking, she asked how the zucchini appetizer had come out after all my blogging about it.  I love Louise!  She reads my blog faithfully and as you can see, nothing gets by her!  As I told her, it came out great and here's a picture to prove it.

(I know, it looks like a turtle, but it didn't taste like one:)  )

This morning I was listening to my favorites on the CD player and I found myself singing along with "Tis A Gift To Be Simple".  I turned to Jeff and said, "Isn't it great to be alive!"  I didn't mean rather than dead, but to be a part of this magnificent planet and all the beautiful, simple things to be enjoyed by being aware, present.  While carrying around those 42 pounds (I can't imagine carrying 42 pounds of anything, much less fat!) it was hard to be filled with this kind of gratitude.

206.2 Remembering and Wondering

Well, no kids came last night for Halloween treats, so all is well on that front.  No tricks were played and no candy was consumed.  I did think about Halloweens past when my three little kids would dress up and one of us would take them out, while the other dealt with the barking dog and handed out candy to those who came to the door.  I was remembering that when they came back home,  they would dump their candy out and swap with each other so they could have what each really wanted.  What I also remember so  clearly is  their unhappiness about having to cover up their costumes with heavy jackets because it was so cold in Boston on most Halloweens.

I wonder how different things will be a year from now.  I wonder how much I will weigh,  if I will still be writing this blog, and how far I will be walking each day.  It is fun to look back and it is fun to look forward.  Life is good!

205.6 Happy Halloween

Since my weight became such problem,  buying Halloween candy has been a pain!  On the one hand, I would want to buy candy I liked, so I could eat it and really enjoy it.  On the other hand, I wouldn't want to buy candy I liked because I didn't want to be tempted.  So, I would either buy all the yummy chocolate items and chow down, or, I would buy the sweet and sour stuff and feel righteous and sad.  And if I went for the chocolate, I would get into the it as soon as I bought it and then the guilt would settle in.  Obviously, it was hard to be happy on Halloween.


Where I live now, there are just a handful of kids in the neighborhood, and they don't live on our street.  So, I didn't buy any candy for tonight and I hope no kids will come looking for treats.  If kids do come, it will be better that they play tricks on us, rather than we play candy tricks on ourselves!


Happy Halloween!

206.6 Oops! I Almost Did It Again!

I think there is a Britney Spears song that has the line something like, "oops, I did it again".  Today I had an "oops, I almost did it again moment".  I used to reward myself with food for all sorts of unimaginable reasons so that I could rationalize buying/eating treats.  I used to reward myself just for doing the grocery shopping.  A little twisted?

Today I was at the grocery store picking up 12 dozen ears of corn for a church event tonight.  The produce manager asked to me wait in what turned out to be the area where the chilled wines were displayed.  All of a sudden my eyes locked onto bottles of Rombauer Chardonnay!  Yes, I know I don't drink wine anymore, but when I did, that was my favorite white wine and a very special treat at $36 a bottle.  As I am looking at it, I begin telling myself that I really should buy a bottle, a bottle that I would drink small amounts from with dinner, rather than a usual serving, which for me was at least 6-7 ounces.  I convinced myself that I deserved it.  After all, I did just have a birthday, and I have saved so much money by not drinking at all that $36 was not a big deal.  I placed the bottle in my shopping cart.  And then my inner voice, my inner spirit, my subconscious mind all yelled at me at once in a chorus!  "What do you think you are doing? What are you thinking?  Put that back!"  I did.  Then the produce manager appeared with all that corn and off I went.  Thank goodness for my team of counselors!

207.6 Why I'm Going Nowhere Fast

Are you frustrated, too, looking at my weight, not going anywhere fast?  I am and I have written about this before.  It is easy to be frustrated if I focus on tenths of a pound, but that is what I look at every morning when I weigh myself.  I do feel great about the fact that I have lost 40 pounds, but I forget about that when I get on the scale every morning.

This program is about discipline, and boy, have I learned to be disciplined about what I eat.  But if I am honest, there is one part of the program that I am not disciplined about and that is using self hypnosis.  I never seem to have time to take 20 minutes out of the day and just do it.  I need to do it if I am going to reach my goal in the 21st century.  This is just a little too slow.  By doing the self hypnosis I can remind myself of all the various parts to this program and the suggestions that will renew my attitude and energy.  Jennifer has taught me to do self hypnosis and I have no good excuse.  So, on that note, I am off to start the first day of doing self hypnosis everyday.

And here's a picture of the cutest smiling dog in the world.

Smilin' Charlee

207.0 It's Cold Outside!

I never thought that would be a title for one of my blogs.  It has been a little cold in the winter here, but nothing like this in late October.  It never warmed up today.  I went out for my morning walk and one big memory hit me as I walked as fast as I could through the cold wind.  My nose started running.  In Boston, in the winter my nose would start running when I left the warm house to go outside and then it would run when I came inside from being out in the cold.  I just don't have a runny nose in Arizona usually.

I finished a necklace today that has been in the making since Miranda's wedding.  How embarrassing is that?  But it is finished, I love it and I hope Karen,  my dear friend who asked me to make it for her, will love it too. The best news is that I really enjoyed putting it all together.  It is a three strand necklace and I haven't made many of those so it was challenging, but now it is like a puzzle solved.

I have also been better about not living on the computer.  I was all prepared for my ESL class tomorrow by 10 this morning, and that really felt good.  So there are lots of changes going on and I think they are all for the better.

Karen's Necklace

206.6 Mixed Feelings

New territory!  Yes!  Soon the scale will read 200 and I will look back on today as a ho-hum day.  But I am going to enjoy it for the moment.

Today is also special because I started trying on old clothes with the thought of giving them away because they are too big.  How's that?  But there is some sadness mixed in with the whole process because I really love a few of my old things.  There is one jacket that I especially love.  Jeff encouraged me to buy it a few years ago.  It is sort of a rag-tag affair, but no matter where I wear it people stop me and compliment me on it.  I may just keep it and wear it even though I could fit a small child in the front and still button it.  It is a winter jacket so I think I wear it in Boston when we go there for Thanksgiving for a last hurrah!

So now I am wondering if I am giving up more than just weight and clothes as I continue on this weight loss process.   Am I giving up a comfort zone - old, favorite jackets- as my weight, my shape, and my view of myself changes?  Are these exciting and hoped for changes also fraught with uncertainity about how I will be once I reach my goal?  And is this why I have always put the weight back on after I lose it? 

By using hypnosis and relying on my inner sprit,  I think I have already begun to replace the old with some new jackets - new ways to be clothed in a familiar and comfortable zone that will make me feel so at home that I won't have the need to return to the old.  By losing the weight slowly and thus changing slowly, I know  that my new jackets will feel just fine.

207.0 Multitasking Leading to Distraction

Jeff forwarded me an email this morning about multitasking and how, in fact, it makes us all less productive and more confused.  It used to be a badge of honor when you could brag that you were good at multitasking, especially on the job.  The article he sent me claims that it gets in the way of keeping on track with reaching completion of tasks.  (http://www.boston.com/business/technology/articles/2009/10/25/pros_offer_timely_tips_to_empty_that_inbox/?s_campaign=8315.)

I am wondering if this is the reason that my jewelry design business has fallen by the wayside.  I haven't really been involved with my jewelry since I started following Jennifer's program and began blogging.  Obviously, I don't want to give up either of those projects and maybe I just don't have the energy to do everything.  I am not sure, but I have been thinking about this for a while.

After reading the article today I am also thinking that maybe I am so distracted, trying to do my ESL work, and my blog and my walking and my water therapy that I have just run out of time and steam.

So, I will try to re-engage with jewelry, stay off of email and the internet except for specific times during the day, and see if I can't do it all.

in Assisi, Italy 9/09

207.0 Turning Older and Feeling Younger

I turned 67 yesterday!  And, it wasn't as painful as most of my recent birthdays.  In fact, it was painless.  No, I haven't been using wine to dull the pain.  In fact, I had a glass of wine to celebrate and after 2 sips I didn't want anymore!  I am so glad that I have completely lost my taste for alcohol, one of the unexpected twists in this journey.  It was painless because I feel years younger than I have over the past several years.  I have more energy, I can walk very fast for a half hour plus now, and I just move better.  I still have a few aches and pains from the arthritis/stenosis in my spine, but it is much less intense and less frequent.  I attribute this younger me to the weight loss of 30 pounds over the past year, plus the 10 I had lost the previous year.

And, to what do I attribute the weight loss?  I  keep writing this because it is so true and important:  I have learned to acknowledge and listen to my inner spirit.  Yes, I do eat a lot less, I do eat differently, I do exercise more, but all of this is the result of learning to use what I already had but didn't know how it could help me.

So here I am at 67, using Jennifer's program and my own inner resources to lose this weight.  I wonder how much younger I will feel when I turn 68?

Here I am at 66!

Yesterday, 67!

207.8 Keeping Focused on My Goal

early morning view of desert mountains

Some days I get so mad when my weight pops up again.  Like today!  Hello...yesterday I was on the brink of dropping into the 206 range and today I am back up .8 of a pound.  I walked, but I didn't do my water workout yesterday because of appointments and commitments, but that's life.

I do believe this weight is coming off and that I am going to see that 170 number on the scale.  I just need to stay out of the haze of losing focus and questioning if this is really working.  Of course it is working!  I have lost 40 pounds.

207.0 Valuing The Unexpected

I look for ideas all over the place for this blog.  Sometimes I write about something that has happened to me, or occured to me, and sometimes I write about other people.  So far I have been inspired to write something almost everyday.  Today I got my inspiration from an ad in the newspaper.  It was an ad for Accenture and featured Tiger Woods looking determined as he strode through some very high weeds, obviously looking for his golf ball.  The ad read, "The Road to High Performance Isn't Always Paved".  I think it caught my eye because of my venture into the wash by our house.  It certainly wasn't paved.  And maybe, because I was able to get up and move on, I could consider it high performance?  I am laughing now!

What really rang true for me as I read this ad is that my road along this weight loss journey has often not felt like it was well paved.  It has had its ups and downs, unexpected turns and twists and yet it continues to carry me forward.

One the the most wonderful things that has occurred as a result of walking everyday is the connection I have made with nature.  Below are a few pictures of some things I saw today that I found either very beautiful or unexpected, or both.   I will get better at uploading photos, I promise!  Scroll down and enjoy.

Note the bird's nest.
I call this one "Making do".
                                                                           Cactus in bloom.

                                                                      

Close up of blossoms

                                Bouganvilla

207.8 Just Do It!

You know how sometimes something just clicks and you didn't even know you were thinking about it?  That happened today for me. I was coming home from doing errands and started thinking about what I still had to do today, and taking my walk immediately came to mind.  But, on the heels of that thought came the very welcome realization that I had already taken my walk today.  In fact, I had walked further than usual in the same amount of time.  I had walked faster!

What I have figured out is that once I just do something that is good for me, I can let it go and live my life without it hanging over me.  It is sort of like ordering that meal that is a healthier choice than the rest on the menu, and then adding that I don't want any potato.  Once I do that, all the tension is gone, the meal is satisfying and I don't have to focus on it anymore.  (And, I don't ever remember wishing I had had the potato or whatever.)

So tomorrow when I get up and start thinking about when I will walk, I will open that front door and go!

207.6 What 's Old is New Again

Today was the day I was going to have mandoline practice, the slicer not the musical instrument.  I made arrangements with my friend Elaine, who was willing to take this project on.  I arrived with several zucchinis, and two kinds of Italian cheese in an effort to recreate the appetizer we had enjoyed so much in Italy.  (My husband and I belong to a wine group that is featuring Italian wines which is why I am so set on taking this appetizer as our contribution to the gathering tomorrow night.  If you are remembering that I have quit drinking wine, you are right.  I did, but I love this group of folks and so I go with my bottle of sparkling water.  It works!)

Elaine is a wonderful cook and has all the gadgets any woman could possibly want. For fun, she worked part-time at William of Sonoma for a few years.   As we were getting started, she reminded me that we had to cut the zucchini into shorter pieces so that the mandoline could handle it.  We did that and the results were very thin, rather short pieces of zucchini.  We curled up the 2 - 3 inch zucchini pieces, added some chunks of cheese and a little olive oil and congratulated ourselves on how good it tasted.  But I wasn't satisfied.  In Cortona, the pieces were 6-9inches long.

Suddenly Elaine's eyes lit up and she asked me if I thought a meat slicer might do the job!  They had a very old one that had been hidden away in her husband's father's garage for many years and had never been used until recently.  She dug it out of a kitchen cabinet and set it up and viola, or should I say prego!  We had long, thin slices of zucchini, looking exactly like it had in that wonderful little restaurant called FuFluns down a side street in Cortona.  As I was leaving with the meat slicer, she called out that if we had some salami to slice this would be a good time to do it.  Salami?  Me? The queen of the 40 pound weight loss?  Nope, but I may try it on tomatoes, cucumbers, fennel, and anything else I can think of while I have her slicer.

Now I have this little whirly-gig that makes radish curls that I bought at Sur la Table recently (see 10/11 blog), and I am wondering  how I can swap that out for a meat slicer of my very own!

207.4 Thinking Thin and Falling Down

What a crazy morning!  The scale made me so happy and I took off to walk a new walk!  After doing a familiar loop, I decided to walk on the golf course path from the ninth hole back toward our house.  It was early enough that I didn't have to worry about being conked on the head by a golf ball, which may have been better than what happened.

There is a wash between our house and the neighbor's and it leads from the golf course path to our front yard. I was so proud of myself for thinking of it as a new way to go home.  As I approached it, it did look like the plants had filled in a little since the last time I cut through there, probably about a year ago.  In my new mode of thinking of myself as a thinner person rather than a heavier gal, I really thought I could walk through it without any difficulty.  Well, it wasn't so much a width problem as a height problem complicated by stickery things growing on a tree that looked like its foliage was soft and silky.  As it  became clear that I had to bend down to go under some branches, and started to do just that, my center of gravity obviously shifted and I started to sink, like a rock!  So I grabbed onto a branch of this stickery tree. It didn't break, it just started to bend as I was sinking!  And, under me was a large cactus.  I was where the wild desert things are and didn't want to deal with anything else at that point so I was anxiously looking for snakes, etc.  I ended up sitting next to the cactus hoping no one was watching this quite funny site.   I did get myself up, not a pretty picture, and hobbled into the house feeling very silly.

Here's the good news - I could never have gotten up from that indelicate seated position a year ago when I would have had to support 30 + more pounds to do the maneuver.  And, there weren't any snakes or other critters to cause damage.

The bad news?  I will be going to the chiropractor tomorrow to get straightened out, and actually that is no big deal.  But next time, I think I will stay on the sidewalk.

208.2 Believing

A part of this weight loss journey that I am on relies on hypnosis, and paying attention to my inner voice, or inner spirit.  I can't explain how or why hypnosis is works, but I know it does for me.  I have talked to a few folks who are quite threatened with the concept and, no matter what I might say, would not feel comfortable being hypnotized.  I, on the other  hand, trust in it and find it safe and exhilarating and helpful.

Going to my inner spirit is a little like praying but more like having a conversation and then being open to how my inner voice or spirit responds. There has been a leap of faith involved that has had to be taken for this to become a part of me.  Sometimes it is hard for me to understand the whole concept  of listening to my inner spirit, but when I do, it has revealed amazing insights and thought provoking answers to my questions/requests.

As I was thinking about it today, it came to me that most of us don't really understand how computers work, how cyberspace is organized, or how we can receive an email almost instantaneously.  (Cher has recorded a song called "Believe".  I keep hearing that accoustically reverberated word believe in my mind as I write about this.)  But we use the computer to make all sorts of things possible even though we don't understand exactly how it all works.

I believe in many things I don't fully understand, including ideas and concepts that have no physical form.  I think it is a good thing to believe in an inner voice that I can't see but that has the power to transform me into the person I am meant to be.  So, inner spirit, you and I are going to develop a stronger and deepening relationship as I continue on this weight loss path.