179.4 Slip Slidin' Away?

Priscilla

I just got off the phone after talking to my sister Priscilla. She's been a great supporter of this weight loss adventure and I've really appreciated her comments and interest in this blog. I was complaining to her that these last ten pounds are turning out to be a huge challenge, when the lyrics to the Paul Simon song popped into my head.

Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away!

Reaching my goal doesn't just mean I will weigh 170 pounds. It also means that I won't be writing daily posts for this blog any longer, and perhaps this blog won't exist. It also means that my relationship with Jennifer Scott will shift and, even though I know that we will forge a better, more equal bond where I will not be the needy one, it has unsettled me.

This is hard to write but I know it's true. I can't keep moving off topic with crazy photos and anecdotes about my eye surgery, etc. I can't continue to write rather vague :) content based on the song Carefree Highway. Yeah, I knew it was, I think I'll stick with the word, vague.

So that's what is really going on. It's the pulling back to stay with what I know while at the same time, experiencing a strong desire to push forward. My inner voice, my inner spirit tells me that my life is going to be one of focusing on others rather than being as self-centered as it has been over the past several years, and that I'll have the opportunity to help others who want to deal with issues of losing weight, and of facing growing older. What's not to like about that?

This moment in my life reminds me a bit of going off to college. I'm at the stage where the car is packed and it's time to hit the road, not knowing exactly what the experience will entail, but having the assurance that I'll be changed for the better once I arrive, unpack the car, move in and get on with it.

199.0 The Push and Pull of Change

Losing weight is always related to change. You can't do it without changing a few or many things about how and what you eat as you start undertaking a "weight loss adventure". And, your appearance changes as you lose more and more weight. In so many aspects of our lives, change is a constant, especially change brought about by external events. It is the change we impose upon ourselves that presents the biggest challenge. Folks ask if I feel different being 50 pounds lighter, and of course I do. But I am also getting used to the way it feels. And, I still face the challenge of weaving change into my everyday life everyday. Some things are very automatic now and for that I am very grateful. But there is always that tug of war going on between the push to change and the pull to return to the old. Change does not exist as something that you accomplish one day and then that's that.

I am at a very significant place right now. Twice before in my life I have lost 50 pounds and then at that point I would declare the diet a success, and slowly but surely regain those lost pounds. This time I am determined to continue to lose (30 more pounds) to reach my goal of weighing 170. But if you are keeping your eye on the number before the title of each blog, you will see that I have bogged down at this 50 pound point. Over the next few months I will lose those 30 pounds and then I will face the challenge of keeping them off. I am convinced the push to change will overtake the pull to go back and the result will be exciting and perhaps unexpected.

Oh, I also need to say that I may not be blogging everyday over the next few days. A dear relative passed away and I am not sure that I will be able to post any blogs. Do check back late next week.