178.6 Carefree Highway

Recently my brother-in-law reminded us of the Gordon Lightfoot song entitled Carefree Highway. We live about 5 miles from the eastern end of Carefree Highway. Yes, there is such a road that cuts east and west across the northern boundaries of Scottsdale and Phoenix all the way to Wickenburg. It is very beautiful in some parts, and rather strip mall-ish in others. Little independent churches in shopping malls are interspersed with cactus nurseries, an occasional Mexican restaurant, and some housing developments that remind me of ghost towns since so few units are occupied. Before we moved here and not knowing that Carefree Highway existed, when I heard that song, I thought the words were Every Highway let me slip away....

Although I have been on this weight loss quest for about 2 1/2 years, in some ways it has been like traveling the Carefree Highway or Every Highway. Looking back, the weight has slipped away just like traveling on a long highway. I remember losing it but can't tell you where it has gone. Where did it go, and is it truly gone forever? Will I have to travel that same highway again? Obviously, I am banking (especially if I win the $25 bet that I can lose 10 pounds more quickly than aforementioned brother-in-law) on the belief that I will never have to lose 80 pounds again. In order for that to be a reality I will have to do a lot of out of control eating. And, that is definitely not a possibility. I am so aware of every .2 of a pound gained or lost, that I am confident that this is going to be a way of life, not a constant battle to maintain. But first, it's about those last 10 pounds - well, actually 8!

178.2 Weight Loss Contagion

Recently I've been reading a lot about the fact that there is something to the notion that weight has a contagious element to it. In Women Food and God Geneen Roth talks about how the glue that can sustain a group of friends can be the 10 pounds each wants to but can't seem to lose. And in Mindless Eating, it is pointed out that those who eat together usually will eat the same amount. When you eat out, look around. You will probably see, especially among women, that they can often be close in stature and what they order is similar. One is rarely eating a salad while the other has a hamburger with fries. Before the weight loss, I would always encourage the others to order first so that I wouldn't be eating out of sync with them. If they all ordered salads, why, of course, I ordered a salad. If a dessert was ordered, ah, yes, I, too, would order a dessert! Someone relatively close to me wrote in response to learning that I had lost another 10 pounds that she hated skinny people. (Skinny I am not, but plump she is.)

Jeff has lost almost 40 pounds since I started losing weight. No, he doesn't see Jennifer, and he doesn't consciously use hypnosis (that could be the basis of another post), and we often don't eat the same things. And, I have never told him that he should lose weight or to do what I do :). Suggestions like those usually backfire. But he's been in my contagion zone, if you will. (I'm smiling as I write this because I'm hearing Elizabeth Gilbert's voice in my head reading Eat, Pray, Love in which she uses that expression at least 50 times - not an expression I commonly use!). He's seen me eat half of what I used to eat, never take second helpings, and he's observed my comfort with leaving food on my plate. And, he's probably eaten more veges and salads in the past couple of years than he'd eaten over the first 25 years of his life! He started working out in addition to playing golf, his passion that he used to assure me was all the exercise he needed as he drove a cart around the golf course everyday. Now he often walks the first 9 holes.

I am so lucky to be with a guy who has been able to go with the constraints I put on what food we have around the house. We simply don't have junk food because I don't want to be tempted every time I open the cupboard. He agreed to that. And, if he's willing to barbeque and I want fish or chicken and he wants a steak, that's fine with him. If he wants a potato and I don't, that's fine with me. And, it's been interesting to see how few potatoes actually get cooked, and how few steaks are eaten. We used to eat out very frequently, and he's accepted that I am much more comfortable staying home so that I can control the choices and preparation, so he's given that up to a considerable extent, also. And, when he just can't take it anymore, he'll offer to go to Costco alone so he can get his hot dog fix, and we joke about it.

And what about the wine? I have known couples that have trouble when one stops drinking. There can be resentment on either side and a shift often takes place in the relationship. I've told people that Jeff and I used to really enjoy drinking together. At around 5 every evening, that's what we did. When I decided to stop, Jeff did not stop. That was okay with me and I really didn't expect him to stop. And, thankfully, I didn't experience resentment on his part. But, guess what? He now probably drinks less than half what he used to. Who knew??

So congratulations Jeff on the weight loss, and thanks for all of your support.

179.0 Love Your Body!

My back has been acting up or acting out ever since the hornet tried to nest in my hair in New Hampshire. I've iced it, I've rested it, I've put heat on it, I've ignored it, I've exercised it and the truth be told, it is not responding. Often I move like an old woman with a bad back, reminiscent of pre-surgery days. But I am loving my back. Seriously, my back has been through everything I've been through and it is still supporting me and I know it will for the rest of my life. And, I know that my back and I will figure out how to help it heal.

I didn't used to be so loving toward my body parts. You faithful readers know that I've not liked the ankles and legs that I was born with. When so much emphasis is put on good looking legs and ankles, it's been hard for me to love them. In fact, until recently I hated them. I was venting to Jennifer about my G D legs and ankles during a session about 3 months ago, and when I referred them in such a negative manner, her eyes grew wide and she admonished me to never refer to any part of my body in such a derogatory way. A more conventional therapist would probably asked me to talk about the issue, but Jennifer doesn't work that way. She confronted me about my attitude and I am glad she did. What's really amazing is after we had the conversation about loving all of my body, every cell, I started wearing bermuda shorts with ease and quit judging every little and/or big flaw. Focusing on achieving a healthy body on this weight loss journey instead of being obsessed with its imperfections has resulted in an interesting change of attitude. I love it. It is me. Thanks, Jennifer!

181.2 Computers, Confusion, and Carrots!

Yesterday I wrote about all I had accomplished and especially about staying off of the computer. I revealed that I seem to be a bit addicted to it. And I wrote that we were expecting guests!

Having published the post, I jumped up, got the appetizers ready (I'd love to use those lovely French words meaning the same thing but I can't remember how to spell them), and Jeff,and Charlee our dog, and I started waiting, ...and waiting. Charlee kept going to the door because I had told her that Annis and Don were coming and she remembered them. The house was clean, Jeff and I were dressed and ready to entertain, but where were they? As it got later I checked my computer calendar and we were ready a week too soon!:(

Had I been on my computer I would have noticed that a reminder of this long awaited event did not pop up on the left hand side listing of calendar events for the day, nor was there a reminder in my inbox. Does this mean I can hang out with my computer more and not feel guilty?

So glad to have lost a pound! And this morning I did head over to the elliptical and rode almost 2 1/2 miles in 35 minutes. I'm making progress. Later this afternoon we are going to see Eat, Pray, Love. I'm smuggling in a bag of carrots, cherry tomatoes, and snap peas to get me through the eating part. The veges aren't going to taste as good as the pizza that is described in the book, but will serve me well in the moment.

181.2 Being Engaged!

Some days I am obsessed about writing my blog and know exactly what I'm going to write. Today is not one of those days. I cooked, as in I made something from scratch that had more that 3 ingredients, and a friend came over for lunch and I helped her with jewelry projects, and I had a therapeutic massage, and then driving home, I realized that I hadn't written a post for my dear blog today, and in about a half hour we are having friends over for a glass of wine (read water in my case) before we head out to dinner.

The good news is that I was engaged in life today rather than being engaged with my computer all day. I do think that I may have a small case of computer addiction and know that I can waste a lot of time sort of lurking on it.

There is no bad news. Being engaged in an active life with other folks is a wonderful way to spend a day.

181.4 "I Don't Know..."

How can I go from 177.4 to 181.4 in one 24 hour period when all I ate was rice, and fish with orzo? Well, in the name of honesty, I did eat a little more than that but not 4 X 3500 cal/pound = 14,000 calories more! Since getting on the scale this morning, this song from the movie Crazy Heart has been running through my mind:

"I don't know if you're my friend,
Or a long lost lover comin' back again,
Where does the wind blow,
Baby, I don't know!"

And today, that just about sums it up. I guess my over eating a couple of days ago has finally caught up with me. So, I'll give myself a hug and get back on the horse, or whatever!

My brother-in-law Phil has challenged me to a weight loss competition. We are going to start now and see if we both can't lose 10 pounds by October 1st! He does have the advantage of being a guy, and of having not been losing weight over the past couple of years. But hey, I'm up for it. There is $25 at stake here and I want it! :) On your mark, get set, go!

177.4 Let's Hear It...

for a very clean colon! But I do not recommend prep for a colonoscopy as a good alternative method to achieve weight loss.

More tomorrow!

179.7 Moving Into Positive Territory

Tomorrow I am having my every 5 year colonoscopy and endoscopy so that means today I can't eat anything AT ALL, and can drink only specified things including that delightful cocktail mixture that I get to start swilling at about 6 pm tonight.

So, yesterday I fell into one of my very bad habits in which I turn toward the negative point of view instead of choosing a more positive point of view or action. I've been working on this with Jennifer for quite a while and it still amazes me that I can fall prey to this habit so easily and without awareness until it is too late. There's that word awareness that I've probably used over a hundred times in these posts, but it still catches me short. So yesterday and especially last night, I became obsessed with the idea that I would simply not survive if I didn't eat anything today and so naturally I had to stock up so that survival would be possible. I ate a huge dinner all the while telling myself that the calories would even out over the two days - honestly, I'm not so sure about that :( - and then about 10 pm I decided that it was my last chance for sustenance so I went in and had toast with peanut butter. Did I think I was going into combat with no provisions? The fact is I just didn't think it through.

I could have thought about the idea that maybe this was a good opportunity to lose a pound. I do have this goal I've been working toward, duh, and I've been spinning my wheels and staying put, and I could have thought about the fact that some good could come out of this circumstance. But no, I didn't think about that until this morning after eating enough last night to keep my neighbors healthy for a week.

And, you have it right...by 10 this morning I was really hungry and none of my precautionary eating did a bit of good. I've had jello and a popsicle and, of course, I am still starving and will be living with this nagging hunger all day.

So how can I make today's situation become positive? I am thinking about how I'm not eating my normal amount, and I'm thinking about the fact that at least there is damage control, but I'm also thinking about the fact that maybe I still have some left over active cells of compulsion lurking in my system. If I do, I better get them out in the open and deal with them before trying to go into maintenance, should I ever reach, oops, when I reach my goal. It's a lot to think about. God only knows if I will have the energy to deal with it.

Probably no post tomorrow.

179.4 Are Lollipops A Food Group?

Since I have been procrastinating about going over to the gym, I decided to go on line and see what I could learn about the way to do exercise to lose fat. Am I looking for a rule:)? Not exactly, but here's what I have come up with as a gem of the day:

Interval training, strength training (weights), and proper nutrition are the essential ingredients to achieve weight loss from all areas of the body while maintaining important muscle mass.

One of the most obvious things I've noticed during this weight loss journey compared to past quick loss programs is that I do actually look and feel stronger. I know I have greater, rather than less, muscle mass and I attribute that to losing weight at a much slower pace while at the same time slowly but surely increasing the amount, and type of exercise that I do. I've also been eating foods from all of the food groups and not starving myself of any nutrients. I'm laughing to myself as I write this because a friend on Facebook just wrote that her 3 year old son has been working very hard to convince her that lollipops are a food group!

Now let's see those numbers just left of the title continue to fall.

179.0 "My Favs" and Me

I just got back from visiting my dear friend the elliptical. Our relationship has been a little rocky over the past 4 - 5 weeks, basically because I haven't been doing my part. I've ignored it, putting other things first, and so reuniting with it today wasn't easy. I did the interval speed up technique a couple of times and thought that the elliptical was out to kill me! As I was easing into completing 10 long, hard minutes on it, I started thinking about leaving, quietly, sort of slipping out the back door. But then, as I was listening to my group of tunes for exercise that I call "My Favs", (I know, not very original) Willie started singing On The Road Again and there was no way I could leave before he finished. So on I rode. And then, as I am still planning my unobtrusive exit, Louis Armstrong joined in with What A Wonderful World, so I decided that I really needed to keep going and use that song as an opportunity to cool down, and then.... Well, you get the picture. I stayed with it for 25 minutes instead of 10, thanks to "My Favs". I'm going to add some more songs that I can't possibly not listen to and see if I can't use that as my motivation to keep going. Once I download about 40 minutes worth of tunes on "My Favs" instead of the current ~25 minutes, I'll be in business.

179.4 What Are The Rules?

I've always been a great rule follower. I've been thinking about this whole weight loss journey, and how there have been some rules, like eating 1/2 the usual portion size, and there have been no rules. When I first started seeing Jennifer Scott a couple of years ago, I kept waiting for her to ask me what I ate. She didn't ask, and finally I asked her if she didn't want to know. She didn't. She wanted me to eat smaller portions of what I wanted to eat so that I wouldn't feel deprived, and it has worked. She's made a lot of suggestions about behavioral changes like adding exercise, more exercise, and faster exercise :), but she's never laid down a formula or set of rules for me to follow. Because I have had to devise my own way of moving through this territory to reach my goal, I've discovered the roadblocks, the challenges that I have needed to overcome. She has suggested taking new and different paths like developing the spiritual side of my life, understanding and using hypnosis and self hypnosis, and each of those new paths have been exciting and often very challenging, but because I've done it and learned from figuring out how, the changes have evolved from within. Self understanding has been an unexpected gift resulting from this adventure, and I know that will be the foundation for maintenance once I reach my goal.

179.2 YUM!

Yummy!

I just finished one of my favorite breakfasts. It consists of fresh berries on top of "Better Than Peanut Butter" (available at Trader Joe's), on top of an Oroweat Double Fiber English Muffin.

The berries are still plentiful and so delicious, and the peanut butter is defatted and has all the goodness of peanut butter, but half the fat and calories of regular peanut butter. Warning: in my opinion, humble as it may be, this does not taste a lot like peanut butter. In a taste test, I'm sure you would be able to detect the difference. However, the benefits are such that I have opted for it to replace my real peanut butter, and the taste is well, pretty good.

The white stuff? Well, the truth had to come out one way or another. Call it an addiction (no it is not cocaine), or a strong craving, but I use a lot of Splenda. When I put it on fruit the flavor seems to pop up several notches, and always use it in my coffee, or tea. And, I drink several gallons - well, it seems like that - of Crystal Light everyday.

Maybe I should blog about getting over my Splenda habit once I reach my weight goal? Nope, not a chance because I have no plans to banish this from my daily diet. Maybe Splenda is one of my new comfort foods!

178.6 Back On The Wii Again

A couple of days ago I got the Wii Fit Plus out from under the coffee table and started it up. The first thing that surprised me was that it announced that it had been... ahem... 45 days since I had been on it. That didn't seem right to me until I remembered that we had been away for about two and a half weeks, and I'd had my eye surgery and so on. The Wii Fit does keep a calendar that comes up whenever you sign in, so I couldn't argue with it.

The second big surprise was that I had lost so much skill in balance and coordination which is measured by most of the activities that I do on it. I'm not sure why I didn't realize that that would occur, but now I have proof that there is truth to the adage "use it or lose it".

I also use a brain skill practice site called Lumosity (lumosity.com). With my family history of dementia, I am determined to do all that I can to stay intellectually healthy. Lumosity provides a balanced workout of brain games designed to improve memory, attention, processing speed, and cognitive flexibility. Much to my dismay, I also went down in all of the areas that I have worked hard over the past four months to improve in.

So now that the vacations are over, the surgery is over and I am getting back into some semblance of a routine, let's hope I can recover all of the skills I seem to have lost recently. And, maybe losing a few more pounds while I am at it is a good idea, too.

178.6 Mother Love and Oxycontin

Today I saw an interesting article in Health Magazine that caught my eye because it was about mothers and daughters.

http://news.health.com/2010/05/11/mother-stress-telephone/

To be specific, it said that research has shown that a phone call from your mom releases the love hormone, oxycontin, into the blood stream and has the same benefit as a hug from your mother. When I told my daughter, the therapist, who works with lots of drug addicted patients she was startled. She said that most if not all of the women that she sees who are addicted to oxycontin were abused by their mothers. So moms, call or hug your daughters. I called both of mine today. I wonder if this works as well for mothers and sons?

180.2 Is This Hilarious?

I received this email recently that came with the by-line that it is hilarious! Maybe I'm just in a grumpy mood, but I don't find anything hilarious about this. I think that it outlines a terrible trend away from healthy food that has caused tremendous health problems for folks around the world and among all age groups. Check it out and see what you think. You can copy and paste the address below into your browser.

http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&pid=gmail&attid=0.1&thid=12a816a1747699b7&mt=application/vnd.ms-powerpoint&url=http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui%3D2%26ik%3Dd824d6acb6%26view%3Datt%26th%3D12a816a1747699b7%26attid%3D0.1%26disp%3Dattd%26zw&sig=AHIEtbR3LKPDpip5wAkwYs5ZkQ3mEWEnLw

I just looked at it again. There is some cleverness at work in it, but it still rankles me. Good thing tomorrow is another day!

180.2 "Don't Ever Change!"

I still haven't found my senior class year book, but I have been looking at my sophomore class yearbook and reading all the handwritten messages left by classmates. The first obvious feature of those written messages (by girls) is the hearts dotting the i's, and the big, fat exclamation marks! The second is the common thread of "don't ever change", fat exclamation mark.

Why, when we were in high school was it so important to never change? Can you imagine the world populated with folks, no matter what their age, who never changed after they turned 15? I remember listening to the valedictorian's speech at one of my daughter's high school graduations and the theme was...don't change!

Hello! Life is all about change! Physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual change is what life is all about. When I think of my life since I was 15 or 17, it is all about change. And, when I think about the past two years, CHANGE has been huge in my life. And, it has made my life richer, fuller, more fun, definitely more challenging, and it's been a remarkable time.

So when I arrive at this reunion, I am ready to be surrounded by changed people. I can hardly wait!

179.6 Hitting The Wall

Years and years ago, Jeff ran in a Boston Marathon (and finished)! He used to talk about "hitting the wall" as he started up Heartbreak Hill in Newton. He'd feel like he had nothing left to give but knew he had to run those hills in order to reach the finish line.

Today and yesterday and the day before to be honest, I've felt a little like I've hit the wall. I think it's a combination of things playing off of each other...getting out of the exercise mode due to the surgery, eating out a couple of times - let's make that 3 times over the past week, and just kind of a let down because I haven't been sleeping that well due to the eye thing. Now they are really itchy (I call them bitchy!), because the itchiness does make me pretty irritable.

So it's time to gather myself - I simply love that expression - around my purpose and get my act together again. I'm so close and I'd like these last 9 pounds to leave in a hurry, not drag us all through tedious weeks of going nowhere.

It's really hot here so we're going to a movie and then, you guessed it, we're going out to eat. But I can order well and just eat half and love myself! Now there's a thought....

179.0 Everyone Has Gained Weight!

Last night we had dinner with dear friends who have just moved to a "resort life style" retirement center. It's new, it's gorgeous, and has every amenity you could ever wish for in a resort or a retirement community.

After they took us on the grand tour and shared all of the wonderful aspects of the place including physical therapy opportunities, dance classes, balance workouts, a cocktail lounge, (very popular as we walked through at about 5:30 pm :)), a workout room with personal trainer on staff, etc., we went to the dining room. The menu was encased in a beautiful holder and we did feel like we were in a lovely resort.

As you can imagine, I combed through that menu very carefully looking for options that I was comfortable with. And I did find some. I ordered a romaine and tomato salad with oil and vinegar on the side as well as the blue cheese crumbles (at least a half a cup!) on the side, salmon without the barbeque sauce as offered, and a side order of sauteed spinach, and a side of asparagus. The others ordered the prime rib, and the cheesy mashed potatoes. For dessert I ordered fresh berries, while they ordered creme brulee, low-sugar blueberry pie and a chocolate sundae. By the way, I'm not criticizing what they ordered, but am including their orders to give you an idea of the selection.

So why am I writing this? I'm writing this because there weren't a lot of healthy options. There wasn't a plain potato option, there were no low salt options, and after we ordered dessert, the waiter returned to our table to say that there weren't anymore berries available. And, when my dinner arrived at the table, the spinach was less than half a cup, and the asparagus side order consisted of 4 very skinny stalks.

When Jeff complimented our hosts on the food, they agreed that it was delicious, and said that everyone who has moved there has gained weight. It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that this place has obviously spent a huge amount of money on the facility, has a wonderful philosophy of engaging the folks in all sorts of activities and opportunities, and provides equipment and staff to help people stay healthy, but hasn't put that same care into the food they are serving the residents.

I woke up this morning thinking about that big dollop of cheesy mashed potatoes that Jeff had eaten. And, there must have been at least a cup and a half of ice cream supporting the chocolate sauce that made up the sundae. As I am writing this I am thinking about "the kitchen conspiracy" that I could center a novel on...namely that you cut back on the healthy items in terms of serving size and options, and go heavy on the comfort food. Maybe that's what folks want, but it makes me wonder!

179.2 Losing Isn't Always A Good Thing!

Sometimes losing isn't a good thing. I'm really bummed because I can't find my high school senior class yearbook. About a month ago I learned that my high school class is having its 50th reunion. I haven't been to any Palo Alto High School Class of 1960 reunions since heading off to UCLA and beyond. Anyway, today Jeff and I searched everywhere for my yearbooks. We found one from 1958 when I was a sophomore, but I want that senior year yearbook.

We've moved eleven times since we were married, but I know I had it at the house before this one, and figure that if 1958 made it, the other two should also have made the move. It is about 115 degrees in our garage where a lot of our stuff is stored, and I finally gave up trying to go through things due to the heat. But I'll keep looking.

Why is it so important? To be honest, I'm not sure, but I think it's because I want to recognize as many people as possible when I see them at the reunion. I think that translates to the fact I want people to recognize me:)! But who am I kidding! I just hope there are name tags available.

(Here I am on the 5th day. Things are looking much better!)

179.2 In Nine More Pounds...

Today I went to see Jennifer. I've been working with her for a long time on lots of things including the weight loss. This morning she talked about all of the changes that have occurred since we first met about 2 1/2 years ago. You know, it's funny when you are the person making changes in your appearance, unless you are constantly looking in the mirror you don't see yourself as much as the people around you see you. Even though I'm the one who has done the work, I just don't see it as much as others do. So this morning when she said that I am 15 - 20 years younger in how I am, my vitality, I loved hearing it but it's hard for me to see. I know I have more energy and can certainly move more easily, and I definitely know there is a lot less of me :), but that much younger? Then I thought to myself, OMG, how old was I looking and acting when I first met her?

But it isn't just about the change in my appearance that we talked about this morning. My connection with this inner spirit, my inner voice, has also grown and has played into my changed attitudes. She has been encouraging me to develop this guidance more so that as I move into the maintenance period of this weight loss, I will have that inner compass to guide me, keep me conscious of what I am doing and feeling and to help me deal with all sorts of life issues in the future.

And, we talked about the future. Jennifer is working on a book about spirituality, and I have plans to develop this blog into a book, and we have all sorts of ideas of ways we can work together. So rather than thinking of this adventure as ending, in nine more pounds, new adventures will begin.

So here we go! Nine more pounds!

179.0 Cheering Me up!

I just got off the phone with a dear friend of mine. (That's Barb about 2 years ago.) Barbara was the subject of one of my early posts. (See "Magic", 8/26/09.) She was my roommate for a couple of years at UCLA. She's seen me through lean times and through corpulent times, and has always been one of my steadfast buddies. Today she called after seeing my picture from yesterday's post and thought I might need a little cheering up. Although my eyes don't hurt, I did need a little cheering up and was grateful for the call.

She hasn't seen me since the weight loss has been noticeable so I hope we can get together soon. She brought up the subject of my being brave to post all this about my weight. I don't really think of it as being brave. I think of it as just sharing a part of my life in hopes of it helping others. And I shared with her the fact that now that I am getting so close to reaching my goal of 170, I will have to shift my focus away from losing weight to some new adventure. I do have several ideas, some of which relate to weight loss. It will be exciting to see how this next part of my life's journey plays out. Thanks again for the call, Barb!

179.2 Weighty Eyelids

So those upper eye lids were really heavy :), but I had no idea what was removed would weigh a half a pound! Who knew???

I'm tempted to post a picture because I look sooooo bad, but don't want to gross anyone out, so will refrain. I did send one to my kids and sister and got lots of sympathy as a result. The truth is, after about the first 8 hours following the surgery, there has been no pain! And, this is not just about me showing off how tough and brave I am! My eyes don't hurt. But I sure do wish the swelling would start going down. That's got to be good for at least another half pound.

Okay, here's a picture! Click on it if you want the full effect! And, yes, my eyes are open.

179.8 Getting My Eyes Done

Oh, wow! I'm in the 170's for the first time in about 20 years! Now that's a very nice pre-surgery gift!

I'll start writing again in a day or two and then lose those last 10 pounds! This is exciting!

180.2 More Changes

Tomorrow is a big day, but hopefully not too big. I am having upper eyelid surgery which has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss. Well, maybe I'll lose a pound or two immediately following the surgery, but I probably won't look back on this and think that it was a good way to lose weight. The surgery is called blepharoplasty and only those of us who don't have deep set eyes get to need it :). And, I don't think it has anything to do with being overweight. The skin above the eyes starts drooping and interferes with peripheral vision. At a recent visit to my eye doctor, he told me point blank that I needed to do this. As part of the diagnosis and to get insurance coverage, I had to take a visual perception test. So as I was taking the test, the technician started laughing and assured me that I really needed this surgery.

Since Loretta's been here and I've been taking care of her as she recovers from her much more dramatic surgery, I haven't been given mine too much thought...until today. We thought it would be fun to have a picture of the two of us, her with her gauze wrapped head, and me with my black eyes. But the way things are working out, she will be getting her "top-knot" removed while I'm in surgery.

Yes, Jeff is back home now and will be nursing both of us back to health over the next few days. Once again, whadda guy!

180.2 Happy Anniversary! Happy Marriage!

Today is our 45th wedding anniversary! You may be envisioning a romantic dinner out, flowers, etc., but to be honest Jeff isn't here. He's up in the Tahoe area attending a reunion of a group of guys he used to go on backpacking trips with when they were all much younger. This trip is more about golfing and playing cards. Before he left, he planned a wonderful night in a gorgeous resort, and there were flowers, and a card for me to find this morning telling me of a fantastic gift that I'll be receiving within a few days.

Do I feel bad, sad, neglected? Absolutely not. We talked about his going once the invitation was received and I immediately encouraged him to go. It took me a while (a very long time) to learn that by giving him freedom I always received more in the long run. I used to be all hung up on getting attention from him, and I thought by controlling him it meant he would love me more. Now I know that actually the opposite is true. And, he's great about giving me independence and freedom to live my life, to determine my own beliefs, to develop myself into the person I'm becoming without needing to control me.

I was only 22 and he was 23 when we got married and it is amazing and wonderful to look back over all the years and to think about how much we both have changed, and how that has deepened our love for each other, rather than threatened our marriage.

So dear Jeff, Happy Anniversary! You are the best!

180.6 Why Do I Write? Who Cares?

Why do I write this blog, and who cares? These are questions that have come up several times and they do put me on the defensive, but then I take a deep breath and start to think about the best way to answer them.

Why? I write it because it is a way of making public (and keeping a record for me) all the aspects of what goes into losing a lot of weight employing a totally different approach than most folks use. Having lost and regained 50 pounds twice by using fast weight loss methods, I knew I had do find a way to lose  weight in a way that would hold promise of changing my habits so that I would be able to maintain the weight loss once I reached my goal. I do write it for myself which is why I post my weight every day, but I am also writing it so that those who read it can learn from it and/or just enjoy a real look at all that goes into a slow weight loss adventure. I am committed to helping folks who want to lose weight to make that a reality.

Who cares? Well, according to Google Analytics, there have been 9100 hits from 428 different folks since October of 2009. I don't have that many loyal friends or relatives, and in fact most of them don't read it. People from all over the world have checked it out and it really pleases me to know that perhaps my journey will motivate and entertain them as they travel on theirs.

I also want to say that I have really appreciated the comments both on the blog site and through emails and conversations about how much folks like it.

181.4 Putting Things In Perspective

Hmm...what shall I write about today? I don't think I've ever started a post this way, with that question, although everyday that question floats through my mind.

I did go over and "hop" on the elliptical this afternoon and stayed with it for 20 minutes. I did a 15 minute mile and then did my cool down. Tomorrow I'll add more time and work back up to the 40 minute range. It is unbelievably hot here in Scottsdale. It's 108 degrees up here where we live, which is at a an elevation of about 2000 feet higher than downtown Scottsdale and it rarely gets this hot up here. In fact, it's too hot to think about going into the pool. I'm putting off the water therapy until it cools down a bit.

Today Loretta had cochlear implant surgery which is why she is down here from Prescott. It really puts things in perspective when your friends have health issues. She experienced sudden onset deafness in one ear about 6 months ago and is determined to live the best quality of life that she can. I really admire her for getting the information and making the decision to deal with the problem instead of just talking about it or putting up with it.

Life throws us all unexpected and undesirable experiences and problems. From my perspective, facing things, getting the best help possible, and moving on is not always easy, but is essential to living a fulfilled and abundant life.

182.4 Chico's Withdrawal

Pictures of beautiful, green New Hampshire taken by Scott.




I'm sitting in Chico's (and writing this on my iPhone) waiting for my friend Loretta while she is trying on some clothes. I've decided to not even look at the clothes because I don't want to be tempted. It's fun to keep needing a smaller size, but it has been getting very expensive. In fact, I've decided not to buy any new clothes until I reach my weight goal, since I've got only 12 pounds to go.

I got the go ahead today from my back doctor to start doing my water therapy and the elliptical, so tomorrow I'll be back at the gym. I did try to work out while on vacation but after falling (did I write about that?), and then hurting my back trying to escape the attack of the killer wasp in New Hampshire, I lost momentum and really want to get back to exercising. Loretta is a good role model for me. She exercises 2 to 3 hours everyday, 6 days a week and she has lost a lot of weight as a result. I've never thought of doing that much exercise in one day, and I'm not sure how my back would like it, but upping the amount of exercise I do is certainly on my screen now.

183.4 It's Tricky, Coming Home

Today has been a funny day. I've worked hard to get a lot done after being away for so long. I washed, and ironed (something I love to do since I can see the immediate results of my actions - is this akin to instant gratification and food?), worked on a new necklace design, and am getting ready for house guests for the next few days. What makes it different is that I keep thinking that I need to write my blog post and then life gets in the way and I forget! Being away and out of my routine always makes returning home a little tricky.

My weight did go down almost two pounds which is what I expected and was counting on. They say you get dehydrated on planes, but I think I store up lots of fluid in case no water is available when I land. :) Today I feasted on fresh raspberries and cherries and am looking forward to chicken and roasted peppers for dinner tonight. As I have often written, I love eating like this and this is not the way I used to eat even a couple of years ago. I had to have a potato, or rice, or pasta, and a couple of glasses of wine, and maybe a little dessert! That way of eating seems very strange to me now.

So life is good and I am looking forward to busting through the 180 mark. It was fun to see the high 170s on my daughter's scale when we were visiting even though it was a reflection of her scale and not my true weight. It was like a sneak preview and it was good!

185.0 Vacation Toll

I like to think of weight gained on vacation as simply part of the journey, just like the toll roads that we find ourselves on as we go from place to place. I was going to write that I have never lost weight on a vacation, but that's not true. After my first meeting with Jennifer, I headed off to a cooking school in Mexico for a week, and came home weighing two pounds less than when I left. Let me tell you, I did believe that Jennifer was going to be able to help me when that happened. I frequently listened to the hypnosis CD that she made for me at that first appointment and I know that that helped me begin to learn how to think about dealing with food. Let's see, that was 65 pounds ago! Yep, I think she has a great weight loss program!

So now I'm back to taking care of myself, planning my own meals, and eating just what I want to eat. It's funny how Jeff has been caught up in all of this, too. Today he did the shopping and came home with cherries and Fiber One Honey Crunch cereal just for me! (Oh, and a big bouquet of roses, too!) As I've written before, what a guy!

I went to my chiropractor this morning who kiddingly said that I really shouldn't go on anymore vacations since I always come limping into his office upon my return. And I saw my dear massage therapist who laughingly said that it was a good thing I didn't have the body of a 60+ year old or I'd really be in trouble. She has seen me through about 40 pounds of the weight loss and has commented many times that my body has gotten younger and stronger, not just smaller through this process. I feel truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life sharing in this adventure!

no scale I'm Back!

Rather than make a comment, Jennifer Scott sent me an email in response to the last post. Here's what she wrote:

"What was so nice about today's blog is that you really stopped for a moment to take YOU in, all that you are and all that you've accomplished. If we don't do that, then the mountain will always continue to loom larger than life. We all benefit by stopping on a ledge or at a spot alongside the road and just taking note of where we've been."

Life is a journey and making time to go back over the map and seeing just how far we have come, no matter what our goal or destination, should be part and parcel of this experience we call life.

After that wonderful hike and writing that post, things did kind of fall apart. The next day a wasp/hornet type creature decided it had a crush on me and I ended up hurting my back trying to get away from it. We are home now and tomorrow I will see if my chiropractor can help straighten me out.

Tomorrow I will also greet my dear friend the scale and have a reality check about where I am with my weight. Being on vacation is wonderful but I do miss my routines and the foods that I love. My new comfort foods are fish, spinach and fruit! I'm smiling as I write this because I don't think too many people would consider those as comfort foods.

I'll be back with everyday posts starting tomorrow and I'm glad to be back with all of you.