183.2 It's Simple But It's Not Easy

You know how on some days, disparate things come together? On Friday I attended a discussion at Paradise Valley Community College on using non-judgmental language in the classroom, and then I had a great phone conversation with Jennifer Scott. I hadn't expected the two events to have anything to do with each other, but they surely did.

During the non-judgmental discussion, the leader, a math prof and former therapist, talked about how she never tells her students that something is easy, because if they don't get it and she's said it is easy, it invites them to think that they are stupid. (The community college population is very different from that of a traditional four year institution. Often the students were not on a college track in high school, or they may be older and are trying to enter a college setting after being out of school for a while. In other words, confidence is usually not a strong suit for these students.) So she tells them that a concept is simple but it is not easy. She had many more great things to share with us, but this is the one that struck me as I was talking to Jennifer later that afternoon.

We were talking about the challenge that I'm facing in terms of maintenance and what she responded with is very simple, but for me it has not been easy. Exercise and consciousness...she repeated those two words several times during our conversation and the big click occurred when I realized that it is simple, but it is not easy. I love it when things like that occur because it is validation that I get it.

I wish I had had this insight when I was raising my children, this knowledge about how important language is on the listener's view of him or herself. Another example the discussion leader gave was to never tell someone that he or she isn't stupid. Research has shown that the person hears stupid (forget that you said not stupid) and the damage is done. One more thing she said that struck me is how special you can make a person feel if you simply say that you were thinking about them and wondered....

As you can see, I did get a lot out of this opportunity at the college. I'm so glad I went.

"An Encouraging Word" by Jean Fain

My daughter Alee introduced me to Jean Fain's "An Encouraging Word" site a few years ago. (At the bottom of the post you can read a short bio.) This morning I received this post and want to put it out here for you because it is timely and powerful as we try to find the confidence to eat and drink what we chose to rather than to allow ourselves to be talked into eating for others.

"An Encouraging Word, Vol. 39
Just In Time: Holiday Bill Of Rights
By Jean Fain / Published November 15, 2011

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Read on if you’re interested in losing weight without the deprivation associated with dieting. Feel free to forward “An Encouraging Word” to a friend.

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Pumpkin Pie For Breakfast….

With the holidays fast approaching, I’m reprinting some timely encouragement from Evelyn Tribole, an award-winning nutritionist and co-author of the mindful eating classic, “Intuitive Eating.” Even if you’ve read Tribole’s Holiday Bill of Rights in last year’s Encouraging Word, it’s definitely worth rereading right about now:

What if peace on earth could begin at the dinner table? Imagine experiencing an inner peace, free from incessant worry about what to eat. It's hard to enjoy the holidays when you are preoccupied with eating or worried about what to say to relatives who have an annual tradition of telling you what and how to eat.

To help you foster inner peace with food, mind and body, consider your Intuitive Eating Bill of Rights:

1. You have the right to savor your meal, without cajoling or judgment, and without discussion of calories eaten or the amount of exercise needed to burn off said calories.

2. You have the right to enjoy second servings without apology.

3. You have the right to honor your fullness, even if that means saying "no thank you" to dessert or a second helping of food.

4. It is not your responsibility to make someone happy by overeating, even if it took hours to prepare a specialty holiday dish.

5. You have the right to say, "No thank you," without explanation, when offered more food.

6. You have the right to stick to your original answer of "no", even if you are asked multiple times. Just calmly and politely repeat "No, thank you, really."

7. You have the right to eat pumpkin pie for breakfast.

Remember, no one, except for you, knows how you feel, both emotionally and physically. Only you can be the expert of your body, which requires inner attunement, rather than the external, well-meaning, suggestions from family

In addition to seeing clients in private practice, Jean Fain teaches behavioral medicine at Cambridge Health Alliance, a teaching affiliate of Harvard Medical School, and she writes for O, The Oprah Magazine, among other publications. More information about Jean Fain’s therapy services, audio CDs and new book, The Self-Compassion Diet, is available on her website (www.jeanfain.com)."

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171.0 Gratitude Vs Pride

A while ago our minister gave a sermon on gratitude versus pride. He suggested that when we or someone we know does something special or very well, it is better to think of the accomplishment in terms of gratitude than pride.

I've been thinking about this. As most of you know, my 9 year old grandson saved his friend's life a couple of months ago by observing that his friend was choking, asking him if that was happening and then jumping up and doing the Heimlich maneuver causing the lodged peppermint disc to fly out of his friend's throat and mouth, thus allowing him to breathe normally again. Let me just say, I am so proud of him for his courage and so grateful that he had the confidence to do it. Sometimes, I think there is room to be proud and be filled with gratitude.

I'm often asked if I feel proud of myself for losing the 82 pounds and I am most likely to say that I am grateful for the help and encouragement I received and for the fact I was able to do it. It's not about pride or being proud. In my case it's all about the gratitude.

170.2 Balance Ball

Today I bought a balance ball to use with my physical therapy program. I've worked with one before but never owned my own big blue balance ball. I'm quite enamored with it, as you can see.

What's clicked in this simply unpredictable mind of mine is how losing weight, and maintaining weight loss is a little like doing a workout on a balance ball. There are so many aspects of what you are doing to keep track of, keep in balance, so you don't fall off. I haven't fallen off the balance ball yet, but I have caught myself in the process of losing it more than once.

Last night we went out to celebrate with friends and I caught myself just in the nick of time, before falling off. The catch was made in response to all of the mind and body work I've done over the past couple of years. Catching myself gave me confidence even though I did over eat, confidence that I knew the value of stopping and getting right back on track instead of giving in and giving up.

Balance in our lives is precious and attainable as long as we remember to catch ourselves when we get a little shaky, when we begin to lose control.

171.2 More!

There's actually more to the story than just upping the amount of water that I have been drinking. As you know, I've been working with Jennifer Scott (Clinical Hypno-Therapist) and she's taught me to listen to my inner voice, for Guidance all through this process. Recently when we were together, by tapping into our inner voices/spirits, we learned something that neither of us had thought about or talked directly about, and that is that part of my inability to lose these last 5 -10 pounds has been a fear that once I reached my goal, I will start regaining the weight, all of the weight. And, I learned that I didn't need to have that fear anymore, that I will be able to handle the success and all other challenges that life will present to me in the aftermath of this weight loss. A wave of relief swept through me as I became aware of these messages. And, I started losing the weight and drinking the water and look what happened. I do have a new confidence about reaching the goal and moving on. Now I just wonder what life has in store for me. I know I'll be up to the challenge. This is exciting!

171.8 Almost Landing

I'm a very nervous flyer. I don't like the take-off and have become hyper-aware of all sorts of things as the plane rises into the sky. Is it moving fast enough, is it going steep enough, and how does it sound, are just a few of the things I judge as the plane ascends. And, I am happy to say that so far all of my take-offs have been without incident.

Starting this weight loss adventure was a little like boarding a plane and then taking off. When I started I didn't have a goal, a destination, in mind. I just wanted to lose weight. And, the beginning was stressful because I didn't want to fail, I didn't want to crash.

And once the plane has leveled off and is heading toward my destination, I relax a little, until the first turbulence hits and then I'm a basket case! I do calm down as the plane calms down, but I'm always on guard. It is up to me to keep the plane up in the air, right?

I'm not sure you could say that I ever really relaxed during this weight loss program. I did gain more confidence in it over time, but for me it has been like being in the plane that has taken off and is not ready to land. Every bump up caused anxiety similar to that caused by a little turbulence, and when I bumped up a couple of pounds, it was major turbulence, major anxiety that I experienced. And this journey's success has definitely been all up to me!

And then I begin to wait for that change in sound, change in altitude, change in speed as the plane begins its descent. And I start making mental notes about how things are going as the plane approaches the airport to make its landing.

I'm in the landing pattern now, getting ready to complete the descent and to arrive at my destination. I may bounce a little depending on unforeseen happenings, but I definitely won't have to climb back up, circle and try again. This is the landing that I've been awaiting for a long time now. And, I'm filled with those same feelings of relief and excitement and anticipation that I always experience when I reach my destination.

184.0 Kudos to Kathleen!

As you know, on the right side of my posts I list other websites and information for you to check out if you are interested. One of the sites is entitled Among The Savages and it is written by a very dear friend of mine who my daughter Miranda met while they were both attending Colby College. Kathleen just posted on her blog that she has finally reached her goal weight that puts her back where she was before she gave birth to her youngest son. Congratulations, Kathleen!

Kathleen has been one of my cheerleaders since I've been on this weight loss adventure, while trekking along on her own weight loss adventure. In her post today, she let on that she is disappointed that her figure is not the same as it was when she weighed the same amount in the past. Since I am 67, I've never dreamed my figure would be similar to when I weighed a lot less many years ago. Age does give us a little different perspective :), and although having a lovely figure is a blessing, being healthy and strong, agile and flexible are the real gifts of losing weight and exercising. She will have to continue her exercise and awareness about food forever if she wants to maintain her new weight, but having the knowledge that she achieved her goal will certainly give the confidence and will to continue so that she can maintain her goal weight! You did it, Kathleen, and I am going to do it, too!

189.2 Confidence and Questions

Well now, there you go! I ate an apple, let some anger go, and lost a pound! Wouldn't it be great if that was all there was to losing weight? But from what I've learned, every little change that I make often helps. And, you know, a lot of it has to do with confidence ~ confidence that I really do want to lose this last 20 pounds, and confidence that I can do it.

The clinical hypnotherapist in Jennifer has wondered if I really want to reach my goal. In other words, how did being heavier in the past serve me, so that being free of it might be worrisome for me. What might I be afraid of? Is it sort of like being naked, without clothes to cover real or imagined flaws? She's made me think, as she always does, about what in the world is going on in my world. Maybe these are good questions to ask yourself. Nope, I don't have any answers for you, but thinking about things is always a good place to start. Happy Saturday.

190.0 Always On My Mind

Those of you who have been reading this blog for a long time know that I was obsessed with Willie Nelson for a while, singing along with his music as I was first beginning to be able to walk for exercise, about a year ago. Now I am obsessed with the music from Mamma Mia and listen to it every time I get on the elliptical.

My daughter Alee recently told me that she wanted to lose some weight but didn't want to be obsessed with food while she was in the process of trying to lose it. I talked with Jennifer about what Alee had said, and her response was that when we are heavy and not purposeful about what we are eating, we are still obsessed, to use Alee's word, about food, weight, etc., and, isn't it better to be obsessed with losing weight and becoming more healthy than being obsessed with feeling fat and unattractive and thinking about eating to numb the feelings of sadness and unhappiness related to weight issues.

I've been giving this a lot of thought and think food and weight will always be on my mind, and they have been on my mind ever since I was a young teenager and realized that food and weight are intrinsically intertwined with the other.

So yes, you will be obsessed with food as you undertake weight loss, but it will be associated with becoming healthier, feeling more energetic, and having more confidence about how you look, and move. And, the obsession becomes a good thing, like someone you love very much who is always on your mind, rather than a curse.

208.8 A Changed Mind

I have talked a little about hypnosis as a part of this weight loss experience.  The first time I was hypnotized I was a senior in high school and  my cousin Marcia, who had learned to use hypnosis as a tool to study for her PHD thesis orals, hypnotized me.  I had an English paper to write and through hypnosis she gave me enthusiasm for the subject and confidence that I could write this paper.  She also said that I would really enjoy writing the paper.  I remember that I did experience all of those things as I wrote that paper.  When the teacher returned it to me she had graded it with a big red letter A and then wrote "What happened?"  What happened was that I had been empowered by hypnosis!

In the most recent hypnosis CD that Jennifer made for me she says, "You have changed your mind".  This does not refer to dithering, something I have been known to excel in according to my husband.  It has to do with a real shift in how I think about myself since starting this weight loss program.  And this shift, this change in how I view myself is one of the best outcomes as a result of losing the weight.

How has my mind been changed?  I no longer think of myself as someone who is disabled.  I no longer think of myself as someone who is just too old to try something new.  And, I no longer think of myself as fat!  How's that?  Oh yes, I still have a lot of weight to lose and I am very aware of that, but instead of feeling fat and unattractive, I feel thinner, happier,  and confident that I will lose the remaining pounds to reach my goal.

Once again, I was empowered by hypnosis!  Having a changed mind is even better than getting an A on an important assignment.