173.2 Little Things + Joy

I know this is really odd, but that shouldn’t surprise any of my readers☺. As I told Jeff after trying on my latest purchase, I am filled with joy because I can wear clothes that I can buy at Costco! Yes, I do shop at much more high end stores, but there is something about getting a great buy at Costco that looks good and fits well that excites me. Is that like being a cheap date? Whatever! It’s a real spirit lifter for me as is the fact my weight is continuing to slowly drop back to my new normal of 170!

Hope you are having a great weekend. It's gray, dark and gloomy here which means I have to work a little harder than usual to stay emotionally up! Maybe it's time for a nap? :)

173.6 Well, How About That!

I haven't been counting because I don't need to. The blog site I use does it for me! I am writing my 500th post as of today. I've written about the good, the bad, and the ugly vagaries of this weight loss adventure, and about a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with weight loss no matter how I have tried to make a connection.

So for all of you that have hung in there with me over these 500 + days, thanks for being a part of it all. And, even if you just read it now and then, I'm glad to have you along. I'm pretty addicted to writing these posts. It just doesn't feel right if I don't do it for whatever reason. Oh, here we go...the weight loss connection is about to occur :)! When I don't write it's a little like taking my eye off my goal of maintaining my weight loss. It just doesn't feel right. So I'll keep writing and watching my weight and I hope you'll check in with me now and then.

173.2 A Salmon and Spinach Kind of Night

Click on the picture so you can really see the snow! I took the picture at about 8:15 this morning and it's now 12:45 pm and it's gone! The snow is gone, except on the mountains to the north and east of us. It's still very beautiful, but not so close to home.

And, the sun is shining and I don't think I have a good reason to indulge in comfort food, especially looking at my weight. Lynsey commented with some healthy, great tasting ideas that I really appreciated, but I think it's going to be a salmon and spinach kind of night. I want to see that 170.0 again.

171.0 Taking It Back About Egg Substitutes :)

I take it all back about Egg Beaters. I sat down and carefully read all of the ingredients and here's what I learned as I took my time and didn't just freak out at number of things added: less than 1% of the ingredients make up the additives which are all vitamins, except for the yellow food coloring and the maltodextrin. Who knew a little sugar would be needed, but I don't think that any of this is going to put my liver over the edge! So I'm rethinking the next omelet I will order down at our local Grill.

And, it's fun and interesting to see my weight returning to my goal weight, slowly but surely. I have been very aware of what I have been eating, but I just know that the 170 weight is where my body wants to be.

171.6 The Last Picture Show!

Remember the movie by that name? For months, Jennifer Scott has said that once I reached my goal weight we'd do a final video. Today was the big day!

Now I've never liked any of the videos that we've done together. I really don't like talking about myself while being filmed. I do like to talk about myself with friends and family, as they will tell you without hesitation, but as soon as the camera is turned on me I morph into this totally unrecognizable person who seems to be high on some illegal drug.

I hope today's video is better than those done in the past. I was definitely more myself and more at ease that in the earlier videos, probably because of all of the changes that have taken place. I really wanted to explain all the elements that came together to make this weight loss possible, and, to explain that it hasn't been just all about weight loss. It's about me becoming free of all that old stuff, those old burdens, physical and emotional!

We'll see. Jennifer wants to put it on her Facebook page and I may put it on this blog once it is edited. If I look alive, I'll post it. Otherwise, you'll never see it :)!

170.2 My Scale Has a Wicked Sense of Humor!

I bought it at Walgreen's for $9.99 about half way through this weight loss adventure! My old scale would give me 3 different weights all within the space of one minute. This one has been very steadfast and reliable and never varies no matter how many times I get on it first thing every morning. I was sure today was going to be my big day. I didn't eat popcorn, I drank what seemed like gallons of water and peed all day long yesterday, and yet when I got on the scale this morning, there it was...170.2. So I've decided to just go with it and know, at some point, the scale will get tired of this little game and will give in and let me see the 170.0. However, if it decides to take me on one last roller coaster ride before I get to the 170.0 mark, it may end up outside on the curb waiting for the next trash pick-up!

So I'm back in my waiting game frame of mind, and will try to keep seeing the humor in this crazy situation.

171.8 Challenges

Teaching my ESL class has been another great adventure for me. Recently, I have found myself asking that inner spirit to be with me as I teach. I plan every lesson so am always prepared, but as I approach the college, I ask for a little boost from that wonderful power within. And this year has been amazing because a lot of things have happened during the class that I never planned. About four weeks ago, "out of the blue" but really from within, the idea of having each student set up a challenge each week for themselves presented itself. And then during the next class they each tell about their challenge and how/whether they succeeded in meeting it. Some of the challenges have involved losing weight, increasing exercise, passing the written portion of the driving test, spending more time on their English lessons, and baking more and more elaborate cakes!

There's a wonderful, oh, about 65 year old man from Iraq who is determined to become more proficient in English, and he tells all those he interacts with that he is doing a challenge because his teacher told him he needed to do that.:) This really makes me smile! He now goes to the barbershop alone, he visited his insurance office alone, and most recently, he took his ailing mother to her medical appointment. In the past he would have always asked someone who could speak and understand English better than he to accompany him. He is so proud of himself and it's inspiring the other students.

What's really interesting is that his reaching out also presents a challenge to those he interacts with. He told us that the doctor complimented him on his English. I like to think that all of us who speak English so readily will face the challenge of giving these folks, who are working so hard to learn English and contribute to our society, the time and patience to listen and respond positively. I personally can't imagine trying to learn a new language at this time in my life in order to get along in a totally new culture.

And, if you noticed my weight, a little turbulence has set in, so I have renewed my faith that I can do this and losing 2 pounds seems very trivial compared to what my students are achieving. My challenge is to meet my goal!

174.8 The 5 pound Albatross

It's been frustrating to be stuck with this 5 pound albatross pulling me down. I've been mad, sad, frustrated, angry, and discouraged. I've spent a lot of time and energy with these feelings. I've questioned my weight goal, also. Was I crazy to set such a low goal? Hello! Sue, 170 pounds is not low for your 5'9" height. And then I spend time and energy wishing that I had set the goal at 175 and then I would have achieved it -- or would I have achieved it? Would I be stuck at 180, close but no cigar?

I can come up with some psychological reasons for why I am stuck, pretty obvious to some I'm sure, but I just don't think I am stuck in that way. However, if you've read many of these posts, you know that I did get A+ in Denial for many years around weight issues.

Even though I have plans and ideas for myself after the weight loss becomes a reality, maybe I like this niche @ Susan's Losin, and don't want to leave, to move on? No matter, it's time to lose it and move on. One more time, all together now, get going! By the way, I never dreamed this would be the way it would be so close to the end. I'm ending with a whimper! Yuck!

174.6 Allowing vs Struggling

You'd think by now I would have this all figured out. This is my 375th post on this blog! Okay, big Wahoo as my daughter Alee would say. But what I've learned over the year of writing these and the two and a half years of being on this adventure is that there have not been any quick fixes or even truths written in stone about how to make all of the changes that are necessary to lose weight happen. Ever since I have been in this struggle to lose the final ten pounds to reach my goal weight of 170, I think it may be just as hard for those who want to lose 10 pounds as it is to lose 80 pounds. (This is not about quick weight loss tricks since I am in this for the last time and I want this lost weight to stay lost.)

So what I've been thinking about very recently is the concept of allowing changes versus the concept of struggling to make changes happen. It sounds kind of crazy, maybe, but this morning I allowed myself to take a big walk. I didn't go through all the stuff, the miles of stuff I would wade through about why I needed to walk, which route I would take, how it would affect my metabolism, blah, blah, blah,... I just put on my shoes and said Sue let's walk! When I put together my dinner last night (Jeff was eating something totally different from what I decided on), it wasn't about calories, or did I want to eat this or that, or all the stuff, again miles of it, that I sometimes have wrestled with before putting that plate in front of me. I just took out the salmon, cooked the fresh spinach, reheated a little rice and enjoyed every bite. And I did these things with this word allow floating in my heart and head - not should, have to, can't, etc. I think I might be on to a new way for me to move forward, hoping to sprint through these last few pounds by allowing myself to do the right things, not struggling to make them happen.

174.4 Unstuck!

You know, I have no idea why my weight finally dropped like it did! Well, I really do have an idea.... Let's call it "sticktoittiveness". That word looks really strange spelled out, but I know I have heard it so am declaring that it is indeed a word.

Anyway, yesterday and the day before were very typical food and exercise days for me, so who knows. Maybe I'm right that it is just the cumulative effect of making good food and exercise decisions over time, and my body finally gave in and decided that it was ready to let a little more weight go!

So, today I celebrated! No, I didn't go to Costco to get a chocolate nut covered ice cream bar. I went to the gym and did the elliptical and lifted weights, and then set up a plan to work with a personal trainer! I'm thinking about my life after reaching my weight loss goal (only 4 1/2 more pounds), and I know that exercise will be at least as important to me then as it is now.

A short update on my voice work - during the two sessions, I became aware of how tense all the muscles in my neck, shoulders and diaphragm areas were, and through the Feldenkrais Method a lot of release of that tension in those areas was achieved. I could literally feel each shoulder drop down on the table as this was occurring. Also, a couple of people have mentioned to me over the phone that my voice sounds less quavery. We'll see if there are some other changes going forward. Stay tuned!

176.6 Home Alone!

Jeff's back in Boston and I'm home alone. It struck me that I could drink all of the wine I want, and eat whatever I want because no one would see me. Which led me to think about people who live alone and are trying to lose weight.

A while ago I wrote a post about whether weight is contagious. (See Weight Loss Contagion, 8/30/10.) Now I am thinking about that from a different point of view. Even though Jeff hasn't been coaching, scolding, or doing anything except encouraging me, I think his presence and his knowing what I am trying to achieve have provided a silent force that has really helped keep me honest.

No, I didn't open the wine, but I did eat more than usual. After telling Jennifer that I had eaten half of a honey dew melon, I joked with her that when she said to eat one half on her weight loss CDs she didn't mean to eat half of a melon. Oh, I know it could have been much worse, but it did cause me to think about living/eating alone and all that means. For some, it may mean that you can eat a lot less and just the food that you want because you aren't having to please another person, so that is freeing. For others it may signal that you are on your own and can get away with eating what ever and how much you want. As I learned last night, I'm going to have to please myself by staying with the program, staying aware and keeping my goal in mind with every bite.

176.6 Gonna, Wanna, and Power!

Today was ESL day for me! You would love this group of people. What is so endearing to see is how they help each other without prompting from me. I complimented them on that this morning and they turned it into a compliment for me. How lucky I am to have them in my life.

Last week I asked them to write down what they wanted to learn from this class. I got quite an array of things including wanting to learn to use the computer and to get a job! One goal was to learn what wanna and gonna mean. So this morning that's what we tackled first. (Um, learning to use the computer and getting a job are going to have to be accomplished outside of this class!) The precise students in the group wanted to know which was better English. As I was explaining that going to and want to are the better forms, I heard myself self saying, "If you're gonna write a letter, you'd use going to and want to. But if you wanna just talk easily to someone, you'd probably just use wanna and gonna". I never realized how often I use gonna and wanna in my speech! How about this...I'm gonna reach my weight goal because I wanna be healthy!

Now I do work hard while I teach this class and I was thinking that I was having yet another hot flash because I was so warm. But then we got word that there was a power outage and the college was closing. (The classroom where we meet has a wall of windows so I wasn't aware that there was no light.) So I gottago home early! :)

182.4 Can I Just Say...

(As I have been getting closer and closer to my goal weight of 170 pounds, I have started to do some other things to improve my appearance. As you faithful readers know, I recently had a botox treatment and today I had my teeth whitened.)

...that I had no idea it hurt so much to have your teeth whitened! No, it is not worth it! It burned while I was having it done even though the technician at the dentist's office was very attentive and added more of this and that to protect my gums. And, ever since I called a halt to the procedure because of the pain, my teeth have been aching. It's as if I have a mouthful of super sensitive teeth that won't stop yelling at me about just how sensitive they are.

They sent me home with all sorts of paraphernalia so I can continue the whitening process at home. I thanked them, all the while saying to myself that there is no way I will subject my teeth to this bleach process ever again. Oh, and on top of everything else, I can't drink coffee or eat berries for 2 days. Coffee and berries are what I live on every morning. Hello!