174.8 Excuses, Fears, Frustration

Yikes, my weight is continuing to go up and I am filled with lots of excuses, fears, and frustration. Let's start with the excuses! I love to blame the weather which is such a wimpy excuse. We have better weather out here in Scottsdale than most places in the country at this time of year. And I have access to two gyms. This excuse is not going to hold up. Oh, and then there's my cock-eyed pelvis which has put the kibosh on some activities like long walks or jogging in the water. But it hasn't pulled the plug on the elliptical, or the bike.

On to my fears...obviously I am scared that I am on the verge of regaining all of my weight. With my history of regaining after losing a lot, these are not unfounded fears. However, this time I have been weighing myself everyday which may be the most significant difference. I know where I am everyday. Well, at least I know how much I weigh even if I'm not sure where the hell I am :).

And then there's the frustration of not being free from concerns about my weight. I really want to just live and not worry about it. Maybe worry is the wrong word, but I am pretty consumed by that number everyday. I was hoping that I wouldn't be consumed, concerned with my weight anymore. I think that was a false assumption.

So, I continue to challenge myself to go back to the drawing board, get in the zone of using all that I've learned through this process so that I can take control again and be where I want to be.