182.8 Acceptance and Confidence

I'm just learning to accept that going out with friends often ends with two things...having a great time, and a little bump up. I also know that I can get it headed down so there is just more confidence and acceptance.

Yes, I do want to get rid of the 10 plus pounds, but even with that, I am not going to throw myself into a whirlwind of desperation. I just came back from the Y and my favorite elliptical and am just breathing easier. I'll take this new place I'm in... at least for today :).

180.6 Thinking About Something New!

I bought a book today that you've probably been hearing about called the 17 Day Diet. Ever since I started this weight loss adventure about 3 years ago I have not followed a strict diet of any kind. But I really need to "kick it up" as Emeril likes to say and am thinking about trying this. After all, it is only 17 days and then after that more and more foods are integrated into each day's food choices. But first, I have to read about it, and get through this weekend that is full of friends and eating out. But next week we are eating at home every night, so far, so if it looks doable to me I'll give it a try.

But in the midst of the 17 days, I just realized, we will be in Bar Harbor with our family. But let me read about it first before I put up any obstacles... one of my best talents! If any of you have done this diet I'd love to hear from you.

175.6 I Forgot!

I think this is the first time I totally forgot about writing a post for the blog. It's 10:20 pm and we just arrived home after eating out with friends. As we were driving home it dawned on me I hadn't written a thing, or worse yet, even thought about writing.

But today was a good, but very long, very busy day and I just wasn't home except to race in and change my clothes and head out again. And, I probably ate one of the most delicious meals I've had in a long time... beet salad, halibut with asperagus and a skinny decaf cappuchino coffee!

Good night!

179.8 Celebrate!

You are looking at the number, aka my weight, and wondering what I am celebrating, right? Well, I'm celebrating that I haven't gained more weight! We have eaten out 5 times over the past 5 days. All of these events have taken place with friends, so it's not like Jeff and I are simply on a roll here. And I'm celebrating that we have so many wonderful friends who want to get together for a meal. And, I'm celebrating that I have finally learned to say to the waiter/waitress that I'd like simply, grilled salmon with no sauce done medium with spinach, and that's it. Is that possible? I haven't been turned down yet! And, you know, once I do that, a wave of peace comes over me because I am no longer struggling about which entree is the healthiest, is low in calories, but do I like it, etc., and should I ...and do I want to...? etc. I am developing gills beneath my ears, but I'll save that for another post :).

Oh, one more thing...I just came home from Chico's and am now wearing a size 1 in tops. That does mean I have no more bosom, but, hey, isn't that why "figure flattering" bras, previously known as padded bras, are available?

Anyway, have a wonderful holiday weekend. I'm taking tomorrow off and will be back on Tuesday, after two more nights of partying! I'm so grateful that I no longer drink, or I would be in very deep trouble.

179.6 Hitting The Wall

Years and years ago, Jeff ran in a Boston Marathon (and finished)! He used to talk about "hitting the wall" as he started up Heartbreak Hill in Newton. He'd feel like he had nothing left to give but knew he had to run those hills in order to reach the finish line.

Today and yesterday and the day before to be honest, I've felt a little like I've hit the wall. I think it's a combination of things playing off of each other...getting out of the exercise mode due to the surgery, eating out a couple of times - let's make that 3 times over the past week, and just kind of a let down because I haven't been sleeping that well due to the eye thing. Now they are really itchy (I call them bitchy!), because the itchiness does make me pretty irritable.

So it's time to gather myself - I simply love that expression - around my purpose and get my act together again. I'm so close and I'd like these last 9 pounds to leave in a hurry, not drag us all through tedious weeks of going nowhere.

It's really hot here so we're going to a movie and then, you guessed it, we're going out to eat. But I can order well and just eat half and love myself! Now there's a thought....

188.0 Taking Care Very Carefully!

Yes, I know it popped it again, my weight that is. And yes, I can explain it with tales of entertaining and going out. But that's life, after all, and I'm trying to learn to live with the stresses and joys of life along with the challenges of dealing with food.

Here's some good news: my body mass index is now at the lowest it's been in years, a measure of 28 as of a couple of days ago. I remember it being 35 at one time, high enough to make me eligible for gastric by-pass surgery. I was considering that as an option when I decided to use hypnosis and awareness to help me gain better control over my out of control eating, and to become aware of why I was eating too much, etc., instead. Recently I learned that a large percentage of folks who have the gastric by-pass surgery regain the weight they lose after the surgery, and I can imagine being one of those people with my history of regaining lost weight. I totally believe that understanding why you have gained weight and why you are too heavy are as important to success as cutting back on how much you eat.

So,I have to continue to take this seriously and slowly and not think I'm failing somehow because I still bobble up and down. I've kept daily records of my weight loss for the last year plus, and I'm winning in spite of the bobbling.

I just came home from a Kentucky Derby Party and shocked and amazed people who hadn't seen me for a while. I was asked several times how I lost the weight. In a social setting like today's, I usually smile and answer "Very carefully!" Taking care of my body has been the primary motivation for me.

189.6 Changing Tastes, Changing Choices

As you can see, I'm slowly but surely getting rid of the Vegas weight, as I've named it. I didn't go crazy all the time with eating there. In fact, much of the time I was pretty aware of what I was eating and how much. It was just hard to find obvious healthy things to order much of the time. One of the best eating moments we had was at the Aria Hotel where we stopped for lunch at the Todd English Pub. He had opened one of his first Figs Restaurants in Wellesley, MA where we used to live, so it was a bit of home in the wild and wonderful world of Vegas. After studying the menu that was filled with half pound meat orders, and fries, fat and skinny (I got so excited about skinny fries until Miranda and Alee told me that was all about how the potatoes were sliced, not cooked), and no salads with meat or poultry unless I wanted the 1/2 pound portion added, I ordered the tomato and onion salad and prime rib chili. Both were absolutely divine. I ate about half the chili and about half of the salad and shared the rest.

Often, it is hard to find the perfect healthy choice on many menus. And, to be honest, I never would have ordered the tomato and red onion salad in the past. With the oregano, parsley and, yes, thyme sprinkled on it, it was perfect. I'm still learning, still changing.

190.2 Losing It and Gaining Weight!

We are home from a great time in Las Vegas. Miranda had never been there and she was happily surprised at how much it appealed to her. Alee and I had been there together a couple of years ago and she knew she loved it...especially the Bellagio and the gambling. We had a lot of great luck and some not so great luck, but we shared our fortunes (?) and laughed and felt so happy to be together in such a fun place. The several pools were as enticing as the slot machines and we had some great pool time, also.

And the food...it was so delicious and plentiful, and I have to admit I just sort of lost it. That's putting it nicely! I lost it! We all went over to the Y this morning to workout. It was really fun to look around the workout area and see Jeff, and the girls working out with me. I don't think we had ever done that before. Even with that newly gained weight, I was able to do the elliptical for 30 minutes and so I am already feeling like I am getting back into the swing of things. The adorable sculpture that is at the top of this post is in front of our new YMCA. Remember the song with the arm motions, "YMCA"? That's what this sculpture represents.

So I've thought a lot about the 2.5 pounds I put on while away. It wasn't hard to do! Eating out every meal is just plain full of temptation, hidden salt, and delicious choices. So I am back doing my hypnosis, surrounding myself with healthy food, and drinking lots of water. I'll lose it and since we don't get together like this very often, I'm not being too hard on myself.

188.2 Remember This, Sue!

It just dawned on me that there are a couple of things I do when eating out that I don't think I've ever blogged about. If you have been following my blog you have surely read that I often dread eating out because there are so many unknowns.

If possible, going to the restaurant's website and checking out the menu ahead of time is really helpful. In fact, if you can make your decision before you head out to dinner and then not even open the menu before you order is the best of all worlds. For me, once a decision is made, the tension fades and it's easier. Being faced with 10 or more delicious sounding entrees under time pressure can often lead to disaster. Oh yeah, and ask questions if you aren't clear on exactly what you are really going to get if you order a vegetable that has some fancy term accompanying it. And, always request substitutions if you want healthier side dishes than are paired with the entree on the menu. There may be some limitations, but give it a try. It's also always worth adding a $1 or so to your bill to get what is good for you.

The second thing I've done is to write out some reminders about what I am trying to achieve with this weight loss on my computer, and then print and laminate them. If I am unsure about what I want to do, which as you know is very different from what is the smart way for me to order, I just pull this little card out of my purse and quietly read it and then make my decisions. This has really saved the day when I am in one of those "I deserve it" or, "I don't care, I just want it" moods. Here's what is printed on my Remember This, Sue, card:

I am losing weight.
I only eat foods that are good for me.
One half, one half, one half is plenty for me.
I am getting fit, slender, and healthier because I eat well.
I want to continue to lose weight.
Don't blow it, Sue! :)

Use your own ideas and words in a way that will help you. It's a great way to take care of yourself when you're eating out.

195.4 Okay, So How Did You Do It?

I just returned home from walking with my friend Linda. Out of the blue on one of our recent walks she said, "Okay, so how did you do it? I am ready to lose some weight." I answered by outlining a few of the basics....eating half, being committed to eating food that is healthy, turning to her inner spirit for guidance, exercising, and the piece that is fundamental and at times maddening, the role that being disciplined plays in the program. And, I also talked about the big part hypnosis has played in changing my behavior. So this morning she announced with joy that she has lost 2 pounds this week! When I asked her how she did it :), she said,"Carrots carrots carrots!" Then she laughed and went on to say that she has been eating just half her normal portion size, how she has been thoughtful about what she ate at home or ordered out, and how she has become aware of when and why she eats. And I am thinking, "Linda, you have sure got the discipline piece working for you"!

About that time, I looked up and there was this gal and her dog that I often see when I walk. The dog has been trained, disciplined if you will, to stop and sit whenever it is approached by humans. The dog stays that way until the human has passed. The part discipline plays to make life easier is very important to all of us. Linda gets it now, and I am glad to say I do to. Anything we can do to help us move away from destructive behaviors into new and healthy ones relies in part on discipline. If this dog can get it, I think there is hope for all of us.

202.0 Wisdumb!

Here's what I wrote yesterday in all of my wisdumb. "I want to go out with him and I know exactly what I will order without even looking at the menu and it will all work out fine." Not...! I did order very carefully and had a delicious dinner and then life got in the way again! I should have known when the waitress set down a spoon at each of our places after clearing our dinner plates. But we were busy talking about how Jeff didn't want dessert and that we would stop at the grocery store on the way home and get him his favorite Weight Watchers Ice Cream Bars. And then the waitress reappeared with a platter, a huge plater containing a huge dollop of whipped cream, a huge scoop on vanilla ice ream with pecans in it, and a butter rum cake about 5" in diameter covered with caramel sauce, and bananas in a flaming liquor! My first mistake was to take one bite. This first mistake was followed by many more mistakes. OMG, it was so good.

And the irony is that I was down a pound from yesterday. I am afraid it will catch up with me tomorrow. We shall see. We don't have any events that include eating out for several days so maybe I can get back to home and healthy. That does make it easier, but last night was soooo good.

203.0 Happy Birthday, Jeff!

My son-in-law is a poet. I wish I were a poet. I would write a poem entitled How Life Gets In The Way! Today is Jeff's birthday and we are going out...again. I want to go out with him and I know exactly what I will order without even looking at the menu and it will all work out fine. But I make these proclamations to myself about home and healthy and then I find myself out and about. But honestly, I love my life and that we are together to celebrate his birthday so I will quit my complaining! I just realized we have celebrated 45 birthdays together! Now that's something to be very happy about.

I did face the scale this morning with some trepidation and it was barely okay, but it will go down. Today I went to my PT and, are you ready, I did the elliptical for 5 minutes and 16 seconds! How's that? She covered up the digital display so I couldn't see how long I was ellipticaling and when I finally stopped, I was really surprised, and happy, and I could hardly move! My PT told me that doing the elliptical is so much harder than the treadmill because the motion is more like running than walking. So, I was running for 5 minutes and 16 seconds??? No, but it is fun to think about.

Happy Birthday, Jeff! Let's go celebrate!