180.0 Staying Healthy

What a day, but a great day. I've decided to accept every opportunity/invitation to go do things and so I was out all day until now, and it's 7:30 pm. My day did include a visit to my physiatrist - no, not psychiatrist - who oversees all my back, neck rehab issues. I was with a Russian ESL student this morning, a couple of dear friends for lunch and a couple hours of hearing all about their summer escapades to various places, then the medical appointment, dinner out, a visit to the cell phone store and finally home. It was a good day.

I wrote last week about organizing my time, making lists and always trying to create something everyday. It has helped tremendously to keep me focused on goals and as a result I've also made some interesting pieces of jewelry. Having house guests put some welcome activity into my days as well as structure and all of that is helpful. So life is good now, better than a couple of weeks ago.

The fact that we had guests and dinner either out or prepared by me didn't help the weight issues, but I'm trying to keep things in perspective without giving in, and will keep pursuing the goal of losing a few pounds, keeping the exercise going and most importantly staying healthy!

169.6 Odds and Ends

I've been thinking more about the balance ball comparison with weight loss and weight management and want to add to what I said yesterday. In both cases, practice and experience make things easier. In other words, I'm not going to be afraid of totally losing control in terms of what I eat forever. And, over time I will gain more control and confidence in what the heck I'm trying to do on the balance ball! :)

This morning I received a quote from one of my online friends that I like very much. "Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy." --Norman Vincent Peale. (Jeff received a book by Norman Vincent Peale when he was about 12 years old from his father. He gives it credit for shaping a lot of his thinking and he has been a successful and happy guy.)

And, I humbly celebrate my 451st post! Who knew this blog would exist for this long?

168.0 A Joyful Noise

Another all time low, without trying? It seems unbelievable, but that's what the scale said this morning. And, last night I had some Java Chip ice cream, yum, so there you go! But I do keep track in my mind of everything I eat, and am so happy that I can eat a small amount of the things I didn't eat for so long and have my weight stay where I want it to be.

Last night, besides eating ice cream, we treated ourselves to a performance of the Harlem Gospel Choir at the MIM. The MIM is the Musical Instrument Museum, a wonderful addition to our beautiful area. The performance hall has exquisite acoustics, and this group set the stage on fire. They set the audience on fire. I loved it when they announced that the Phoenix Gospel Choir was in attendance and all of the members of the audience were the choir! Everybody got in the act with singing, clapping, and we were all filled with joy.

So if you ever have the opportunity to hear the Harlem Gospel Choir, do it, and if you are in the Phoenix/Scottsdale area, check out the MIM! Maybe I burned up a lot of calories just being joyful!

171.0 Whoa!

I think I may have used that title before but it is very appropos for today's weight. I'm working hard today to stay positive and not get all in a snit about it. I did walk for a half hour, very briskly to my favorite walking music, and then I went over to our community pool and did my water therapy workout.

It's cold here! I just told a friend who was calling from Massachusetts about it being cold here and she just laughed. But it is cold here! I have a swim jacket that I wear now that cuts the wind and it does help, but I long for the 100 degree days when getting into the pool was pure heaven.

So I'm paying attention to the exercise and drinking lots of water, and returning to some of my very care full habits. This maintenance may be almost as tricky as losing the weight!

174.4 Who Was I? Who Am I?

When I wrote about my 50th high school reunion I didn't tell the whole story. Since my weight is stuck, I think I'll share a little more. The bottom line is that I was mistaken for another gal with whom I share the same maiden name, twice! The first time I just thought it was funny and decided it was not about me, but about the guy who thought I was that other gal. When it happened again the same day, I laughed it off at the time, but now it has me thinking.

If I had toted my lost 75 pounds with me to that reunion, would there have been this confusion? Was it my blonde hair which replaced the dark brown hair of my youth, or was the fact I appeared slender? The other gal did have sort of honey blonde hair in high school, but we were both tall and slender then, so it's a little confusing to say the least!

And do I need to ponder this at all? If it had happened just once, I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but it happened twice within a couple of hours, and the other gal wasn't even at the reunion! Too bad she missed it because there were at least two guys who definitely wanted to connect with her. One of the guys said to me, "Sue, I can still picture you looking so elegant in your '57 T-Bird!" Well, I never had a T-Bird or any other car in high school. Gulp! And the other guy said, "Sue, I remember walking by your house on the way home from school everyday." I knew where he lived and where she lived and they lived a couple of blocks from each other. I lived no where near either of them.

I actually think it is pretty funny! Maybe it was my eyes:)!

172.8 Is This Fun or What?

Yes, this is making me smile, and no, I don't know exactly why at this stage, I seem to be getting the hang of losing a little faster. I really like the concept of allowing rather than struggling that I wrote about a couple of days ago. I've been keeping that idea in my mind, staying present with it ever since I wrote that post, and I'm happier about so many of the things I do in my life that I used to weigh and measure all the time. I allowed myself to go to a meeting even though I was really tired last night, and I allowed myself to eat salad yesterday without any dressing because I didn't have a choice of a low calorie option, and this morning I allowed myself to use 1/4 cup of oatmeal instead of 1/2 a cup as I prepared it (still adding walnuts and fresh blueberries and topping it with my favorite Carbmaster yogurt (a Kroger product). By the way, it was delicious and filling, and plenty.

And now I am going to work on allowing myself to sleep through the night. I'm facing a bit of a conundrum on this one because maybe I should allow myself to accept that I can't sleep through the night. Let's see how this plays out.

176.6 Oh, The Pain! Oh, The Wonder! Oh, The Joy!

We have a house guest and we went shopping, and I totally forgot about my blog! I have yet to do that, to wake up one morning and say, oops! I never wrote a post. I'm very glad that didn't happen today.

As you can see, I'm still stuck. I think it's a little odd that I can't lose or even gain .1 or .2 tenths of a pound. Maybe tomorrow?

It was a great day at Chico's. My friend has also lost a lot of weight and was complaining that there was just nothing in a size 1! When she started losing she was wearing size 3, and I couldn't begin to wear Chico's clothes because there was no way I could even think about fitting into a size 3! We laughed that we were quite a pair, complaining that they just didn't have anything in the smaller sizes. Oh the pain! Oh, the wonder! Oh, the joy!

177.6 One Big Gooey Delicious Mess!

Remember that really old song that has the line, "I'm beginning to see the light!"? I think I'm beginning to see the light, to see a pattern in regard to why my weight may fluctuate, especially once I lose a little. Could it be that I am celebrating with food the fact I am losing a little? Yesterday I celebrated. It wasn't what you would call a huge celebration. There was no music, no special lighting, and no big gathering of people unless you want to include all the shoppers at Costco! It was all about me. It was my idea and I think it had been simmering in the back of my mind for quite some time. You see, at our Costco, you can get an ice cream bar that is freshly dipped in warm chocolate sauce and then plunked into a big bowl of chopped peanuts and almonds for $1.50. I had seen some folks sharing one of these a couple of months ago and I hadn't forgotten their smiling faces. So when we were there yesterday I told Jeff I was going to buy one of these. He looked at me a little strangely but didn't interfere and I did it!

OMG, this has to be the best treat in the whole world. We shared it and it was really funny because it was so hot in the car it was melting faster than we could eat it. It was dripping all over us and the car. So we had to pull over and stop! We were laughing because it was hard to pass back and forth between us. It must have weighed about half a pound because it had so many nuts stuck all over it! And then, thank goodness, we were both overcome by the richness of it and threw about half, well maybe a third, of it away! But it was so delicious, I told Jeff we just might have to do that again on my birthday.

And, so today I can't blame it on the salt! If it is a pattern, I don't know how I am going to track it from all the posts in this blog, but maybe from now on, I can be aware that this might be at work in how I handle things when I do lose a pound or two. Come on, Sue, let it go until you've reached your goal. You are so close!

178.4 High School Reunion

Best Friends In High School

We returned late yesterday from my high school reunion and it was really a great event. There were about 150 people there including some spouses out of about 360 grads. This reunion was held at Foothill Park in Palo Alto and it turned out to be a wonderful place for the gathering. My biggest fear as we approached the park was that no one would be there, no one I remembered, but my fears quickly dissolved as we turned a corner and there was a large group of people chatting, smiling and looking like they were having a great time.

And, yes, we had all changed (see post "Don't Ever Change!" 8/16/10) and turned out to be a pretty interesting group of 68 year olds. My first boyfriend was there and when he told me he had become a nuclear physicist I was blown away! I wanted to say, "right, and I invented post-it notes", but luckily I didn't. He was for real. But when you are in 8th grade it's hard to imagine anyone that age becoming a nuclear physicist!

So how did I feel being with all these former classmates? I felt happy that I wasn't concerned with how I looked. (Well, of course I did worry a lot about what to wear!) I'm very sure I would have been more self conscious if I hadn't lost those 70 pounds. Most of the group was trim and lookin' good, so I just blended in in that regard.

What I'm really grateful for is that I didn't lose the weight for the reunion. I didn't even know there was going to be a reunion until about 5-6 weeks ago. I think if you lose weight for an event, it's good motivation, but what about maintaining the loss?

True Confession Time: I did order a glass of wine after the reunion because the adrenaline was still racy through my bloodstream at a high level, but, guess what? I drank about half of it and then gave it to Jeff. I think I'm really over the wine thing and am so thankful for that.

So now I need to lose 8 more pounds and I know I can do it. I don't have a lot of new and different things going on in my life right now, so it's time to spend more time exercising and paying attention to what I'm eating, very close attention.

179.4 Slip Slidin' Away?

Priscilla

I just got off the phone after talking to my sister Priscilla. She's been a great supporter of this weight loss adventure and I've really appreciated her comments and interest in this blog. I was complaining to her that these last ten pounds are turning out to be a huge challenge, when the lyrics to the Paul Simon song popped into my head.

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away!

Reaching my goal doesn't just mean I will weigh 170 pounds. It also means that I won't be writing daily posts for this blog any longer, and perhaps this blog won't exist. It also means that my relationship with Jennifer Scott will shift and, even though I know that we will forge a better, more equal bond where I will not be the needy one, it has unsettled me.

This is hard to write but I know it's true. I can't keep moving off topic with crazy photos and anecdotes about my eye surgery, etc. I can't continue to write rather vague :) content based on the song Carefree Highway. Yeah, I knew it was, I think I'll stick with the word, vague.

So that's what is really going on. It's the pulling back to stay with what I know while at the same time, experiencing a strong desire to push forward. My inner voice, my inner spirit tells me that my life is going to be one of focusing on others rather than being as self-centered as it has been over the past several years, and that I'll have the opportunity to help others who want to deal with issues of losing weight, and of facing growing older. What's not to like about that?

This moment in my life reminds me a bit of going off to college. I'm at the stage where the car is packed and it's time to hit the road, not knowing exactly what the experience will entail, but having the assurance that I'll be changed for the better once I arrive, unpack the car, move in and get on with it.

178.6 Carefree Highway

Recently my brother-in-law reminded us of the Gordon Lightfoot song entitled Carefree Highway. We live about 5 miles from the eastern end of Carefree Highway. Yes, there is such a road that cuts east and west across the northern boundaries of Scottsdale and Phoenix all the way to Wickenburg. It is very beautiful in some parts, and rather strip mall-ish in others. Little independent churches in shopping malls are interspersed with cactus nurseries, an occasional Mexican restaurant, and some housing developments that remind me of ghost towns since so few units are occupied. Before we moved here and not knowing that Carefree Highway existed, when I heard that song, I thought the words were Every Highway let me slip away....

Although I have been on this weight loss quest for about 2 1/2 years, in some ways it has been like traveling the Carefree Highway or Every Highway. Looking back, the weight has slipped away just like traveling on a long highway. I remember losing it but can't tell you where it has gone. Where did it go, and is it truly gone forever? Will I have to travel that same highway again? Obviously, I am banking (especially if I win the $25 bet that I can lose 10 pounds more quickly than aforementioned brother-in-law) on the belief that I will never have to lose 80 pounds again. In order for that to be a reality I will have to do a lot of out of control eating. And, that is definitely not a possibility. I am so aware of every .2 of a pound gained or lost, that I am confident that this is going to be a way of life, not a constant battle to maintain. But first, it's about those last 10 pounds - well, actually 8!

181.0 Getting The Hang Of It!

Now that was a great surprise this morning as I stepped on the scale. In fact, I got off, let it go back into its sleep mode, woke it up and stepped on it again to be sure.

Jennifer has been encouraging me for a while now to do interval training on the elliptical instead of staying around the same speed throughout the workout. I've been doing that lately and I think my metabolism is wondering what the heck is going on, but has sped up in response to the change! Now I go for 3 minutes at about 3.5 mph and then do 30 seconds as fast as I can move my legs, and then go back to the slower pace for 3 minutes, etc.. And the workout lasts for between a half hour and 45 minutes. It's funny, but as the end of the 3 minutes is approaching, I get excited to speed up. I think my body really likes the switching back and forth. Another shift in response? The old me would have dreaded the impending speed up and work involved.

We are heading to the Boston area for a couple of weeks to see our daughters, son-in-law, and friends so the posts will be intermittent. Not that I'm counting :), but I've lost 22 pounds since visiting there last November. And, 3 of those pounds have been lost in the last 8 days! Maybe I'm getting the hang of it:)!

182.6 What's It All About?

I'm not sure if I've used that title before, but since I've been doing this blog for almost a year now, it does get hard at times to figure out what to call each post. (This is my 301st post! Ta-da!)

But today I'm wondering why my weight is dropping. I know, I know, usually I'm wondering why it jumps up. Here's what I've come up with - lately I have just basically stopped eating lunch. I do eat a couple of times in the afternoon but not a meal. I may have cherries, or an apple and some almonds, or half a yogurt with some blueberries. So I think that by eating a little more often my metabolism gets a boost, and I'm pretty certain that I'm eating fewer calories. And because I'm usually very hungry while I'm preparing dinner, I pull out a bag of little carrots and/or a bag of snap peas and munch while I cook. Then by the time I sit down to eat, I'm not ravenous and can handle eating slowly and enjoying every bite.

Whatever is going on, I'm loving it and want it to continue. I do feel hungry more frequently, but I really want to reach my goal and move on to other things. I was thinking today that maybe one of my voices from the past is that I need to eat three meals a day. I'm restating that message to say that I don't need to eat three meals a day. I need to be healthy, slim, and energetic. Some folks suggest 6 small meals a day. I've never tried that and think I might have trouble controlling what and how much I might eat, eating that frequently, and, what exactly is a small meal? So I'm sticking with this new plan and let's see how it goes!

184.0 TTF ~ Temporary Total Failure :)

Even though we did eat out last night, I knew that I could get my weight to start dropping back toward the 182 number. I ordered a spuntini (that's Italian for "snack") off the bar menu at a favorite restaurant and it fit the bill just fine.

This morning I was reminded of a bit of family lore. When I was oh, probably about 11 years old, our family was driving through the olive growing region of California and for some unknown reason our car just stopped running! My memory is a little vague on the details, but we all sat in the car, confounded by this turn of events. It was hot in that car (long before AC) and soon my dad began trying to start the car. And within a few attempts, the engine turned over and we were on our way. My mom announced that we had just experienced Temporary Total Failure!

This morning after getting up at 6 AM and walking for about 45 minutes, I came in and was trying to focus on ordering some things on the internet and my mind just couldn't manage to accomplish this very simple, oft performed task. In spite of drinking about 30-40 ounces of water, I just continued to feel fuzzy brained and weak. Finally I went in to lie down for a few minutes and and slept for about 3 1/2 hours. It has been very hot here and I am sure I just got very dehydrated. When I got up I told Jeff that I had just recovered from TTF! The gal who doesn't like to take naps feels pretty good now!

183.6 Finding The Real Me

Occasionally during the time I've been working with Jennifer we have made videos talking about my weight loss success. Yesterday we made the fourth one and it took a different turn than the others had. We didn't rehearse in any way this time since we had done the others. In the course of yesterday's video, Jennifer asked me how it felt to have lost all of the weight and how did it feel when I got compliments. To my surprise I talked about how hard it was because of my uncertainty about this new me in comparison to the fatter, old familiar me.

I had never really expressed it the way I did on the video and I think we were both surprised by what I said. This weight loss process isn't for sissies, I've decided. By taking the time to explore why I was eating so much and so often and then working on healing the causes of the overeating I've come a long way. But as yesterday's video shows, I'm still coming around to accepting my new look. Taking the weight off slowly has been an invaluable gift because I have become very different emotionally and spiritually as well as physically from the 247 pound gal who decided to find a clinical hypnotherapist to help with weight loss. Not only have I been losing the weight, but I've been finding the real me who was hidden for so long under all that fat! And, I'm not done yet. It's pretty exciting!

(Once the video has been edited, I'll add it to the blog.)

188.0 Tired or Hungry?

Oh, I'm tired! It's been a good day and a busy one so I'm not complaining. I am just tired.

One of the things I've come to recognize while losing weight is that when I am tired I'm much more tempted to eat, and it's not because I am hungry. I think that I think (there must be a better way to express this) if I eat, I won't be tired anymore. That works when your body really needs food, but I don't think it helps if fatigue is the problem, not hunger.

Stretching out for a while or getting involved in doing something is a much better option than heading to the pantry or refrigerator. This is all part of being aware that I write about frequently. When I go into a zone where I don't think first about what I'm doing is when I can really sabotage my efforts. And, I did that just before I sat down to write this blog. Obviously, I'm still learning.

187.2 Freshly Squeezed What?

How can I live in Arizona in late April and be "under the weather"? Well, I am. I have experienced the return, in less than 3 weeks, of that plague like condition I was suffering from during my visit to Memphis and Arkansas last month. I feel as if I am living underwater with no energy, nasal congestion, and the sense that I must be 95 years old, and not doing very well. So I went to my doctor this morning (last time I waited about 3 weeks before realizing I was in trouble) and he diagnosed me with the same situation, namely allergies causing a bacterial infection.

But yesterday, after hearing about it, I stopped at a health store and drank 2 ounces of freshly squeezed... Wheat Grass juice! I was hoping that that would be exactly what I needed to get rid of this pressurized head and runny nose. It didn't take care of that, but I felt absolutely great for about a half hour after drinking it.



So today I went on line to read about it and there is quite a bit written about it. It was noted that you do feel great immediately after drinking it because of the boost it gives your blood. It is loaded with chlorophyll, which has a molecular structure very close to that of hemoglobin. Anyway, now I know what to do when I want a healthy pick me up! It didn't taste bad, either. Remember when you were a kid and would nibble on a blade of grass? It tasted like that, but in case I didn't like it, I was given a chaser of pineapple juice to drink immediately after drinking the Wheat Grass juice. If you have a place where you can watch them put the grass through a juicer so it is very fresh, try it! I really liked it!

190.0 Always On My Mind

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a long time know that I was obsessed with Willie Nelson for a while, singing along with his music as I was first beginning to be able to walk for exercise, about a year ago. Now I am obsessed with the music from Mamma Mia and listen to it every time I get on the elliptical.

My daughter Alee recently told me that she wanted to lose some weight but didn't want to be obsessed with food while she was in the process of trying to lose it. I talked with Jennifer about what Alee had said, and her response was that when we are heavy and not purposeful about what we are eating, we are still obsessed, to use Alee's word, about food, weight, etc., and, isn't it better to be obsessed with losing weight and becoming more healthy than being obsessed with feeling fat and unattractive and thinking about eating to numb the feelings of sadness and unhappiness related to weight issues.

I've been giving this a lot of thought and think food and weight will always be on my mind, and they have been on my mind ever since I was a young teenager and realized that food and weight are intrinsically intertwined with the other.

So yes, you will be obsessed with food as you undertake weight loss, but it will be associated with becoming healthier, feeling more energetic, and having more confidence about how you look, and move. And, the obsession becomes a good thing, like someone you love very much who is always on your mind, rather than a curse.

189.8 Okay, Judy, You're On!

I don't know how many people I've told about my blog and I never know if they will read it once they hear about it. But today I got an email from a dear fried who has been reading it, and has been losing weight. Now we are both at the same weight and are going to "sprint to the finish" together. I wrote a post way back when I started this blog called A Letter To Judy, 9/9/09. Judy and I have been friends for, let's see, about 25 years. She is now an ordained minister and has a church in the Boston area. Anyway, I didn't realize that she had been involved with this weight loss adventure until today's email. So now I have a partner and the fun begins. I'll share any insights/tips she might have that she's put to work for her. Okay, Judy, here we go to 170!

188.2 Losing With Lentil Soup

I lost another half pound and I'm not sure why, except that maybe I have discovered a true diet food that enables the weight to just fall away :)! A couple of days ago I made a gallon of lentil soup, from one of those packages that includes the spices. I didn't add the ham or sausage that was suggested because I knew that the soup would contain plenty of protein without it. Anyway, I have been eating 2 to 3 cups a day. It's so delicious, fills me up and it's a great comfort food since I am not feeling very good. Oh, I am also eating other things, but the soup has been a staple over the last few days. What a way to lose weight! Yum!