174.8 Putting Humpty Dumpty Together Again

Some days I just don't know why I ever decided to write this blog and post my weight because it's just too painful. I really thought I was going to have salmon and spinach last night but when we got to the restaurant, the salmon was $30 and the spinach was $9, and I just couldn't do it. This was at Flemings and the happy hour hamburger was only $6. So I ordered the hamburger thinking I would just eat half and I ate it all. No, I didn't have the cheese or the bacon, but I ate the bread. Where was my inner voice, what was I thinking? I blocked everything out. And, by the time we got home I felt terrible, both physically and emotionally.

So today I am putting Humpty Dumpty together again. I've already walked, I will do Wii Fit, and I am on my way to Costco to buy salmon, spinach, and other healthy things to see me through this tunnel to get me back to 170. YIKES!

173.2 A Salmon and Spinach Kind of Night

Click on the picture so you can really see the snow! I took the picture at about 8:15 this morning and it's now 12:45 pm and it's gone! The snow is gone, except on the mountains to the north and east of us. It's still very beautiful, but not so close to home.

And, the sun is shining and I don't think I have a good reason to indulge in comfort food, especially looking at my weight. Lynsey commented with some healthy, great tasting ideas that I really appreciated, but I think it's going to be a salmon and spinach kind of night. I want to see that 170.0 again.

172.8 Another Who Knew Moment!

I used to be more fashion conscious! Not that I always dressed like I knew what the latest in look was. I often knew what it was 3 months into the new look, but that didn't mean I rushed out to buy "the new look".

However, I've been totally caught off guard with the new look in men's suits. I hope you are laughing and wondering why I would even care, but lately I've been feeling really sorry for this new guy on our local news station. He looks like he's wearing a suit from 10 years ago that looked great when he was 30 pounds lighter. It's tight in the arms and tight around the middle and he does wear it buttoned in front. So, as I am watching him, I'm thinking that he finally got a job and can't afford a new suit. I was also thinking that maybe I could help him lose a little weight so his suit would fit better.

But this morning in our Wall Street Journal came the WJS Fashion Magazine and this is the new look! Can this be for real? And the trousers are tight in the legs, too. It makes me want to run and hide. But unfortunately I can't run anymore. But I can breathe a little easier and stop feeling sorry for him and try to accept this new fashion statement. Who knew?

172.6 Gearing Up For Snow!

It does snow in Arizona. In fact, there's a big ski area just above Flagstaff, AZ. Most of us don't think about snow when we think of AZ, but it's part of the landscape in the northern reaches of the state.

But we are gearing up for snow in the Phoenix area, in my neighborhood in Scottsdale on Sunday. I'm really quite excited about it. The last time we had snow was 3 Christmases ago, when all the relatives were here and it snowed for about 5 minutes. Before that, on the day that my friend Ann flew in from Massachusetts to enjoy sunny Scottsdale, it snowed! Yes, it was embarrassing but fun to see kids snowboarding around cactus plants!

So what's going to taste good on a cold, snowy day that isn't loaded with calories?

172.0 Jumping Around On The Scale

You know, that was the easiest 3 pounds to lose and I have no idea how I did it. Well, I really do, but I didn't expect to see the results so quickly. I quit snacking on peanut butter and, I had fish and spinach and salad for dinner. For lunch I had a TLC bar and an apple. That's cutting back on a lot and a little. It wasn't that hard to do and I had just gotten lazy about my intention, and my staying aware.

But today I met a friend for lunch and had a 2 egg Greek omelet, a piece of multigrain toast and a little fresh fruit. It was delicious but certainly more calories than yesterday's lunch. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

174.8 Comments on Comments

Even though I don't often comment on comments that I get from readers, but I do want to say that I love getting comments. When I blog, I am writing to individuals in my mind, people I know who read my blog, and I'm writing to all those potential readers who may stumble onto this blog about weight loss.

Yesterday I really appreciated both the comments I received. My daughter gently reminded me that I had just written about The Little Engine That Could and that I should remember the phrase, "I think I can, I think I can". Since she was raised on that story, it made me feel great that it had resonated with her and her pointing out the fact that I had written about determination really hit home. And my sister Priscilla also wrote to encourage me. She's done so well managing the maintenance piece of weight loss over many, many years and her corroboration that this is a continual undertaking helps me put it in to perspective and to get on with it.

So I'm back at it, will keep at it, and know that there is no other option for me but to stay aware, weigh myself everyday, and eat wisely and with consciousness. Onward and downward!

174.8 Excuses, Fears, Frustration

Yikes, my weight is continuing to go up and I am filled with lots of excuses, fears, and frustration. Let's start with the excuses! I love to blame the weather which is such a wimpy excuse. We have better weather out here in Scottsdale than most places in the country at this time of year. And I have access to two gyms. This excuse is not going to hold up. Oh, and then there's my cock-eyed pelvis which has put the kibosh on some activities like long walks or jogging in the water. But it hasn't pulled the plug on the elliptical, or the bike.

On to my fears...obviously I am scared that I am on the verge of regaining all of my weight. With my history of regaining after losing a lot, these are not unfounded fears. However, this time I have been weighing myself everyday which may be the most significant difference. I know where I am everyday. Well, at least I know how much I weigh even if I'm not sure where the hell I am :).

And then there's the frustration of not being free from concerns about my weight. I really want to just live and not worry about it. Maybe worry is the wrong word, but I am pretty consumed by that number everyday. I was hoping that I wouldn't be consumed, concerned with my weight anymore. I think that was a false assumption.

So, I continue to challenge myself to go back to the drawing board, get in the zone of using all that I've learned through this process so that I can take control again and be where I want to be.

173.2 Party Time

Not now, not today, but yesterday and that's what I'm blaming my upward tilt on (do you like that?) in weight. So I'm back at it. A couple of weeks ago I was writing about how easy maintenance was but now I'm not so sure. I'm bouncing around on the high side of paradise.

172.6 Positivity!

It's about 10:15 pm and I just realized I never wrote a post today. We started the day at 8:45 at church taking a class on Positivity. No one can argue that that isn't a great idea! One of the things we learned is that the brain continues to change throughout our lives and that we can become more positive if we work on it. How to work on it? Even just smiling can change your brain chemistry. It's really a fascinating topic and one that is just now getting a lot of attention. There's a great book that I've read called The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor that is fun to read and full of great information on the topic.

So now I'm off to bed feeling much more positive than I did a few minutes ago when I realized I needed to write this post. Good night! Hope you wake up smiling!

172.4 The Little Engine That Could

I haven't talked about my weight directly for a while and there's not a lot to say. I'd like to be closer to 170, but life has gotten in the way. Or, I could say that I've let life get in the way. In the way of what? Well, mostly exercise! I'm thinking that it's always like this in the winter - I can hear people snorting that we don't have winter out here, but we do, sort of. What it boils down to is that I don't like to be cold so I don't want to walk when it's colder than 70 degrees and windy. We do have a lot of wind out here. I have started doing Wii Fit Plus again and that is always fun and good for me. But I often just seem to run out of time and then realize I haven't exercised.

I know what I need to do and that is build my day around an exercise schedule rather than trying to find time for it after everything else gets done. I know it. Now I just have to do it. If I can lose 80 pounds, I can stick to a schedule! "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can". Sound familiar?

172.0 Back To Botox

Today I did it! I had my third series of Botox injections since 2004. So, I don't think I am over the top in regard to cosmetic improvement attempts :). My concern, however, is with the clinician who injected the Botox. She's had a lot of work done on her face and looking at her this morning made me want to shrink away from anything besides Botox.

As I explained to her, since I started on this amazing weight loss journey in which I lost 80 pounds, I know I look older, a lot older. But I'm also three years older, and at my age that accounts for some of the aging, obviously. It will take about three weeks before I notice any improvement with the lines in my forehead, especially above my eyes, and the results should last about 6 months. No, I didn't walk out of the office looking dramatically younger or different.

So we'll see if I do this again. The clinician was ready to sign me up for all sorts of more expensive, more painful treatments, but rather than doing more I may just move into accepting my aging face gracefully. Hmmm...that's a positive thought and doesn't cost a dime!

172.4 One More Thing, Bob

I forgot to mention the exercise piece and so I sent him a second email about it. I recommended a book to him that my dear friend Loretta told me about called Younger Next Year: A Guide to Living Like 50 Until You're 80 and Beyond by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge. There are actually two books. This title is for men, and there is a second edition written for women, Younger Next Year: A Guide to Living Like 50 Until You're 80 and Beyond For Women, by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge. These books stress the importance of exercise and are very motivating and make a lot of sense. Actually, the message is very exciting, that you can help your body become younger through exercise.

I just had another great morning with my ESL group and thought I'd show off the Paradise Valley Community College campus. It is a lovely oasis in the desert.

172.2 A Dear Bob Letter

Today I received a note from a friend who asked me to share my diet with him. This is probably way more than he expected, but it forced me to clarify how I did lose these 80 pounds by responding to his request. Here's my post weight loss view of how I did it.

"Dear Bob, It was great to hear from you! I'd love to share some basic ideas with you. My success was not based on a quick weight loss diet or special products. I had to figure out why I was overeating and I learned to change a lot of my behaviors around food. So, if you're still with me, here we go!

First of all, don't view this as a diet. To be successful over time (especially at our ages) this is a life style change that will be yours for the rest of your life. Once you reach your goal weight, you can ease up a bit, but you will never want to return to your old ways, because you are going to feel so much better and look better.

Okay, so where do you start?

Start by eating one-half the amount you now eat. In other words, don't cut out all of your favorite foods and then feel deprived, just eat less. Serve yourself the half amount and then no second helpings.

Consciously eat much more slowly so that your plate isn't cleaned while Dorli still has lots left to eat. Try to eat more slowly than she does so that doesn't happen. Also, by eating more slowly, you will begin to enjoy your food more, the tastes, the textures, etc., and you'll give your body and brain a chance to get into sync about feeling satisfied.

Learn, if you don't already know, what a healthy list of foods consists of. So, when you do feel hungry, you turn to something on that list to stave off hunger pains. For example, always have raw carrots, apples, berries, sugarless gum (a big favorite of mine for night hunger), etc., so that you don't have to go around feeling hungry. And drink lots of water...between 50 and 70 ounces a day in addition to coffee, etc.

And now the biggie...think about cutting back on the alcohol. I ended up not drinking at all during the period of weight loss. I was drinking about 18 - 20 oz. of wine most nights. What I learned was that if I drank at all, it weakened my resolve and I'd give into more wine and then eat what ever and all I wanted to eat. I'm sure that lots of folks could just cut back and stay in control of their food choices and food intake.

And, there are some foods you really have to think about cutting way back on and those include cheese (oh, I hate to say it, but it is so full of fat), beef, and starchy veges at night - potatoes and corn.

Push fish, chicken, salad with little bits of dressing, and non-starchy veges. I would eat 2 or more servings of green veges at dinner time as insurance against feeling hungry before bed. And yes, put a little butter on those veges, make things taste good, but stay AWARE of all that you eat. Aware is the big word in all of this.

Maybe you didn't expect this long note, but I really want to share my ideas with you. I think you'll find that once you break the habits that aren't healthy, and find new foods you really enjoy (mine was/is spinach - who knew?), you'll enjoy your meals and have success.

Oh, one more thing that is hard and not usually recommended, but that is to weigh yourself at the same time everyday wearing the same thing (your birthday suit is perfect). Yes, your weight naturally fluctuates, but staying aware of where you are everyday will be motivating and give you information. As my wt. loss therapist always said the weigh in process is not judgmental, it's for information. And when you see that you've lost you will feel great and motivated to stay aware during the coming day. And if you see that you've gained, you will be motivated to stick with it so that you can experience the joy of success when you see your weight go down a bit.

If you have any questions about any of this let me know, and if you like, we could stay in email conversation as you move forward.

Love and best wishes for success."

172.4 Post Valentine Day Off

The day has gotten away from me. I'll be back tomorrow.

172 What's Love Got To Do With It

Without sounding too preachy, something one of my dear friends has warned me about in regard to this blog, I say love's got everything to do with losing weight and making all the mind changes necessary to keep it off. Loving yourself as you are right now no matter what your weight is the most important prerequisite for insuring that weight loss will occur.

So Happy Valentine's Day, dear readers, and give some of the love to yourself.

171.0 Christmas in February

It happens every Christmas. Family members will ask me what I want for Christmas and my mind goes blank. I really can't think of things that I want. But when I go out shopping for others, I see all sorts of things I want and buy them for myself. I don't know if this is a common response to all the glitz and exciting energy that I find in the stores or what, but those shopping hormones, as I call them, get sitrred up in me and Christmas can become more about me than others.

One of the things I bought myself just before Christmas this year was an Amaryllis bulb in a box. I didn't get it started until mid January and now it is gorgeous. Jeff always gets Paper Whites and Amaryllis plants mixed up and starts bemoaning the fact that the house will smell like urine. I do have to agree with him that I too respond to Paper Whites in that negaative way. But just look at that Amaryllis! It doesn't have a fragrance and is simply beautiful.

In the old days I used to bake a lot and buy a lot and eat a lot of sweets to please myself around Christmas. Now I'm going to buy an Amaryllis each year and watch it grow. It's a wonderful way to treat myself instead of using food to celebrate.

171.0 Taking It Back About Egg Substitutes :)

I take it all back about Egg Beaters. I sat down and carefully read all of the ingredients and here's what I learned as I took my time and didn't just freak out at number of things added: less than 1% of the ingredients make up the additives which are all vitamins, except for the yellow food coloring and the maltodextrin. Who knew a little sugar would be needed, but I don't think that any of this is going to put my liver over the edge! So I'm rethinking the next omelet I will order down at our local Grill.

And, it's fun and interesting to see my weight returning to my goal weight, slowly but surely. I have been very aware of what I have been eating, but I just know that the 170 weight is where my body wants to be.

172.0 Eggs and Additives

Lately I got into a conversation about egg substitutes versus egg whites as options instead of real eggs. Now I really don't like eggs and have never liked the white portion of a fried or poached egg. I thought egg substitutes were pretty harmless until I read all of the additives listed on the container, so now I'm not real sold on eating them.

So this morning thought I got it right. I ordered one egg with chopped fresh tomatoes, spinach (of course :)), and portabello mushrooms cooked like a scrambled egg. It was wonderful, and kept me feeling full for about 5 and half hours. But as I'm writing this I'm beginning to wonder if the egg they used at the restaurant was a real egg or a commercially prepared egg product full of additives! Maybe I should just stay home or only order toast.

172.2 Be Careful What You Ask For!

Today was another wonderful day at my ESL class. Often as I am driving the half hour to get there I will turn to my inner spirit and ask for help to make it a good class. This morning I asked for energy and enthusiasm as I worked with the students.

I thought I was asking for that energy and enthusiasm for myself, but I wasn't specific in my request. For two hours, I had the liveliest, most energy filled, enthusiastic group of students I've taught in a long time. It was fun, it was challenging, it was great, but never have I had a class so on fire, so full of questions, and so talkative. It was fun, but totally exhausting. I'm sure I burned up a lot of calories just keeping up with them. I wonder if I want to be more specific in what I ask for next week. Probably not! Today was great!

172.8 Just Say No!

I can't believe that I haven't used the title above before now! It would have perfect for many of my posts. Notice the bump in my weight? Yesterday I was possessed by an old, very unhelpful response to others and food.

It all started when I went to the grocery store. There's a Starbucks in the store and I decided that I really needed a caffe latte made with non-fat milk. That wasn't the problem. The woman behind the counter was very persuasive about how a little mini vanilla scone would be perfect with it. I knew that these were relatively low in calories and after more urging and seeing this adorable little pastry I decided that I really must have one. And I did and, of course, it was delicious and just what I needed as the Starbuck's lady had so perceptively informed me.

And, then last night, Jeff made dinner for us and when I was called to the table, two slices of French bread toast with real butter were on my plate. Had I still been in my weight loss mode I am quite certain I would have been able to abstain from eating either of the pieces. But maintenance is trickier because the lines aren't so sharply drawn and it looked so good. I ate both slices.

In both cases it was as if I had turned all my power to know what I wanted and what was good for me over to others. I'm in no way placing any blame on them. It's always up to me to just say no (thank you).

And, I proved once again to myself that white flour and butter are weight magnets for me.

171.0 Going Inward

I've written about my inner voice, that inner spirit that I have learned to call on whenever I need support, information, comfort. After writing yesterday's post about whether I need to lose more weight, this is what I learned by going inward and asking for help.

Stay present in your life, stay aware of what and how much you are eating, and most importantly keep up the exercise. Exercise builds a framework for your everyday life and will trigger all of the good habits that you have developed. Let your body decide what weight it wants to be and it will find a way to make that a reality. For good health, you don't need to lose more weight but you do need keep up the exercise and take good care of yourself. Love your body most of all.

There's not much to add to that except that I feel gratitude for this help. Now let's see what happens.

171.5 Looking Fat

I think this is what is called adaptation. As I was in the process of losing all of this weight, my brain had to adapt as the pounds went off. I was getting smaller, thinner (but never thin!) and I could see that over time once I bought my full length mirror. And as I was reaching my goal of losing 80 pounds, I could definitely see that I had lost weight, obviously, and that I looked quite slender.

Well, now I look in the mirror I'm no longer surprising slender. I've gotten used to how I look and now I see a fatter person. I see fat thighs when I used to see thinner thighs. I see a fat torso where I used to see a thinner torso. No, my bosom doesn't look fatter, but that's a whole other topic :).

So maybe it's time to think about losing a little more weight. I never thought I'd want to do that, but now I'm wondering about it. Several people have advised me (unsolicited advice, by the way) to not lose any more weight. And until recently, I totally agreed. But now I'm wondering if I quit too soon. According to all of the weight/height/age tables I should weigh about 20 pounds less than I do, so it's not as if my expectations are off the wall. But I'm really healthy now, my back is happier, and so the question is do I need to reach some weight because a chart suggests it? And, when I look in the mirror I see areas for improvement :)? I'm thinking about it.

171.2 On Being Positive

This morning Jeff and I, along with about 30 other folks, went to the first in a series of three sessions at our church on the topic of positivity. It was absolutely fascinating to hear this PhD in Organizational Behavior talk about all of the research that's been done in regard to organizations and individuals in terms of the happiness factor. What I came away with is that through purposeful thoughts about what we are grateful for, what brings us joy, as we go into our day, we can change our brain chemistry so that we become more self confident leading to more creativity, leading to more success, leading to experiencing happiness and on and on it goes.

That's really a simplified version of what the speaker started us off with this morning, but all of this plays into weight loss. As I started this 82 pounds ago, I was determined but I wouldn't say I was happy or confident that this was really going to be a reality. As I began losing more and more weight, I did gain confidence and can see how all of these things came together for me in the process. The children's story of The Little Engine That Could was mentioned this morning and is a wonderful reminder for us, our children, and our grandchildren about the power of being positive as we face life's challenges. I can hardly wait for next week's discussion.

171.2 A Good Habit

It's warming up so I think I'll be out walking tomorrow and in the (heated) pool by mid week. I know, it's tough, but somebody's got to do it and I've volunteered. I think upping the exercise with the Wii Fit Plus yesterday really did help, and I have stopped gorging before bed. What got into me? Nuts, peanut butter, all sorts of crazy things got into me before bed. I was hungry at bedtime last night, but I stood my ground after eating an apple and fell asleep. It felt great to get up and see that my weight is heading back down.

I am so glad that I trained myself to get on the scale every morning. It's habitual now, and one of the best habits I've ever had. Just like the weight loss, the maintenance is hinging on weighing myself everyday.

171.6 Old Friends

Today I had breakfast with my walking buddy Linda, but instead of walking, we ate breakfast together. It was just too cold and windy to walk. It was great to see her again and to get caught up. I really am aware that when I see old friends after being apart for awhile, that there's a rhythm that we find ourselves returning to, and off we go. We are going to walk for sure on Monday, when the temperature promises to be in the low 70's. I think we can manage that just fine.

And I met up with a second old friend today, my Wii Fit Plus workout program. I hadn't done it or had breakfast with it :) in almost 150 days. Now that's a long time, but explainable because I have tended to use it when the weather is too hot to be outside. And just like seeing Linda again, I quickly got in the rhythm of it and off I went. I want to write that I was just awesome doing all of the workouts, but that wasn't true. However, after some false starts, it became clear that if I stood up straight and used my abs to support me I did much better. In fact I did better than I have ever done on a few of the workouts. So now I can hardly wait to try again tomorrow to see if I can't get even higher scores. Like I've said before, I love the Wii Fit. We're going to continue to be best friends forever and get together a lot more often.

171.8 Standing For and Standing Up Straighter

Today I started back at PVCC teaching English as a Second Language. It's funny what you take for granted. I was teaching them the meaning of the phrase "stands for" which means "means" :), and learned that most of the students hadn't known that ESL stood for English as a Second Language. (PVCC stands for Paradise Valley Community College.)

And speaking of standing, when I walked in the area where I teach, I was told that I was standing much straighter! At first I couldn't imagine why that would be or that I hadn't been standing up straight in the past, but then I got it! I've been doing a lot of core work with my physical therapist as we've been trying to get my pelvis into better alignment. So, yes!, with all that work I've been doing to strengthen my abs, I bet I do stand straighter. For me it's always been hard to envision what I really look like on the outside. I thought I'd been standing ramrod straight for quite a while now. Hmmmm.

171.8 Pay Attention, Sue!

I just looked back through my posts to see when it was that I weighed this much and it was more than a month ago. The good news is that since reaching my goal I've been able to maintain my weight around the 170 mark pretty well. The bad news is that I've bumped up and I need to pay attention. I need to pay attention. One more time, I need to pay attention.

Now I could go through a litany of reasons why this fate has befallen me, and I will because I need to be aware of why I think this has happened. Yes, it's about salt, it's about too many nuts just before bed, and it's about being a little too cocky about how I've been handling food options. It's also about less exercise due to weather and PT constraints. It's about the fact my walking buddy left for about a month. (Thankfully she's back!) So I'm back to the basics, and returning to the stricter discipline. It's time to reverse this trend.

170.6 Tea Is Good

It is funny how we are gearing up for the cold out here. While our friends and family in the Mid West and Northeast are facing the threat of yet more cold and snow, we are all in a tizzy because tomorrow the high is going to be only 43 degrees and it might get down into the 20's over night. The plants are wrapped up like Christmas presents, and the outdoor faucets are wearing old quilted bathrobe fabric to keep them from freezing. We are spoiled out here, but it really feels cold!

The best part about the cold weather is being in the house and drinking hot tea. It's like a yummy comfort food. Drinking hot tea reminds me of spending time with my daughters after school on cold afternoons in Wellesley. And now I've got my grandsons drinking "Sleepy Time Tea" before bed when I visit them. Tea is good! It loves you back.