179.6 last of the almost 600 daily posts

I've decided I won't continue to post everyday but will post when the spirit moves me and so I hope you'll check in now and then. Since it's getting tedious for me I've decided to change the pace.

You'll definitely hear from me when I get at least five of these ten pounds off!

179.6 Lots of Little Things

I was rereading some of my posts today while I was looking for the one about too much quinine water. Now I'm wondering if the quinine was the cause of my tingly face and numb thumb. It's been suggested to me that maybe the cause of my recent rash, tingling, numb thumb issues may be shingles! Tomorrow I'm heading back to my doctor to figure this out.

But as I was reading some of the posts, I was thinking that this blog is as much a reflection of my moods as it is about my weight. Hmmmm!

So how did our date go yesterday? Halfway through the movie Tree of Life Jeff developed a horrendous migraine headache. The movie was pretty intense and upsetting so I was glad to leave before the end of it. So, we headed straight home without going to a new restaurant that I had chosen from a list of seven top Scottsdale restaurants. You know, you can plan and think you are going to have a great time and most of the time you do. Yesterday wasn't one of those times.

179.4 You Are What You Eat

This post could be entitled "You Are What You Eat", or "My Blue Period". I just tried to call my sister Priscilla who knows all things art history-wise, but sadly she wasn't home. I know there's at least one well known artist (well known because I have a memory of this) who was known for his blue period. As I gathered my food and dishes for my breakfast I realized they were all blue toned, from my blackberry yogurt, to my berries, to my dishes. But I don't feel especially blue today. My weight doesn't make me feel yellow (my color for feeling really great), and to be honest, maybe my mood is basically just a lighter shade of blue than my breakfast.

People often talk about not eating white, meaning potatoes, rice, pasta. Has there been conversation about eating blue? Maybe I can start the conversation since it represents very healthy eating.

Sorry about how it looks like I have loaded tons of butter onto my Ezekiel toast. It's Smart Butter and is probably the least healthy part of my meal, but it is low fat and low calorie.

So I'm planning a surprise date for Jeff and me this afternoon, and that will turn this blue day into bright yellow! Hope you will have a great day, too.

179.0 Blissfully Uncomplicated

That's probably a crazy title for this post, but things seem simpler now, not so scary and complicated. Yes, I have severe osteoarthritis in my neck causing impingement on some of the nerves that I perceive as numbness, hair on my face, little things like that :). But the MRI came back with that information so I'm feeling good because it is what I expected. So now I'm in the process of figuring out the next steps so I can take care of this. These decisions may be a little complicated, but since I've been through similar things with my back, I can deal with it.

Because now I totally understand what is going on, I went over and did the elliptical for a grand total of 26 minutes, and I'll do my pool workout in a few minutes. (It was funny... when I didn't know, I didn't want to do much exercise. I was a little off kilter!) So life is getting back to normal and for that I am very thankful.

178.2 Hanging In There

Sometimes I just have to hang in there. After my roller coaster week I went back to the basics of listening to my weight loss CDs made by Jennifer Scott, drinking lots of water, reaffirming in my own mind that I want to get back in the 170 range, and being kind to myself. When I listen to the CDs purposefully, I realize where I have been and how much more I enjoy being slender than carrying around all of that extra weight. That phrase "staying conscious" is so important to my being able to stick with this. I don't really have a choice if I want to live the best life I can. There is no way that gaining more weight back is going to enhance my quality of life, and isn't that what this is all about?

178.8 A Stressful Patch

I'll just put this out there - I feel like stuffing myself and I'm not even hungry. But I am stressed out! Today I saw my PCP who is so great. He answered all my questions, reassured me about all my fears, and ordered an MRI for my neck. I love this doctor. As I was leaving, he put his arm around my shoulders and walked me to the exit. I was able to get an appointment for the MRI today and have just returned from having that done. That's all good, but it was hard to ask if what showed up on the CT scan that suggested I had had a stroke was related to indications of Alzheimer's. He said no. And if all I have is a pinched nerve in my neck (or two) what then? On top of all that, I saw a dental implant specialist today who wants to charge me $2000 more than my general dentist estimated! Hello! What's up with that!!

So I'm sitting here eating Vic's Lite Salt Popcorn. It's time to put it away and go get in the pool and do my work out. Tomorrow is going to be a much better day!

179.2 It's About My Neck

Another crazy day in hot, humid, yes humid, Scottsdale. It does get humid here at this time of year. It frequently rains in the late afternoon and is really hot. I think it's about 108 degrees right now.

The symptoms that sent me to the ER on Friday are back and a little stronger, but I know it's my neck, not a stroke or heart attack so I'll see my PCP tomorrow. When I called to see if I could get in to see my doctor today, I was told he had gone for the day and that I should go to the ER. I about burst into tears and said I had been there over the weekend and just want an MRI of my neck. I know I'm right. My inner spirit, that inner voice tells me that it is my neck not a stroke. So hopefully tomorrow I'll learn what's up in my neck. (I already know that I have a boney growth near my spinal cord in my neck. It probably just wants a little attention :) .)

So I'm going to get in my pool, and try to relax!

179.0 More Exercise, Fewer Carbs

I remember writing probably a year ago that exercise was easy to accomplish. Just do it, I wrote. But for some reason, now I put off doing it. I find all sorts of excuses for why I can't do it, and I'm writing this at this moment because I know I should get going but don't want to. It's odd that I find myself with this frame of mind. I think that it may have to do with getting out of the habit, and I could list lots of reasons (aka excuses) for that. I need to press reset and get back into the habit so that it is more automatic. Less thought Sue! Just do it!

I'm also thinking about limiting carbs, especially after mid afternoon. I do eat a lot of fruit for a late afternoon snack, and often for dessert, and again before bed. I don't eat the white carbs (potato, rice, pasta) much at all, any time night or day. So here we go on a new search to discover why I am stuck again. (I was talking to a great friend of mine last night about the haboob, the big dust storm we had out here recently. Maybe I need a big haboob in my life to shake me up. But wait! I just had one with the stroke diagnosis. Sue, sign off and get moving.)

179.0 Friday Was Not A Good Day

Friday, the day I ended up in the ER, was not a good day for another reason. A woman whom I had met the day before also ended up in the same hospital. Unfortunately, her diagnosis will not be changed.

After meeting her on Thursday, I saw her again on Friday morning and introduced her to my friend and walking buddy Linda. She explained to us that she used a walker because she had peripheral neuropathy in her left leg. (That makes my numb thumb seem much less significant.) After chatting for a bit, Linda and I walked on ahead of her and suddenly heard her cry out for help. She was in the middle of the street and had fallen. We raced back to help her and realized that she was badly hurt. To make a long story short, she was taken to the hospital and I learned that she had suffered a broken hip. She's 87 years old and now needs hip replacement surgery. I've been thinking that it is a little odd that we both had medical issues on the same day, we ended up at the same hospital, and that we both have neuropathy issues, and we live on the same street.

I woke up this morning more determined than ever to take care of myself. Accidents happen all of the time, and most accidents are just that, accidents. We think she walked into a low hanging tree branch and lost her balance trying to move away from the branch quickly. I hope that when I am 87 I will have the spunk that this gal has. I expect to see her out walking before too long with her new hip.

? My Numb Thumb And More

If you look you'll see that I didn't post my weight. Why? Well, it all started with my numb thumb. Yesterday morning I woke up and soon realized that my left thumb was totally numb. I'd been warned to pay attention to numbness in my limbs due to my back and neck issues. So I called my doctor who said that I needed to go to the ER because she couldn't see me and with the weekend approaching, she didn't want me to let it go until Monday. So off I went convinced that I probably had a pinched nerve in my neck and that was a problem I could get taken care of. Well, before I knew it, I had an EKG, a blood draw and a CT Scan and a diagnosis of stroke! OMG, Jeff and I were both in a state of shock and I was in total denial. All I had was a numb thumb and they were talking about a cardiologist and an echo cardiogram, a physical therapist, and an MRI, and that I would have to stay overnight.

I'm home now and guess what? I didn't have a stroke. I have a numb thumb. (The medical term is radial nerve sensory branch neuropathy.) To be fair, there was a area on the CT scan that looked like damage from a stroke, according to the neurologist, but in fact it wasn't related to a recent stroke or maybe not related to a stroke at all. I'm not sure if I even had the presence of mind to ask why there was this area in my brain that caused all of the confusion. I was so happy hearing him say I was fine, I really couldn't focus. And so about 30 hours after I drove myself to the ER, I'm home, feeling elated and exhausted and ready to go get in my pool, and put my fears away and enjoy my health and my life.

178.2 What's It All About, Charlee?

During the time that I worked with Jennifer, she made me hypnosis CD's to help me with the weight loss. I have downloaded most of them onto my iPhone and listen to them before bed or whenever. I had noticed this phenomenon before but it happened again today and it really makes me wonder about what is going on. I get all set to go into this state of hypnosis, stretched out, eyes closed, truly relaxed, and all of a sudden Charlee will be in my face, licking my lips (yuck), patting my arm with her paw, etc. She keeps at it until I stop, give her attention, and finally, in desperation, put her out of the bedroom. It is funny but I don't understand it. I can listen to an audio book and she could care less, but let me try to listen to Jennifer and forget it. I wonder if Jennifer would make a hypnosis CD for Charlee? :)

179.0 Where Is The Wiggle Room?

I just mistyped my weight and saw 199 when I looked up! Yikes! It's hard enough to acknowledge my weight as it is without adding 20 pounds. I met Jennifer at the Paradise Bakery this morning and she asked me why I thought I had gained weight while in Boston, why is it was so hard to just eat the right thing? I told her that there is a part of me that wants to be able to eat what I want or at least have some room to stray a bit now that I lost all of the weight. The fact of the matter is that I don't have much if any wiggle room. I need to always be vigilant and not think I can indulge with food. Hmmmmmmm!

178.6 A Lifelong Pursuit

Disappointed and unsure why it popped up again. Let's hear it for salt...maybe. Oh well, this is a lifelong pursuit, not something that I will ever be able to just put aside and not deal with.

I just talked to my son Ted who was remembering how I was when his boys were little guys and I couldn't really play with them because of my back issues that were exacerbated by my weight, and how different I am with them now. I do play with them and they love it. If that isn't motivation to stay with the program, I don't know what would be. Thanks, Ted.

178.0 The Carb Issue

This is not news to anyone, but the awareness of it in my everyday life is news. Carbs are not good for me! I had pretty much cut out carbs except for fruit at night, but slipped hard off the wagon while we were in Boston. Please don't ask why because I don't have a rational answer. But since returning home, I have pretty much cut out all carbs after breakfast when I usually have about a half cup of healthy dry cereal with fruit and yogurt.

Something I also became aware of is that when I was eating more carbs, I had more problems with my legs and ankles swelling. (Remember my cankles when I was much heavier?) So I'm still living (thank goodness) and learning (thank goodness)! And so it goes!

180.2 Eating Half

We are off to visit friends for the weekend after coming off of our two week trip back east. I went to my inner spirit and feel much more in control. I heard that I need to go back to eating half of what I normally would. That along with exercise is really key to how I lost all of the weight so I know it is good advice. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what has happened I have trouble seeing obvious solutions.

I'll write again when we return on Monday. By the way, evidence of the haboob is still pervasive. In this usually bright sparkling sunny atmosphere a bleakness still cloaks the sky. Cars whiz by covered with a thick layer of dirt even though car wash businesses report doing a record business. Soon evidence of my personal haboob will also dissipate as I get this travel weight off!

181.2 My Very Own Haboob

Watch this youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W4Cx44XKZ4) and you'll see what a haboob is all about. We missed it by one day, but flying into Phoenix was really creepy. The sky was gray but not cloudy. The mountains were indistinct and bleak looking. Our car, parked in the covered parking structure, was coated with dirt and grime and as we left the airport, the atmosphere of the city and road was more like that of a background scene in a disaster movie rather than reality.

What you see in the video is the slow unrelenting progress of this dust storm reported to be 60 miles wide and 10,000 feet high - very scary. When I got on the scale this morning the slow unrelenting progress of weight gain was also very scary. I thought about not writing at all today in hopes that if I waited until tomorrow I wouldn't have to confess to this weight gain. But I need to smack myself with what I've done, my own personal haboob. Oh, I can rationalize it all that I want to, but that doesn't change the new reality. (I had even brought my travel scale with me, but somehow just never chose to unpack it and can't even begin to explain that!) What's really interesting as I step back and think about what really went on during the past two weeks in regard to my weight is that compliments came from so many people I thought I could get away with not staying with the program. But I've been covered with the results of not staying present and aware so that now I'm in a state of disbelief and fear - a little like my feelings as we flew into Phoenix yesterday. Things are different now.

Our daughter MIranda with Zuzu

But, we had a wonderful time in Boston, getting acquainted with the most beautiful little girl in the world. Susannah had a rough beginning but she is thriving now under the exquisite care of her parents and doctors. Being born with a milk protein allergy was not part of the script that we had all expected to be played out. She's beginning to plump, and has the best temperament in the whole world, and no, she didn't get that from me!

One more thing :)... in the airport restroom I found this bouquet of flowers!

How could anyone not look at that and not smile. Is this an only in Boston moment?