170.2 Almost There!

This morning when I woke up I had a new image floating around in my wonderful:) mind, of me closing the door on the past, the weight issues, all the stuff that I have been working through as I head into my future. I know I've still got to sweep out the corners and crevices before I can shut the door for good, but I like that image. And as I close that door, I'll be embarking on a totally new adventure. I wonder where it will take me. I've learned a lot on this adventure, so I know I am ready for the next.

But wait a minute, Sue, not so fast. I don't think I'll close that door, after all. That past is full of so many memories, of highs and lows, of losing and then regaining and losing again, and of loads of challenges, and changes that I made in my attitudes and habits. It's full of experiences with hypnosis, with learning to listen to my inner spirit, of imaging a new way of life, a new me, that has become a reality for me, thanks to Jennifer Scott. These past couple of years have been really exciting in so many ways, so I'm sweeping and cleaning and tying things together, but I'll leave that door wide open.

179.4 What Are The Rules?

I've always been a great rule follower. I've been thinking about this whole weight loss journey, and how there have been some rules, like eating 1/2 the usual portion size, and there have been no rules. When I first started seeing Jennifer Scott a couple of years ago, I kept waiting for her to ask me what I ate. She didn't ask, and finally I asked her if she didn't want to know. She didn't. She wanted me to eat smaller portions of what I wanted to eat so that I wouldn't feel deprived, and it has worked. She's made a lot of suggestions about behavioral changes like adding exercise, more exercise, and faster exercise :), but she's never laid down a formula or set of rules for me to follow. Because I have had to devise my own way of moving through this territory to reach my goal, I've discovered the roadblocks, the challenges that I have needed to overcome. She has suggested taking new and different paths like developing the spiritual side of my life, understanding and using hypnosis and self hypnosis, and each of those new paths have been exciting and often very challenging, but because I've done it and learned from figuring out how, the changes have evolved from within. Self understanding has been an unexpected gift resulting from this adventure, and I know that will be the foundation for maintenance once I reach my goal.

189.0 Disaster and Delight!

Yesterday I ate two meals out. Lunch was a disaster. I spent all day at a writer's workshop and with the price of admission, a bag lunch was included. You want to talk about high carbs, and low food value? The sandwich was 90 % bulkie roll and 10% turkey and cheese. Oh, and three silver dollar sized pieces of lettuce. And what else was tucked away in the bag? A small chocolate chip cookie and a medium sized bag of potato chips! You know, I had thought about putting an apple in my purse before leaving the house, but forgot! Forgetting is beginning to be a bigger part of my life than ever! Ouch! Next time I'm in a similar situation I'll remember to pack my own lunch.

On the other hand, the dinner was beautifully prepared by my friend Annis, who has been involved with my journey for a long time now. She made sure there was plenty of salad, delicious vegetables, and was willing to cut me a sliver of one of the best desserts I have had in a long time!

As I think about it, the issue of people and food is funny and complicated. There are "feeders" who want you to eat. They always have food, goodies, available in case you might stop by, and they delight in seeing you eat their food. They want you to eat! And then there are the "non-feeders". They are just as comfortable with you not eating whatever! They are delighted just to spend time with you. I really appreciated Annis's thoughtfulness. She didn't push food on me, and in fact, called me to check on what I preferred to drink and to let me know that she was thinking of me as she planned her menu.

The writer's workshop was exhilarating and exhausting. In my dreams of putting together a publishable form of this blog, I never realized that writing it would be just one little part of it. OMG, that appears to be the easy part compared to all that goes into having a publishable product. This is going to be as challenging as the weight loss, and may take as long! We'll see.

199.4 The Doubt Devil?

I am thinking of calling this post the Doubt Devil, sort of like the Dirt Devil. Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about how often I play the doubt card so I don't have to even think about making change. And usually no matter what the goal is that I set for myself whether it be a new belief system or simply upping my exercise, there are lingering doubts about whether I really believe I should, can, or really want to reach a specific goal. Jennifer just wrote an interesting blog entitled Overcoming The Mental Barrier of Doubt. I know blogs are supposed to be short, but I do want to quote what she wrote:

"I’ve been asking the question on this Blog, “What is your biggest frustration?” Overcoming the mental barrier of doubt is one response I’ve recently received.
And MY response to this is that “doubt” is healthy, but letting it become a reason to stop, quit or not move forward in your life is not.
Doubt is healthy when it leads to your honest questioning about what you’re up to. For example: Am I on the right path? Is there a better way? Can I get through this? Am I strong enough? Am I up for the challenge? Can I handle the stress I now feel?
Don’t be afraid if you’re doubtful that you’re on the right path! You might as well find out NOW so you can change. There just might be a better way, and only your Inner Teacher will be able to Guide you.
But if you absolutely know that what you’re doing is right and you’re passionate about it, then your Inner Teacher or Guide will help you get through the challenges and stress. Once you learn to trust in that Inner Knowing, you’ll find your doubts will be replaced with confidence.
On the other hand, if you let doubts keep you from asking healthy questions, then you’re bound to freeze and become immobilized."

The weight loss path that I am on has had its fair share of doubtful moments, but as I have overcome using doubt to excuse inaction, I have also succeeded in making change. One of the first things Jennifer proposed to me as we talked about taking on the weight loss issue was weighing myself everyday. I was so filled with doubt that that was a good idea. Hadn't doctors told me to weigh only once a week? Hadn't a weight loss specialist told me not weigh myself because only she could be trusted to get it right, on her schedule? Facing doubt and then letting go of it and embracing new behaviors has been one of my important tools to success. So maybe doubt is a devil if I let it control my attempts to change without examining or challenging it.