195.0 What’s Hypnosis Got to Do With It?

I've frequently talked about the fact that I have worked with Clinical Hypnotherapist Jennifer Scott, and that I credit hypnosis with being one of the most important tools that I've used to lose weight. Rather than me trying to explain what hypnosis is, I’ll let Jennifer. If you go to Jennifer’s website you’ll see that you have the opportunity to download a MP3 option in which she explains what hypnosis is and gives you a chance to experience it. Here's her website address: http://jscotthypnosis.com/. If you look on the right side of her home page you'll see how to get the MP3 download.

So how do I use hypnosis? I listen to CDs that she has made for me that put me in a hypnotic state and then reinforce the ways I manage food in order to lose weight - for example, that I eat half of a normal portion, that I eat food that helps me become healthier, and that I love to exercise. The CDs also help me envision the outcome of the weight loss - for example, that I feel younger, more agile, more slender, and happier. They also reinforce the idea that I want to and can lose more weight.

And, I've also learned how to hypnotize myself. This is very powerful and enables me to remind myself of those ideas I want to reinforce for myself. In this state I can also connect with my inner spirit, as I call it, to be with me, to give me courage and guidance and stay involved with me on this journey.

I encourage you to learn more about hypnosis. Obviously, I believe that it has changed my life.

194.4 Thinking About Things!

You know, yesterday was quite magical. First of all, Linda's announcement that she had lost two pounds was surprising because, although she had asked me how I lost weight, I didn't realize that she had committed herself to start. The other thing that I keep thinking about is the fact that I had taken my camera with me yesterday morning. I maybe have taken it 2 or 3 times when I have gone out walking. Most of the pictures that I have put on the blog were taken after seeing something that struck me as blog material :) and I have gone back to get the picture. But yesterday, I was out the door and then something told me to go back and grab the camera. And, then about half way through our walk, we met the woman with her well disciplined dog. I hadn't seen her for 2 or 3 weeks. I don't always walk at the same time, and I don't always walk the same route. So I like to think that my inner spirit nudged me to bring my camera along. I'm so glad I paid attention.

A few things I do that I want to share.... A wonderful treat is something I often eat for breakfast or lunch. After I spread some peanut butter on my toast, I often add some fresh blackberries with a little sugar or Splenda on them and think I have died and gone to heaven. The texture of the fresh berries is wonderful and the combination is so delicious I feel like I have had a real treat. If you live in a cold climate and want a little hot chocolate, try Swiss Miss diet mix and add a little fat free cream along with the boiling water. It's perfect. Something else that I have just started doing as I am dropping weight faster than usual is eating an apple and an orange before bed. I think the fiber does wonders for me and I certainly don't wake up during the night feeling hungry. Each of these things is working for me, but I always have to keep in mind what else I have eaten or plan to eat during a given day. Oh, one more thing. Today we are going to go to the movies and I"ll take my Newman's Own "Pop's Corn", Light Butter and my own drink. All the temptation to buy food there will be gone and I will have saved a lot of calories and money! Planning ahead is a good thing! Hope you are having a great weekend!

195.4 Okay, So How Did You Do It?

I just returned home from walking with my friend Linda. Out of the blue on one of our recent walks she said, "Okay, so how did you do it? I am ready to lose some weight." I answered by outlining a few of the basics....eating half, being committed to eating food that is healthy, turning to her inner spirit for guidance, exercising, and the piece that is fundamental and at times maddening, the role that being disciplined plays in the program. And, I also talked about the big part hypnosis has played in changing my behavior. So this morning she announced with joy that she has lost 2 pounds this week! When I asked her how she did it :), she said,"Carrots carrots carrots!" Then she laughed and went on to say that she has been eating just half her normal portion size, how she has been thoughtful about what she ate at home or ordered out, and how she has become aware of when and why she eats. And I am thinking, "Linda, you have sure got the discipline piece working for you"!

About that time, I looked up and there was this gal and her dog that I often see when I walk. The dog has been trained, disciplined if you will, to stop and sit whenever it is approached by humans. The dog stays that way until the human has passed. The part discipline plays to make life easier is very important to all of us. Linda gets it now, and I am glad to say I do to. Anything we can do to help us move away from destructive behaviors into new and healthy ones relies in part on discipline. If this dog can get it, I think there is hope for all of us.

194.6 Giving Up The Comfort Zone

After a long break, I went back to Paradise Valley Community College to start the second semester of ESL (English as a Second Language) there. I had 17 students this morning, the most I have ever had since I started doing this in 2006. They are from all over the world and vary in age from early twenties up to over sixty. They do inspire me.

Today I tried to inspire them to challenge themselves. This is a free class and there is no preparation required. We do an hour of conversation and an hour of reading, and I plan everything. So, this morning I shared with them my weight loss saga and how everyday I have had to challenge myself to stay with the program. And, I encouraged them to set some new behaviors in place to reinforce what they are learning, and to practice. I talked with them about speaking English in their homes, even for a short time each day. And to watch American TV so as to immerse themselves in English, even for a short time each day.

You know, there are cable TV stations that originate in countries all over the world that can be made available to anyone who wants to see them. It used to be that if you lived here you could only watch stations that were transmitting from the U.S. What can happen now is if you are from Iraq, for example, you can watch only Iraqi TV, live in a neighborhood that is predominantly Iraqi, and you can get along pretty well...unless you want a job, or you want to experience life as an American. Obviously, the folks that are attending my class want to expand their horizons, but they are having trouble giving up their comfort zone. Hello! That's exactly where I found myself when I embarked on this weight loss adventure as I have called it. No matter what the new is all about, what it may promise, it is hard to give up the old.

195.2 So What's Going On?

I don't usually write that I liked a particular posting, but I did like yesterday's post. You know, when I sit down to write one of these posts for this blog, I often don't have any idea what I will write about. Oh, I knew that I would write about my first experience on the elliptical. And, I knew that I would write about my cankles. (Wow, that was a long time ago!) And I knew that I would write about reaching the 200 pound mark. But usually, I sit at the computer and ask my inner spirit to guide me, and then wait to see what my fingers type. It is very cool when it happens like that. That's what happened yesterday.

Today I know what I want to write about. It's that emotional piece that was driving most of my eating either too much food or junk food, unhealthy food. You've probably known people who are always taking weight off and then putting it back on. Yeah, I was one of those people for a large part of my life. Oprah is someone else that has publicly experienced that phenomenom. When I lost weight in the past, and I think they could build a life size replica of the Taj Mahal out of the the weight I have lost, I never did the work, the emotional work that would have helped me understand why I was eating out of control. My work with Jennifer has focused on that in a large part. If you have someone or can find someone to help you understand how your emotions play into what and how much you eat, I encourage to work with them. And if you aren't comfortable doing that, I encourage you to write, to journal everyday. Write about you and food: why you eat what you do, when do you eat, why are you eating, are you celebrating or dealing with stress and/or anxiety, what's going on in your life that's playing into your decisions around food. Basically think about the reasons that you use food that have nothing to do with nutrition. Once you get a clear picture of what is going on between you and food, you can then think about making changes. Try it and see what you learn about yourself. That knowledge should also really help keep the weight off once you have lost it. I am counting on that!

195.6 Change and Gratitude

Last night's blog brought about a comment that simply stated, "Wowee"! I think it is even more appropriate for today since I am down another 6 ounces! And last night I had butternut nut squash soup with a delicious fig and mascapone toasted ravioli floating in it, beef tenderloin, and asparagus instead of risotto (all I did was ask, and no problem was the answer). It was a wonderful, delicious meal in an extraordinarily beautiful setting.

So how is it I lost 6 more ounces? I think I have stopped fighting with myself about all the reasons I couldn't make drastic changes. Well, I thought of them as drastic but in reality they really weren't that drastic. It just hasn't been that hard. Planning my food for the day first thing in the morning instead of waiting as time for a meal approached and then eating whatever, is not that hard. Doing more and varied exercise in one day is not that hard. Not eating three meals everyday is not that hard. What's hard for me is to figure out what I was afraid of, what was it that I didn't want to give up, why didn't I embrace these ideas as they were suggested to me instead of putting up mental road blocks.

I have definitely become more conscious of the fact that losing a large amount of weight has meant that I had to give up some things in order to make the changes. I had to give up the notion that I was disabled. I had to give up the notion that food was so important to me that I couldn't imagine being happy eating less and indulging myself less with food. I had to give up the notion that I couldn't do it because I couldn't exercise. I had to give up the old me, and you know, what has taken the place of that 247 pound disabled gal is a person that feels younger, is more agile, loves exercise and is beginning to take pride in how she looks and moves and lives. And, being conscious, being aware of the wonder of life within me and around me is such a gift and so much fun. I am filled with gratitude and wonder that I have actually lost 52 pounds. Furthermore, I am very aware of the need and desire to lose about, let's see, I believe we are now looking at only 25 more! Wowee!

196.2 Planning Ahead

This will be a short blog. Yesterday's was long enough to count as two! It's 10:30 pm and I just came home from being out with friends at a wonderful restaurant. Anyway, in preparation for tonight's outing, I walked for about 45 minutes this morning, and then, are you ready for this? I went over to the new YMCA that I just joined and did 17 minutes on the elliptical. I also ate a very small lunch after eating two poached eggs for breakfast. So there you have it. I am really working on upping my exercise and planning what I will eat for the entire day before eating anything. We'll see if this approach works better to help me move a little faster toward reaching my goal. I am off to bed!

196.2 New and Different...For Me

Did you notice the weight drop? Here's what I can tell you that I have changed recently in what I am doing. I have decided that I don't need to eat three meals a day, everyday. (Jennifer has suggested I do this over the course of our work together, but I was always fearful that if I didn't eat three meals a day, I would eat out of control.) What I have learned is that I don't have to eat breakfast as soon as I get up in the morning. And if I am busy and comfortable, I don't need to stop and prepare lunch. What I do have to do is eat with intention, stay very aware of what I eat, and don't let not eating on a regular schedule lead to grazing and/or eating out of control because of feeling so hungry. I am hungry now and it is about 1:30 pm. I haven't eaten yet today, but as soon as I click on publish I am heading into the kitchen to prepare a high protein, high fiber meal the will carry me into the dinner hour. I don't plan on doing this everyday, but I plan to keep this model as something to do that may help me lose when I find myself bogged down, stuck. Try it. I'll be interested in learning if this works for you, too.

Yesterday I wrote about tea without crumpets, or anything else. But since I do strive for honesty in this blog I must tell you that it came to me that I could serve oranges with a little powdered sugar on them and it would not wreak havoc with my intention to lose weight. So I peeled way the skin - I am so good at this that the skin can be removed in one very long narrow piece by turning and slicing the peel away. OK, too much information, but quite a site to behold! Anyway, I sliced them horizontally into about 4 slices-5 slices, added the powdered sugar and voila! My friends truly enjoyed them.

We went to a local, independant bookstore to hear Erica Baumeister talk about her most recent book, The School of Essential Ingredients. Yes, it is about food and I can read about food and not feel sad or wistful. This book is not just about food. It's really about a cooking school, the teacher and the eight participants in the class. After hearing Erica read from her book, I know I am going to love it.

198.4 Tea With Friends

This is going to be short and sweet today since I am still stuck at 198.4 and you don't need to hear me complain and carry on about that, at least not today. So I will move on to other things.

Here's a laugh for today...Jennifer and I realized that when I first met her I weighed exactly twice what she did! Well, it made us laugh.:) It is really hard for me to remember how large/heavy I really was.

I have become acquainted with a website you might want to take a look at. It is written by a gal in England who shares some of my views on what it takes to lose weight and keep it off. Judith has lost 40 pounds. She's at www.secretstoeasyslimming.com. Check it out.


Today I am going to have a couple friends over for tea before going to a local bookstore to hear an author talk about her book. I am serving tea, and for the first time ever, no cookies, cakes, nothing. I feel a little uncomfortable about this, but I am in a very strict mode right now about having anything like that within reach, and I hope they will understand.

Time for Wii Fit. Hope you are having a great day!

198.4 Point of View

These pictures were taken in front of our home within seconds of each other. I took the cloudy picture and simply turned around and took the sun filled picture. I think my feelings about my weight are similar in terms of contrast. Sometimes the littlest weight gain will throw me into a dark funk, and other times, things seem just great. When I get so wrapped up in every ounce I forget that I know how to do this. I have lost 50 pounds and am committed to losing another 30! Point of view is so important in all realms of our lives and as long as I keep my goal in mind and focus on the tools I need to keep in place to reach it, I will continue to lose! Giving into the dark side of things and throwing up my hands and quitting is not an option. By changing my point of view, I realize what I have accomplished and know that I can keep going.

Today I have been very focused on my food...I planned exactly what I was going to eat all day and haven't veered from that plan. I also upped my exercise! You are reading the blog written by someone who did 17 minutes on the elliptical today. Yes, it was hard and I did turn to my inner spirit to go the distance with me, and together we did it. Happy Friday, everyone!

198.4 Rain, Rain, Go Away

I am acting like a spoiled brat about the rain. We have had 4 days of off and on rain, and except for today, mostly off. But if you could read my mind you would think I lived in London and never saw the sun. Hello!!! I live in Arizona because of the good weather, and it seems that I just can't take rain anymore. Actually, I think weather played a big part in my eating too much and unconsciously when I lived in the midwest and in the Boston area. The gray does something to my emotions and in the past that meant a lunch of soup, grilled cheese sandwiches (yes, read sandwiches plural), or grilled ham and cheese, and of course, a sweet to finish off the meal because after all, the weather was so horrible. Also, when the weather is horrible unless you have to leave your house, don't you tend to stay home and cook or maybe bake? I definitely used to. I wonder if this is unique to me or if a lot of people find comfort in food on rainy days.

This time around I am working hard to stay away from those old habits triggered by the gray days. I have actually been busy helping Jeff set up a wine tasting event at our house. No, you're right, I don't drink wine anymore, but I may have a sip or two just to see what I think about a few of the choices. But so many things are different now and I just don't miss the food and wine of the past, or the frequent gray days.

Exercise update~I was going to do 10 minutes on the treadmill because, well, it's raining, but instead listened to my inner spirit and kept going until I had done 17 minutes. Setting higher goals for myself exercise-wise may be a new way to go!

199.0 Hangin' In There

I am writing this first thing in the morning and I am in a funk! I thought I was on my way down without these mega jumps on the scale. Obviously, that isn't true. Knowing me through this blog or as a friend, you know that I have put out all sorts of reasons why this occurs, blaming it on salt, lack of exercise, what I did the night before or what I did 2 days earlier. And you know what the truth is...I don't know.

So what do I know? That I am mad and now instead of eating when I get mad, I tend to become more determined to hold the course. And I am embarrassed. These are the times when I wish I didn't do this blog because I am putting my struggles out there for all to see.

So dear followers and first timers, hang in there with me. Using hypnosis, staying present, listening to my inner spirit and exercising, how can I not lose more weight? And, knowing you are in this with me helps so much to keep me going.

197.4 It's All About The Pants!

You know what is really a part of this weight loss adventure as much as anything? Tight pants, or loose pants! As I lose more weight I am either wearing pants that are unfashionably loose, or, a little on the tight side. Tonight I am wearing a new pair of pants and yes, they are a little tight, but mostly feel that way because I have been wearing rather loose pants. So what does all this mean? It's working! Having a tighter pair to work toward fitting into is great motivation, and it feels great to be able to zip up a pair that would not zip when purchased.

I am working hard to not be complacent and to keep in the losing mode. My weight did pop up a little this morning, and because we are going out tonight, I will focus on staying very present about what I actually eat so that it will move back down. Oh, and today, are you ready, 14 1/2 minutes on the elliptical! Onward and downward!

197.0 No Longer Obese!

I think the first time I noticed the word obese being used to describe me was on a medical report before my first back surgery. I think I decided that the transcriber was confused about what the doctor had actually written, because my age was wrong, also. In the aftermath of the surgery and further medical reports, I did see that word again, but just didn't let it get to me. I probably went and had something to eat each time I read it, as a way to lessen the emotional pain of that reality.

Recently, as I have become more aware of everything, the word obese has really bothered me and I began to think of it as a very harsh, bad word. There are categories of weight ranges based on the Body Mass Index or BMI that are calculated from the height and weight of a person. Last night, I got back on my Wii Fit after having not done it for several weeks, and low and behold, I am no longer obese! The word overweight has never looked so good to me. Yes, I am overweight and now will work to get into the normal range.

Having been raised on the adage that "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me", I am here to say that words can hurt. Obese is just a word, but for me it has been a reflection of very painful self knowledge. I now feel like I have graduated and along with losing the 50 pounds, I have a second reason to be very happy.

One way I have lost the weight is to eat fish more often. Here's a great recipe that is easy and quick that can be used with any fish similar to sea bass. http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/433/Sea-Bass-With-Ginger-Sauce91805.shtml Enjoy!

197.0 Eating Out Just Got Easier

For those of you who read this blog frequently, you have heard me complain about the challenge of eating out. With all of our recent travels, I have been doing a lot of eating out. And, I have finally found ways to enjoy it and not let it set me back too much. The secret isn't a secret at all. It's just good common sense that took me a while to accept and put to use. The basics of staying very aware of each bite, and eating only half of whatever I order are firmly in place for me. But I am also getting smarter about searching for healthy choices on menus that are not designed with the careful eater in mind! A couple of days ago, Jeff and I went to the movie Avatar and then went looking for a place to eat dinner. We ended up at CPK (California Pizza Kitchen as I still call it) and I felt safe with that choice because I knew that they serve wonderful salads there. What I learned is that they also have a delicious salmon option that comes with grilled vegetables. I asked for the ginger sauce on the side and had double veges because I didn't want the noodles that usually come with it. It was perfect.

Why was this so hard for me to incorporate easily into my life? Why did it take me so long to get the hang of it? It was difficult because I fought tooth and nail against not ordering the special items that the restaurant is known for. For example, to not order pizza at CPK was a really big hurdle for me to get over. To not order crab rangoon at a Chinese restaurant is another example of just having to get over it. And what is truly amazing is that I no longer miss those things.

So if you are going to eat out, check out the menu on line if you know ahead of time, and look for the option that is going to make you feel happy rather than guilty. And while you are eating, enjoy every bite by staying aware and eating slowly. And don't be afraid to have a bite of something that has been ordered by someone at your table if it is something you really like, and enjoy that bite. Soon, you'll find that bite is just the right amount. One more thing...if you are uncomfortable about asking for a container to put half in at the beginning of your meal, take your own container, put half in it and enjoy the rest. Out of sight, out of mind is really powerful in this situation.

197.0 50 Down, 27 to go!

Today is a big day for me! I have finally really lost 50 pounds since starting this weight loss campaign! I weighed 247 (sadly) when I first met Jennifer Scott who has introduced me to hypnosis for weight loss, taught me self hypnosis and also helped to know the power of my inner spirit, or inner voice. Now that was one fortuitous day! Today I weighed in at 197.0! I will probably bounce around a little now, but continuing to lose is definitely going to happen.

198.4 The Eyes Have It

I don't know exactly why, but things have been changing for me, around me, and within me. The latest change that I have become aware of is that I have started looking at peoples' eyes. As I was growing up, I was admonished by my parents to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and have automatically done that. But looking at the eyes of another is a totally other experience. You see their life energy, their uniqueness, and perhaps, their soul. It is very different than looking someone in the eye. Try it. See if you don't feel the difference.

199.6 What's Up!

It's hard to control weight when you travel. Travel often involves gatherings (around food) with friends and relatives, and sometimes the food options that are presented to me cause me to feel uncomfortable. I have blogged about this before, since this year in particular has involved a lot of travel for me. But something is at work within me that has enabled me to travel without gaining much weight at all.

I have been thinking about this all day and I think I know what's up! Portion control and staying present are keeping me from doing too much damage. Staying present is tricky for me, especially when I am facing high stress, anxiety provoking situations. It is easy for me to become unaware, to go inward into my own little world that is far removed from how much I am eating, how fast I am eating, and what I am eating. Portion control is easier, especially if I check in with myself beforehand about how I am going to deal with the immediate challenges faced by a long buffet of all kinds of good looking food, or even a menu that offers very little in the way of healthy eating choices. One of the nights when we were in Indiana the waitress asked me if I wanted a small house salad with my order and, thinking that would fill me up and be healthy, I said yes and automatically asked for the dressing on the side. Well, the salad came so heavily covered with grated cheese that I could not possibly remove it. I apologized for not asking more questions before I ordered it and then asked for a salad without cheese. This is a new behavior for me because in the past I would have felt that I shouldn't bother the waitress about it and I would have just eaten it, including the cheese. When she returned with the new salad, I was delighted and surprised to see that there were several cherry tomatoes on the salad that weren't even visible because there had been so much cheese.

So now I am back home for a while, totally in control of all that I eat. Let's see if I can't knock some more of this weight off. Or, should I say, let's see if I CAN knock some more of this weight off!

no scale Easy Strider!

We are home and oh, does the sunshine feel good after those 3 days in cold (about 24 degrees during the day), gray, Indiana. We used to live in Indiana. In fact, we lived there for about 4 1/2 years. No, I have never missed the weather in Indiana!

I just returned from having a therapeutic massage. It does hurt, but it also helps. It loosens up those muscles of mine that want to form tight, hard, clumps all over my body. Yes, there are some things about me that are very special.:) But it really does help as do the frequent chiropractic adjustments. I was telling Jeff recently that the compliments I really love to hear are about how much better I move. I knew after my first surgery that I couldn't walk like I had before the surgery, but after a while, I thought maybe no one noticed that I didn't walk with ease. And, it always caught me off guard when I was asked if I needed help out in the grocery store. I guess I was only fooling myself.

So now that we are back home, it is time for me to get out and walk! I can, it's good for me, and, now I can walk more normally. No, I don't miss those 50 pounds, either.

no scale Life and Death

I am sitting in a Hampton Inn near the airport in Indianapolis. We fly out tomorrow morning for home in Arizona. This morning we attended the funeral of Jeff's aunt who was 91 years old. She was a fiesty, fun, and very authentic woman, always speaking her mind and always having an opinion. She never missed sending a birthday card to each and everyone of us, every year. We will miss those cards and will be reminded of her at every birthday from now on.

In the program this morning was a quote about death that I had never seen before. It was written by Henry Scott Holland of Oxford, England and was part of a sermon that he had given in the late 1800s. It really touched me and I just want to share it you. I hope you will find it as fresh and uplifting as I have.

"Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow, laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt: nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

199.0 The Push and Pull of Change

Losing weight is always related to change. You can't do it without changing a few or many things about how and what you eat as you start undertaking a "weight loss adventure". And, your appearance changes as you lose more and more weight. In so many aspects of our lives, change is a constant, especially change brought about by external events. It is the change we impose upon ourselves that presents the biggest challenge. Folks ask if I feel different being 50 pounds lighter, and of course I do. But I am also getting used to the way it feels. And, I still face the challenge of weaving change into my everyday life everyday. Some things are very automatic now and for that I am very grateful. But there is always that tug of war going on between the push to change and the pull to return to the old. Change does not exist as something that you accomplish one day and then that's that.

I am at a very significant place right now. Twice before in my life I have lost 50 pounds and then at that point I would declare the diet a success, and slowly but surely regain those lost pounds. This time I am determined to continue to lose (30 more pounds) to reach my goal of weighing 170. But if you are keeping your eye on the number before the title of each blog, you will see that I have bogged down at this 50 pound point. Over the next few months I will lose those 30 pounds and then I will face the challenge of keeping them off. I am convinced the push to change will overtake the pull to go back and the result will be exciting and perhaps unexpected.

Oh, I also need to say that I may not be blogging everyday over the next few days. A dear relative passed away and I am not sure that I will be able to post any blogs. Do check back late next week.

199.4 The Doubt Devil?

I am thinking of calling this post the Doubt Devil, sort of like the Dirt Devil. Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about how often I play the doubt card so I don't have to even think about making change. And usually no matter what the goal is that I set for myself whether it be a new belief system or simply upping my exercise, there are lingering doubts about whether I really believe I should, can, or really want to reach a specific goal. Jennifer just wrote an interesting blog entitled Overcoming The Mental Barrier of Doubt. I know blogs are supposed to be short, but I do want to quote what she wrote:

"I’ve been asking the question on this Blog, “What is your biggest frustration?” Overcoming the mental barrier of doubt is one response I’ve recently received.
And MY response to this is that “doubt” is healthy, but letting it become a reason to stop, quit or not move forward in your life is not.
Doubt is healthy when it leads to your honest questioning about what you’re up to. For example: Am I on the right path? Is there a better way? Can I get through this? Am I strong enough? Am I up for the challenge? Can I handle the stress I now feel?
Don’t be afraid if you’re doubtful that you’re on the right path! You might as well find out NOW so you can change. There just might be a better way, and only your Inner Teacher will be able to Guide you.
But if you absolutely know that what you’re doing is right and you’re passionate about it, then your Inner Teacher or Guide will help you get through the challenges and stress. Once you learn to trust in that Inner Knowing, you’ll find your doubts will be replaced with confidence.
On the other hand, if you let doubts keep you from asking healthy questions, then you’re bound to freeze and become immobilized."

The weight loss path that I am on has had its fair share of doubtful moments, but as I have overcome using doubt to excuse inaction, I have also succeeded in making change. One of the first things Jennifer proposed to me as we talked about taking on the weight loss issue was weighing myself everyday. I was so filled with doubt that that was a good idea. Hadn't doctors told me to weigh only once a week? Hadn't a weight loss specialist told me not weigh myself because only she could be trusted to get it right, on her schedule? Facing doubt and then letting go of it and embracing new behaviors has been one of my important tools to success. So maybe doubt is a devil if I let it control my attempts to change without examining or challenging it.

199.4 Mom, How Did You Do It?

Here we go, finally. I am feeling better, but just couldn't seem to get it together until now.

Remember the story of the shoemaker whose children had no shoes? Well, I felt a little like that today when my daughter Miranda called and we both realized that she didn't really know what I had done to lose almost 50 pounds, and what I do on a daily basis that helps me keep on tract and continuing to lose. And, I just realized that new people check out my blog all the time, and unless they are diligent about reading each entry :}, they will not know the basics. So here's the post about the basics for Miranda and any others of you who may have missed this posting:
http://susanlosingaweightlossadventure.blogspot.com/2009/09/2116-letter-to-judy_09.html.
You'll have to cut and paste, but think it will be worth the time.

Another bit of information ~ my email address smbmiller@cox.net. I would love to hear from any of you via my email address so that I can just get to know who you are and why you are following the blog. You can ask me anything about the blog, the weight loss program or anything else you are curious about. I have a hunch that incorporating your thoughts, questions, etc., will make it a more interesting blog for everyone. I don't have access to any of your email addresses, even if you are a follower, so it is not possible to be in touch with you other than through comments unless you email me. So, I would love to hear from anyone who finds their way to this blog. And, I will always keep your name and email address confidential as well as any content that you don't want shared.

198.6 Redefining Comfort Food?

Here's my new contribution to the world of comfort food. It tasted really good, and since I ate it at lunch time, the carbs shouldn't have done too much damage. I try not to eat potatoes, rice or pasta at night! I baked a potato in the oven rather than the microwave, so it would taste like the good old days. I cut it in half and put 1/2 in the refrigerator. Then I opened a small can of salmon (I love the Bear and Wolf brand that you can buy at Costco) and put half on the hot potato, sending the other half into the refrigerator to sit next to the potato. Sounding good yet? Then I put light sour cream, salt and pepper, and a sprinkling of reduced fat cheese on the potato salmon mixture. It was perfect! (Just recently I learned that potatoes are very good for you if you eat the skin, because that is where all the goodness is.) Now I just need a name for it! Any suggestions?

198.6 Discomfort With Comfort Food

I really like to eat when I am sick. Unless I am nauseated, eating is one of the few good aspects of being sick. With this throat thing, I am not feeling sick to my stomach and I am missing the good old days (?) which led to a huge weight gain. I really wanted something cold today in spite of the fact that I had the chills last night and then woke up in the middle of the night in the midst of what my husband refers to as the condition of "the fever breaking". It reminded me of my old hot flashes that would interrupt my sleep...frequently. So today, when I was not sleeping or watching bad TV, I was thinking about the food I used to eat when I was sick. As a kid, my folks would buy Byerly Soda. I don't know if this was a local soda company, but it was a bubbly version of fruit juice with loads of added sugar. The only time they bought it was when one of us was sick. The other thing I remember is my mom making boiled custard that I would drink warm from a glass. I imagine it was an attempt to get lots of protein, along with sugar and milk, in me. Today I just wanted ice cream. We have Weight Watchers Ice Cream Bars in the freezer for Jeff. So far, I have never had even one. They are just too small to warrant eating the 100 extra calories. So, I finally remembered that you can buy fruit bars flavored with sweetener instead of sugar so, thanks to Jeff, I now have a stash of those. I have no clue what flavor the one I had was, but it felt great on my throat. Dreyers Fruit Bars @ only 25 calories!

When I was working at a college infirmary a few years ago there were special diets recommended for various illness. None of them featured boiled custard. None of them featured anything that came close to what I would call comfort food. But the students did get better. When I'm sick, somehow an apple just doesn't do it for me, nor does rice. I think I'll go get another fruit bar.

199.0 Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Things are not looking up. I still feel horrible even though I am now taking Azithromycin. I know, I know, I'm a bit impatient. I took my first dose at about 2 pm. I tried a new doctor today because I just haven't connected with the one that I usually see. Jeff highly recommended the doc he sees at this same practice. "It must be me", is what I said when I returned home. There was no connection and I don't think that I, as the sick party, should have to do all the work to get the feeling that any doctor really cares about what is going on with me.

While I was at Walgreen's waiting for my prescription, I saw that they were selling a magazine called Arthritis Today. Now I know that most of you don't have arthritis, but the magazine is full of great nutrition tips, exercises for agility, and good health information. I get the magazine delivered to me at home because I support the Arthritis Foundation. There's no surprise there, since my sister Priscilla and I have osteoarthritis and my sister Barbara has rheumatoid arthritis. Why I am writing about this? Well, there is a wonderful article on page 31 entitled "Are You Sabotaging Yourself?" I know I have done that a lot over the years. The article isn't just about weight loss. It's also about getting a new job, and/or, a new love interest. So check it out and see if some of it doesn't ring true for you. Self knowledge is crucial to changing behavior.

198.8 Barking Like A Seal

Down another pound and loving it! For the past couple of days I have felt like *^!# and today I gave into it and took a long nap. I'm not sure what it is, but I sound like a seal when I can make any noise at all. It's probably some wonderful bug I caught while flying home from Memphis. I was going to take Airborne but forgot. Next time I fly I will definitely take some. This isn't fun.

I'll be back tomorrow!

200.2 Commitments and Resolutions

Since I had such a great time with them recently, I decided to post some pictures of my grandsons. The one in the center with me is Julien, the three 1/2 year old. On your left is Alex who is 6 1/2, and Lennox, who is 8 1/2, is on your right! They made this Christmas so special with their excitement and enthusiasm, and wanting to spend time with us. Wonderful boys, but I am a bit prejudiced about them!

This morning started off with a walk with my friend Linda who is going to walk with me almost everyday, as much as our combined schedules allow. It was great walking with her. The time went by really fast and I didn't miss Willie Nelson at all. Linda teaches in the Law School at University of Louisville (KY) so comes from a totally different world than I find myself in. She lives here in Scottsdale on a half time basis and has become a good friend. I know I am going to look forward to my walks with her. Since I started walking in April I have been walking alone. Jeff usually had meetings or was playing golf when I would want to walk so we rarely walked together. Walking with Linda will put more structure in my day and that is always good for me.

And, making a commitment to another person is easier for me than trying to keep a commitment that I make with myself. Hello???! I wouldn't have gained all that weight if I had kept all the commitments I made with myself. You can substitute the word resolutions for commitments if you like. I was never very good a New Year's resolutions, either. This year I didn't set down any resolutions on New Year's Day. Keeping focused on awareness, with food and in all areas of my life, is not about resolutions. It is how I am endeavoring to live, everyday.

199.8 Happy New You!

When our son Ted was just learning to talk, instead of wishing a Happy New Year, he would say "Happy New You!" It's funny the things we remember, and this year especially I think Happy New You is a great way to start the new year off. Since most of those who are reading this blog are interested in weight loss, a new you is a great goal to have. Because weight loss isn't just about losing pounds or inches. It's really about self discovery and as I get older I realize that a very significant part of our life's journey is about self discovery which goes back to my often blogged about need for being conscious and aware. Until I recognized my behaviors around food and became tuned in to them, there was no way I was going to be able to change my habits and my thinking about food for the long haul. (Oh, I am so rambleling, but there is a theme here.)

Since we lived in Boston for so many years, Ellen Goodman became one of our favorite columnists in the Boston Globe. Today her last column was printed as she leaves the working world to join those of us in retirement. Here is the link to her column which is not just about retirement, but also about reinventing oneself, becoming a New You.
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2010/01/01/letting_go_and_looking_ahead/?s_campaign=8315

So, in case you didn't notice, I've landed in the 100s as of today. Yes, you can laugh since I just squeaked under the wire, but for me it's a huge victory. And it's the beginning of a new challenge to reach the 170 mark when I will have lost 77 pounds! I can hardly wait to experience all of the other changes that I will encounter as I meet my new me.