203.5 Holidays Happen!

It's Monday on the other side of Thanksgiving and I can't believe I haven't blogged for so long. The blog has become a part of my daily routine and since I have been in Boston with my family, my routine is definitely very different and unpredictable. Tomorrow we head back to Scottsdale and to "my routine".

Speaking of routines, yes, you are already reading ahead of what I have written, my meals haven't been routine, either. What I have learned is that it is hard to keep losing weight during holidays. I have been able to not gain a lot of weight so I am very thankful for that. Probably the most important thing that has happened is that I have stayed conscious/aware of what I am eating, but that doesn't mean I haven't enjoyed some high calorie very delicious food. And, all this has been complicated by going out a lot with friends and family. So what am I trying to say?

Holidays happen with all the food traditions, friends and family. And I want to celebrate that. What will be very different this holiday season is that I won't spend the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas eating like everyday is a holiday and that it's to be expected. In my life now, it is the exception.

202.0 Happy Thanksgiving

Here’s a poem from a friend:

May your stuffing be tasty,

May your turkey plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Have never a lump.

May your yams be delicious

And your pies take the prize,

And may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off of your thighs!

And I am adding:

Little bits of everything,
taken in small bites
Will make you feel so comfy,
filled with Thanksgiving delights!

No need to eat a lot,
or dream of cleaning your plate.
Remember, tomorrow,
you’ll be checking on your weight.

Have a very special day
of good fellowship and cheer.
Be thankful for your life
and for those that you hold dear.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

203.8 Beside Me In My Mind

I went back to see my physical therapist, today. After scolding me for being a little late - it was only 5 minutes- we got down to work. She runs a very tight ship. I "hopped" on the elliptical and did it for 2 minutes! I didn't feel like I had climbed Mt. Everest, but it does give my legs a workout that they are just beginning to get used to. It also works my heart, and that is what it is really all about. Because, if my heart rate goes up so will my metabolism.

So now I am looking Thanksgiving in the eye and am pretty secure that all will be well. We'll be with the Boston contingent of our family, daughters Miranda and Alee, and son-in-law Jud, and they all know what I am trying to achieve. The pressure to please people by eating will not be at the table with us. So, I can gently graze, tasting and enjoying small portions of whatever strikes my fancy.

But the day will only be partly about the food. It is really about being thankful for all aspects of my life and the people, all the people, that by being a part of my life have made it richer. This is my first Thanksgiving since I started writing this blog, and I am very grateful for every reader. I write it for me, but you are always beside me in my mind as I write.

I don't know when I will next blog since we will be traveling and I am not sure how the time will be spent while in Boston. Check in occasionally over the next few days. I may surprise you with a blog or two.

Happy Thanksgiving.

203.2 Ah, The Mysteries of Weight Loss

It is so curious how this weight loss stuff works. If you look on the right, you can see how long I have been stuck in the 205 range. And then, yesterday I weighed 204 and today, 203! What changed? What is the reason for this drop all of a sudden?

Is it the Wii Fit? Is it the eliptical? Is it the self hypnosis that I started doing again, after letting that slip for a while? Is it a combination of factors? I don't know. What I do know that makes it even more mysterious is that last night at about 9pm I got on the scale and weighed 206.

I am not going to spend too much time wondering about why. I am going to be grateful, smile and keep working on this weight loss using all my tools. I just love it when that scale tells me I lost weight and I didn't even move it! (See my blog written on 11/15.) I did get on twice this morning just to make sure I wasn't seeing things! And, of course, the suspense starts building! What will I weigh tomorrow morning?

204.0 The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Yesterday I blogged about using the Wii Fit at my PT's office and how much fun it was. Well, this morning, Jeff had dusted off ours and it was sitting in the middle of the living room floor ready for me to hop on. Whadda guy! So, I got on and had to answer a lot of questions as I stood on the sensor board, like my height, how much my clothes weighed (of course I said a lot!), my age, etc.. And then, it shared with me the good, the bad and the ugly!

The good is where I'll start. The good news is that, in measuring how I did this morning on some preliminary balance exercise tests, in combination with the information I gave in answer to the questions, my physical age is...53! Yay! When I did this last spring when we first got it, my physical age was 73! So, the weight loss and all my walking and pool work has enabled me to be younger and more agile! For someone who is 67 that is great news. The bad news is my BMI (body mass index), which I won't share, but it is way too high, yet down about 4 points from what it was last spring. Then the really ugly...that I am still obese! Oh, is that not one of the ugliest words in the language?

So, I have a new friend to play with every day, and a three new challenges to meet head on every day: to lower my BMI, to improve my balance and thereby become younger :), and to get out of the obese category.

205.0 Climbing Mt. Everest!

Today I went to my physical therapist. I hadn't seen her in almost 7 months because I was doing well and was able to incorporate what she had taught me into my daily life. I went back because I still have some leg weakness as a result of the first surgery, and since I am doing better, I wanted to add some new things to my workout program. What I also really wanted from her was the go ahead to try to eliptical machine. I am here to say that that turned out to be quite an event! I did it for almost one minute and you would have thought I had climbed Mt. Everest! So now I do have a real challenge and that is to get stronger so that I can really do the eliptical. Jennifer, who is 73, does it for almost 35 minutes! Amazing!

The other thing my physical therapist had me work on was the Wii Fit. I had bought a Wii Fit last spring, but started walking and just forgot about it. We had a good laugh this morning as I tried to get the balls to fall through the holes, and as I tried to ski down the hill going through the gates. And, then there was the one where I tried to hit the soccer balls with my head, while moving out of the way of the shoes that were thrown at me. For those of you who have never seen a Wi Fit, this is all on a TV screen and is probably the best way to have fun while working on balance, strength, etc.. I was working on the balance activities, since that is quite an issue for me.

So it was a good day and it's not over yet. I've walked my 30 minutes, but still want to do my pool workout before it gets too cool outside. And then there is a party tonight. I am already thinking about how I will best deal with the wonderful food that I know will be served. Small bites of what I want sounds like a plan to me.

205.2 Why and Now What?

Here's a thought... Was hitting the wall on my jewelry a reflection of hitting the wall on the weight loss? Hmmm. Perhaps it is obvious to some, but until today I hadn't put the two together.

Which leads me to the larger question of why... Why am I here? What meaning has my life had, and what meaning do I want it to have as I go forward? Since facing retirement, my life has been consumed in large part with dealing with health issues, not life threatening, but life changing. Fortunately, the importance of those issues has diminished, especially over the last year, to the point where my life is not constrained in the same way it has been over the past 5 to 6 years. So, now what?

205.2 Grandma's Secret

I may as well put it out there! My bras are suddenly filled with nothing. Where did all that empty space come from? If there was one thing I really liked about being such a heavy gal it was the ballooning of the boobs! When I was slender in my long ago past, I definitely did not have a big bosom. What I did have did not exactly balance my hips which I have always had in abundance. Somehow, with the weight gain, I actually had a much better proportioned figure. So, now I am heading back into that flat chested look. Just because I am older doesn't mean that I don't want my clothes to fit well and that I don't want to have a good (looking) figure.

I've been in Victoria's Secret a few times with my daughters, but I just don't think it is a place for me to shop. I am thinking of designing bras and selling them for (older) women, like me. And, I think I have the secret. What I need is a push up bra with more support across the back and under my arms. Does anyone want to go in on this venture with me? It could be called Grandma's Secret! And then maybe, just maybe there would be no more cartoons about older women with their boobs down to their knees. Oh, but they are funny, aren't they!

204.8 My 90th Post!

Not that I'm counting:)...! Actually, blogspot, my blog address counts them for me. It would really be great if blogspot would also remove some of my weight occasionally. Let's say for every ten blogs, a pound would mysteriously slip away. But, I don't think that is going to happen.

I am off to the closest shopping area. Close is relative when you live in the far north reaches of Scottsdale. We do have a Target and an Office Max about 15 minutes away so that is where I am headed. My plan is to walk the exterior of the whole shopping area and the interiors of the Safeway, Target, and Office Max. Variety is good and I am ready for a change in my walking routine. And I may as well confess, this shopping center is also where Chico's is located. I just may have to walk through Chico's, too.

Oh, yesterday I went to my rehab doctor and she couldn't believe her eyes. She hadn't seen me since July when I weighed 222 pounds. She put me through my paces and as usual checked for reflexes in my knees and ankles (cankles:). I haven't had any reflexes there since my first back surgery 6 years ago, and we both laughed as she tried one more time. Actually, I have gotten along just fine without those reflexes and am not quite sure why most people have them. It was a great visit but a little sad because she said she really didn't need to see me anymore. When she said it made her day to see me doing so well, that made my day.

204.6 Feelings and Being Real

I've been thinking lately about some of the changes that have taken place as I have been losing the weight. The one I feel (did you note that word feel?) like writing about is that of feeling my emotions. When you think of a heavy friend or just your stereotype of a heavy person do you also think of anger, energy, feelings? I don't! I think of a nice, calm, not very energetic person. Stuffing down negative emotions was part of what eating all that food was all about, at least for me. Wearing my mask of complacency, I hid all those feelings of discontent within myself. When I weighed 40 pounds more I didn't really think about it because that would have been too dangerous, too painful. As I have released the weight I am also releasing feelings. No, it is not always pleasant to be with me, but I am becoming more real and often, a lot more fun. Anger is the first emotion that I have uncovered, and I am also aware feeling sad. As I have been experiencing more anger and sadness, I have also been experiencing more laughter, happiness, fun! Not a bad trade-off.

205.0 Can Scales Be Stuck, Too?

A funny thing happened today, or maybe it was a miracle! If you've been reading this blog lately, especially yesterday's blog, you know how frustrated I've been with being stuck, or having plateaued (is that really a word?) at 205.4. There's a very popular book out there called Who Moved My Cheese?. It's a book about dealing with change, so I have learned. I haven't read it, but I may after reading a synopsis of it. Anyway, this morning, as usual, I weighed myself and my weight was still stuck at 205.4. So, for some reason, I moved my scale and guess what? I lost those 4 ounces! Is that cool or what? So, I moved it again, thinking I had just found the secret to innovative weight loss. What do you think happened? Nothing! It's now stuck at 205.0. So what have I learned today? That scales like people trying to lose weight can also be stuck. I can hardly wait for tomorrow!

205.4 Get Me Off This Plateau!

Let's just name it! I am stuck, but calling it a plateau gives it a bit of a French connotation, yes? I swam and walked today and was very aware of all I ate, so we will see what happens tomorrow. How do you say in French, "Get me off this plateau!"?

In spite of not liking the scale much lately, I have had some very special things happen. Yesterday when I was out walking I saw two friends who hadn't seen me since last spring and they were blown away by the change in how I look. They said they didn't recognize me at first. And today, a gal whom I hadn't seen in about 2 months said she couldn't believe the change! It was great to hear the praise and delight they shared with me about my success so far. I love the compliments but I am also hearing a small voice saying, "Maybe you don't have to lose any more weight since, according to your friends, you look so good!" But I keep reminding myself that that is not the point, it's just one part of this journey. I want great health, to feel younger, to be able to really play with my grandsons and lift and hold and play with any more grandchildren that I may be blessed with. So lookin' good is good, but reaching my goal is going to be the best.

205.4 Determination to Change

I think my scale is in crisis so I am not getting all worked up about what it says. Maybe it got dropped on its head! Who knows, but now I am used to the fluctuations and know my weight will come down.

One of my friends with the great name of Sue told me about an acquaintance of hers from Ohio who has lost over 200 pounds during the past 4-5 years. Tonight this gal, Nancy Schluesser, is being featured on the Dr. Oz program. He first met her when she was in the midst of her weight loss journey and he has just made her a "Wellness Warrior" so that she can help others achieve their weight loss goals. This morning at Sue's home I had a chance to talk to Nancy's mom about her daughter's success and struggle and it was really inspiring to me. Although there are some differences in how each of us has gone about losing the weight, one thing is very similar and that is the rate of loss of about a pound a week on average. My hat goes off to Nancy for staying with her program for about 4 years and she is still working on losing.

If you can't or don't want to watch the Dr. Oz show, you can watch the video of her appearance by going to http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/success-story-returns.

Hers is a great story of determination to change so that she could lead a happier, healthier life. If she could do it starting at about 400 pounds, I can surely reach my goal.

204.4 Getting There

I am so affected by the weather, I can't stand it! It was only about 75 degrees where we live and it was overcast all day. Living in the desert when it is overcast is complicated. I don't like to see the gray hue and the low clouds. It is as if those elements do not belong in the desert. It makes me edgy and I feel like something is really wrong. And it is wrong! I moved here for the hot weather and the sunshine! People who have lived here for years love days like today. Maybe someday I will love these cooler gray days, but I am not there yet!

So where am I? I am in a good place, feeling like I will be at the 200 mark within about a month, or by Christmas for sure. Today I bought a pair of beautiful pants. The brand is Misook, a brand I have never worn because this designer does not design for plus sizes as far as I know. They are too tight, but that is exactly why I bought them. When I hit that 200 pound mark I am going to have some very special pants to wear!

204.4 Oh, Susanna's Taking A Hiatus

It's been going on for a while now and I don't really understand why, but I have no interest in designing and making jewelry. What happened? A year ago I was buying beads like there was no tomorrow and could hardly wait to find time to settle down and make things. Now, I don't seem to have the time and I don't have that feeling of anticipation about putting new designs together. I recently offered classes in jewelry making. I was hoping that by teaching it, I would get excited about it. But no one has come to the classes for two weeks now, so I think the writing is on the wall

When I think about the reasons that might be at the bottom of this, I do have to say my life is very different today compared to a year ago. I walk everyday now, something I couldn't even think about a year ago, and now I write this blog, and that takes a fair amount of time everyday, in addition to everything else I have always been doing.

I do have some guilt about quitting. First of all, I hate the idea of being a quitter in anything. Also, I have spent a lot of money on beads and all of the associated components and materials that go into designing and making jewelry. I can try to sell all of the stuff, but if I don't have the passion to sell my finished products, where will I get the energy to sell strings of beads? How do you like the word hiatus? I think I will pack the materials away and take a hiatus. If and when I get urge to start beading again, I will be ready. Whew! I think I feel better having spit this out!

(The dinner I blogged about that I wasn't sure how to handle was cancelled.)

204.4 Taking the Night Off

I am taking the night off! Check back here tomorrow evening for my next blog!

204.4 A Change of Plan

Tomorrow I have to give a short talk at the monthly meeting of a group I belong to that supports entrepreneurial women. I know, some who know me well are wondering how I think I can call myself entrepreneurial. But anyway, I am not talking about my jewelry business tomorrow. I am talking about how you can plan all you want but that doesn't mean that your life will follow your plan. And, I'll talk about how because of changed plans due to my back issues, I have been involved in things I never dreamed about doing. For example, I never dreamed I would write a blog or lose 42 pounds at the wonderful age of 66-67! I never knew I would design jewelry, and I never knew I would teach ESL! What had I planned on doing in retirement? I had planned on playing golf with Jeff and that was about it.

Although I hope to give this talk sort of off the cuff, I have written it several times! Here's what I wrote to sum up how I feel about this topic of accepting change. "So we can plan all we want to and think we know where we are headed, but we also need to realize that change may come, and in fact, it can make for a better, more interesting journey that we might have planned for ourselves."

205.4 Hanging In There

I love the comments I receive from folks who read my blog. Some of you comment frequently and some comment once in a while. If you want to read the comments that I receive, just scroll down to the bottom of each blog and click on comments. The comments often reflect agreement with what I have written about, and sometimes they come from a different point of view and make me think. I like both kinds of comments and really appreciate the time and thought put into the comments. So, thanks to all who have participated in this blog by commenting. They are always a source of encouragement and it helps me know that others are reading this wonderfully self-indulgent blog :) ! (If you've never commented but want to, just click on comments and follow the easy steps.)

I am in a bit of a slow period for those who are watching the countdown by the title of each blog. I got a kick out of one of my friend's telling me that she thought the numbers were some kind of blog code, rather than indication my weight. I know I will keep losing, but I am frustrated by the lack of progress lately. And, I am feeling threatened by the fact that I am going to be facing no pool time for about 2-3 months when the temperatures drop too low at night for our heat pump to keep up.

But, a year ago I weighed around 240 pounds and I wasn't walking, and I wasn't engaged in this weight loss process. My cholesterol was 240 and I wasn't feeling very happy. I just learned that my cholesterol is at 150 now and I am feeling so much better. So let's hear it for a little frustration, and hope it gets me losing again.

205.4 Julia child vs Amelia Earhart

We just came home after seeing the movie Amelia. After the movie we went to a nearby restaurant where we had dinner with friends. I was delighted to find a grilled vegetable platter on the menu which I ordered along with some chicken. When it arrived, it was beautiful and was really delicious.

Since I have been home it dawned on me that I don't think there was one scene in that movie that featured food or even talk of food. There were a few scenes where it was obvious that drinks had been served, or perhaps a meal had been served, but food was not shown. Why does this matter? Well, the last movie we saw at that theatre was Julie, Julia, which of course was all about food. I didn't like the movie Amelia half as much as I liked Julie, Julia. Did food play into that response or did I just like the story of Julia Child more that that of Amelia Earhart?

205.0 Living With Compromise

A couple of days ago I wrote that I was drawing the line about getting together with friends around a meal. It sounded like a great commitment to make at the time and even inspired Jeff to get in the act.

Today I received the first invitation to get together with friends since I made that decision! Oh, this is really hard. A friend is coming into town for a short time and it is a chance for a group of us to all gather. And, my friend who is planning the get together said she would make chicken tetrazzini and I started feeling like I wanted to run away. I know that I could go and just have a small amount, but I really want to stay away from all the temptations for a while to see if I can't lose a little faster.

I don't know what I am going to do about this. We probably will go and I will do the best I can. But if we do, I will have broken the commitment I made with myself. I was just nudged by my inner voice and this is what I heard. I can bring a salad and fruit for dessert to share, and just have a small amount of the other things. This way I will have more control over what will be available to eat, and I will feel safe. I can live with this!

204.6 Smiling From My Heart

Today I was back at PVCC with my ESL group! As I was getting ready to leave, I had a thought provoking conversation with one of the staff members there. She said that I had changed so much over the last year. She said that she noticed the difference when I came back this September. Since this was all about me :), I asked her what she meant by different. Here's what she said...she said that I was much more energetic, and that the weight loss was really evident. Then she said that I used to smile in the past, but recently when I smiled, it was a much more genuine smile, that it came from my heart. That really struck me and I explained that until this year, I was always in pain when I was there, either from walking from the parking lot to the classroom, or from teaching for two hours, which involved a lot of standing, and then seeing her as I was leaving. It is strange and wonderful for me to think that I have changed from being someone who was having a lot of pain a lot of the time, to someone who rarely thinks about how that was, and who is so filled with energy and enthusiasm now. Viva la difference!

205.4 Breaking the Habit...With Sugarless Gum!

This morning I went over to the community center to see if there was any interest in my jewelry making class. There was nada! But that was just fine. I worked on designing a necklace while I was there, and I had a great chat with my friend, Annis. She is the one who gets the credit for suggesting sugarless gum when the night-time hunger pains strike! I was telling her today that since I started using the gum at night, my hunger issues at 10 PM have disappeared. It just seems clear that so much of my eating was habitual, in addition to being emotional, etc. Having supportive friends has been such a gift!

Even if you already read yesterday's blog, Drawing The Line, check out the end of it. Jeff added something fun!

Drawing the Line

I am frustrated. I simply can't keep eating out and expect to be able to drop the weight at a rate I can live with. This week is already a wonderful mix of people and events, so starting next Sunday, I think we have 10 days with no commitments that involve eating. We love our friends and activities, but I think it is time to re-evaluate what is going on and what I can do to get on a better path. I am anxious to see if I can drop some more weight because I will have no excuse not to.

It is truly wonderful to have so much to do and so many great people to do things with, but I am drawing the line for a while to see what happens... because, we are heading into the major holidays and the challenges will be even greater.

(Jeff spent hours working on adding this website with this note: I'd walk the line any day with you babe. Love Jeff.)
Whattaguy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7K4jH7NqUw

205.4 Gratitude

Last night we went over to Terry and Louise's for dinner, a delicious dinner featuring a wonderful tortellini, sausage, tomato soup.  Louise assured me she had cooked it a day earlier so she could remove all the fat from the sausage!  I relaxed and truly enjoyed it.  While we were talking, she asked how the zucchini appetizer had come out after all my blogging about it.  I love Louise!  She reads my blog faithfully and as you can see, nothing gets by her!  As I told her, it came out great and here's a picture to prove it.

(I know, it looks like a turtle, but it didn't taste like one:)  )

This morning I was listening to my favorites on the CD player and I found myself singing along with "Tis A Gift To Be Simple".  I turned to Jeff and said, "Isn't it great to be alive!"  I didn't mean rather than dead, but to be a part of this magnificent planet and all the beautiful, simple things to be enjoyed by being aware, present.  While carrying around those 42 pounds (I can't imagine carrying 42 pounds of anything, much less fat!) it was hard to be filled with this kind of gratitude.

206.2 Remembering and Wondering

Well, no kids came last night for Halloween treats, so all is well on that front.  No tricks were played and no candy was consumed.  I did think about Halloweens past when my three little kids would dress up and one of us would take them out, while the other dealt with the barking dog and handed out candy to those who came to the door.  I was remembering that when they came back home,  they would dump their candy out and swap with each other so they could have what each really wanted.  What I also remember so  clearly is  their unhappiness about having to cover up their costumes with heavy jackets because it was so cold in Boston on most Halloweens.

I wonder how different things will be a year from now.  I wonder how much I will weigh,  if I will still be writing this blog, and how far I will be walking each day.  It is fun to look back and it is fun to look forward.  Life is good!