172.6 Sweet Talking...Myself

Lately I have noticed a change how I treat myself. I don't know if everybody has done this, but whenever I would do something wrong, I would often talk to myself about it. I'd say things like, oh no, you forgot again, or I can't believe you did that again. Sometimes I would be even harsher and I'd say things like that was really stupid, or, why do you keep doing that?, or when are you going to learn? Some of this self talk may in fact reflect things I heard from my parents as a child, but I think I have been much harder on myself that my parents ever were.

Anyway, recently I've started calling myself Honey and Susie Dear when I talk to myself and I encourage myself instead of beating myself up. Obviously, I have had words with myself about the weight loss roller coaster, harsh words. But now I hear comforting words. I have been working on becoming more compassionate toward others, but maybe the best place to start is with myself.

Oh, and did you notice the drop in weight? I saw my doctor a couple of days ago and because of low blood pressure especially when I stand up, which makes me think I am going to fall down :), he encouraged me to up my fluid intake by a fair amount. Could it be that this may be a key to success? Here's to another bottle of water!

174.4 A Solution?

I have a great friend who happens to be about ten years younger than I am. She's tiny, and she's contemplating having a tummy tuck. When she mentioned it, I was trying to figure out why she wanted it and where she hiding this tummy that she wanted tucked. Once she showed me what she was talking about, I could see why she might want to have it done.

So now I am starting to think that having a tummy tuck would solve all of my problems. I definitely could use a tummy tuck after losing all of this weight, but it would also solve the last 5 pounds problem! When I heard it would cost $10,000 (a real bargain compared to my estimate of $23,000 for a face-lift), I started rethinking this strategy. I think tucking a few less calories in my mouth over the next few weeks might be a much less painful solution and, maybe, with those 5 pounds gone, I won't be so sure I need a tummy tuck.

Also, I received three very thoughtful comments on yesterday's post. Although they were very different, I really appreciated each of them very much.

174.8 The 5 pound Albatross

It's been frustrating to be stuck with this 5 pound albatross pulling me down. I've been mad, sad, frustrated, angry, and discouraged. I've spent a lot of time and energy with these feelings. I've questioned my weight goal, also. Was I crazy to set such a low goal? Hello! Sue, 170 pounds is not low for your 5'9" height. And then I spend time and energy wishing that I had set the goal at 175 and then I would have achieved it -- or would I have achieved it? Would I be stuck at 180, close but no cigar?

I can come up with some psychological reasons for why I am stuck, pretty obvious to some I'm sure, but I just don't think I am stuck in that way. However, if you've read many of these posts, you know that I did get A+ in Denial for many years around weight issues.

Even though I have plans and ideas for myself after the weight loss becomes a reality, maybe I like this niche @ Susan's Losin, and don't want to leave, to move on? No matter, it's time to lose it and move on. One more time, all together now, get going! By the way, I never dreamed this would be the way it would be so close to the end. I'm ending with a whimper! Yuck!

175.0 Arizona's Secret Garden

Since there is not much to blog about on the topic of my weight, I've decided to show you a bit of Arizona's secret garden! It's called the Boyce Thompson Arboretum and is the arboretum classroom for University of Arizona. I went recently with a couple of my friends and we were amazed by the vistas and the wide variety of plants that were growing there for us to enjoy. I even took a picture of a tarantula since one decided to hustle right by us. It is a little blurry but if you look hard at the photo that looks like all it is is leaves, he's camouflaged in the midst of them. Here's the site that will let you see the slideshow that I put together: http://gallery.me.com/smbmiller

About the weight...I haven't given up! Can I still claim to be in recovery from the birthday weekend?

175.0 The Party's Over!

Yesterday I said goodbye to Alee and Scott at the airport. Yes, it was bittersweet. It makes me sad that we don't all live a lot closer to each other, but at the same time, being with them was so sweet, and fun, and wonderful. If we lived close to each other, I wouldn't have experienced their visit with such joy and intensity. But living far away from all of our children exacts a price. We made our decision to move out here based on health and lifestyle issues, and it has been a good decision looking at it from that point of view. But, on the other hand, it's hard.

What else is hard? Not getting rid of these last few pounds. So, today I'll work on getting back into a positive frame of mind and embrace the life I am living! All in all, it's a great life!

174.4 Perfect Birthday Card!

Last night I opened all my cards and gifts and this card from Terry and Louise was so perfect! It's an American Greetings card which happens to be the company their son-in-law works for. It made me hoot with laughter.

The party continues!

174.8 On Becoming Younger, Healthier, and Happier

I am having a great 68th birthday! We all went hiking this morning, even Charlee our dog got to go, and I was thinking a lot about my recent birthdays and how I couldn't have done this hike with ease a year ago, and definitely not at all 2 or 3 years ago.

I just looked up my weight on my last birthday and I've lost 32 pounds over the year. It's a lot of weight, but not a spectacular amount for a year. But most importantly, I feel so much healthier and younger and happier. From the first visits with Jennifer Scott and on the hypnosis CDs that she made for me, she always talked about those three changes occurring as I lost weight. And hiking today I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the fact that all of that has indeed become my reality. When I was first seeing Jennifer I wanted to believe her, but her approach was all new to me and the sceptic in me was alive and well. No more! She was so right and I am so grateful for her help, wisdom and encouragement along the way. Today I feel more like 55 or 60!

Now that's something to celebrate!

174.8 SURPRISE!

Alee and Scott


Tomorrow is my birthday, but yesterday was my big day! Our daughter Alee and her boyfriend Scott flew in from Boston and surprised me! I was busy in the house when our dog barked so I looked up and saw the two of them trying to make themselves invisible as they were sneaking past the front window! I didn't think I could run anymore, but I know I ran to the front door to make sure it was really them! I hadn't seen them since July and am so happy they are here. And, there are more surprises to come. For the rest of the weekend all I know are the times I need to be ready to go and what to wear! Turning 68 is promising to be a lot of fun!

I actually had another surprise this morning as I was walking with Jeff down a residential street when all of a sudden I heard a golf ball thonk within about 6" of me! Maybe I should take up golf again if people are playing so poorly that they miss the fairway by several hundred feet!:) I'd fit right in!

I did remember this morning to wonder at the scale's response to my getting on it instead of worrying about it. I will continue to approach the scale with wonder, but won't be too hard on myself as I enjoy whatever is coming my way over the next few days. The posts may dwindle or disappear, but I'll be back for sure on Tuesday or Wednesday.

And, as I celebrate my birthday I am filled with gratitude for my wonderful family. Even though Ted and Miranda aren't here, I know they have been involved in the planning and are sharing in the excitement.

174.8 Worrying And Wondering!

Today's motivational photo! Yikes, that's all I have to lose!





I just got off the scale... and I have to admit that I also just experienced one of those "ah-ha moments"! Why do I not like that phrase? That and "spot on" make my teeth curl! Anyway, here's the insight that fought its way into my consciousness! Are you ready? Am I ready to reveal this rather obvious insight? Lately, when I get on the scale, it's been all about worrying about how much I've gained rather than wondering about how much I've lost! I think this current way of thinking is reserved for those who have attained the maintenance level (sort of like nirvana, maybe?) rather than those of us who want to be in the losing mode. Maybe I need a new hypnosis CD? Or at least an attitude tune-up? :) Just a thought...! (Jennifer has taught me how to do both of these things in her quest to help me be more independent, so it's up to me!)

174.4 Who Was I? Who Am I?

When I wrote about my 50th high school reunion I didn't tell the whole story. Since my weight is stuck, I think I'll share a little more. The bottom line is that I was mistaken for another gal with whom I share the same maiden name, twice! The first time I just thought it was funny and decided it was not about me, but about the guy who thought I was that other gal. When it happened again the same day, I laughed it off at the time, but now it has me thinking.

If I had toted my lost 75 pounds with me to that reunion, would there have been this confusion? Was it my blonde hair which replaced the dark brown hair of my youth, or was the fact I appeared slender? The other gal did have sort of honey blonde hair in high school, but we were both tall and slender then, so it's a little confusing to say the least!

And do I need to ponder this at all? If it had happened just once, I wouldn't have given it a second thought, but it happened twice within a couple of hours, and the other gal wasn't even at the reunion! Too bad she missed it because there were at least two guys who definitely wanted to connect with her. One of the guys said to me, "Sue, I can still picture you looking so elegant in your '57 T-Bird!" Well, I never had a T-Bird or any other car in high school. Gulp! And the other guy said, "Sue, I remember walking by your house on the way home from school everyday." I knew where he lived and where she lived and they lived a couple of blocks from each other. I lived no where near either of them.

I actually think it is pretty funny! Maybe it was my eyes:)!

174.4 It's All about Adjusting!

Yesterday's post did have a pinch, a rather big pinch of that spice known as self pity. One of my inspirations for this blog is Kathleen who writes her own blog entitled Among The Savages (check it out on the right), a wonderful blog about raising her three young boys that I love to read. Kathleen is a gifted writer and can tell a story with a picture and the perfect words to let you know exactly what is going on.

Anyway, she is also a gifted comment writer! In response to yesterday's poor me post she wrote this: "If you give up you will be sure to fail. Keep going! You have done such a great job so far. You can do this. Your body is just adjusting."

I want to believe that this is exactly what is happening. I've asked a lot of this body over a long period of time, and I agree that it certainly deserves a little time for adjustment. So I am going to adjust to its timetable instead of imposing my wishes on it.

So for now, I'm going with the statement that this body is just adjusting! It's just as simple as that. Thanks, Kathleen!

174.4 Oh, You've Got To Have Friends!

So, when I got on the scale this morning I was ready to just kiss it all off. The frustration is exhausting! I was so down that I decided I wouldn't walk, and was sulking about why I just can't dump these last few pounds.

And then a friend called who had been away since last April and asked me if I wanted to go walking with her. It was all I needed to get me up and on my way! She was full of compliments about my new figure and my eyes and made me feel that all is NOT lost. Thanks, Louise, for unwittingly helping me to keep going. I'm so glad you are back.

173.0 Bones, My Bones!

This morning I woke up so aware of my bones. I don’t imagine that most people wake up with bones on their mind, but I definitely am not like most people :). What I was really thinking about is that those bones that are now so prominent have been with me all of my life, whether covered with inches of fat or much more visible.

How did they feel covered with that heavy blanket of fat? If they could talk, what would they say about the years of extra strain, weight pressing down on them as they were asked to do a more and more difficult job to support me and help move me through my life?

When I was much heavier, I used to lie in bed and try to find them. I’d make excuses for why they weren’t so prominent. Changing posture due to age was high on my list of reasons. But wait, I was lying down so that excuse just doesn’t ring true. But it sounded good to me at the time when I was weighing in close to the 250 mark.

Why do I like being back in touch with my bones? They are such an important part of me and have served me so well over the years. Except for an errant finger or toe, I’ve only broken one bone in my body throughout my oh so close to 68 years, my 5th metatarsal on the outside edge of my right foot.

My bones also give me my inner shape, and I do like my inner shape. I love my long legs, my long spine, and my long arms. It’s not vanity that dictates this love. It’s familiarity. (And, it's not a breeze buying clothes to fit the dictates of these bones. Often the sleeves are too short, the length is way too short, and the waist line comes up too high!)

And, I love the symmetry of my bones and the awesome number of my bones that are all exactly where they should be, as they should be. Feeling my hip bones again is a homecoming of sorts. And counting my ribs with certainty makes me smile. Maybe I’m just easy to please, but being in touch with my body, my bones once again, is just plain fun! And, I like to think that they are smiling, too.

173.0 Three More Pounds!

(This photo was taken at a "sunset cocktail party". Ah, Arizona!)


First of all, the Stevia that I had in coffee this morning tasted just like Splenda, so what's not to like? And, I could just switch to real sugar as long as I use it sparingly. But I think for right now, I'll take the step to Stevia and then maybe move into real sugar. We'll see.

Now about the water I designed yesterday and started drinking today...too many cucumber slices, not enough citrus, but oh so healthy! :)

And, I am laughing at myself about the fact I have never, in all 77 pounds of this weight loss, totally skipped a number on the scale. Recently I thought I was going to skip 173 all together, but that obviously is not going to be the case. In fact, after the last few days I was delighted to see the 173 appear this morning. So, onward and downward, and I am headed out to the pool to do my water therapy. It's a beautiful day here and I feel blessed to be able to live in this gorgeous place with the opportunity to do my water workout right in my back yard.

Three more pounds....!

174.2 "It's Always Something!"

Today it's sweetener. I just heard a lecture on the evils of all sweeteners except Stevia, which I learned is made from the leaves of a plant with no chemicals added. This is not great news for me since I have been living on products with Splenda added or I've been adding it to food, a lot of it. I also have been drinking Crystal Light, a lot of it, daily.

Today I made my own drink based on Sassy Water. I sliced up cucumbers, fresh ginger, some lemon and some orange slices and added it all to a jug of water. Tomorrow morning I will strain out the added stuff and have this divine healthful drink to replace my Crystal Light.

And, I bought some packets of Stevia In The Raw to try in my coffee tomorrow morning. I think I have the bases covered, at least for now. But, you know, as Gilda Radner wrote, "It's Always Something!"

175.0 OMG!

OMG! This is sooooo hard! Hang in there with me! I'll reach that 170 mark!

Have a great weekend!

174.2 Well, Here We Go Again!

The weight gain... no, I don't deserve it :0, but I am definitely used to it. Here we go again!

Today I taught my ESL class and took in the words and the Louis Armstrong recording of What A Wonderful World. There were tears and lots of smiles as we sang it together. My idea is that we'll sing it every week until we get really good, and then try another and then another song. When the class members sang it today, they were singing from their hearts and didn't get all nervous about how they were pronouncing the words. It was simply beautiful.

172.8 Is This Fun or What?

Yes, this is making me smile, and no, I don't know exactly why at this stage, I seem to be getting the hang of losing a little faster. I really like the concept of allowing rather than struggling that I wrote about a couple of days ago. I've been keeping that idea in my mind, staying present with it ever since I wrote that post, and I'm happier about so many of the things I do in my life that I used to weigh and measure all the time. I allowed myself to go to a meeting even though I was really tired last night, and I allowed myself to eat salad yesterday without any dressing because I didn't have a choice of a low calorie option, and this morning I allowed myself to use 1/4 cup of oatmeal instead of 1/2 a cup as I prepared it (still adding walnuts and fresh blueberries and topping it with my favorite Carbmaster yogurt (a Kroger product). By the way, it was delicious and filling, and plenty.

And now I am going to work on allowing myself to sleep through the night. I'm facing a bit of a conundrum on this one because maybe I should allow myself to accept that I can't sleep through the night. Let's see how this plays out.

174.0 The Big So What and Wine!

It's interesting that when people ask me about my weight loss adventure (my words not theirs), the issue of wine often comes up. And, when I mention that I no longer drink wine (or any alcohol), they say they just couldn't dream of giving up the wine! I totally understand that attitude to a point. As you know, I decided that I couldn't continue to drink up to 3 glasses of wine every night and still care about how much and what I ate for dinner. For me it didn't work at all to drink and diet. Jennifer suggested that maybe I could have just one glass of wine and manage my eating with care and be able to make good decisions. I think that for some people that might work out very well.

My situation was not quite so simple. First of all, my glass of wine was not a 4 - 5 ounce glass of wine. Mine was closer to 7 or maybe 8 ounces. So by the time I had had 2 of my glasses I had already consumed around 375 to 400 calories. And, once I had done that, I knew I had blown any rational approach to eating less and ate as much as I wanted for dinner. Often we'd go out and I would have a glass of wine before being served dinner, and then, oh, what the heck, I'll have another, and maybe just one more with dinner was my attitude.

What I know is that some people can cut back, keep their wits about them and lose weight. After trying for a while and not succeeding, I just knew I couldn't.

But so what? The big so what is that you have to think about how important is it for you to get the weight off, not how important your wine is every night. Think about it. And here's the real zinger, why is the wine so important?

174.0 Exactly Tickety-Boo!

What's happening? As I keep writing, I'm never exactly sure why I lose, but I am very sure I like what ever is happening. I was so excited about seeing that .0 after the 174 I got a little confused and for a while was thinking I weighed 170! I know, I know! I have to cancel the celebration until it is a reality.

I've been thinking about how to celebrate, keeping the celebration low calorie and low cost. I'm sure I will think of something that will be, you've got it, tickety-boo. And, now I"ll put that phrase to bed for good. Nitey-nite!

174.6 Hide And Seek

Recently Jennifer asked me about how it felt to be as heavy as I was when I first met her. (The picture on the left was taken within the week following that first appointment.) For someone like Jennifer, who has never been heavy, it was and still is hard to imagine that I could tolerate it, live with it, be okay with those 80 pounds. What did it physically feel like to have such heavy thighs, take up so much space in a chair, to just be moving around? After giving it some thought, I could honestly say that I just didn't think about it most of the time. Weight gain usually occurs slowly, over time, so that you just adapt. I remember making so many excuses about my clothes not fitting well. They shrunk, it was about my posture due to my back, I could still wear them but I'd look a little better in the next size up, and when I went shopping (in the plus size section) they just weren't making whatever size as large as they used to. Oh yeah, the cut of the jeans must be different so I needed to go up a size.

When did I really feel, experience those OMG moments of how big I was? I think it was when I was out with other people, in their homes when the only chair that was available looked like it would crumble if I sat in it. Or, when I was trying to get comfortable in an airplane seat and praying that I didn't have to ask for a seat belt extension - thinking there was just no reason why they couldn't cut a little slack in the length of the seat belts. Why were they so short? And, when I went shopping... Oh, the pain of reality! And when I shopped I bought a lot of things so I wouldn't have to go shopping for a long time and face that music again.

But I had something going for me to ease, to numb everything, and it was a big thing - my back. I could blame it all on my back. I needed a chair with better support because of my back, not because I was going to destroy the chair if I sat on it. My body was changing because of my back and I couldn't exercise and on, and on, so no wonder my clothes didn't fit. Yes, I did have back problems, but the weight was exacerbating those problems if not the original cause of the back problems, so I got myself into a vicious cycle, or is it circle, or maybe both? But that's where I was, spiraling around the obvious.

So how did I get conscious, aware, desirous of seeking to make this huge change in my life? I think the answer is that I couldn't hide from me anymore. The lid came off Pandora's box and I was faced with me trapped in this unhealthy, fat body, looking for a way to get out. I didn't want to be poor old grandma with her bad back, always saying I couldn't do things because I couldn't move easily. I wanted to make all the changes I could to give myself a chance to be fully engaged in life.

Can I give this consciousness, this awareness, this desire to others to help them change? I simply don't know, but I would love to be able to.

174.6 Allowing vs Struggling

You'd think by now I would have this all figured out. This is my 375th post on this blog! Okay, big Wahoo as my daughter Alee would say. But what I've learned over the year of writing these and the two and a half years of being on this adventure is that there have not been any quick fixes or even truths written in stone about how to make all of the changes that are necessary to lose weight happen. Ever since I have been in this struggle to lose the final ten pounds to reach my goal weight of 170, I think it may be just as hard for those who want to lose 10 pounds as it is to lose 80 pounds. (This is not about quick weight loss tricks since I am in this for the last time and I want this lost weight to stay lost.)

So what I've been thinking about very recently is the concept of allowing changes versus the concept of struggling to make changes happen. It sounds kind of crazy, maybe, but this morning I allowed myself to take a big walk. I didn't go through all the stuff, the miles of stuff I would wade through about why I needed to walk, which route I would take, how it would affect my metabolism, blah, blah, blah,... I just put on my shoes and said Sue let's walk! When I put together my dinner last night (Jeff was eating something totally different from what I decided on), it wasn't about calories, or did I want to eat this or that, or all the stuff, again miles of it, that I sometimes have wrestled with before putting that plate in front of me. I just took out the salmon, cooked the fresh spinach, reheated a little rice and enjoyed every bite. And I did these things with this word allow floating in my heart and head - not should, have to, can't, etc. I think I might be on to a new way for me to move forward, hoping to sprint through these last few pounds by allowing myself to do the right things, not struggling to make them happen.

175.4 Sleeping More and Losing More

Today while working with Elizabeth, my Feldenkrais specialist, she mentioned that she had heard about an interesting study on NPR about the connection between sleep deprivation and weight loss during a period of "caloric restriction". I just looked this up on the NPR Science Friday website and found it! Ah, what a technological whiz I have become. The bottom line seems to be that with at least 8.5 hours of sleep combined with "caloric restriction" weight loss was achieved much more easily than for those who had 5.5 or less hours of sleep each night. Here's the link so you can go straight to the nitty-gritty scientific info. http://www.annals.org/content/153/7/435.short

But wait...I want to talk the the folks who can give me 8.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep! That would be a dream come true for this yo-yo sleeper. I just made that up! What to you think of that term for those of us who fall asleep and wake up a couple of hours into our sleep period and then bounce back and forth between sleep and wakefulness?

And for those who are curious about my voice/emotion work with Elizabeth, I can report that my diaphragm is much more relaxed, my upper lungs are much more open, and I'm beginning to feel more, little by little, which is probably much better than being hit all at once by a pent up wall of emotion that's been lurking within me for several decades. I think we are on to something and am very grateful for her help.

176.2 Can We Just Get On With It?

I've heard that phrase, "why can't I just get on with it?" more than once lately coming from inside my head. It's about weight loss and it isn't about weight loss. It's about embracing life, not picking apart every experience, every moment, every connection to be sure that that is the best I can have, do, be!

I really feel that way about my weight today. I was extremely careful yesterday and lost only .2 of a pound. I was hoping for a half to a whole pound. Why not? Why is it always so much easier to put weight on than to take it off? You would think I would have all the answers by now, right? And, no Sue, you aren't going to lose a pound a day.

So I'm going to take a more tickety-boo :) attitude about lots of things in life, and see what happens. With less striving for perfection and less attention to how every little thing in my life is going, maybe life will start happening, full of surprises, promise, and renewal... and, weight loss!

176.4 Not Exactly Tickety-Boo

This morning I received a comment on an earlier post that described it as tickety-boo. I'd never heard that phrase before and Jeff and I had a lot of fun thinking about what it could possibly mean. I was ironing and was wondering if I was in a tickety-boo zone as I methodically moved the iron back and forth to get rid of the wrinkles. Ohhhh, that just reminded me of my face and maybe my wrinkles would respond to a tickety-boo treatment! And, we have already decided that our next dog will be named Tickety-Boo. And, it went on and on.

When I finished the ironing I looked the phrase up and learned, much to my delight, that it's a British term for informal, fine, excellent, in working order as in "that's the ticket". I still love the sound of the word, but Jeff and I had put a much more titillating spin on it by the time we were done.

So, facing the true definiton, my weight gain is definitely not tickety-boo, and I realized that recently I have relaxed a little too much for my own good. I quit eating salad, I quit eating two low calorie, healthy veges every night, I quit reinforcing the idea of not eating after dinner (you do have to make these things habitual, not a one shot hit, Sue), and I started eating more carbs. Let's hear a great big loud DUH! And, how about a loud "What were you thinking"?

Not exactly tickety-boo!

175.0 Trading Addictions

I really believe that most of us if not all of us either are addicted to certain things like food, wine, etc., or activities like talking on the phone, hobbies that we can't put down, even exercise, and so on.

Over the past two and a half years I think I've traded in my food and wine addictions for some much lower calorie addictions, but addictions all the same. My iPhone has become inseparable from me. I am constantly checking my email on it or playing Scrabble on it, or on a really slow day, checking the weather in all the various places my relatives live. I take it to bed with me and when I have my bouts of insomnia, I check my email again. It's amazing what stuff I get in the middle of the night and that I read it. Most are efforts to get me to buy things. So far, my addiction hasn't included buying as a result of reading all about these very special deals.

No, none of this is perilous to my health, physical or mental, but I wonder what life would be like if/when I could be free of my dependence on my iPhone to make me feel connected and alive.

Have I always been addicted to outside forces to help me navigate life? Are we all? Maybe the word addiction is a little harsh, but you know what I mean. And, to be honest, the iPhone addiction hasn't totally usurped the place of food in my life. I will battle that addiction forever, but it is a lot easier now to just say no.

So what use do these addictions have for me in my life? Could it all be about distractions from really living, facing life, being in the thick of it, rather than eating, drinking, and... oops, gotta go check my email!

175.0 Food and Happiness

Ted at 7


My son called yesterday and was laughing about some work that he had written in school when he was about 6 or 7 years old that he had just come across as he was sifting through stuff in preparation for a yard sale. I'm so glad I saved it, and even laminated it in hopes that some day he would look back at it and smile!

He suggested that I write about this in my blog. It just about says it all when we think of how strong the connection can be between food and happiness for some of us. Here's what this adorable little guy wrote in response to the question what makes you happy: "I am happy when my mom lets me have something to eat!" And, in response to what makes you unhappy: "I'm unhappy when she doesn't!" And, by the way, I did feed him at least three times a day - I'm laughing to myself - in case you were thinking that this was some poor deprived little kid. And, yes, food still makes him very happy and he's become a wonderful chef!

Oh, and in response to what would you like to give your dad, he wrote "a corvette". His dad is still waiting! :)

174.8 Waiting....

This morning there was a guest minister at our church from Haiti. You want to talk about going from desperation to inspiration (yesterday's post)? This pastor embodied it all. What struck me as he spoke about the fact that conditions there now are not a lot better than they were right after the earthquake which was in January, that's 9 whole months ago!, he wasn't filled with bitterness or anger. But he was filled with getting the message out that help is desperately needed.

Jeff had asked me yesterday what I wanted for my upcoming birthday. I flippantly, but seriously answered diamond earrings and they needed to be at least a half a carat. A little stunned because I usually don't ask for anything so significant, he suggested I wait for our 50th wedding anniversary. I said no, I didn't want to wait.

After hearing this morning about people waiting days and weeks for medical care, waiting for water, waiting for rice and beans, waiting for more than a tent to live in, waiting for their lives to take on some sense of normalcy, I've decided I won't wait. I think contributing the money that might have been spent on diamonds to Pastor Luc and his churches and schools in Haiti is the birthday present I want to receive.

174.4 From Desperation To Inspiration

As I was thinking about what to blog about today, two words popped up. The words are desperation and inspiration.

When I finally acknowledged the desperation I was feeling about my weight (about 250 pounds - EEEK!) two and a half years ago, I knew that I had to quit living in that most favored state of Denial, and move into a new place. That new place would provide tools for weight loss as well as be a place that would provide inspiration. And as you know, I am filled with gratitude for all the help that Jennifer Scott has given me in finding myself in this new, much happier, healthier place called Awareness.

Desperation for me meant without hope, being really stuck and not seeing a way out. From that low point, I reached out for help and became inspired and filled with hope.

Out of desperation came this blog, a lot of self discovery, and change, and my hope that for others this journey may prove to be a source of inspiration.

175.2 Short and Sweet

I just returned from meeting with Jennifer and all can say is she is truly a gift in my life. I feel like she helped me pull up the shades on the windows and the light is streaming back in. Through hypnosis and her amazing wisdom and healing power, the depression has moved on, and I feel much more alive and present. Thanks, Jennifer.

Jeff and I are off to see the movie The Town. It's our old town, Boston, and it's supposed to be a great movie.

Hope you are having a great day, too.