185.2 So Happy!

Jeff and I are both so tired, but it is such a good tired and we feel so happy to be with our grandsons even though we are so tired! It is really wonderful to spend time with our family. Since we live far away from our kids, it's very special to all be together.

Today our daughter Alee and her fiance Scott arrived. It was great to see them out here! Alee was so pleased to introduce Scott to her aunt and uncle and to her three nephews, Lennox, Alex, and Julien. The kids were so friendly and I could tell that they thought Scott was very cool immediately.

Lynsey also arrived today but is fighting a stomach flu bug so we haven't really been spending time with her. Hopefully, she'll be feeling much better tomorrow. I felt so bad for her. Jeff shared a great idea with everyone at the dinner table. He thought it would be fun and a gift to give if we went over to where Lynsey is staying and sang Christmas carols to her. The kids loved the idea and we practiced a few familiar carols and off we went. Then we went and sang for one of our neighbors. I was the choral conductor and Julien was my assistant! I think Jeff helped us all have another great memory.

And, tomorrow, Miranda and Jud and their little daughter Zuzu arrive! Then we will all be here.

So I won't write again for several days, maybe even a week.
Happy holidays to all and to all a good night!

185.0 Well, How About That!

Being active has a a lot to do with weight, loss or gain. I think I've been really busy with the grandsons, and for some reason, I'm just not so hungry as usual. How cool is that?

Tonight we went to a local Mexican restaurant and I was able to order a mahi-mahi entree that was really delicious but so spicy hot that I couldn't come close to finishing it.

I spent a lot of time at the grocery store today, two separate trips in fact. One was alone, which was good so I had some quiet time, and one was with my son, which was really nice since we are alone together so rarely.

Tomorrow Lynsey, Ted's very special girlfriend, arrives as do our daughter Alee and her fiance Scott. Things will get even more lively. I wrote a friend that we have a real Family Circus going on here and it's truly a case of the more the merrier. Did I write that I asked my husband how we ever raised three children and stayed sane? Youth definitely has its advantages.

Yes, weight is still so important. I'm having more back issues than I've had in a long time, and so I am more determined than I've been over this past year to lose these 15 pounds. Fifteen is better than 18 that I brought home from Hawaii with me. I"m wondering if that will help my back or if age is also playing a role in what is going on. We shall see, but no matter the real culprit, the less I weigh, the better.

Another great day at "The Ranch" as we sometimes refer to our small little house in Arizona. Above are picture taken early this morning. On the left is Lennox, 10, who wants to be a scientist. In the center is Alex, 8, who wants to play for the NBA and then play in a band, and on the right is Julien, 5, who is still thinking about what he wants to be after he plays in a band. Our son, their father actually is a drummer in a band so there is a reason that two out of the three boys have their dad's interest and some musical talent. Having such very different kids in one family is fun and often a challenge, but in general they get along very well - even better once we got a third Wii remote so all three can play Super Mario games together. Surprisingly, the 5 year old often wins.

Even though my weight is up way too much, I feel like I'm winning the battle of self disgust and holding everything steady. My back is giving me new challenges and that is helping to motivate me to get rid of these recently gained pounds. Life is so good and I just want to be as healthy and as good to myself as possible so I'm feeling confident about the future - feeling better, regaining control over how much I eat, and enjoying my life.

186.2 So Tired, So Happy

My son and his three sons arrived today, our second influx of relatives. The party has definitely begun. I wish I had had the presence of mind to take a picture of them today so I could attach it to this post. They are 10, 8, and 5 now and so much fun. They are very different from each other and that adds to the theatre of it all. Prill and Phil made a delicious dinner tonight and it was a very welcome gift.

Jeff and I just sat down and looked at each other and agreed that we are exhausted, but oh so happy. We walked, played basketball, played Guitar Hero, played Super Mario something or other, played the card game war, decorated gingerbread houses, and decorated the tree at the house where the boys and Ted (and Lynsey later in the week) are staying. As Kathleen wrote in her comment posted yesterday, it's time to make new memories. I think we have a great start on that and it's only day one.

186.2 Christmas Memories and Tears of Happiness

I've written in the past about not being able to feel things, to not being able to respond with much emotion. Today I bawled, I sobbed, I cried, but nothing bad or sad had happened. I was listening to Here and Now on PRI and was overwhelmed with memories of things past while hearing the segment on holiday choral music. Robin Young, the anchor, had her high school choral director from many years ago on the show with his choices for best holiday choral works. He's Jewish and joked about how he's the Jew who loves Christmas music most.
http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2011/12/19/christmas-choir-music

Just hearing this music brought back so many memories of my time singing in choirs all through junior and senior high school in Palo Alto, California with our dear choir director, Marjorie Klein.

My sister Priscilla with husband Phil are here already as our family begins to gather for Christmas. As I get older, I realize that it is memories not gifts that really make Christmas special. Here we go ~ and part of that are memories of delicious foods that are special to the holiday. This year I'm into enjoying small amounts of wonderful food. I've really learned that beating myself up about what I eat isn't helpful. Being mindful and grateful is the way to go.

185.2 Writing Again!

I've been off track with the blog and with my own writing for a long time now. What I've noticed is if I get off track with one thing, things seem to cascade into chaos on all fronts. I lose focus on eating, exercise, organization in my office, writing for fun - it all goes away. So I'm trying to get it all back. My office is in much better shape out of necessity as we get ready for Christmas and the arrival of all of our children and grandchildren. My food choices and amounts seem to be taking care of themselves. This morning I made only a 1/4 cup of oatmeal instead of the 1/2 cup that is considered a serving on the box, and ended up not finishing that. I was full, I felt full which is still a big deal for me because I'm not always aware of how I feel. Exercise is still not really on track since I've been in trouble with my right hip and assorted other aches and pains, but nothing too serious. Tomorrow I'll make an appointment to see my physical therapist and get that problem solved. So, I wonder if my chaos issues are pretty common, that cascading chaos is what happens to most of us when one thing gets out of control?

We had a great time in Hawaii, by the way. I was able to go snorkeling twice when the water was fairly calm. I hadn't been snorkeling since all of my back issues befell me starting in 2003, so that was a big deal to be able to do that. The Big Island was full of hidden treasures ~ beaches, restaurants, vistas, lectures, etc. We visited the Place Botanical Garden which is owned and operated by my nephew's wife's father and it was amazingly beautiful and her father's dream come true.

I admit that this is really an odd time for me to make a commitment to start writing more regularly but I do want to reconnect with this part of me and with you.

Aloha

"There are two main types of sugar that occurs naturally in foods like vegetables and fruits, and refined sugars and syrups (aka simple sugar), which are added to foods for sweetness. Added sugar is any sugar that does not naturally occur in the food like the sugar in holiday cookies and cakes. Extra sugar increases your blood sugar quickly, causing the proteins in your body to be less functional and, as a result, directly aging your immune and arterial systems and even your joints, explains Dr. Mike Roizen, chief wellness officer at the Cleveland Clinic. A food is likely to be high in added sugar if one of the following substances is first or second in the list of ingredients (or if several of them are present): brown sugar, corn sweetener, dextrose, fructose, fruit juice concentrate, glucose, honey, invert sugar, lactose, maltose, molasses, raw sugar, sucrose, table sugar. Also watch out for concentrated fruit juice and expeller-pressed organic rice extract.". This quote is from the Cleveland Clinic newsletter posted Dec. 4th.

Whenever I see the word aging it jumps out at me, and I never thought of sugar as causing aging unrelated to weight gain. I am really struggling with my weight and as I write this I am sitting at the breakfast table at a gorgeous resort on the Big Island, HI. I know this sounds childish, but I am angry that I still have to be so in control of every bite. But as I've learned over that past year, if I don't pay careful attention, I gain weight. I've been going back to listening to my Jennifer Scott CDs, doing a lot of self talk, and just saying no to unhealthy food, wine, and macadamia nuts. (They are everywhere here.) My rational voice tells me that if that's all I have to complain about, I have it pretty easy. And I do!