"An Encouraging Word" by Jean Fain

My daughter Alee introduced me to Jean Fain's "An Encouraging Word" site a few years ago. (At the bottom of the post you can read a short bio.) This morning I received this post and want to put it out here for you because it is timely and powerful as we try to find the confidence to eat and drink what we chose to rather than to allow ourselves to be talked into eating for others.

"An Encouraging Word, Vol. 39
Just In Time: Holiday Bill Of Rights
By Jean Fain / Published November 15, 2011

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Read on if you’re interested in losing weight without the deprivation associated with dieting. Feel free to forward “An Encouraging Word” to a friend.

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Pumpkin Pie For Breakfast….

With the holidays fast approaching, I’m reprinting some timely encouragement from Evelyn Tribole, an award-winning nutritionist and co-author of the mindful eating classic, “Intuitive Eating.” Even if you’ve read Tribole’s Holiday Bill of Rights in last year’s Encouraging Word, it’s definitely worth rereading right about now:

What if peace on earth could begin at the dinner table? Imagine experiencing an inner peace, free from incessant worry about what to eat. It's hard to enjoy the holidays when you are preoccupied with eating or worried about what to say to relatives who have an annual tradition of telling you what and how to eat.

To help you foster inner peace with food, mind and body, consider your Intuitive Eating Bill of Rights:

1. You have the right to savor your meal, without cajoling or judgment, and without discussion of calories eaten or the amount of exercise needed to burn off said calories.

2. You have the right to enjoy second servings without apology.

3. You have the right to honor your fullness, even if that means saying "no thank you" to dessert or a second helping of food.

4. It is not your responsibility to make someone happy by overeating, even if it took hours to prepare a specialty holiday dish.

5. You have the right to say, "No thank you," without explanation, when offered more food.

6. You have the right to stick to your original answer of "no", even if you are asked multiple times. Just calmly and politely repeat "No, thank you, really."

7. You have the right to eat pumpkin pie for breakfast.

Remember, no one, except for you, knows how you feel, both emotionally and physically. Only you can be the expert of your body, which requires inner attunement, rather than the external, well-meaning, suggestions from family

In addition to seeing clients in private practice, Jean Fain teaches behavioral medicine at Cambridge Health Alliance, a teaching affiliate of Harvard Medical School, and she writes for O, The Oprah Magazine, among other publications. More information about Jean Fain’s therapy services, audio CDs and new book, The Self-Compassion Diet, is available on her website (www.jeanfain.com)."

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171.8 Pay Attention, Sue!

I just looked back through my posts to see when it was that I weighed this much and it was more than a month ago. The good news is that since reaching my goal I've been able to maintain my weight around the 170 mark pretty well. The bad news is that I've bumped up and I need to pay attention. I need to pay attention. One more time, I need to pay attention.

Now I could go through a litany of reasons why this fate has befallen me, and I will because I need to be aware of why I think this has happened. Yes, it's about salt, it's about too many nuts just before bed, and it's about being a little too cocky about how I've been handling food options. It's also about less exercise due to weather and PT constraints. It's about the fact my walking buddy left for about a month. (Thankfully she's back!) So I'm back to the basics, and returning to the stricter discipline. It's time to reverse this trend.

172.2 Making Chicken Soup

It's a little cooler out here than usual so I decided to make some chicken soup. Now that I'm on maintenance, I've started cooking again. It's not that I made some grand decision not to cook while I was in the process of losing those 80 pounds, but it was just easier to eat very simply and stay out of the kitchen.

I've come up with a great way to serve butternut squash which is healthy and low calorie in its own right, meaning without the butter I added. But anyway, I bought the fresh, already cubed squash and cooked it in the microwave with about 1/4 cup of water added, for about 15 minutes. When it was done I mashed it by hand, added butter, salt and pepper and my secret ingredient, sugar free maple syrup! It is so yummy. I took it to our Thanksgiving gathering and it was a great hit as was my pumpkin pie. Follow the recipe on the can of pumpkin, but substitute Splenda or Stevia for the sugar, egg beaters or similar product for the eggs and use fat free evaporated milk instead of the usual! Another successful contribution to Thanksgiving provided by yours truly.

Now, while we were in San Francisco is where I did a little damage mainly because we ate all of our meals at restaurants. I've learned to always ask for sugar free maple syrup, but it was a little harder to not use the regular since in the two restaurants we went to for breakfast, the real thing was served warm. But, I did the 1/2 and 1/2 trick which I've adopted when I want a little of the real and a little of the more healthy version.

We had a great time seeing relatives, and the wedding was wonderful. We stayed right on Union Square so that even if we hadn't wanted to shop, the Black Friday crowds were everywhere. For this gal from the desert lands of north Scottsdale, it was really fun and exciting to see and be a part of the crowds! But, it's great to be back home where the sun is shining and the temperatures are finally rising!

Now we have two family birthdays and then Christmas. It is a busy time of year!

179.8 Celebrate!

You are looking at the number, aka my weight, and wondering what I am celebrating, right? Well, I'm celebrating that I haven't gained more weight! We have eaten out 5 times over the past 5 days. All of these events have taken place with friends, so it's not like Jeff and I are simply on a roll here. And I'm celebrating that we have so many wonderful friends who want to get together for a meal. And, I'm celebrating that I have finally learned to say to the waiter/waitress that I'd like simply, grilled salmon with no sauce done medium with spinach, and that's it. Is that possible? I haven't been turned down yet! And, you know, once I do that, a wave of peace comes over me because I am no longer struggling about which entree is the healthiest, is low in calories, but do I like it, etc., and should I ...and do I want to...? etc. I am developing gills beneath my ears, but I'll save that for another post :).

Oh, one more thing...I just came home from Chico's and am now wearing a size 1 in tops. That does mean I have no more bosom, but, hey, isn't that why "figure flattering" bras, previously known as padded bras, are available?

Anyway, have a wonderful holiday weekend. I'm taking tomorrow off and will be back on Tuesday, after two more nights of partying! I'm so grateful that I no longer drink, or I would be in very deep trouble.

178.2 Weight Loss Contagion

Recently I've been reading a lot about the fact that there is something to the notion that weight has a contagious element to it. In Women Food and God Geneen Roth talks about how the glue that can sustain a group of friends can be the 10 pounds each wants to but can't seem to lose. And in Mindless Eating, it is pointed out that those who eat together usually will eat the same amount. When you eat out, look around. You will probably see, especially among women, that they can often be close in stature and what they order is similar. One is rarely eating a salad while the other has a hamburger with fries. Before the weight loss, I would always encourage the others to order first so that I wouldn't be eating out of sync with them. If they all ordered salads, why, of course, I ordered a salad. If a dessert was ordered, ah, yes, I, too, would order a dessert! Someone relatively close to me wrote in response to learning that I had lost another 10 pounds that she hated skinny people. (Skinny I am not, but plump she is.)

Jeff has lost almost 40 pounds since I started losing weight. No, he doesn't see Jennifer, and he doesn't consciously use hypnosis (that could be the basis of another post), and we often don't eat the same things. And, I have never told him that he should lose weight or to do what I do :). Suggestions like those usually backfire. But he's been in my contagion zone, if you will. (I'm smiling as I write this because I'm hearing Elizabeth Gilbert's voice in my head reading Eat, Pray, Love in which she uses that expression at least 50 times - not an expression I commonly use!). He's seen me eat half of what I used to eat, never take second helpings, and he's observed my comfort with leaving food on my plate. And, he's probably eaten more veges and salads in the past couple of years than he'd eaten over the first 25 years of his life! He started working out in addition to playing golf, his passion that he used to assure me was all the exercise he needed as he drove a cart around the golf course everyday. Now he often walks the first 9 holes.

I am so lucky to be with a guy who has been able to go with the constraints I put on what food we have around the house. We simply don't have junk food because I don't want to be tempted every time I open the cupboard. He agreed to that. And, if he's willing to barbeque and I want fish or chicken and he wants a steak, that's fine with him. If he wants a potato and I don't, that's fine with me. And, it's been interesting to see how few potatoes actually get cooked, and how few steaks are eaten. We used to eat out very frequently, and he's accepted that I am much more comfortable staying home so that I can control the choices and preparation, so he's given that up to a considerable extent, also. And, when he just can't take it anymore, he'll offer to go to Costco alone so he can get his hot dog fix, and we joke about it.

And what about the wine? I have known couples that have trouble when one stops drinking. There can be resentment on either side and a shift often takes place in the relationship. I've told people that Jeff and I used to really enjoy drinking together. At around 5 every evening, that's what we did. When I decided to stop, Jeff did not stop. That was okay with me and I really didn't expect him to stop. And, thankfully, I didn't experience resentment on his part. But, guess what? He now probably drinks less than half what he used to. Who knew??

So congratulations Jeff on the weight loss, and thanks for all of your support.

179.6 Hitting The Wall

Years and years ago, Jeff ran in a Boston Marathon (and finished)! He used to talk about "hitting the wall" as he started up Heartbreak Hill in Newton. He'd feel like he had nothing left to give but knew he had to run those hills in order to reach the finish line.

Today and yesterday and the day before to be honest, I've felt a little like I've hit the wall. I think it's a combination of things playing off of each other...getting out of the exercise mode due to the surgery, eating out a couple of times - let's make that 3 times over the past week, and just kind of a let down because I haven't been sleeping that well due to the eye thing. Now they are really itchy (I call them bitchy!), because the itchiness does make me pretty irritable.

So it's time to gather myself - I simply love that expression - around my purpose and get my act together again. I'm so close and I'd like these last 9 pounds to leave in a hurry, not drag us all through tedious weeks of going nowhere.

It's really hot here so we're going to a movie and then, you guessed it, we're going out to eat. But I can order well and just eat half and love myself! Now there's a thought....

189.6 Changing Tastes, Changing Choices

As you can see, I'm slowly but surely getting rid of the Vegas weight, as I've named it. I didn't go crazy all the time with eating there. In fact, much of the time I was pretty aware of what I was eating and how much. It was just hard to find obvious healthy things to order much of the time. One of the best eating moments we had was at the Aria Hotel where we stopped for lunch at the Todd English Pub. He had opened one of his first Figs Restaurants in Wellesley, MA where we used to live, so it was a bit of home in the wild and wonderful world of Vegas. After studying the menu that was filled with half pound meat orders, and fries, fat and skinny (I got so excited about skinny fries until Miranda and Alee told me that was all about how the potatoes were sliced, not cooked), and no salads with meat or poultry unless I wanted the 1/2 pound portion added, I ordered the tomato and onion salad and prime rib chili. Both were absolutely divine. I ate about half the chili and about half of the salad and shared the rest.

Often, it is hard to find the perfect healthy choice on many menus. And, to be honest, I never would have ordered the tomato and red onion salad in the past. With the oregano, parsley and, yes, thyme sprinkled on it, it was perfect. I'm still learning, still changing.

207.8 Just Do It!

You know how sometimes something just clicks and you didn't even know you were thinking about it?  That happened today for me. I was coming home from doing errands and started thinking about what I still had to do today, and taking my walk immediately came to mind.  But, on the heels of that thought came the very welcome realization that I had already taken my walk today.  In fact, I had walked further than usual in the same amount of time.  I had walked faster!

What I have figured out is that once I just do something that is good for me, I can let it go and live my life without it hanging over me.  It is sort of like ordering that meal that is a healthier choice than the rest on the menu, and then adding that I don't want any potato.  Once I do that, all the tension is gone, the meal is satisfying and I don't have to focus on it anymore.  (And, I don't ever remember wishing I had had the potato or whatever.)

So tomorrow when I get up and start thinking about when I will walk, I will open that front door and go!