187.7 A Day At The MIM!

Today was another date day and it turned out to be more than I could have imagined. We went to the very recently completed Musical Instrument Museum. The website is www.themim.org.

What made it so great? So many things. It is a magnificent architectural space, it is a global/historical collection of musical instruments, you can hear through ear phones the specific instruments being played as you approach each display, the art inherent in many of the instruments is also featured, and it's fun. There is an area where you and children can play a variety of instruments without being told not to touch. I can hardly wait for my grandsons to come so we can watch their faces as they listen, learn, and play some of the instruments.

Oh, one more thing made it a great date! Because of the weight loss and surgeries, I could walk and enjoy this most wonderful addition to the area we live in. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to do it.

So, if you live here, go to the MIM. And, if you need a reason to visit here and you love music, come to Phoenix! What a gift for all music lovers.

187.4 Loose Ends

We're expecting house guests momentarily and so it's now or never for my post for today. A few things have been floating around in my head that I think I want to blog about and then get I going on another theme. So today's theme is loose ends. (I just returned from teaching my ESL class and the word theme was one of our vocab words for today!) Anyway, I do want to say that it is really gratifying to hear from those you have shared with me the fact you've have lost weight as an outgrowth of reading this blog. My colleague at PVCC told me today she's lost 16 pounds now! She looks great, but more importantly, is confident that she is going to beat that threat of diabetes that she was facing. Each of you has your own reasons for wanting to lose weight and they are all as important as Allison's. So continue to hang in there, take it as slow as necessary, and keep reading the blog. I am hoping that by seeing how I have done it you can take what you want from my example and turn your desire to lose weight into you own success story.

Also, remember how I have complained about being hungry at night and often spoiling a day of good, careful eating by giving into the night hungers? I've posted new signs in my pantry and refrigerator. One says, "Sue, don't eat tonight. You've had a great day." The other says, "Sue, if you have to eat, eat an apple. Don't blow it!" I don't think those are mixed messages. One is in the best of all worlds and the other is if you can't do that, here's what to do.

So the weight continues to slowly give up and leave my body. I am so grateful for all the pieces that I have been able to put together to make this happen. Hope you are finding success, also, and would love to hear how you've managed to make it happen.

187.2 Freshly Squeezed What?

How can I live in Arizona in late April and be "under the weather"? Well, I am. I have experienced the return, in less than 3 weeks, of that plague like condition I was suffering from during my visit to Memphis and Arkansas last month. I feel as if I am living underwater with no energy, nasal congestion, and the sense that I must be 95 years old, and not doing very well. So I went to my doctor this morning (last time I waited about 3 weeks before realizing I was in trouble) and he diagnosed me with the same situation, namely allergies causing a bacterial infection.

But yesterday, after hearing about it, I stopped at a health store and drank 2 ounces of freshly squeezed... Wheat Grass juice! I was hoping that that would be exactly what I needed to get rid of this pressurized head and runny nose. It didn't take care of that, but I felt absolutely great for about a half hour after drinking it.



So today I went on line to read about it and there is quite a bit written about it. It was noted that you do feel great immediately after drinking it because of the boost it gives your blood. It is loaded with chlorophyll, which has a molecular structure very close to that of hemoglobin. Anyway, now I know what to do when I want a healthy pick me up! It didn't taste bad, either. Remember when you were a kid and would nibble on a blade of grass? It tasted like that, but in case I didn't like it, I was given a chaser of pineapple juice to drink immediately after drinking the Wheat Grass juice. If you have a place where you can watch them put the grass through a juicer so it is very fresh, try it! I really liked it!

187.6 Using My Fat

I almost forgot to tell you about my visit to the plastic surgeon. For a long time now, my eyes have been getting droopier and droopier, and just recently the eye doctor told me that they are so droopy that Medicare would be happy to cover the cost of the surgery because they were actually impeding my vision. And, that perhaps I could have a few more things done while I was at it. Those of you who know me know that I can't just go to any doctor. I have to find the best and as it turned out I probably did. However, it was like when you need a new car, just a little runabout for local driving and you go to a Ferrari dealer instead of someone who sells PT Cruisers.

First of all, I learned that he doesn't take any insurance. After checking out my face he told me that he would be adding some fat to my face to build up areas that have sunk, with age and gravity. I said that he just didn't understand, that I had lost 60 pounds and didn't want any fat added! When he explained that he would be taking it from "areas of fat" on my body, I was thrilled and that was no longer a problem. But then he explained that he couldn't just do my upper eyelids. And if he did do the lower lids also he simply couldn't stop there because the new eyes wouldn't blend with the rest of my face. So before I knew it, he was talking about cheek work, and that meant mouth work, and that meant chin work, and that meant jaw line work, and that meant neck work. Thank God I didn't have to show him more of my body because we were definitely on a roll by this time. Oh, I just remembered...we have a brow problem to address also!

I came away knowing this doctor knew what he was talking about and that he is surely very good! But I was thinking small and the price tag was huge, in spite of the fact he was going to use my fat!

I am getting a second opinion from the doctor that my eye doctor's office uses for the droopy eye problem. Let's see what she has to say.

188.8 Strange But True!

A funny thing happened today. In my list of unread emails, Just My Size, a company that specializes in apparel for the larger woman, appeared. I had forgotten that they didn't carry regular sizes and went on the site looking for a swim suit. I found one that I thought would look good on me (and it was on sale!) and was totally flummoxed when I realized that the suit came only in plus sizes. A new conundrum...should I gain some weight so I could order this great looking suit, or should I settle for something that would fit me as I am now. I don't think there will be many moments when I wish I hadn't lost all the weight, but this was the first and left me feeling a little sad. Is that possible??

Don't worry! I got over it rather quickly and have since ordered a regular size 14 swimsuit. How's that for being resilient? All is well!

188.6 Thinking About God

I just got home and it's already after 9 PM. I have to admit it. I fell asleep today and slept for about 2 hours. When Jeff woke me up, I did my pool workout, and then we joined our special group of friends with whom we talk about things religious/spiritual. Tonight was really interesting as we each described how we thought about God. As you can imagine, there were as many views of God as individuals gathered.

Which brings me to this: I have relied on God, my inner voice, my inner spirit to help support me throughout this weight loss journey. Almost every day I take time to tune out everything else and listen to that comforting, loving, encouraging voice that tells me I can do this, I want to do this, and I am succeeding. I am so grateful for this support.

189.6 Changing Tastes, Changing Choices

As you can see, I'm slowly but surely getting rid of the Vegas weight, as I've named it. I didn't go crazy all the time with eating there. In fact, much of the time I was pretty aware of what I was eating and how much. It was just hard to find obvious healthy things to order much of the time. One of the best eating moments we had was at the Aria Hotel where we stopped for lunch at the Todd English Pub. He had opened one of his first Figs Restaurants in Wellesley, MA where we used to live, so it was a bit of home in the wild and wonderful world of Vegas. After studying the menu that was filled with half pound meat orders, and fries, fat and skinny (I got so excited about skinny fries until Miranda and Alee told me that was all about how the potatoes were sliced, not cooked), and no salads with meat or poultry unless I wanted the 1/2 pound portion added, I ordered the tomato and onion salad and prime rib chili. Both were absolutely divine. I ate about half the chili and about half of the salad and shared the rest.

Often, it is hard to find the perfect healthy choice on many menus. And, to be honest, I never would have ordered the tomato and red onion salad in the past. With the oregano, parsley and, yes, thyme sprinkled on it, it was perfect. I'm still learning, still changing.

190.0 Always On My Mind

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a long time know that I was obsessed with Willie Nelson for a while, singing along with his music as I was first beginning to be able to walk for exercise, about a year ago. Now I am obsessed with the music from Mamma Mia and listen to it every time I get on the elliptical.

My daughter Alee recently told me that she wanted to lose some weight but didn't want to be obsessed with food while she was in the process of trying to lose it. I talked with Jennifer about what Alee had said, and her response was that when we are heavy and not purposeful about what we are eating, we are still obsessed, to use Alee's word, about food, weight, etc., and, isn't it better to be obsessed with losing weight and becoming more healthy than being obsessed with feeling fat and unattractive and thinking about eating to numb the feelings of sadness and unhappiness related to weight issues.

I've been giving this a lot of thought and think food and weight will always be on my mind, and they have been on my mind ever since I was a young teenager and realized that food and weight are intrinsically intertwined with the other.

So yes, you will be obsessed with food as you undertake weight loss, but it will be associated with becoming healthier, feeling more energetic, and having more confidence about how you look, and move. And, the obsession becomes a good thing, like someone you love very much who is always on your mind, rather than a curse.

190.2 Losing It and Gaining Weight!

We are home from a great time in Las Vegas. Miranda had never been there and she was happily surprised at how much it appealed to her. Alee and I had been there together a couple of years ago and she knew she loved it...especially the Bellagio and the gambling. We had a lot of great luck and some not so great luck, but we shared our fortunes (?) and laughed and felt so happy to be together in such a fun place. The several pools were as enticing as the slot machines and we had some great pool time, also.

And the food...it was so delicious and plentiful, and I have to admit I just sort of lost it. That's putting it nicely! I lost it! We all went over to the Y this morning to workout. It was really fun to look around the workout area and see Jeff, and the girls working out with me. I don't think we had ever done that before. Even with that newly gained weight, I was able to do the elliptical for 30 minutes and so I am already feeling like I am getting back into the swing of things. The adorable sculpture that is at the top of this post is in front of our new YMCA. Remember the song with the arm motions, "YMCA"? That's what this sculpture represents.

So I've thought a lot about the 2.5 pounds I put on while away. It wasn't hard to do! Eating out every meal is just plain full of temptation, hidden salt, and delicious choices. So I am back doing my hypnosis, surrounding myself with healthy food, and drinking lots of water. I'll lose it and since we don't get together like this very often, I'm not being too hard on myself.

no scale Having A Great Time With Our Daughters

Now this is fun! My daughters Miranda and Alee arrived in Scottsdale from Boston on Saturday, and Sunday morning we hopped in the car and drove to Las Vegas. This is a belated mother and daughters get away that was supposed to happen last year and didn't. We are at my favorite, The Bellagio. We have laughed so much I don't care if I win or lose. The fun is what it's all about!

So, yes, I will be tempted 24 hours a day with food options that are a lot different than what I am tempted with at home, but I am sticking to the 1/2 is plenty rule and accept that I may have some damage to repair once I get home. (I just corrected the spelling of "once" because I had typed wonce! Do I have gambling on my mind, or what?)

If you don't see a blog post every day, fear not. I will be back! Hope you all are having lots to smile about in your lives.

187.8 Giving Up More Than Calories

I have been thinking a lot about why weight loss and maintaining that loss is so difficult, no matter how much you want to lose weight. Here's what I've come up with. When you embark on weight loss, you have to know on a very deep level that you can never go back to old food behaviors, even though you have to have food every day.

A smoker can quit and never be tempted on a regular basis to smoke, and this goes for alcoholics and drinking, as well. They don't have to have a cigarette or a drink everyday in order to survive. But we have to eat. Also, there's a food for every season, for every reason, for every problem and for every joy. So you give up more than just calories when you embark on weight loss. You have to give up the emotional connections you have established with food. So many of us who have struggled with weight seem not to get that and think that we can eventually return to the familiar.

The most important question to answer before you start on a weight loss journey, and it is a journey, is what are you going to get out of it and how much do you want that. Then leave the notes and pictures (of you at a heavy weight) in the refrigerator and/or food cupboards to remind yourself that that is why you are not going to take that whatever...because you want something more than you want that item of food that you are reaching for. This has to be the overriding element that determines success or failure.

If you have ideas about what makes it so difficult please share them with me either through a direct email (smbmiller@cox.net) or as a comment. What do you think?

187.6 TLC

I keep driving by this poor cactus. Actually, it's not so poor. It is being well cared for in spite of its issues. The issues the saguaro (pron. sue-are-o) cactus faces are familiar. If it takes in too much (water is its nemesis, and we had a very rainy winter this year), it begins to lean and will eventually topple over if not given support. It touches me to see how much TLC goes into protecting these very special plants.

These plants weigh between 3200 and 4800 pounds, depending on their size and the number of arms they have. While being held up, the job of the cactus is to stabilize itself by drying out so that it weighs less and can eventually support itself. What's really amazing is that each of these mighty plants has one tap root that grows down about 2 feet, and then has another root system that is only 4"-6" deep that spreads as wide as the cactus is tall.

I've been thinking that we all need to take care of ourselves with TLC, just like these plants receive when they are in trouble. So if you are struggling, get some help, either from a professional, a good friend, or perhaps, me. You can always email me at smbmiller@cox.net if you have questions or want to chat about what is going on with your weight loss. I'd love to be a part of your support system.

And by the way, if you want to read more about these majestic cacti go to http://www.desertmuseum.org/kids/oz/long-fact-sheets/Saguaro%20Cactus.php.

188.0 Chew, Chew Chew Chew, Chew, Chewing Gum!

Today was another date day and this time we invited another couple to go with us. Being an advocate of chewing gum when hungry, I thought we should go visit the Wrigley Mansion, actually their "winter cottage". The Wrigley Mansion is not huge or terribly pretentious, but it is certainly grander than your everyday winter cottage. Today was an absolutely gorgeous day here as you can see from the day time photos. We kept talking about how much we'd like to come at night because the views are spectacular. What was really interesting is that you paid what you wanted to for lunch. and we did, and we paid them well because the food was delicious.

So what did I have? I had the Chipotle Chicken Caesar Salad. The chicken was tender and moist, and the romaine was crisp and fresh. I either dipped the salad greens into the dressing, or dipped my fork in the dressing and then stabbed some lettuce. What I didn't do was eat all of the dressing! It's amazing how little I eat when I use the dipping method instead of pouring it all on.

We had a great time. It is so beautiful here now. Yes, it was hot but as we say out here, it's a dry heat so it is much easier to tolerate. It's true. So much better than the humid heat that plagues most of the rest of the country. I just love it out here!

188.2 Remember This, Sue!

It just dawned on me that there are a couple of things I do when eating out that I don't think I've ever blogged about. If you have been following my blog you have surely read that I often dread eating out because there are so many unknowns.

If possible, going to the restaurant's website and checking out the menu ahead of time is really helpful. In fact, if you can make your decision before you head out to dinner and then not even open the menu before you order is the best of all worlds. For me, once a decision is made, the tension fades and it's easier. Being faced with 10 or more delicious sounding entrees under time pressure can often lead to disaster. Oh yeah, and ask questions if you aren't clear on exactly what you are really going to get if you order a vegetable that has some fancy term accompanying it. And, always request substitutions if you want healthier side dishes than are paired with the entree on the menu. There may be some limitations, but give it a try. It's also always worth adding a $1 or so to your bill to get what is good for you.

The second thing I've done is to write out some reminders about what I am trying to achieve with this weight loss on my computer, and then print and laminate them. If I am unsure about what I want to do, which as you know is very different from what is the smart way for me to order, I just pull this little card out of my purse and quietly read it and then make my decisions. This has really saved the day when I am in one of those "I deserve it" or, "I don't care, I just want it" moods. Here's what is printed on my Remember This, Sue, card:

I am losing weight.
I only eat foods that are good for me.
One half, one half, one half is plenty for me.
I am getting fit, slender, and healthier because I eat well.
I want to continue to lose weight.
Don't blow it, Sue! :)

Use your own ideas and words in a way that will help you. It's a great way to take care of yourself when you're eating out.

189.2 Want To Join The Team?

I just got this cute picture of our son Ted and his almost 4 year old son Julien! What a pair of great guys!

It's really interesting how throwing a little support, aka competition, into the mix has already made a difference. I wrote yesterday about my friend Judy suggesting that we sprint to 170 pounds together since she and I are at about the same weight. And, now my daughter Alee is thinking about joining the team! Anyway, as I was laying in bed this morning at about 6:45 telling myself that there was no way I could fit any exercise in to my schedule today, a vision of Judy at her gym got me up and out of bed and over to our workout room before I had time to give it another thought.

Today was a really busy day, but I did eat a small breakfast and lunch. Out of curiosity, I weighed myself before dinner and I was down about a half a pound from this morning. Hmm, what does that mean? Jeff said I was probably dehydrated, and he may be right. So I am working on drinking lots of water and I can hardly wait to see what the scale says tomorrow morning.

Anyone else want to join the sprint to lose 20 pounds?

189.8 Okay, Judy, You're On!

I don't know how many people I've told about my blog and I never know if they will read it once they hear about it. But today I got an email from a dear fried who has been reading it, and has been losing weight. Now we are both at the same weight and are going to "sprint to the finish" together. I wrote a post way back when I started this blog called A Letter To Judy, 9/9/09. Judy and I have been friends for, let's see, about 25 years. She is now an ordained minister and has a church in the Boston area. Anyway, I didn't realize that she had been involved with this weight loss adventure until today's email. So now I have a partner and the fun begins. I'll share any insights/tips she might have that she's put to work for her. Okay, Judy, here we go to 170!

189.0 Disaster and Delight!

Yesterday I ate two meals out. Lunch was a disaster. I spent all day at a writer's workshop and with the price of admission, a bag lunch was included. You want to talk about high carbs, and low food value? The sandwich was 90 % bulkie roll and 10% turkey and cheese. Oh, and three silver dollar sized pieces of lettuce. And what else was tucked away in the bag? A small chocolate chip cookie and a medium sized bag of potato chips! You know, I had thought about putting an apple in my purse before leaving the house, but forgot! Forgetting is beginning to be a bigger part of my life than ever! Ouch! Next time I'm in a similar situation I'll remember to pack my own lunch.

On the other hand, the dinner was beautifully prepared by my friend Annis, who has been involved with my journey for a long time now. She made sure there was plenty of salad, delicious vegetables, and was willing to cut me a sliver of one of the best desserts I have had in a long time!

As I think about it, the issue of people and food is funny and complicated. There are "feeders" who want you to eat. They always have food, goodies, available in case you might stop by, and they delight in seeing you eat their food. They want you to eat! And then there are the "non-feeders". They are just as comfortable with you not eating whatever! They are delighted just to spend time with you. I really appreciated Annis's thoughtfulness. She didn't push food on me, and in fact, called me to check on what I preferred to drink and to let me know that she was thinking of me as she planned her menu.

The writer's workshop was exhilarating and exhausting. In my dreams of putting together a publishable form of this blog, I never realized that writing it would be just one little part of it. OMG, that appears to be the easy part compared to all that goes into having a publishable product. This is going to be as challenging as the weight loss, and may take as long! We'll see.

189.8 Who Knew You Knew Them?

I just got told my pants were too big! It was a compliment from one of my staunchest weight loss cheerleaders! I knew they were a little too big, but didn't think anyone would notice. So tomorrow, back to the mall!

We had a great time with old and new friends tonight. It was one of those wonderful events where you find out that you know people in common. I love this when it happens because you get flooded with memories of some folks you might not have thought about in years.

But it's late and I think I'll call it quits and go to bed. I'll be back tomorrow.

189.8 I'm Engaged!

I'm engaged! No, I don't have a new boyfriend. I have been happily married for almost 46 years! But today I went over to our community center workout room and got on the elliptical for the first time in about a month. (During that month we traveled to Memphis and I developed a respiratory infection that loved living with me and didn't want to leave!) So, because I hadn't been on it recently, I was very fearful that I would experience a difficult return. (See Climbing Mt. Everest 11/20/09.) To further complicate the decision to give it a try was that this morning as I was trying to put a leg into my jeans, I lost my balance and twisted my rather temperamental back.

So I started listening to the Mamma Mia soundtrack, climbed on the elliptical and it was as if I had never been away from it. I had decided to aim for 15 minutes and then I kept extending my time on it. I ended up doing it for almost 25 minutes and it was easy, fun, and engaging.

More good news...today I get to return to my pool and my water therapy. The pool heat pump has been repaired, the sun is shining and I can hardly wait to re-engage with my water exercises. Maybe that dream of playing golf again is going to become a reality sooner than I thought.

I'm also smiling because I am back in the "80s"!

191.4 Night Hunger Revisited

Boring! I am reaching the nudgey stage since I have been at this weight for the last 4 days. You'd think it would vary by at least 2 ounces. (That is the interval my scale is calibrated on.) I'm wondering if I will ever lose another pound. I know I will, but when? :) I'm ready now!

I don't know if any of you have this problem, but the hardest time during the day, everyday, that I have around food issues is about an hour or two after I finish dinner. It doesn't seem to matter what I have for dinner. I get really hungry. If I give into the hunger I feel like have have blown the whole day of being on track with everything. I've tried the gum chewing routine, which works sometimes, but not always, and then I wake up during the night feeling hungry. I often eat an apple, but sometimes I just go nuts and eat nuts, or peanut butter unconsciously or by becoming delusional and telling myself it is okay. And then I get really mad at myself for "falling off the wagon". I think this is basically a bad habit. I need to listen to my inner spirit for encouragement and just not eat anything after dinner for a couple of weeks and let this night hunger lose its hold on me.

191.4 Reactions and Strategies

A funny thing happened this morning. As Linda and I started our walk we both agreed it was way too cold and windy to go very far, so we walked to the golf course and ordered breakfast at the cantina there. I always order two scrambled eggs and one pancake, knowing I will eat only half of each item. Without thinking I poured regular syrup on my pancake. You would have thought that I poured gasoline on it. I was horrified and immediately scraped off the syrup and lifted the startled pancake up off of my plate. The waitress, noticing my distress, brought me a new plate and the sugar free variety of syrup. What's important here is my reaction. In the old days I would have blown off the error and gone ahead and eaten the pancake with full strength syrup. I liked my reaction! It proves that my mind has changed and I don't want that sugar in my body. Now some might think that sugar free syrup isn't exactly a great thing to be eating, but it works for me. It's a way for eating something I love without stirring up old cravings and associated problems. And, in the end I did only eat half.

Last night we went to a great steakhouse and I ordered halibut. It was so delicious. And, I ordered two veges, again knowing I would only eat half. For me, it's like buying insurance when we eat out. I don't want to overeat the higher calories things that often come with the entree because I might not be satisfied, so I cover my bases and have plenty of good veges available. Tonight I don't have to cook anything. I brought home half my fish, and have wonderful mushrooms and broccoli ready to be reheated. It's all about the strategies!

191.4 The Perfect Black Dress, or Is It?

Yay! Finally my weight is heading down again. I really appreciated the encouraging comments that were made while I was in my doldrums about regaining some of my lost weight. Thanks very much for taking the time to post those comments.

I mentioned that I went shopping in my post yesterday. What I didn't say is that I bought a dress, not a long dress, a short dress. I haven't done that in more years than I can remember. This is the perfect black dress. It's youthful, covers my upper arms with style, and it looks pretty good ~ in fact, very good. But I have two issues going on with it. The first is that it fits me perfectly right now and I will be losing another 20 pounds, so then will it be too big? Probably. The second is that I don't have great legs. In fact, that is why I haven't bought a shorter dress in oh, so many years. Yes, my legs look somewhat better since I've lost the 60 pounds, but they still aren't very good looking. Do you think I could let that go and just enjoy wearing it? Should I buy the smaller size and then take back the larger one if it becomes too big? Oh, the issues when I have options, finally, about clothes and styles that I can now wear. To be honest, it is worth the price of this dress just to see it hanging in my closet.

192.0 Feeling Good Again!

First of all, I want to congratulate Jennifer Scott who has been so instrumental in helping me lose this weight. She is cited in this week's issue of Time Magazine that came out today. She is well known for her self hypnosis program for golfers (Own The Zone) and was quoted in an article about Tiger's return to golf as he competes in the Masters this week. I'm delighted that she's received this recognition. Her website is listed on the right.

Wow! It is so nice to feel good again. My energy is back and although my nose is still running like crazy, I'm not feeling like I am functioning underwater like I did for the past 3 weeks.

And, today I walked about two and a half miles, one of the longest walks I have done. It felt great except when we were walking up hill which was about a third of the time. My legs didn't like the long walk but my back held up just fine! As a precaution, before heading to the massage therapist, I took two extra strength Tylenol. I do that before I go to the dentist, too. It takes the edge off the impending pain.

So, I haven't lost any weight recently, but I am so grateful that I haven't gained anymore. What goes up will come down and now I am in the very patiently aware mode. Oh, I should add that the walk this morning was so beautiful. Flowers are blooming everywhere and are especially prolific due to all of the rain we've had. I think that's called the silver lining to the rain clouds that were so prevalent this winter.

192.0 The Secret!

Yesterday I went shopping! I was in a down mood but was trying to get my mind focused on some positives so off I went. When the sales gal asked me if I was looking for something in particular, I told her that I had lost 60 pounds and my closet was bare! I was ready to try anything on that appealed to me. I did find several things and in spite of my recent weight gain, could still fit into size 14 pants, so I was happy.

As she was ringing up the sale she told me that a couple of years ago she had lost quite a bit of weight. And, she went on, the secret to keeping it off was that she weighs herself everyday! Music to my ears ~ something I do now, and something I know I will do to maintain my weight loss. We parted best of friends.

Happy Easter! Happy Sunshine! Happy Spring!

192.0 A Bad Night and a Difficult Day

Today started out to be a very difficult day. My weight has continued to go up and I know why. Last night I totally lost my focus and ate unconsciously and out of control. That really hasn't happened like this in a long time and it bothered the heck out of me that I did it.

This morning when I got on the scale I was filled with anger and disgust at myself about what I did last night. How could I have done that? #*#! happens and it sure happened last night. The good news is that I have been very upset and uncomfortable with the fact I over ate to the extent I did last night. I am determined that this is not going to become a pattern that I can ignore. I am fighting back.

So today I was able to start turning things around, and I spent some time repairing my spirit along with getting back on track. It was made a little more difficult because we went to a dinner party at the home of some dear friends. The hosts didn't know about my experience over the past 24 hours. They were hosting out of town guests who helped them prepare and serve an elegant, delicious meal with lots of healthy options so I enjoyed every bite. It worked out very well and we had a great time.

I'm fessing up because this blog is worthless if I'm not honest about what really is going on with me as I continue to face this challenge that I have given myself of losing 80 pounds. As I have said in earlier posts, it is definitely not an even slide down those numbers on the scale. So I'm back to staying aware of every bite, back to exercise, back to working on being filled with gratitude for my life.

191.0 Too Much Information!

I love Paul Simon. I saw Paul Simon live about three years ago in Boston and it was amazing. Now to be honest, maybe it was the marijuana in the air that made it so amazing. I have never done marijuana but it was in the atmosphere. One of our friends who was with us had enough experience with the substance to know that it was in the air. Anyway, one of my favorite songs that he sings has been floating around in my mind a lot lately. It's about being soft in the middle. (You Can Call Me Al.)

Maybe this is too much information, but I am definitely too soft in the middle. So I went back to my new physical therapist yesterday, and if she has her way I won't be too soft in the middle for much longer! You know, doing the elliptical for 30 minutes, being able to walk for an hour put me in the delusional state that I was very strong, physically. I guess I'm not! But now I have some direction to start getting stronger. If I am going to try to play golf again, I simply can't be soft in the middle!

About the uptick in my weight, since this is a weight loss blog, well what can I say. My appetite has definitely returned after feeling sick for so long and I have to get back in my routine using all my props ~ eating less, exercise, and staying aware of each and every thing I eat and why I am eating it.

190.0 Congratulations, Allison!

Today I walked into the Resource Center at Paradise Valley Community College where I tutor ESL once a week. I hadn't been able to be there for a couple of weeks and was looking forward to seeing my students. What I wasn't expecting was the reception I received from one of the gals who works there. Allison had asked me the last time I was there how I had lost the weight. I told her that it was basically eating about half of what I used to eat, exercise, hypnosis, and staying connected to my inner spirit. Then I told her about writing this blog and sent her the blog address later that day.

When I walked in this morning, she jumped up from her chair, told me with great delight that she had lost 10 pounds since I had last seen her, and that she is so happy. She said that she has been reading the blog and how much it has helped her. She is struggling with diabetes now and is determined to fight it with weight loss. She said that she decided she was not going to let diabetes be a part of her life from now on.

Obviously, I am thrilled by her success. And, I am so glad that the information in the blog has helped her make the changes that are leading to her success. She laughed and said that what I've written about in the blog are things that she can relate to. For example, she still whines about wine! (See 8/19/09.)

I hope there are lots of readers who are finding inspiration and information through this blog to help them change. That has been one of my goals in writing this since the beginning. So congratulations, Allison! You are on your way, and you made my day!