189 Oh, My!

I haven't written in a while because I keep hoping I'll have a 5 pound weight loss to report or some bit of inspiration that has helped me and that I would want to pass along. I've been doing Weight Watchers and I like the record keeping part of it. But I think that my metabolism is so screwed up from the weight loss of 80 pounds that even though I am on Weight Watchers' minimum point allowance each week, it is just too high. Having been in "starvation mode" for so long means that my body doesn't know what to do with food. But maybe these are just excuses. I don't have a clue at this point. So what's the big deal? Why do I care anymore as I approach 70? I'm not going to win any beauty contests~ I never did ~ and it just feels exhausting. No, I don't want to put more weight on, but I feel like I am on that bridge to nowhere and it is unending. But maybe that's what weight watching is all about. Any thoughts?

187.2 Unpredictable

I like to think that my life is fairly predictable, but lately I am beginning to wonder if that is one of the many areas in my thinking that might fall under the category of delusional. You would think that with all of the weight loss stuff I have gone through, I'd be an expert. Well, I'm not and am still learning new things about weight loss in general and how my body responds to changes in what/how much I eat. In general, it's often very unpredictable.

Besides focusing on weight and other body issues such as my back, neck, stroke life, etc., I am a devoted player/member of Lumosity, the brain game site to stave off Alzheimers and other dementias. Well, that part of my life is unpredictable also. After not playing for about a month, I was able to perform magnificently and my overall score shot up 4 points at one sitting. (I was sure I would take a downward hit and have to build my score back up again.) That's a lot because when I'm in a more disciplined place in my life and play every day, it often varies up and down a couple of points. And then today, it just shot up 6 points for no reason at all, except that I hadn't played for several days. I'm thinking about writing to the Lumosity folks and see if they'd like to do a study on my brain. It's got to be quite unique, or at least I'd like to think so. Since I started Lumosity my score has increased over 1200 points. No I won't tell you where I started, but now I'm wondering if there is an upward limit, and how close I am to that score. And, if I did reach it once, how will I feel when it begins to waver downward. Ah, the things I think about!

187.4 There Is No Finish Line

Or, I could have entitled this post "An Amazing Weight Loss Journey Without End." When I started on this weight loss journey almost three years ago now, I definitely thought there would be an end point, that I'd reach my goal and somehow live happily ever after. As you know, I've been struggling for most of this past year with my weight, as much as I was when I was trying to lose those 80 pounds. This time I was struggling to maintain my goal weight and not regain weight, and I've been losing the struggle. Well, I'm still on the journey which has taken a surprising turn. Yesterday, after much thought, I joined Weight Watchers. I went to my first meeting and really liked it. I felt validated when the leader brought up the point that maintaining weight loss is actually more difficult than losing weight, and I do agree with her. She mentioned that most of the contestants on The Big Loser have gained back most if not all the weight they lost while competing on the show. So, I'm not alone in this. Why did I join Weight Watchers? So that I'd be accountable to someone else. When I was losing I had Jennifer to care and to coach and encourage. Now I have WW to fill that need that I have. Some folks can do it all on their own. I need a cheering section!

My cousin was here a couple of weeks ago and told me about a friend who wears a workout shirt that says on the back, "There Is No Finish Line". I can relate to that! There are so many aspects to weight issues and for most of us, it is/will be a continual battle, but life will always get in the way, and I have to remember that that's the good news. Life is good!

186.5 Grace and Compassion

(Kit, taken on her wedding day, June 2011)

I have a dear friend whose daughter Kit, also a dear friend, is studying at Yale Divinity School. Kit has written a blog post about her weight that is filled with passion, compassion, and self understanding. It was a joy for me to read and I think you'll be moved by it also. Kit is in her mid twenties but reveals wisdom far beyond her years. Enjoy.

http://hellokit.tumblr.com/post/15358531798/i-see-you-twenty-twelve

186.2 Charlee

Our precious dog, Charlee, is sick and in the hospital. She has pancreatitis usually caused in dogs by eating rich food. We aren't sure how/when she got an overload of rich food, but we did have a full house at most meal times so who knows. It really doesn't matter, but what does matter is that she's in a special hospital, on IVs for hydration, meds, etc., and getting very good care. Hopefully we'll be able to bring her home tomorrow. This little Havanese is Jeff's and my baby/child now and it's amazing how much we love her.

Life will get back on track once she feels better and I learn what's wrong with my hip. I promised myself to exercise regularly, etc., but whatever is wrong with my hip has really gotten in the way. I was doing the elliptical with Linda but since that causes flexion in my hip muscles that is now a no-no. The only thing I can do is walk and stretch in my pool. So I'm just going to take it easy, be compassionate toward myself as my dear Alee encourages me to be, and once I'm good to go, I'll get going!

186.2 Happy New Year!

As we look back over the past year and especially the past couple of weeks we have so much to be thankful for. Our daughter Alee is engaged to a great guy, Scott, and we are looking forward to their wedding next fall. We have a lovely, smiley little granddaughter who stole everyone's heart at this Christmas gathering. She has such light emanating from her even in the midst of needing to be changed, teething, and being tired and hungry. And, our wonderful grandsons filled the house with laughter, enthusiasm, and delighted in meeting their cousin, a first for them.

So now the show has closed, the set has been put away until next year, and the lights have been dimmed. It is awfully quiet around here after two weeks of family, but Jeff and I have been reliving all the funny things that happened, the special times we had with each and all of our family members, and are beginning to start back into our regular routines. Our best memory? Sitting around a campfire in our backyard one evening singing songs with the boys. It's interesting that it had nothing to do with gifts or food. :)

Happy New Year to all!