176.6 Stuck In The Mud

I'm not sure why that title came into my mind as I typed in my weight for today. Well, of course I know why, because I am definitely stuck. But usually I title these posts after I write them. Do I have anymore to say about being stuck? Let's see.

I've been here before, not at this weight but definitely stuck. I go through all sorts of mind games when I get stuck, telling myself that this is where my weight is meant to be, I need to up the exercise, I need to cut back on the food, I need to eat different food, do different exercise, etc.... I've written these things so many times I think I could write a song about being stuck. Don't worry, I won't.

But you know, when I keep at it and don't give up, I always start losing again. I remember when I hit the 200 pound mark and several friends thought I looked great and suggested it was time to quit. What if I had given in? I'd still be lugging over 24 more pounds everywhere I went. Now that's a gruesome thought!

And this morning when I picked up Jeff at the airport (yes, thank goodness he is home again!), he said I looked like I had lost more weight. When I said no, I hadn't, he said it sure looked like I had. So there you go. I'm hangin' in there for the short haul. It is so close! No slip slidin' away!

179.4 Slip Slidin' Away?

Priscilla

I just got off the phone after talking to my sister Priscilla. She's been a great supporter of this weight loss adventure and I've really appreciated her comments and interest in this blog. I was complaining to her that these last ten pounds are turning out to be a huge challenge, when the lyrics to the Paul Simon song popped into my head.

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away!

Reaching my goal doesn't just mean I will weigh 170 pounds. It also means that I won't be writing daily posts for this blog any longer, and perhaps this blog won't exist. It also means that my relationship with Jennifer Scott will shift and, even though I know that we will forge a better, more equal bond where I will not be the needy one, it has unsettled me.

This is hard to write but I know it's true. I can't keep moving off topic with crazy photos and anecdotes about my eye surgery, etc. I can't continue to write rather vague :) content based on the song Carefree Highway. Yeah, I knew it was, I think I'll stick with the word, vague.

So that's what is really going on. It's the pulling back to stay with what I know while at the same time, experiencing a strong desire to push forward. My inner voice, my inner spirit tells me that my life is going to be one of focusing on others rather than being as self-centered as it has been over the past several years, and that I'll have the opportunity to help others who want to deal with issues of losing weight, and of facing growing older. What's not to like about that?

This moment in my life reminds me a bit of going off to college. I'm at the stage where the car is packed and it's time to hit the road, not knowing exactly what the experience will entail, but having the assurance that I'll be changed for the better once I arrive, unpack the car, move in and get on with it.