175.4 What The Hell Is Going On?

Every so often during the ESL class, I teach the students some idioms. Rather than thinking they are too superficial or difficult to learn, they really like to learn about them. One of the idioms we talked about today was "all hell broke loose". After we finished with that one, the student from Burma/Myanmar asked me what "what the hell is going on" means. She said that she hears the women at her gym say that all the time.

Well, I just had to laugh out loud because that is exactly what I said to myself when I got on the scale this morning. Of course, I don't always know why my weight jumps around, but late last night there was some emotional eating going on so that may be one reason why my weight popped up. And I now have to deal with it and move on. Hmmm...5 pounds, so close and yet so far. I think that's an idiom, too.

174.6 Among Other Things, It's About Time!

My friend Loretta just left to return to her home a couple hours north of here. Since she's also lost a lot of weight we had several conversations about how we each lost weight, what we ate, etc. Her approach was in some ways much more dramatic than mine, with many more rules. She didn't eat sugar, she cut way back on salt, and she exercised several hours every day. I ate a lot less than I used to but was into more variety and not depriving myself of too many things, as along as what I ate was healthful. And, because of my back issues, I didn't exercise as much everyday as she did.

One thing we both did was to quit drinking. We were laughing about all the wine we used to drink together before we came to our senses and decided that was not going to be possible for us to continue to do if we were serious about weight loss.

In the end, we both agreed that there are lots of ways to lose weight, and what works for one person may not work for another. We also both acknowledged that what we had going for both of us was time because we are both retired and our time is our own to organize. And, we both really wanted to change. Loretta, I'm gonna miss you.

174.4 Unstuck!

You know, I have no idea why my weight finally dropped like it did! Well, I really do have an idea.... Let's call it "sticktoittiveness". That word looks really strange spelled out, but I know I have heard it so am declaring that it is indeed a word.

Anyway, yesterday and the day before were very typical food and exercise days for me, so who knows. Maybe I'm right that it is just the cumulative effect of making good food and exercise decisions over time, and my body finally gave in and decided that it was ready to let a little more weight go!

So, today I celebrated! No, I didn't go to Costco to get a chocolate nut covered ice cream bar. I went to the gym and did the elliptical and lifted weights, and then set up a plan to work with a personal trainer! I'm thinking about my life after reaching my weight loss goal (only 4 1/2 more pounds), and I know that exercise will be at least as important to me then as it is now.

A short update on my voice work - during the two sessions, I became aware of how tense all the muscles in my neck, shoulders and diaphragm areas were, and through the Feldenkrais Method a lot of release of that tension in those areas was achieved. I could literally feel each shoulder drop down on the table as this was occurring. Also, a couple of people have mentioned to me over the phone that my voice sounds less quavery. We'll see if there are some other changes going forward. Stay tuned!

176.6 Oh, The Pain! Oh, The Wonder! Oh, The Joy!

We have a house guest and we went shopping, and I totally forgot about my blog! I have yet to do that, to wake up one morning and say, oops! I never wrote a post. I'm very glad that didn't happen today.

As you can see, I'm still stuck. I think it's a little odd that I can't lose or even gain .1 or .2 tenths of a pound. Maybe tomorrow?

It was a great day at Chico's. My friend has also lost a lot of weight and was complaining that there was just nothing in a size 1! When she started losing she was wearing size 3, and I couldn't begin to wear Chico's clothes because there was no way I could even think about fitting into a size 3! We laughed that we were quite a pair, complaining that they just didn't have anything in the smaller sizes. Oh the pain! Oh, the wonder! Oh, the joy!

176.6 Stuck In The Mud

I'm not sure why that title came into my mind as I typed in my weight for today. Well, of course I know why, because I am definitely stuck. But usually I title these posts after I write them. Do I have anymore to say about being stuck? Let's see.

I've been here before, not at this weight but definitely stuck. I go through all sorts of mind games when I get stuck, telling myself that this is where my weight is meant to be, I need to up the exercise, I need to cut back on the food, I need to eat different food, do different exercise, etc.... I've written these things so many times I think I could write a song about being stuck. Don't worry, I won't.

But you know, when I keep at it and don't give up, I always start losing again. I remember when I hit the 200 pound mark and several friends thought I looked great and suggested it was time to quit. What if I had given in? I'd still be lugging over 24 more pounds everywhere I went. Now that's a gruesome thought!

And this morning when I picked up Jeff at the airport (yes, thank goodness he is home again!), he said I looked like I had lost more weight. When I said no, I hadn't, he said it sure looked like I had. So there you go. I'm hangin' in there for the short haul. It is so close! No slip slidin' away!

176.6 Knowing...

My friend Barb from UCLA days called this morning. I hadn't talked to her for a couple of months. She said she had just read my post about being home alone and could tell I was lonesome. I reread that post and I never wrote that I was lonely, but Barb was right, I am lonely. We had a great, long chat, and she didn't know it when she called, but I did need a little spirit lift and she certainly provided it.

And then, when I got off the phone there was an email from Jeff who is still in Boston and a picture of me was attached. He likes to think I am the most beautiful person in the world. Did he know I needed a little boost, too?

I really believe that caring from the heart makes us do wonderful things. I wonder whose spirit I could touch with a call or email? If I listen to my spirit, I will know.

176.6 Home Alone!

Jeff's back in Boston and I'm home alone. It struck me that I could drink all of the wine I want, and eat whatever I want because no one would see me. Which led me to think about people who live alone and are trying to lose weight.

A while ago I wrote a post about whether weight is contagious. (See Weight Loss Contagion, 8/30/10.) Now I am thinking about that from a different point of view. Even though Jeff hasn't been coaching, scolding, or doing anything except encouraging me, I think his presence and his knowing what I am trying to achieve have provided a silent force that has really helped keep me honest.

No, I didn't open the wine, but I did eat more than usual. After telling Jennifer that I had eaten half of a honey dew melon, I joked with her that when she said to eat one half on her weight loss CDs she didn't mean to eat half of a melon. Oh, I know it could have been much worse, but it did cause me to think about living/eating alone and all that means. For some, it may mean that you can eat a lot less and just the food that you want because you aren't having to please another person, so that is freeing. For others it may signal that you are on your own and can get away with eating what ever and how much you want. As I learned last night, I'm going to have to please myself by staying with the program, staying aware and keeping my goal in mind with every bite.

176.6 Gonna, Wanna, and Power!

Today was ESL day for me! You would love this group of people. What is so endearing to see is how they help each other without prompting from me. I complimented them on that this morning and they turned it into a compliment for me. How lucky I am to have them in my life.

Last week I asked them to write down what they wanted to learn from this class. I got quite an array of things including wanting to learn to use the computer and to get a job! One goal was to learn what wanna and gonna mean. So this morning that's what we tackled first. (Um, learning to use the computer and getting a job are going to have to be accomplished outside of this class!) The precise students in the group wanted to know which was better English. As I was explaining that going to and want to are the better forms, I heard myself self saying, "If you're gonna write a letter, you'd use going to and want to. But if you wanna just talk easily to someone, you'd probably just use wanna and gonna". I never realized how often I use gonna and wanna in my speech! How about this...I'm gonna reach my weight goal because I wanna be healthy!

Now I do work hard while I teach this class and I was thinking that I was having yet another hot flash because I was so warm. But then we got word that there was a power outage and the college was closing. (The classroom where we meet has a wall of windows so I wasn't aware that there was no light.) So I gottago home early! :)

176.2 (yay!) Charlee's Been Hypnotized!

Last night we had a group of friends over for dinner and I asked the gal who had brought a lovely platter of brie, fresh fruit and crackers to put it on our coffee table. She was a little concerned that Charlee might get into it, but I assured her that Charlee would leave it alone and never thought any more about it.

That was last night. This morning I came into my office and was settling down to do my self hypnosis when I looked down and saw this gross looking object in the little cubby where Charlee spends a lot of time. I couldn't fathom what this object was until I reached down to pick it up and realized it was what was left of the brie from last night. Horrified, I scolded Charlee and then suddenly burst out laughing realizing that she had obviously been listening to my morning self hypnosis sessions where I always talk out loud about eating only half, about listening to my body and stopping when I've had enough, etc. This little dog is better at regulating how much she eats than most humans and dogs. Don't dogs usually eat all the goodies that come their way all at once?

So Charlee, good for you. Yes, I've let her out several times this morning and then have to remind her that cheese binds :) as she struggles to relieve herself. Just so it all happens outside, my dear little hypnotized dog! Maybe we could work on some dog behaviors now, Charlee and me.

176.6 Breaking Away, First Night!

I did it! I didn't eat after dinner, but :) what I did do was eat a 100 calorie "ice cream bar" for dessert with my dinner. I thought a lot about doing that. It wasn't an impulse treat. This was actually a big deal for me because I rarely, very rarely, have been eating any dessert with my dinner. So last night I decided that if had that treat I could have a sense of completion and not feel deprived. Did it work? Did I experience the night hunger pains?

Well, I did feel a little hungry by about 9:30 PM, but my attitude was so what! I had had a great day food wise, a healthy day with a little treat, so I just let it go. I fell asleep without a problem and I'd love to write that I slept soundly through the night. Well, that wasn't the case. I actually had a rough night, but I never felt hungry, and when I got up this morning I didn't feel hungry. (And, I've had sleep issues over the years, no matter how much or how late at night I have eaten.)

And I lost a pound! What more could a gal on a mission to reach her goal want? I'm sticking with this new plan knowing I won't lose a pound a day, but also believing that this new strategy may serve me very well.

177.8 Breaking Away!

I've been doing self hypnosis on a regular basis now and find it quite amazing. While doing it, things come into my mind that I haven't previously given any conscious thought to, and it's in some ways startling.

For example, today it came to me that I would no longer eat anything after dinner. I've been writing about night time hunger in this blog forever and yet I have never really found a good solution to it. The message is simple - after I finish eating dinner I won't eat anything until breakfast the next day. Then I won't have to deal at 9:30 at night with decisions about what to eat, how many calories the alternatives contain, and how will it affect what I have eaten all day. What I really believe will happen is that I will break away from an old, bad habit! I think I've always eaten "a little something" before bed almost every night for much of my adult life.

It also came to me while doing this hypnosis today that I didn't need to fear hunger, that if I eat a healthy amount of food every day, I don't need to fear hunger. Hmmm, another novel thought.

Yes, I will probably be hungry for several nights in a row once I start this new regimen, but soon it will disappear like the desire to bite my finger nails or drink wine. What an exciting and liberating thought!

177.6 Making The Voice and Emotion Connection

When I write these posts I often picture you, the readers. Some of you I know well and some I have never met. I can't see who you are, but through the magic (?) of technology, I can see where you are, what part of the U.S. or world you are located in! And, since I have a fairly stable number of readers each day, for which I am very grateful, I feel a real connection to you.

So today I'll reveal a little more about myself that you may or may not know.

My voice shows the ravages of life and time more than my body! I used to sing in small groups and in church choirs. No, I was never a soloist nor did I have a great voice, but I could sing harmony and really enjoyed it. About 20 some years ago I suffered a major depression accompanied by big hits of anxiety. I was treated with a lot of mind numbing drugs and gained my first big chunk of weight. Along with the depression and anxiety, my voice quality was lost. It became quite hoarse and it still has a croaky sound to it most of the time. I also lost my ability to feel/express a lot of emotion. I've been off all these drugs for about 10 years, but the voice and authentic emotion have never returned.

So, now I am going to try to change that. Tomorrow I am having my first session with a specialist in voice work, and I'm quite excited about it. And, I have good reason to believe that by doing it, I may be able to get some emotion flowing within me. We'll see!

177.6 One Big Gooey Delicious Mess!

Remember that really old song that has the line, "I'm beginning to see the light!"? I think I'm beginning to see the light, to see a pattern in regard to why my weight may fluctuate, especially once I lose a little. Could it be that I am celebrating with food the fact I am losing a little? Yesterday I celebrated. It wasn't what you would call a huge celebration. There was no music, no special lighting, and no big gathering of people unless you want to include all the shoppers at Costco! It was all about me. It was my idea and I think it had been simmering in the back of my mind for quite some time. You see, at our Costco, you can get an ice cream bar that is freshly dipped in warm chocolate sauce and then plunked into a big bowl of chopped peanuts and almonds for $1.50. I had seen some folks sharing one of these a couple of months ago and I hadn't forgotten their smiling faces. So when we were there yesterday I told Jeff I was going to buy one of these. He looked at me a little strangely but didn't interfere and I did it!

OMG, this has to be the best treat in the whole world. We shared it and it was really funny because it was so hot in the car it was melting faster than we could eat it. It was dripping all over us and the car. So we had to pull over and stop! We were laughing because it was hard to pass back and forth between us. It must have weighed about half a pound because it had so many nuts stuck all over it! And then, thank goodness, we were both overcome by the richness of it and threw about half, well maybe a third, of it away! But it was so delicious, I told Jeff we just might have to do that again on my birthday.

And, so today I can't blame it on the salt! If it is a pattern, I don't know how I am going to track it from all the posts in this blog, but maybe from now on, I can be aware that this might be at work in how I handle things when I do lose a pound or two. Come on, Sue, let it go until you've reached your goal. You are so close!

177.2 Can't Hurt, Might Help!

A good friend and I were talking recently and after complimenting me on my weight loss, she said that she wished her daughter would be inspired to lose weight. As I told my friend, if I could bottle this kind of inspiration I know I could sell it and be a very wealthy woman. Or, maybe I would just give it away. Now there’s a thought. I like that even better. But anyway, I wish I could write or say something that would inspire/enable others to lose weight.

Sometimes I feel like a broken record about Geneen Roth’s book Women Food and God. The author talks about why we use food, and then how being fat shapes our view of ourselves, and how, even when we lose it, it often finds us and settles right back in exactly the same places we lost it from.

What’s really struck me is that as I've talked to several folks about this book, they appear to be very interested in it until I mention the title and they hear the word GOD. I can see it in their faces, the big turn off.

I wonder if Geneen Roth thought long and hard about putting the word God in the title of her book? Even if you don’t believe God exists, this is a very helpful, entertaining book. It takes a close look at why, what, and how we eat. It’s a great read and full of fascinating connections and insights and practices. If that word, that little 3 letter word, has stopped you, I encourage you to take a look at this book. You may not change your mind about God or what that means, but you might find some very interesting thoughts about why the bodies we inhabit become too fat! And, there are some very helpful ideas of ways to deal with the old entrenched behaviors that perpetuate the weight problems.

So I’m going to recommend this book to my friend to think about suggesting to her daughter. As I often say, it can’t hurt and it might help!

177.2 Doctor, Professor, Teacher?

This morning I put on my teaching hat and returned to Paradise Valley Community College to teach English as a Second Language after taking the summer off. I do this once a week for two hours and really love it. I am a teacher. No, I don't have my doctorate, and I am not a professor. I'm a teacher. Those of you who know me know that I also teach jewelry design and beading here in my neighborhood, you know that I just like to teach.

This morning I had 14 adults in my class, whose language skills varied as much as their homelands. I had students from Iraq, Burma, The Czech Republic, Thailand, Brazil, Columbia, Mexico, and Peru! Because I reside in Arizona, most folks think that I must be working with a majority of people from Mexico. Not so! This year I have only 1 student from Mexico, but I have 3 from Iraq. Oh, and I have 1 from Vietnam.

The student from Vietnam was very concerned about what to call me. Should she call me Doctor, Professor, or Teacher? I suggested that she call me Susan. This really threw her and she asked the question again and explained to me that out of respect she wanted to call me Doctor, Professor, or Teacher. Having this wonderful Inner Spirit working within me is so pleasing and often surprising! In response to her concern, I heard myself say that I could see respect in her eyes and feel it in my heart. Susan would be just fine.

178.4 Noodles, Anyone? Miracle Noodles?

My brother-in-law sent me this today and I am tempted to order these miracle (!) noodles. Let me say I'm not in any way endorsing these noodles since I have not yet tasted even one! But here's a natural product that has no calories and makes you feel full, and they will absorb any flavor you combine them with.

I do crave pasta occasionally, and so I am thinking about this. But I've also prided myself on losing this weight without taking any drugs or weight loss products. I'm wondering if this would count as a weight loss product.

Here's what I am thinking since I'm still fighting the right before bed hunger pains! What if I have a portion of these noodles every night before I head off into dreamland? Maybe that will solve everything, especially if they taste okay with nothing added that is high in calories, or salt.

Remember the commercial where the kids want to get the little brother Mikey to taste the new cereal? I'm working on my brother-in-law to take the role of Mikey and order the first batch! Here's the link, if you're interested! http://www.miraclenoodle.com

Maybe this is one of those times when if it looks to good to be true, it probably is! Let me know if you try this.

178.4 High School Reunion

Best Friends In High School

We returned late yesterday from my high school reunion and it was really a great event. There were about 150 people there including some spouses out of about 360 grads. This reunion was held at Foothill Park in Palo Alto and it turned out to be a wonderful place for the gathering. My biggest fear as we approached the park was that no one would be there, no one I remembered, but my fears quickly dissolved as we turned a corner and there was a large group of people chatting, smiling and looking like they were having a great time.

And, yes, we had all changed (see post "Don't Ever Change!" 8/16/10) and turned out to be a pretty interesting group of 68 year olds. My first boyfriend was there and when he told me he had become a nuclear physicist I was blown away! I wanted to say, "right, and I invented post-it notes", but luckily I didn't. He was for real. But when you are in 8th grade it's hard to imagine anyone that age becoming a nuclear physicist!

So how did I feel being with all these former classmates? I felt happy that I wasn't concerned with how I looked. (Well, of course I did worry a lot about what to wear!) I'm very sure I would have been more self conscious if I hadn't lost those 70 pounds. Most of the group was trim and lookin' good, so I just blended in in that regard.

What I'm really grateful for is that I didn't lose the weight for the reunion. I didn't even know there was going to be a reunion until about 5-6 weeks ago. I think if you lose weight for an event, it's good motivation, but what about maintaining the loss?

True Confession Time: I did order a glass of wine after the reunion because the adrenaline was still racy through my bloodstream at a high level, but, guess what? I drank about half of it and then gave it to Jeff. I think I'm really over the wine thing and am so thankful for that.

So now I need to lose 8 more pounds and I know I can do it. I don't have a lot of new and different things going on in my life right now, so it's time to spend more time exercising and paying attention to what I'm eating, very close attention.

no scale Wine Country!

I'm in one of the most gorgeous places that I've ever been, Glen Ellen, California! For those of you who enjoy a glass of wine now and then:), yes, the Glen Ellen that is home to several vineyards. I was raised in California and just love visiting here. The golden hills, the sprawling oak trees, the majestic eucalyptus trees that smell as lovely as they look all have special meaning to me and I'm so happy to be here.

But being in the heart of wine country is very different for me this time around. Whenever I have been here before, I've always enjoyed all the wine I wanted. It is everywhere here. In fact, I'm staying at the home of a good friend whom I've known since we were about 10 years old, and her property includes a small vineyard. Today we drove over to the Jack London Museum and then we went on to do a little wine tasting. What is a non-drinker doing at a wine tasting? Having a great time with my friends. Yes, it is hard to not just drink it, but I don't want to and you know, what I've learned is that nobody cares. And I guess if they did, I'd find that we just weren't hanging out together anymore. So far, I haven't lost any friends over this!

179.2 The Bottom Line

Yesterday I met with Jennifer and was telling her about being at a social event where a friend complimented me on my weight loss. And then she asked me if I would start drinking wine again once I lost my final 10 pounds. I just joked that only if I wanted to regain all that weight would I go back to my old ways.

Another gal asked me how I did it, how had I lost 70 pounds. As I told Jennifer I mentioned that I used hypnosis, cut way back on how much I ate, and upped my exercise and had done a lot of therapy. Jennifer suggested that I forgot the most important piece and that is that I wanted to change my life, and it was because I was willing to change that I was successful. It was about the fact that I no longer wanted to numb my emotions with food and alcohol, that I wanted to be fully present to live my life and experience the highs and lows and not dull them down, and that played an important role in my success.

The conversation reminded me of one I had with my daughter who occasionally works with folks who are preparing to have the lap band (gastric bypass) surgery. She's become aware of how many folks have it and lose weight, and then regain it after going through the surgery and weight loss. As she told me, it seems odd that these people will go through the pain and expense of the surgery and then return to their former eating habits. My daughter agreed with me that understanding why you became so heavy in the first place is key to knowing if/how much you want to change.

Where we live now, a lot of people are retired and are just kind of waiting. I'm not sure what all they are waiting for, but they often are waiting for it to be time to break out the wine everyday. Having a future filled with goals and joys seems to be really important as we get older. And, that means we have to change as we move from our familiar lives filled with work, to lives filled with new interests, purpose, and commitments.

So the bottom line, I guess the very bottom line, is that changing more than the number on the scale (or as Geneen Roth writes, "the size of your thighs") is of paramount importance in achieving and maintaining weight loss.

Oh, yes, this weekend is the long awaited (how about 50 years?) Palo Alto High School Class of 1960 50th Reunion, so I'm not sure how often I will post! Keep checking in. I'm taking my laptop and hope to do a few posts, without weight, okay? Other people's scales just aren't the same! :)

179.9 So, There You Go!

My dog Charlee wants me to share my raw carrots with her. I do give her snap peas, but raw carrots? I don't think so. My kids used to choke on raw carrots when they were little, and Charlee is very little.

It was the salt! That's all I can think of that caused my weight to jump up again. Last night we took Greek olives, marinated mushrooms, artichoke hearts, etc. for an appetizer at the party we went to. The platter looked gorgeous and it all tasted great, and it was all low calorie, but not low salt. Since the other appetizer was brie with fig jam, I stuck to the salt laden foods that we brought.

Night before last, we took a platter of all fresh veges to another party. You know, sometimes, I just want something different, and so there you go! Don't you think salt is better than fat over the long haul?

So that's why I am crunching on raw carrots tonight, and no Charlee, I'm not giving in.

179.8 Celebrate!

You are looking at the number, aka my weight, and wondering what I am celebrating, right? Well, I'm celebrating that I haven't gained more weight! We have eaten out 5 times over the past 5 days. All of these events have taken place with friends, so it's not like Jeff and I are simply on a roll here. And I'm celebrating that we have so many wonderful friends who want to get together for a meal. And, I'm celebrating that I have finally learned to say to the waiter/waitress that I'd like simply, grilled salmon with no sauce done medium with spinach, and that's it. Is that possible? I haven't been turned down yet! And, you know, once I do that, a wave of peace comes over me because I am no longer struggling about which entree is the healthiest, is low in calories, but do I like it, etc., and should I ...and do I want to...? etc. I am developing gills beneath my ears, but I'll save that for another post :).

Oh, one more thing...I just came home from Chico's and am now wearing a size 1 in tops. That does mean I have no more bosom, but, hey, isn't that why "figure flattering" bras, previously known as padded bras, are available?

Anyway, have a wonderful holiday weekend. I'm taking tomorrow off and will be back on Tuesday, after two more nights of partying! I'm so grateful that I no longer drink, or I would be in very deep trouble.

179.8 What A Difference A Friend Makes!

Maybe it's my personality type, or whatever, but it really helps me to have someone to walk with. When you know someone is waiting out in front of your house at 6:30 AM - remember, I live in Arizona so we start early around here due to the heat- you don't turn over and go back to sleep when the alarm rings. And, you don't hem and haw about whether you really want to get up and walk. The best part is, walking becomes incidental to the conversation, but walking does happen, and we pride ourselves on walking at a good clip.

My walking buddy, like so many folks who live here, also lives elsewhere part-time, or maybe she lives here part-time? It's the same no matter how you look at it. Anyway, she's here for the Labor Day holiday and we went walking this morning. And you know, my leg pain didn't kick in and my back was fine. Hmmm!

So if you don't have a walking buddy, find one! Most people just need to be asked. Walking with someone means the time flies, the focus can be on conversation rather than just the walking, and it's fun, more fun than walking alone, even if you are listening to Willie Nelson. Oh, that seems like ages ago when Willie was my walking buddy. I wonder how he's doing?

179.6 Like A Broken Record

Today I was talking to a dear friend who has followed this blog since its inception. Recently she became quite ill and was unable to read it for about 2 weeks. She said when she asked her husband how I was doing, he said I was stuck! I admitted that he was so right!

Remember records, scratched records on which the needle would move a little this way and a little that way, but it was stuck in the same place and a few words or just sounds would continually be repeated? I'm like an old scratched LP record!

My leg pain is stuck, too. Ever since my encounter in New Hampshire with the big flying bug, my back has not been right and leg pain is the result. Leg pain makes it hard for me to think about jumping on the elliptical or even taking a long walk. Today we went shopping and after standing and walking through the racks of gorgeous clothes for about 20 minutes, I needed to head home because of the pain. So, in order to move forward, I think I had better check out what's going on with my back doc. Plus, I've got to get it all together for my 50th high school reunion in Palo Alto that's coming up in a week. Go Paly! Go Sue!

179.4 Slip Slidin' Away?

Priscilla

I just got off the phone after talking to my sister Priscilla. She's been a great supporter of this weight loss adventure and I've really appreciated her comments and interest in this blog. I was complaining to her that these last ten pounds are turning out to be a huge challenge, when the lyrics to the Paul Simon song popped into my head.

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away!

Reaching my goal doesn't just mean I will weigh 170 pounds. It also means that I won't be writing daily posts for this blog any longer, and perhaps this blog won't exist. It also means that my relationship with Jennifer Scott will shift and, even though I know that we will forge a better, more equal bond where I will not be the needy one, it has unsettled me.

This is hard to write but I know it's true. I can't keep moving off topic with crazy photos and anecdotes about my eye surgery, etc. I can't continue to write rather vague :) content based on the song Carefree Highway. Yeah, I knew it was, I think I'll stick with the word, vague.

So that's what is really going on. It's the pulling back to stay with what I know while at the same time, experiencing a strong desire to push forward. My inner voice, my inner spirit tells me that my life is going to be one of focusing on others rather than being as self-centered as it has been over the past several years, and that I'll have the opportunity to help others who want to deal with issues of losing weight, and of facing growing older. What's not to like about that?

This moment in my life reminds me a bit of going off to college. I'm at the stage where the car is packed and it's time to hit the road, not knowing exactly what the experience will entail, but having the assurance that I'll be changed for the better once I arrive, unpack the car, move in and get on with it.

179.0 Eye Update

Since there is nothing good to write about my weight :(, I've decided to share my eye surgery progress with the world. Here's how I looked the day of the surgery:




And, here's how I looked yesterday 22 days later:







Oh, that's just my bizarre sense of humor creeping into the blog.




Here we go:


There is more healing to occur, but I'm happy with the results so far. Now If I could just get this weight off....