Remembering and Acknowledging Change - It's Hard!

As one of my friends wrote, this has been a very bittersweet time for us. Spending that wonderful time with our daughters, Jud, Scott, and little Zuzu was so much fun. As a family, we all get along so well and really enjoy being together. I'm so glad we were able to spend that time in Bar Harbor with the fam!

Attending the memorial service for our friend was hard. The service was very nice and it was good to see JJ's wife and family and the friends that we had in common. When we arrived in LA, we drove around UCLA for old times' sake. But nothing is ever the same and I always want it to be. (And the sun wasn't shining - in my mind's eye it was always sunny at UCLA!) UCLA has grown and the old UCLA Med Center where I worked to help put myself through school is no longer standing. The Medical Center is now many centers and that original building has been replaced. Westwood, the "village" of LA where UCLA stands is nothing like I remember it. There are high rises where my favorite coffee shop was, and the shops are very different. We then drove out to Pacific Palisades to stay with my dear friend Barbara (from UCLA days) and her husband Fred. Barbara and I have known each other since 1961! Now that's a long time. We had a great visit with them, as usual.

188.2 Let It Go!

I was driving home today after a session with Jennifer in which we talked a lot about my need to let go of the past ~ all the stuff that we all carry around dealing with expectations (or lack of), real and imagined hurts, self image issues, etc..

So I am suddenly aware of the license plate on the back of the car in front of me that reads, "LET IT GO"! Why is it so hard to let things go that cause us pain and regret to remember? It's familiar, it can act as an excuse for our current behavior, and it seduces us with its power. The license plate has it right! I need to LET IT GO!

189.0 Disaster and Delight!

Yesterday I ate two meals out. Lunch was a disaster. I spent all day at a writer's workshop and with the price of admission, a bag lunch was included. You want to talk about high carbs, and low food value? The sandwich was 90 % bulkie roll and 10% turkey and cheese. Oh, and three silver dollar sized pieces of lettuce. And what else was tucked away in the bag? A small chocolate chip cookie and a medium sized bag of potato chips! You know, I had thought about putting an apple in my purse before leaving the house, but forgot! Forgetting is beginning to be a bigger part of my life than ever! Ouch! Next time I'm in a similar situation I'll remember to pack my own lunch.

On the other hand, the dinner was beautifully prepared by my friend Annis, who has been involved with my journey for a long time now. She made sure there was plenty of salad, delicious vegetables, and was willing to cut me a sliver of one of the best desserts I have had in a long time!

As I think about it, the issue of people and food is funny and complicated. There are "feeders" who want you to eat. They always have food, goodies, available in case you might stop by, and they delight in seeing you eat their food. They want you to eat! And then there are the "non-feeders". They are just as comfortable with you not eating whatever! They are delighted just to spend time with you. I really appreciated Annis's thoughtfulness. She didn't push food on me, and in fact, called me to check on what I preferred to drink and to let me know that she was thinking of me as she planned her menu.

The writer's workshop was exhilarating and exhausting. In my dreams of putting together a publishable form of this blog, I never realized that writing it would be just one little part of it. OMG, that appears to be the easy part compared to all that goes into having a publishable product. This is going to be as challenging as the weight loss, and may take as long! We'll see.

188.8 How About A Big Dose of Sunshine?

I just received an email encouraging me to be outside, enjoying the beautiful sunshine. So why am I sitting in the house instead? The drug I am taking for this #*$^! infection makes me sun sensitive and there is a big warning on the bottle and I was cautioned by the doctor about it. The hardest part is that I don't think the drug is working half as well as a big dose of sunshine might. Tomorrow I am calling the doctor's office to see if there isn't a better alternative.

Ah, boredom has set in, and thoughts of eating simply because I am bored have been rampant today. It's amazing to have these reminders of things past, and realize how things and I have changed.

Tonight I am supposed to be going to a potluck supper/discussion group, but am bagging that. Tomorrow, however, I am determined to feel better. Enough, already!