172.6 Sweet Talking...Myself

Lately I have noticed a change how I treat myself. I don't know if everybody has done this, but whenever I would do something wrong, I would often talk to myself about it. I'd say things like, oh no, you forgot again, or I can't believe you did that again. Sometimes I would be even harsher and I'd say things like that was really stupid, or, why do you keep doing that?, or when are you going to learn? Some of this self talk may in fact reflect things I heard from my parents as a child, but I think I have been much harder on myself that my parents ever were.

Anyway, recently I've started calling myself Honey and Susie Dear when I talk to myself and I encourage myself instead of beating myself up. Obviously, I have had words with myself about the weight loss roller coaster, harsh words. But now I hear comforting words. I have been working on becoming more compassionate toward others, but maybe the best place to start is with myself.

Oh, and did you notice the drop in weight? I saw my doctor a couple of days ago and because of low blood pressure especially when I stand up, which makes me think I am going to fall down :), he encouraged me to up my fluid intake by a fair amount. Could it be that this may be a key to success? Here's to another bottle of water!

184.0 5%, Only 5%?

I was watching the Today Show this morning and was delighted to see the segment about dieting with Dr. Nancy Snyderman. She and the nutritionist talked about the fact that only about 5%, yes 5%, of the people who lose weight are able to maintain their weight loss. The most important part of their message was that you have to make the commitment to lose weight because it matters to you rather than any other reason, and that it has to become a lifestyle rather than a short term diet. I smiled when Dr. Snyderman said she thinks the word diet is a 4 letter word.

After watching this, I immediately sat down at my computer and wrote a comment to Dr. Snyderman basically saying that I agreed with what she had said but that she didn't go far enough. Until you understand why you are using food to the extent you are so that you gain weight, you can't possibly take it off and keep it off long term. It's everything I have been blogging about during these past 10 months. And, it's what Geneen Roth speaks to in her book "Women, Food, and God". Permanent weight loss is not a matter of simply eating less and counting calories and exercising. If that were true, there would be a lot higher percentage of success stories out there of people losing and maintaining their weight loss. Let's hear it for self examination and understanding, healing that inner pain, and moving into the healthy person we are each meant to be.

190.0 "The Power of a Gentle Nudge"

There was a great article in the Wall Street Journal on Tuesday, May 18th about a study that was done at Stanford. The aim of the study was to learn if having a buddy or a support person or even computer voice checking in with folks about how they were doing with their exercise program helped people make it over to the gym more often. What the study discovered is that those folks who had a real person calling them and people who heard a computer voice asking how they were doing both did much better than those who didn't have any kind of support. ("The Power of a Gentle Nudge", by Kevin Helliker, page D1.)

I've mentioned this before and wanted to write about it again in light of this study. If you need someone to care how you are doing, someone to check in with, find a friend or a support person like a physical trainer, a therapist or a nutritionist. If they don't offer, ask if they will give you a call now and then to inquire about how you are doing. Or, I could be that person for you. Send me an email at smbmiller@cox.net and I'll nudge you either with an email or phone call, whatever you prefer. I can always use help, too, so maybe we can help each other.

So, that's it for now. I am off to do the elliptical!

188.6 Thinking About God

I just got home and it's already after 9 PM. I have to admit it. I fell asleep today and slept for about 2 hours. When Jeff woke me up, I did my pool workout, and then we joined our special group of friends with whom we talk about things religious/spiritual. Tonight was really interesting as we each described how we thought about God. As you can imagine, there were as many views of God as individuals gathered.

Which brings me to this: I have relied on God, my inner voice, my inner spirit to help support me throughout this weight loss journey. Almost every day I take time to tune out everything else and listen to that comforting, loving, encouraging voice that tells me I can do this, I want to do this, and I am succeeding. I am so grateful for this support.

187.8 Giving Up More Than Calories

I have been thinking a lot about why weight loss and maintaining that loss is so difficult, no matter how much you want to lose weight. Here's what I've come up with. When you embark on weight loss, you have to know on a very deep level that you can never go back to old food behaviors, even though you have to have food every day.

A smoker can quit and never be tempted on a regular basis to smoke, and this goes for alcoholics and drinking, as well. They don't have to have a cigarette or a drink everyday in order to survive. But we have to eat. Also, there's a food for every season, for every reason, for every problem and for every joy. So you give up more than just calories when you embark on weight loss. You have to give up the emotional connections you have established with food. So many of us who have struggled with weight seem not to get that and think that we can eventually return to the familiar.

The most important question to answer before you start on a weight loss journey, and it is a journey, is what are you going to get out of it and how much do you want that. Then leave the notes and pictures (of you at a heavy weight) in the refrigerator and/or food cupboards to remind yourself that that is why you are not going to take that whatever...because you want something more than you want that item of food that you are reaching for. This has to be the overriding element that determines success or failure.

If you have ideas about what makes it so difficult please share them with me either through a direct email (smbmiller@cox.net) or as a comment. What do you think?

188.8 Exercise AND Eating Less

Since I have been feeling so bad, I haven't been exercising... and I've lost about 2 pounds! I have been listening and reading about that study that claims to show that women can't lose weight just by exercising, and, in fact, need to exercise an hour a day just to prevent weight gain.

From my vast experience :) with all sorts of diets and exercise regimes, I have come to understand that you can't lose weight unless you eat less. This program that has enabled me to lose... are you ready?, 58 pounds, is all about eating about half less than you usually would, and building in exercise to help speed up your metabolism. When I used to exercise in my 30's and 40's, I always felt hungrier than ever after the exercise, and found that treating myself to something really yummy (read fat and sugar) was how I motivated myself to keep it up. What I didn't value at that time is that exercise is really all about getting healthier. Oh, and I didn't lose any weight!

If I go back and take a look at my weight loss history over the past couple of years, combining exercise with eating less shows a huge correlation. Without exercise (due to pain and back issues that pretty much prevented all exercise except water therapy), I lost 10 pounds. Just about a year ago, after a less invasive back surgery, I was able to start walking and I got in the habit of walking 4-5 days a weeks for 20 - 30 minutes, in addition to the water therapy, and I have lost 48 pounds since then. OMG, as I write this, it is just plain hard to believe!

Where did I get the support and courage to keep at this day after day? Jennifer Scott's encouragement and teachings about viewing life in a totally new way, listening to my inner spirit, along with using hypnosis, including self hypnosis, all played into it. Making a big change in my life has involved many factors, not just one. I think my success is a reflection of that.

191.2 There You Go!

Well now, there you go! I get honest with myself and really look at what I am doing, and focus on the need for me to change and bingo! And, as it turned out, I only ate two meals yesterday in addition to a South Beach Peanut Butter bar and I lost! (I like the South Beach bars because they have less fat and more protein than most.) Another thing I did yesterday was the elliptical for 30 minutes and today I walked for about 30 minutes so I am keeping my eye on the exercise.

As I was getting ready for bed. I was thinking that maybe I would eat something although I wasn't really hungry, so I got on the scale and it read 193.8. (Often when I weigh before going to bed I will be up a couple of pounds from my morning weight. Last night I was up just over a half a pound!) Well, that was a huge motivation to just pop a piece of sugarless gum in my mouth and forget about eating more. Seeing that I was way ahead of the game before bed quickly convinced me that I didn't want more to eat. And, I since I never wake up hungry during the night, I am sure that late night eating is just a remnant of an old habit.

And, this morning, in my quest to change some more behaviors, I started off with 2 glasses of water, got busy getting ready for my sister Priscilla's arrival late today, and didn't eat anything until 12:30. Yes, by then I was hungry:).

Since I had such a big drop from yesterday, I might even pop up a little tomorrow, but isn't it fun to see the numbers start down again. Fifty-six pounds gone as of today and soon it will be 60!

194.0 Experimenting and Learning

I met with my jewelry making group this morning. It was a very small group this morning but it's always so interesting to see what others are making and how they put combinations together. The differences in taste, the fun of getting to know new people, and to see what they do really makes the class enjoyable for me.

While I'm with them I realize how different we all are and yet how strong the creative spirit is within each of us. When I ask folks if they'd like to join the class, I hear that they wouldn't know where to begin, that they don't have design talent, that they can't draw and therefore aren't artistic. The truth of the the matter is that there is hardly a right way. If I gave the same elements to 5 people, my hunch is none of them would combine them in exactly the same way. The bottom line is that with a little trial and error if it pleases you isn't that all that matters? I can't draw and I have never had art training, but I just keep trying until I get it the way I like it.

I think long term weight loss is a little like that. You have to use all sorts of elements in various combinations that feel right for you and in the end you have to like what you are doing and believe in it. When I started this I had no idea how all of the elements would work for me, and I have done a lot of experimenting and trying new and old things to help me get this weight off. I'm still learning, still trying new and different things (eating salad for breakfast :) ), and returning to some old, familiar tools (keeping a log of everything I eat). But the basics will always be there and knowing that with awareness and being engaged with the process I'll continue to lose is what keeps me going.

200.4 Two Special Milestones

Did you see that? 200.4! I got off and on the scale a second time because I was surprised and so happy to finally reach that milestone. So, now I have lost 47 pounds since I started and 37 pounds since April. I do know that 200 is just another number in the downward slide on the scale, but seeing it this morning was just great!

I went to see my PT today and she really put me through my paces, reminding me that I initiated more visits to see her because I wanted to get in better shape. So we started with 2 and 1/2 minutes on the elliptical. She assured me I could do it, and I did! Then we did several core strengthening exercises, and then she challeneged me to do 2 more minutes on the elliptical and, guess what? I did!

And one more thing... It was one year ago yesterday that I had my first laser spine surgery, and that was life changing for me in the most positive sense possible. After that, I could walk without the horrible pain in my legs, and I could stand up straight. Being able walk has played a big part in my weight loss success. So, the surgery plus my determination to get the weight off using Jennifer's program has made me feel younger and definitely more agile and happy. What a couple of days!