Here are two of my wonderful grandchildren. One of my friends calls grandchildren grands. She's from the south so maybe it a southern thing. I kind of like it! Julien on the left is almost six, and yes, he is very tall. This photo was taken Easter afternoon. We decided he was still a little guy on the inside and needed a stuffed animal in his Easter basket. He was thrilled and carried it around most of the day. This is the guy who runs all the technology in the house, received the best boy kindergartener reader award, and has spent a lot of his life trying to keep up with his very tall brothers. The fact that he is so big for his age is hard on everyone because you tend to expect him to be more mature that he really is ~ he's still a little guy loving his stuffed animal. Zuzu on the right will probably never be the tallest in her class, etc., so she won't have to face some of the challenges all three of my grandsons have had to face. She is almost a year old and she and I spend a lot of time skyping. When she sees me on the computer screen and hears my voice, the smile I get back is, yes, priceless!

One More Time to Start Again

I was so sure that I was going to write a post everyday a couple of weeks ago and then I fell off the wagon! I've been thinking a lot about why I am not motivated to write and I think it is because I don't have a goal. When I started this blog it was all about losing weight. Now I have the attitude of been there, done that,and so there is no framework for my ramblings. I do have many wonderful things going on in my life that I relate to friends and family, but no earth shaking announcements, like I lost a half a pound. And, I also think that if I expect people to take the time to read this, I should have something to say, which makes me laugh because when I was blogging about my weight it wasn't all that exciting most of the time. I remember writing about cracking and having a Dairy Queen baby cone. You would have thought I had fallen off Mt. Everest I was so upset with myself. But I am going to write more often, mostly for myself and I'll not worry that I need to entertain and inform.

The Good News and The Bad News

I saw two of my doctors over the past couple of days and I feel strange complaining, but here goes. The good news is that the injections worked really well at first but are already beginning to wear off. The bad news is that I heard once again that my back is so messed up (that's putting it nicely) that is amazing that I'm as mobile as I am. Or, is that the good news? I can have more injections, more surgery was suggested as a possibility in the future, and I definitely have to continue my water therapy, physical therapy, neuro muscular massage therapy and chiropractic care. Yikes, now I know where all the time goes. But nothing is going to cure my problems and I get down about that. So I'll just keep on working on staying as healthy as possible and keep in the fight!

More good news - we're getting our pool redone, new tile and new edging and that makes me very happy. And, plans for a summer getaway with all of our kids, and their families are shaping up very well, so we'll be heading to New Hampshire and Boston in July. Life is still very good.

Lost Wages!

We are back after a great time in Memphis and in Las Vegas. It was fun to spend time with my grandsons who are growing up way too fast. One of the best memories is that of coloring Easter eggs with them. I hadn't done that in so many years and it was so much fun. Jeff bought a dozen of his favorite golf balls and had them decorate them with Smart pens. They had done that at Christmas time and he loves it because he can always find his ball.

Las Vegas was not very generous, but we had a wonderful time with our friends. We saw Jersey Boys and found ourselves singing to all of the Frankie Valle hits that we spent our teenage years dancing to.

On A Roll

Things continue to go well. We are on our way to visit our son and his family (the magnificent Lynsey and the magnificent boys) in Memphis tomorrow. We'll spend Easter with my Jewish grandsons :) ~ diversity is very cool and interesting! ~ and then we head to Las Vegas to meet up with old friends. Old friends is a little misleading. How about friends we've known since 1966. Ginny taught in the trailer next to mine in Torrance, California. We were both brand newly accredited teachers and Ginny was the best next door, new teacher I could have worked next to. We are going to see Jersey Boys while in Las Vegas, so this should be a great time! I know I've said it before, but life is very good! I probably won't post while we are away, but I will let you know if I hit a lucky streak in Vegas!

Much Ado About Nothing?

After spending much of the day making the jewelry to wear last night, I didn't wear it or the outfit I had planned. Much ado about nothing, perhaps, but I was glad to be doing my jewelry thing even if I didn't wear it. I wore a black outfit I had never worn and a necklace and earrings my sister Priscilla had bought for me in Italy. What was really sweet was that through all the flurry of trying to decide what to wear my dear husband of 47 years said all the right things, like I think you have some things that are more becoming instead of you look fat in that outfit :). And as we sat across from each other during dinner he mouthed that I looked beautiful a couple of times. I woman I didn't know well saw him and asked me what he had said! It was funny and fun.

Okay, what I'm not saying is that I really got upset because when I was slimmer, I loved putting on clothes and I loved how I looked, then. Now, since I've gained some of the weight back (it's as if it is right around me waiting to jump back on my body :)) it's not such a joyful experience.

And finally, I'm still pain free and so grateful for that!

Back At It!

Tonight's a big night! We are going to a charity event which means I get to get all dressed up. We don't often do that out here in Arizona. Deciding whether to wear black jeans or blue jeans is often the most challenging decision I have to make about what to wear. Oh, I do wear dressier pants but that's just to church occasionally.

This morning I sat down and designed and made a necklace to wear with my top, my favorite purple top. Months ago I wrote about buying two identical tops because I loved the design so much. Finally I get to wear one of them!

Something that I'm realizing is that I have shut down several parts of my life, including the blog and the jewelry. I wonder if I've just been too distracted with activities I've added to my life, or if I just quit because of pain issues and just a big case of the blahs about certain things. It doesn't really matter, but I am glad to be back!

And I'm so excited to have a chance to go out and not worrying about pain. Oh, the joy!

To Good To Be True

This blog has a life of it's own. I tried to let it go, but heard from several of my readers/friends that they missed it, why wasn't I writing anymore, etc. This morning I called my college friend Barb who had just checked in and found out that I was writing again. And my dear Russian student that I met in my ESL class (and who has since returned to Russia) wrote me that she had been checking my blog to see if I was writing it. So here I am on a Saturday night, writing a post and it feels good.

My leg and back pain are still gone! I am so relieved. Today I read in the doctor's list of do's and don't's that I probably won't notice improvement until 2 - 5 days after the injection(s). I noticed it right away so now I'm uptight that it will disappear after 2 to 5 days. I know that's silly but it all seems too good to be true.

Pain Free!

I am so excited! I had the epidural injection above and below my fusion and got out of bed this morning like a teenager! Seriously, it is the first time in years that I haven't had stiffness, limping, pain, and instability to deal with every morning. And, it has lasted all day. I've been taking it very easy (read watching TV and using my iPad while lying on the bed) most of the day. Because I felt so good, I wanted to do all sorts of things, but I also want this to last and to do the trick, so I am following the doctor's orders. When you have so much pain for so long, you just get used to it. Having that pain gone is like being reborn! I forgot how good it could be! So now, I just hope it will last for a good, long time.

Refirement!

I can't believe that it has been almost two months since I posted on this blog after being so diligent over the past couple of years. I think I was feeling guilty that I had regained some of my weight and that I "shouldn't" blog anymore. So now I know it doesn't matter to anyone but me and I do like writing, so I may or may not talk about weight. There's a lot more to my life than that number.

Last Sunday we went to a church service that featured a progressive Christian speaker, a former Catholic priest named Matthew Fox. Among many very interesting things that he spoke about was how when we use the word retirement, we should, in fact, think about that period in our lives as refirement. It's a time to find that fire in ourselves to do something that we feel passionate about that enables us to give back. When I look at the two words I so like refirement better than retirement.

Last night was the 2nd annual spelling bee that Jeff has organized and propelled to success up here where we live. (He has definitely been in refirement!) The money raised goes to the local school system. Last night's event raised $25,000 about $10,000 more than last year. More people participated and more money was raised through donations this time around. Yes, I was on a team and we did not win, which is probably a good thing. I have the same huge word list that all participants get, but it might look a little fishy if my team won. How's that for an excuse for not winning? The winners this year also won last year. They work at a local library.

Later today I'm going to have an injection in my low back to see if the leg pain and other issues might calm down a bit! So wish me luck with that, and it's good to be back.

It's Lonely Out Here in AZ If You Love The Patriots!

You would think I'd be used to it... it's hard to fit in out here if you are from the east coast. Most retirees come here from the midwest and northwest and Canada. Everyone on the east coast seems to migrate to Florida when they retire. I don't get it since I love the weather out here and have never done well in humidity. But the worst part is - well, almost the worst part - is that there are no Patriot fans. This Super Bowl weekend I have been staying quiet, hiding out. In the restaurants and shops everyone is dressed in their Giants stuff! I've asked a few of those who aren't into advertizing their favorite team who they are rooting for, and found no Patriot fans. What's wrong with these people, especially the midwesterners? Actually a lot of them don't even consider this match up a Super bowl because no midwestern team is involved. Oh, well, we'll cheer as loudly as we want to here at home. Go Patriots!

189 Oh, My!

I haven't written in a while because I keep hoping I'll have a 5 pound weight loss to report or some bit of inspiration that has helped me and that I would want to pass along. I've been doing Weight Watchers and I like the record keeping part of it. But I think that my metabolism is so screwed up from the weight loss of 80 pounds that even though I am on Weight Watchers' minimum point allowance each week, it is just too high. Having been in "starvation mode" for so long means that my body doesn't know what to do with food. But maybe these are just excuses. I don't have a clue at this point. So what's the big deal? Why do I care anymore as I approach 70? I'm not going to win any beauty contests~ I never did ~ and it just feels exhausting. No, I don't want to put more weight on, but I feel like I am on that bridge to nowhere and it is unending. But maybe that's what weight watching is all about. Any thoughts?

187.2 Unpredictable

I like to think that my life is fairly predictable, but lately I am beginning to wonder if that is one of the many areas in my thinking that might fall under the category of delusional. You would think that with all of the weight loss stuff I have gone through, I'd be an expert. Well, I'm not and am still learning new things about weight loss in general and how my body responds to changes in what/how much I eat. In general, it's often very unpredictable.

Besides focusing on weight and other body issues such as my back, neck, stroke life, etc., I am a devoted player/member of Lumosity, the brain game site to stave off Alzheimers and other dementias. Well, that part of my life is unpredictable also. After not playing for about a month, I was able to perform magnificently and my overall score shot up 4 points at one sitting. (I was sure I would take a downward hit and have to build my score back up again.) That's a lot because when I'm in a more disciplined place in my life and play every day, it often varies up and down a couple of points. And then today, it just shot up 6 points for no reason at all, except that I hadn't played for several days. I'm thinking about writing to the Lumosity folks and see if they'd like to do a study on my brain. It's got to be quite unique, or at least I'd like to think so. Since I started Lumosity my score has increased over 1200 points. No I won't tell you where I started, but now I'm wondering if there is an upward limit, and how close I am to that score. And, if I did reach it once, how will I feel when it begins to waver downward. Ah, the things I think about!

187.4 There Is No Finish Line

Or, I could have entitled this post "An Amazing Weight Loss Journey Without End." When I started on this weight loss journey almost three years ago now, I definitely thought there would be an end point, that I'd reach my goal and somehow live happily ever after. As you know, I've been struggling for most of this past year with my weight, as much as I was when I was trying to lose those 80 pounds. This time I was struggling to maintain my goal weight and not regain weight, and I've been losing the struggle. Well, I'm still on the journey which has taken a surprising turn. Yesterday, after much thought, I joined Weight Watchers. I went to my first meeting and really liked it. I felt validated when the leader brought up the point that maintaining weight loss is actually more difficult than losing weight, and I do agree with her. She mentioned that most of the contestants on The Big Loser have gained back most if not all the weight they lost while competing on the show. So, I'm not alone in this. Why did I join Weight Watchers? So that I'd be accountable to someone else. When I was losing I had Jennifer to care and to coach and encourage. Now I have WW to fill that need that I have. Some folks can do it all on their own. I need a cheering section!

My cousin was here a couple of weeks ago and told me about a friend who wears a workout shirt that says on the back, "There Is No Finish Line". I can relate to that! There are so many aspects to weight issues and for most of us, it is/will be a continual battle, but life will always get in the way, and I have to remember that that's the good news. Life is good!

186.5 Grace and Compassion

(Kit, taken on her wedding day, June 2011)

I have a dear friend whose daughter Kit, also a dear friend, is studying at Yale Divinity School. Kit has written a blog post about her weight that is filled with passion, compassion, and self understanding. It was a joy for me to read and I think you'll be moved by it also. Kit is in her mid twenties but reveals wisdom far beyond her years. Enjoy.

http://hellokit.tumblr.com/post/15358531798/i-see-you-twenty-twelve

186.2 Charlee

Our precious dog, Charlee, is sick and in the hospital. She has pancreatitis usually caused in dogs by eating rich food. We aren't sure how/when she got an overload of rich food, but we did have a full house at most meal times so who knows. It really doesn't matter, but what does matter is that she's in a special hospital, on IVs for hydration, meds, etc., and getting very good care. Hopefully we'll be able to bring her home tomorrow. This little Havanese is Jeff's and my baby/child now and it's amazing how much we love her.

Life will get back on track once she feels better and I learn what's wrong with my hip. I promised myself to exercise regularly, etc., but whatever is wrong with my hip has really gotten in the way. I was doing the elliptical with Linda but since that causes flexion in my hip muscles that is now a no-no. The only thing I can do is walk and stretch in my pool. So I'm just going to take it easy, be compassionate toward myself as my dear Alee encourages me to be, and once I'm good to go, I'll get going!

186.2 Happy New Year!

As we look back over the past year and especially the past couple of weeks we have so much to be thankful for. Our daughter Alee is engaged to a great guy, Scott, and we are looking forward to their wedding next fall. We have a lovely, smiley little granddaughter who stole everyone's heart at this Christmas gathering. She has such light emanating from her even in the midst of needing to be changed, teething, and being tired and hungry. And, our wonderful grandsons filled the house with laughter, enthusiasm, and delighted in meeting their cousin, a first for them.

So now the show has closed, the set has been put away until next year, and the lights have been dimmed. It is awfully quiet around here after two weeks of family, but Jeff and I have been reliving all the funny things that happened, the special times we had with each and all of our family members, and are beginning to start back into our regular routines. Our best memory? Sitting around a campfire in our backyard one evening singing songs with the boys. It's interesting that it had nothing to do with gifts or food. :)

Happy New Year to all!