182.6 Labor Day and a Clean Closet

I don't know if it's because this is Labor Day weekend, or if we just got the bug, but today we tackled our closet which meant I had to face getting rid of more clothes. I don't know why I have hung onto so many things that don't fit anymore. Part of it is that I don't want to have such an empty looking closet. But we rearranged, sorted out, and ended up with a couple of big bags to go to the Goodwill and it looks so much better.

I still have a few things that just fill me with great memories when I look at them. I think it's okay to keep them a while longer.

180.6 Thinking About Something New!

I bought a book today that you've probably been hearing about called the 17 Day Diet. Ever since I started this weight loss adventure about 3 years ago I have not followed a strict diet of any kind. But I really need to "kick it up" as Emeril likes to say and am thinking about trying this. After all, it is only 17 days and then after that more and more foods are integrated into each day's food choices. But first, I have to read about it, and get through this weekend that is full of friends and eating out. But next week we are eating at home every night, so far, so if it looks doable to me I'll give it a try.

But in the midst of the 17 days, I just realized, we will be in Bar Harbor with our family. But let me read about it first before I put up any obstacles... one of my best talents! If any of you have done this diet I'd love to hear from you.

175.4 Tenacious

Today was my last day until next fall to teach my ESL class. It's been the best year that I've had there because I allowed my inner spirit to open my heart to each of my students in a much more personal way.

After telling my friend Sally all about my class, the inspiration that I receive from being with these wonderful people and how determined they are to learn English no matter what their age, she reminded me that she had a framed photograph in her home that she had taken and entitled Tenacious. She said that she thought it would be wonderful to share the photo with my students and she made up twenty note cards with the photo on the front for me to give them today.

They loved receiving the photo. Several of them said that they would put it where it could be seen first thing in the morning. They were touched by the fact my friend had done this for them. And they are a tenacious group, determined to keep trying to master this wonderfully difficult language that we speak so easily.

So thank you Sally, for the thought, the time, and the cards. You made a big difference in many lives today, an important and positive difference.

And, yes, being tenacious has played a big part in my weight loss adventure and now the maintenance phase. I've kept one of the cards for myself. I don't think Sally will mind.

171.0 Actions Have Consequences (duh)

When I first started this weight loss adventure and Jennifer suggested - I think insisted is a better word - that I weigh myself everyday, I fought it. Doctors, weight loss gurus, everyone knew that you should weigh yourself once a week. Hello..!

But, as this blog attests, I did weigh myself everyday. And today I didn't like what I saw, but I knew it would be up. I could give all the reasons for this upward blip, but all I need to do is get myself back into my more disciplined place. I can't just eat whatever without consequences. That old cliche that actions have consequences plays into weight loss perfectly. So the consequences were staring up at me from my Walgreen's special scale this morning and I'm glad that I saw that 171.0. What if I'd waited a week and being oblivious, I probably would have seen a much greater jump and then would have felt so discouraged. Yes, it's been fun, but gaining weight is not worth the few minutes of yumminess I experienced eating sweets and other carbs.

170.2 My Scale Has a Wicked Sense of Humor!

I bought it at Walgreen's for $9.99 about half way through this weight loss adventure! My old scale would give me 3 different weights all within the space of one minute. This one has been very steadfast and reliable and never varies no matter how many times I get on it first thing every morning. I was sure today was going to be my big day. I didn't eat popcorn, I drank what seemed like gallons of water and peed all day long yesterday, and yet when I got on the scale this morning, there it was...170.2. So I've decided to just go with it and know, at some point, the scale will get tired of this little game and will give in and let me see the 170.0. However, if it decides to take me on one last roller coaster ride before I get to the 170.0 mark, it may end up outside on the curb waiting for the next trash pick-up!

So I'm back in my waiting game frame of mind, and will try to keep seeing the humor in this crazy situation.

170.2 Probable Truth

Jeff says it's the low salt popcorn I ate last night that's responsible for that .2 of pound that's hanging on.:) How can I argue? As I wrote in a recent post, it's always something. But I'm beginning to believe that I may have done this! This 80 pound loss is still hard for me to visualize. If I think about that photo of 5 pounds of fat (taken in a doctor's office waiting room) and multiply it by 16, it gives me a way to look at it. But was that really a part of my body, all of it at one time, everyday, for years? Just like the popcorn last night, it's hard to argue with a probable truth.

171.8 Challenges

Teaching my ESL class has been another great adventure for me. Recently, I have found myself asking that inner spirit to be with me as I teach. I plan every lesson so am always prepared, but as I approach the college, I ask for a little boost from that wonderful power within. And this year has been amazing because a lot of things have happened during the class that I never planned. About four weeks ago, "out of the blue" but really from within, the idea of having each student set up a challenge each week for themselves presented itself. And then during the next class they each tell about their challenge and how/whether they succeeded in meeting it. Some of the challenges have involved losing weight, increasing exercise, passing the written portion of the driving test, spending more time on their English lessons, and baking more and more elaborate cakes!

There's a wonderful, oh, about 65 year old man from Iraq who is determined to become more proficient in English, and he tells all those he interacts with that he is doing a challenge because his teacher told him he needed to do that.:) This really makes me smile! He now goes to the barbershop alone, he visited his insurance office alone, and most recently, he took his ailing mother to her medical appointment. In the past he would have always asked someone who could speak and understand English better than he to accompany him. He is so proud of himself and it's inspiring the other students.

What's really interesting is that his reaching out also presents a challenge to those he interacts with. He told us that the doctor complimented him on his English. I like to think that all of us who speak English so readily will face the challenge of giving these folks, who are working so hard to learn English and contribute to our society, the time and patience to listen and respond positively. I personally can't imagine trying to learn a new language at this time in my life in order to get along in a totally new culture.

And, if you noticed my weight, a little turbulence has set in, so I have renewed my faith that I can do this and losing 2 pounds seems very trivial compared to what my students are achieving. My challenge is to meet my goal!

171.8 Almost Landing

I'm a very nervous flyer. I don't like the take-off and have become hyper-aware of all sorts of things as the plane rises into the sky. Is it moving fast enough, is it going steep enough, and how does it sound, are just a few of the things I judge as the plane ascends. And, I am happy to say that so far all of my take-offs have been without incident.

Starting this weight loss adventure was a little like boarding a plane and then taking off. When I started I didn't have a goal, a destination, in mind. I just wanted to lose weight. And, the beginning was stressful because I didn't want to fail, I didn't want to crash.

And once the plane has leveled off and is heading toward my destination, I relax a little, until the first turbulence hits and then I'm a basket case! I do calm down as the plane calms down, but I'm always on guard. It is up to me to keep the plane up in the air, right?

I'm not sure you could say that I ever really relaxed during this weight loss program. I did gain more confidence in it over time, but for me it has been like being in the plane that has taken off and is not ready to land. Every bump up caused anxiety similar to that caused by a little turbulence, and when I bumped up a couple of pounds, it was major turbulence, major anxiety that I experienced. And this journey's success has definitely been all up to me!

And then I begin to wait for that change in sound, change in altitude, change in speed as the plane begins its descent. And I start making mental notes about how things are going as the plane approaches the airport to make its landing.

I'm in the landing pattern now, getting ready to complete the descent and to arrive at my destination. I may bounce a little depending on unforeseen happenings, but I definitely won't have to climb back up, circle and try again. This is the landing that I've been awaiting for a long time now. And, I'm filled with those same feelings of relief and excitement and anticipation that I always experience when I reach my destination.

174.0 The Big So What and Wine!

It's interesting that when people ask me about my weight loss adventure (my words not theirs), the issue of wine often comes up. And, when I mention that I no longer drink wine (or any alcohol), they say they just couldn't dream of giving up the wine! I totally understand that attitude to a point. As you know, I decided that I couldn't continue to drink up to 3 glasses of wine every night and still care about how much and what I ate for dinner. For me it didn't work at all to drink and diet. Jennifer suggested that maybe I could have just one glass of wine and manage my eating with care and be able to make good decisions. I think that for some people that might work out very well.

My situation was not quite so simple. First of all, my glass of wine was not a 4 - 5 ounce glass of wine. Mine was closer to 7 or maybe 8 ounces. So by the time I had had 2 of my glasses I had already consumed around 375 to 400 calories. And, once I had done that, I knew I had blown any rational approach to eating less and ate as much as I wanted for dinner. Often we'd go out and I would have a glass of wine before being served dinner, and then, oh, what the heck, I'll have another, and maybe just one more with dinner was my attitude.

What I know is that some people can cut back, keep their wits about them and lose weight. After trying for a while and not succeeding, I just knew I couldn't.

But so what? The big so what is that you have to think about how important is it for you to get the weight off, not how important your wine is every night. Think about it. And here's the real zinger, why is the wine so important?

178.6 Carefree Highway

Recently my brother-in-law reminded us of the Gordon Lightfoot song entitled Carefree Highway. We live about 5 miles from the eastern end of Carefree Highway. Yes, there is such a road that cuts east and west across the northern boundaries of Scottsdale and Phoenix all the way to Wickenburg. It is very beautiful in some parts, and rather strip mall-ish in others. Little independent churches in shopping malls are interspersed with cactus nurseries, an occasional Mexican restaurant, and some housing developments that remind me of ghost towns since so few units are occupied. Before we moved here and not knowing that Carefree Highway existed, when I heard that song, I thought the words were Every Highway let me slip away....

Although I have been on this weight loss quest for about 2 1/2 years, in some ways it has been like traveling the Carefree Highway or Every Highway. Looking back, the weight has slipped away just like traveling on a long highway. I remember losing it but can't tell you where it has gone. Where did it go, and is it truly gone forever? Will I have to travel that same highway again? Obviously, I am banking (especially if I win the $25 bet that I can lose 10 pounds more quickly than aforementioned brother-in-law) on the belief that I will never have to lose 80 pounds again. In order for that to be a reality I will have to do a lot of out of control eating. And, that is definitely not a possibility. I am so aware of every .2 of a pound gained or lost, that I am confident that this is going to be a way of life, not a constant battle to maintain. But first, it's about those last 10 pounds - well, actually 8!

179.0 Cheering Me up!

I just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine. (That's Barb about 2 years ago.) Barbara was the subject of one of my early posts. (See "Magic", 8/26/09.) She was my roommate for a couple of years at UCLA. She's seen me through lean times and through corpulent times, and has always been one of my steadfast buddies. Today she called after seeing my picture from yesterday's post and thought I might need a little cheering up. Although my eyes don't hurt, I did need a little cheering up and was grateful for the call.

She hasn't seen me since the weight loss has been noticeable so I hope we can get together soon. She brought up the subject of my being brave to post all this about my weight. I don't really think of it as being brave. I think of it as just sharing a part of my life in hopes of it helping others. And I shared with her the fact that now that I am getting so close to reaching my goal of 170, I will have to shift my focus away from losing weight to some new adventure. I do have several ideas, some of which relate to weight loss. It will be exciting to see how this next part of my life's journey plays out. Thanks again for the call, Barb!

180.2 Happy Anniversary! Happy Marriage!

Today is our 45th wedding anniversary! You may be envisioning a romantic dinner out, flowers, etc., but to be honest Jeff isn't here. He's up in the Tahoe area attending a reunion of a group of guys he used to go on backpacking trips with when they were all much younger. This trip is more about golfing and playing cards. Before he left, he planned a wonderful night in a gorgeous resort, and there were flowers, and a card for me to find this morning telling me of a fantastic gift that I'll be receiving within a few days.

Do I feel bad, sad, neglected? Absolutely not. We talked about his going once the invitation was received and I immediately encouraged him to go. It took me a while (a very long time) to learn that by giving him freedom I always received more in the long run. I used to be all hung up on getting attention from him, and I thought by controlling him it meant he would love me more. Now I know that actually the opposite is true. And, he's great about giving me independence and freedom to live my life, to determine my own beliefs, to develop myself into the person I'm becoming without needing to control me.

I was only 22 and he was 23 when we got married and it is amazing and wonderful to look back over all the years and to think about how much we both have changed, and how that has deepened our love for each other, rather than threatened our marriage.

So dear Jeff, Happy Anniversary! You are the best!

180.6 Why Do I Write? Who Cares?

Why do I write this blog, and who cares? These are questions that have come up several times and they do put me on the defensive, but then I take a deep breath and start to think about the best way to answer them.

Why? I write it because it is a way of making public (and keeping a record for me) all the aspects of what goes into losing a lot of weight employing a totally different approach than most folks use. Having lost and regained 50 pounds twice by using fast weight loss methods, I knew I had do find a way to lose  weight in a way that would hold promise of changing my habits so that I would be able to maintain the weight loss once I reached my goal. I do write it for myself which is why I post my weight every day, but I am also writing it so that those who read it can learn from it and/or just enjoy a real look at all that goes into a slow weight loss adventure. I am committed to helping folks who want to lose weight to make that a reality.

Who cares? Well, according to Google Analytics, there have been 9100 hits from 428 different folks since October of 2009. I don't have that many loyal friends or relatives, and in fact most of them don't read it. People from all over the world have checked it out and it really pleases me to know that perhaps my journey will motivate and entertain them as they travel on theirs.

I also want to say that I have really appreciated the comments both on the blog site and through emails and conversations about how much folks like it.

185.0 Vacation Toll

I like to think of weight gained on vacation as simply part of the journey, just like the toll roads that we find ourselves on as we go from place to place. I was going to write that I have never lost weight on a vacation, but that's not true. After my first meeting with Jennifer, I headed off to a cooking school in Mexico for a week, and came home weighing two pounds less than when I left. Let me tell you, I did believe that Jennifer was going to be able to help me when that happened. I frequently listened to the hypnosis CD that she made for me at that first appointment and I know that that helped me begin to learn how to think about dealing with food. Let's see, that was 65 pounds ago! Yep, I think she has a great weight loss program!

So now I'm back to taking care of myself, planning my own meals, and eating just what I want to eat. It's funny how Jeff has been caught up in all of this, too. Today he did the shopping and came home with cherries and Fiber One Honey Crunch cereal just for me! (Oh, and a big bouquet of roses, too!) As I've written before, what a guy!

I went to my chiropractor this morning who kiddingly said that I really shouldn't go on anymore vacations since I always come limping into his office upon my return. And I saw my dear massage therapist who laughingly said that it was a good thing I didn't have the body of a 60+ year old or I'd really be in trouble. She has seen me through about 40 pounds of the weight loss and has commented many times that my body has gotten younger and stronger, not just smaller through this process. I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life sharing in this adventure!

184.0 The Voices of The Past

If you've been reading the Geneen Roth book, Women, Food and God, you are in very good company as it was reported in the Wall Street Journal this morning that it is #4 on the bestseller list for non-fiction. In it she talks about the voices that we hear from our past that are still dictating how we think about food, our bodies, our weight, etc., and, how we need to get over it, erase those voices.

I was talking to my sister Barbara about the book and she reminded me that we were definitely raised with the concept that all good children cleaned their plates (not by washing them!), and then there was the guilt about all the starving children elsewhere. It is a challenge to erase those voices or thoughts but as I have learned, extremely important to do so. Living in the past is never helpful if you want to change your behavior. Jennifer Scott's slogan on all of her publications, websites, etc., is Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. It is easier said than done, but can lead to wonderful benefits if you are able to do it. And for me, that's where the hypnosis has helped immeasurably. Replacing the old voices, the old thoughts, with new empowering ideas of how to handle life, and food issues, has been so helpful in this journey for me.

I still smile at the concept that by cleaning our plates as kids we were helping to feed the starving children of the world. I wish my mom was still living so I could ask her. I wonder if she ever really thought about it.

184.0 Kudos to Kathleen!

As you know, on the right side of my posts I list other websites and information for you to check out if you are interested. One of the sites is entitled Among The Savages and it is written by a very dear friend of mine who my daughter Miranda met while they were both attending Colby College. Kathleen just posted on her blog that she has finally reached her goal weight that puts her back where she was before she gave birth to her youngest son. Congratulations, Kathleen!

Kathleen has been one of my cheerleaders since I've been on this weight loss adventure, while trekking along on her own weight loss adventure. In her post today, she let on that she is disappointed that her figure is not the same as it was when she weighed the same amount in the past. Since I am 67, I've never dreamed my figure would be similar to when I weighed a lot less many years ago. Age does give us a little different perspective :), and although having a lovely figure is a blessing, being healthy and strong, agile and flexible are the real gifts of losing weight and exercising. She will have to continue her exercise and awareness about food forever if she wants to maintain her new weight, but having the knowledge that she achieved her goal will certainly give the confidence and will to continue so that she can maintain her goal weight! You did it, Kathleen, and I am going to do it, too!

184.0 5%, Only 5%?

I was watching the Today Show this morning and was delighted to see the segment about dieting with Dr. Nancy Snyderman. She and the nutritionist talked about the fact that only about 5%, yes 5%, of the people who lose weight are able to maintain their weight loss. The most important part of their message was that you have to make the commitment to lose weight because it matters to you rather than any other reason, and that it has to become a lifestyle rather than a short term diet. I smiled when Dr. Snyderman said she thinks the word diet is a 4 letter word.

After watching this, I immediately sat down at my computer and wrote a comment to Dr. Snyderman basically saying that I agreed with what she had said but that she didn't go far enough. Until you understand why you are using food to the extent you are so that you gain weight, you can't possibly take it off and keep it off long term. It's everything I have been blogging about during these past 10 months. And, it's what Geneen Roth speaks to in her book "Women, Food, and God". Permanent weight loss is not a matter of simply eating less and counting calories and exercising. If that were true, there would be a lot higher percentage of success stories out there of people losing and maintaining their weight loss. Let's hear it for self examination and understanding, healing that inner pain, and moving into the healthy person we are each meant to be.

185.0 Dr. Suess and Me!

Yes, I am obviously stuck but I am not complaining. I think I have to knock off the fruit before bed every night. After reading Mindless Eating, I was reminded that too many calories, no matter what you are eating, are too many calories to allow for weight loss to occur.

When I first started working with Jennifer and listening to the hypnosis CDs that she recorded for me, I noticed that she would always say that I was "getting younger, getting healthier, and getting slimmer". Working with her and using hypnosis was of course taking a leap of faith that this step would help me start losing and achieving those things. Clearly, I have lost weight (the scale tells me so :)), and I have gotten slimmer (my clothes tell me so as well as the mirror), and now clearly I am healthier. Yesterday I heard from my doctor that all my levels are in the normal range after taking myself off the statin drug for high cholesterol two months ago. And, I do believe that I have gotten younger in my view of myself, and in the way others perceive me! Yesterday I had a pedicure and my toe nails are now a gorgeous shade of deep purple! I also had a botox treatment in the area between my eyes (yesterday was a big day!) and I'm all dressed up with lots of places to go. Writing this reminds me of the Dr. Seuss book "Oh, The Places You'll Go"! It just dawned on me that maybe I have become a little wacky?

Let's see if I can't kick the rest of this weight off! I wonder what I'll feel like then.

185.4 The Lure of a Nap

I just woke up from a very delicious nap! I slept for about an hour and a half. I should have written that I woke up from a very long, delicious nap. I always feel a little guilty when I take a nap, and so I rarely do... now. I used to suffer from severe depression and I devoted every afternoon to sleeping for long periods of time. Ever since that time (which was a long time ago now), I have connected naps with depression and guilt, and weight gain!

But today I was tired. I lifted weights and then did the elliptical for 25 minutes and then was just plain tired. I could write a long list of reasons why today it was okay to nap, but I won't. It doesn't matter, really. So, I've decided that I can take a nap now and then and just let it go. I won't go back to napping everyday. I've got too much to do and napping draws me away from staying aware, present and ALIVE! And, there is the matter of not burning very many calories while napping.

So now it's time for my water workout. That makes me feel very much alive!

185.8 Awareness

I write a lot about awareness while I'm eating, about what I'm eating, how fast I'm eating, and how my body/hunger level is doing while I'm eating.
















This morning, I got caught being extremely unaware. No, not about food, but about my surroundings. Living here in the desert has caused me to be much more alert to where I am in space when I am near the many cactus plantings in our yard, or when I go walking. Since balance is one of my issues, I have to be careful not to lose it while walking by one of the beautiful or not so beautiful cacti that seem to be every where out here.

As I was finishing dead-heading a large geranium plant I backed right into this cactus! Suddenly I was very aware of that plant and very aware that I had been stabbed in my arm. One thing I didn't know until recently is that you can get terrible infections if a cactus needle breaks the skin. Oh, it did break the skin and that area is now covered with antibiotic ointment.

So, I have a new respect for awareness! (Sometimes I wish there was an ointment I could apply when my food/eating awareness gets away from me!)