189 Oh, My!

I haven't written in a while because I keep hoping I'll have a 5 pound weight loss to report or some bit of inspiration that has helped me and that I would want to pass along. I've been doing Weight Watchers and I like the record keeping part of it. But I think that my metabolism is so screwed up from the weight loss of 80 pounds that even though I am on Weight Watchers' minimum point allowance each week, it is just too high. Having been in "starvation mode" for so long means that my body doesn't know what to do with food. But maybe these are just excuses. I don't have a clue at this point. So what's the big deal? Why do I care anymore as I approach 70? I'm not going to win any beauty contests~ I never did ~ and it just feels exhausting. No, I don't want to put more weight on, but I feel like I am on that bridge to nowhere and it is unending. But maybe that's what weight watching is all about. Any thoughts?

A Very Good Friend

Today I had a great conversation with my friend Barbara. She's followed my blog from the first post. She's been a wonderful inspiration for me because she never let her weight get out of control. In other words, she's always been very conscious about what she eats and how much and it's really paid off throughout her life.

After I shared the news that our daughter Alee is engaged :) to a wonderful guy, Barbara took charge of the conversation and told me that she had been wondering why I never talked about using hypnosis during this recent period of weight gain and my distress about it. She said that she was so happy to read yesterday that I was reintroducing it into my tool box! She also told me that her husband Fred lost weight after suffering some health issues and never veers from his diet. She suggested that perhaps that is the tack that I will have to take in light of my history of yoyo dieting. Much as I would like to be able to not be so obsessed with every bite, perhaps for me it is the only way I will be able to keep the lost weight at bay. I've been fighting having to live like that, but I'm beginning to understand that for me it may be the only way I am going to keep my weight under control.

Today I went out to lunch with friends and after leaving the house I went back home and filled up a little plastic bag with fat free ranch dressing. I wouldn't have bothered a week ago and would have trusted myself not to eat much of the dressing that was provided. But going through those "old" steps to insure that I stay aware really helped me. A lot of my life is not in my control, so having a few things that I can count on myself to control feels good.

180.8 Thanks!

I really want to say thank you to all of you who make comments. In general these are comments that encourage me and support me. Sometimes I get comments with good information or suggestions. All of the comments are so welcome and I just want to put it out there that it means more than you'll ever know.

Writing a blog is quite a lonely undertaking. I never know if people read it or care until I get a comment or email. So again, thanks so much. I am hanging in there. Today was a better day. I even went shopping and bought some new motivational pants so that means I'm on my way. When I started this blog about 2 years ago I had no idea where it would lead and definitely didn't think I'd be writing this kind of post. But life is good, even though it can be very unpredictable. Thanks.

181.6 Being In A Good Place

I haven't liked these posts lately but I am staying true to my promise to keep writing. I'm pretty sick of not feeling well and it is definitely getting in my way in more ways than just this blog. What's bothering me is that there is nothing huge wrong with me, but I just don't feel free. I'm on more drugs now (for the allergic reaction in my face), and that always makes me feel a little edgy. And, I want to quit thinking about/worrying about what's going on with me.

The food issues are slowly getting back in control - today has been a good day without feeling hungry or wanting to eat to move into a haze. I am staying present and aware and that's a good place to be.

180.2 Rambling Thoughts

Well, I didn't go to the party last night which was a good decision, although Jeff went and a great time was had by all. One thing I am so grateful about in our lives are the wonderful friends we have found here. The depth of many of the friendships astounds me since we have known most of these folks for 3 years or less. When you make a big move like we did, a lot of things are risked in the process. Probably the scariest for us was thinking about building new relationships.

Our daughters survived hurricane Irene without too much disruption although Miranda and her family lost power so went to stay with our daughter Alee, and Scott. Nobody has a flooded basement or other damage so a good sleep will be had by all tonight.

I'm still wondering why my face blew up, but it is a little better today and should be much better tomorrow. It does feel prickly most of the time and itches, but that's it in the complaint department.