189 Oh, My!

I haven't written in a while because I keep hoping I'll have a 5 pound weight loss to report or some bit of inspiration that has helped me and that I would want to pass along. I've been doing Weight Watchers and I like the record keeping part of it. But I think that my metabolism is so screwed up from the weight loss of 80 pounds that even though I am on Weight Watchers' minimum point allowance each week, it is just too high. Having been in "starvation mode" for so long means that my body doesn't know what to do with food. But maybe these are just excuses. I don't have a clue at this point. So what's the big deal? Why do I care anymore as I approach 70? I'm not going to win any beauty contests~ I never did ~ and it just feels exhausting. No, I don't want to put more weight on, but I feel like I am on that bridge to nowhere and it is unending. But maybe that's what weight watching is all about. Any thoughts?

Aloha

"There are two main types of sugar that occurs naturally in foods like vegetables and fruits, and refined sugars and syrups (aka simple sugar), which are added to foods for sweetness. Added sugar is any sugar that does not naturally occur in the food like the sugar in holiday cookies and cakes. Extra sugar increases your blood sugar quickly, causing the proteins in your body to be less functional and, as a result, directly aging your immune and arterial systems and even your joints, explains Dr. Mike Roizen, chief wellness officer at the Cleveland Clinic. A food is likely to be high in added sugar if one of the following substances is first or second in the list of ingredients (or if several of them are present): brown sugar, corn sweetener, dextrose, fructose, fruit juice concentrate, glucose, honey, invert sugar, lactose, maltose, molasses, raw sugar, sucrose, table sugar. Also watch out for concentrated fruit juice and expeller-pressed organic rice extract.". This quote is from the Cleveland Clinic newsletter posted Dec. 4th.

Whenever I see the word aging it jumps out at me, and I never thought of sugar as causing aging unrelated to weight gain. I am really struggling with my weight and as I write this I am sitting at the breakfast table at a gorgeous resort on the Big Island, HI. I know this sounds childish, but I am angry that I still have to be so in control of every bite. But as I've learned over that past year, if I don't pay careful attention, I gain weight. I've been going back to listening to my Jennifer Scott CDs, doing a lot of self talk, and just saying no to unhealthy food, wine, and macadamia nuts. (They are everywhere here.) My rational voice tells me that if that's all I have to complain about, I have it pretty easy. And I do!

A Very Good Friend

Today I had a great conversation with my friend Barbara. She's followed my blog from the first post. She's been a wonderful inspiration for me because she never let her weight get out of control. In other words, she's always been very conscious about what she eats and how much and it's really paid off throughout her life.

After I shared the news that our daughter Alee is engaged :) to a wonderful guy, Barbara took charge of the conversation and told me that she had been wondering why I never talked about using hypnosis during this recent period of weight gain and my distress about it. She said that she was so happy to read yesterday that I was reintroducing it into my tool box! She also told me that her husband Fred lost weight after suffering some health issues and never veers from his diet. She suggested that perhaps that is the tack that I will have to take in light of my history of yoyo dieting. Much as I would like to be able to not be so obsessed with every bite, perhaps for me it is the only way I will be able to keep the lost weight at bay. I've been fighting having to live like that, but I'm beginning to understand that for me it may be the only way I am going to keep my weight under control.

Today I went out to lunch with friends and after leaving the house I went back home and filled up a little plastic bag with fat free ranch dressing. I wouldn't have bothered a week ago and would have trusted myself not to eat much of the dressing that was provided. But going through those "old" steps to insure that I stay aware really helped me. A lot of my life is not in my control, so having a few things that I can count on myself to control feels good.

181.4 A New Taste Treat

A couple of weeks ago I visited my wonderful, inspirational friend Barbara in southern California. She, like my sister Priscilla, has managed to keep her weight under control for most of her life. She told me about one of her new favorite combinations that she eats for breakfast and/or lunch. I came home and tried it and have been hooked ever since. I feel compelled to share it :).

Mix about 1/4 cup Greek non-fat yogurt (Greek yogurt is much higher in protein so you'll feel fuller longer than if you use regular yogurt) with 1/4 cup non-fat or low fat cottage cheese. Then add sliced fresh tomato and about 1/4 to 1/2 of an avocado. Add salt and lots of pepper and enjoy! She feeds this to her 18 month old grand-daughter who loves it. I also the eat the yogurt and cottage cheese combo with fresh berries. I sprinkle Splenda on it and think it's heavenly.

I have a hunch that you'll really like both of these options if you like yogurt and cottage cheese. Oh, I just remembered... I also ate it with fresh figs and that was so good!

180.8 Thanks!

I really want to say thank you to all of you who make comments. In general these are comments that encourage me and support me. Sometimes I get comments with good information or suggestions. All of the comments are so welcome and I just want to put it out there that it means more than you'll ever know.

Writing a blog is quite a lonely undertaking. I never know if people read it or care until I get a comment or email. So again, thanks so much. I am hanging in there. Today was a better day. I even went shopping and bought some new motivational pants so that means I'm on my way. When I started this blog about 2 years ago I had no idea where it would lead and definitely didn't think I'd be writing this kind of post. But life is good, even though it can be very unpredictable. Thanks.

181.6 Being In A Good Place

I haven't liked these posts lately but I am staying true to my promise to keep writing. I'm pretty sick of not feeling well and it is definitely getting in my way in more ways than just this blog. What's bothering me is that there is nothing huge wrong with me, but I just don't feel free. I'm on more drugs now (for the allergic reaction in my face), and that always makes me feel a little edgy. And, I want to quit thinking about/worrying about what's going on with me.

The food issues are slowly getting back in control - today has been a good day without feeling hungry or wanting to eat to move into a haze. I am staying present and aware and that's a good place to be.

180.2 Rambling Thoughts

Well, I didn't go to the party last night which was a good decision, although Jeff went and a great time was had by all. One thing I am so grateful about in our lives are the wonderful friends we have found here. The depth of many of the friendships astounds me since we have known most of these folks for 3 years or less. When you make a big move like we did, a lot of things are risked in the process. Probably the scariest for us was thinking about building new relationships.

Our daughters survived hurricane Irene without too much disruption although Miranda and her family lost power so went to stay with our daughter Alee, and Scott. Nobody has a flooded basement or other damage so a good sleep will be had by all tonight.

I'm still wondering why my face blew up, but it is a little better today and should be much better tomorrow. It does feel prickly most of the time and itches, but that's it in the complaint department.

169.2 Lost and Found

Happy New Year and I hope everyone had wonderful celebrations during the holiday season.

We're back from our trip to Memphis to visit our grandsons, and I'd post some pictures but I did the unthinkable! I lost my cell phone in the Memphis Airport yesterday and those recent photos are on it. Our plane was also delayed twice yesterday so let's just say it wasn't a great day.

But in fact it turned out to be a great day. Friends picked us up at the airport, being as flexible as our flight arrival time forced them to be, and when we walked into our home and heard our phone messages, we learned that my cellphone had been found and turned into the lost and found at the airport!

So where am I going with this? All over the place :)! I found out that worse things were happening to people in the airport. As we were complaining to some folks who sat down near us about the fact I had lost my cell phone, the woman explained that she had lost her brother the day before, and that they were on their way to be with family. Suddenly I found that my cell phone wasn't so significant after all. I also found that people were honest and did the right thing. And, I found the Memphis Airport folks to be helpful and resourceful in helping me to get my phone back. It's arriving tomorrow via FedEx.

And I lost some weight over the holidays, partly due to a stomach virus that took me out for a couple of days. This was my first big holiday season being on maintenance and I was very cautious. But I also ate some very wonderful things and enjoyed the choices I made very much. I have continued to use hypnosis and just keep reminding myself of what I have accomplished and there is just no way I want to eat more than I want to maintain my weight loss. I think I have found a great way to handle food.

171.6 The Last Picture Show!

Remember the movie by that name? For months, Jennifer Scott has said that once I reached my goal weight we'd do a final video. Today was the big day!

Now I've never liked any of the videos that we've done together. I really don't like talking about myself while being filmed. I do like to talk about myself with friends and family, as they will tell you without hesitation, but as soon as the camera is turned on me I morph into this totally unrecognizable person who seems to be high on some illegal drug.

I hope today's video is better than those done in the past. I was definitely more myself and more at ease that in the earlier videos, probably because of all of the changes that have taken place. I really wanted to explain all the elements that came together to make this weight loss possible, and, to explain that it hasn't been just all about weight loss. It's about me becoming free of all that old stuff, those old burdens, physical and emotional!

We'll see. Jennifer wants to put it on her Facebook page and I may put it on this blog once it is edited. If I look alive, I'll post it. Otherwise, you'll never see it :)!

174.6 Among Other Things, It's About Time!

My friend Loretta just left to return to her home a couple hours north of here. Since she's also lost a lot of weight we had several conversations about how we each lost weight, what we ate, etc. Her approach was in some ways much more dramatic than mine, with many more rules. She didn't eat sugar, she cut way back on salt, and she exercised several hours every day. I ate a lot less than I used to but was into more variety and not depriving myself of too many things, as along as what I ate was healthful. And, because of my back issues, I didn't exercise as much everyday as she did.

One thing we both did was to quit drinking. We were laughing about all the wine we used to drink together before we came to our senses and decided that was not going to be possible for us to continue to do if we were serious about weight loss.

In the end, we both agreed that there are lots of ways to lose weight, and what works for one person may not work for another. We also both acknowledged that what we had going for both of us was time because we are both retired and our time is our own to organize. And, we both really wanted to change. Loretta, I'm gonna miss you.

183.4 More About Voices

Ever since I posted yesterday's note about my use of hypnosis to get rid of those unwelcome, detrimental voices from the past, I've been thinking about ways to do it without hypnosis. And, I've come up with one idea that I think will work for those of you who want to tackle this.

My sister Priscilla wrote that she has started to write down the negative voices/messages from her past that she hears and confronts them rather than trying to ignore them. My suggestion takes it one step further and that involves taking a negative message and changing it so that it becomes positive. For example, if the message about not wasting food plagues you and you want to feel free to eat less than your serving, tell yourself that you can eat only what you want and that you will send a donation to a charity that supports child hunger programs (and do it) if that will make you feel better about not cleaning your plate. If you hear a voice telling you that you are so overweight it doesn't matter what you eat (one of the near and not so dear voices from my past) you can change that to I want to lose weight so every bite of food I put in my mouth matters, and I can control it.

I hope this is helpful and makes sense. There are lots of ways to make changes so that you will get to where we want to be. You may have better ideas of how to take charge of the negative and make it positive. Go for it, and let me know what you find is helpful.

187.6 The Long and Short of It

I don't know why I remember the things I do, but the song "Who Wears Short Shorts?" just popped into my head. Thank goodness there is a reason for that. I am thinking about going shopping today for shorts, but definitely not short shorts! So why I am writing about this?

Well, shorts and I make an odd couple. Remember, I am 67, my thighs look like they need ironing and I am the proud owner of cankles. I don't care what length, what color, what brand, or what size I buy, I am not going to look good in these shorts. Last summer I did wear shorts when I went out walking. It was easier then when I was so much heavier, because I thought I was sort of invisible, that it didn't matter what I looked like in them because I didn't look good anyway, if that makes sense.

Things are different now. I am different now. So, I can continue to wear long pants, (in 100+ degree weather that looks quite bizarre), or I can just pretend I have great legs and quit worrying about it! Maybe nobody cares what I look like! Now there's a novel thought.

My weight is coming down and my apple/fiber intake is going up! Happiness in Scottsdale!

187.6 Changing My Shape

Now today was a great day. As you faithful readers know, I have been really struggling to get below 187 pounds. In fact I've been hanging around that number way too long. As you can see above, I did at least drop from around 188+ pounds back into the 187 camp, but that's not what made it a great day.

It all started with my walking buddy giving me two tops from Chico's that she has grown out of because she's losing weight. When I tried them on this morning they fit perfectly, and it occurred to me that maybe it was time to go shopping again.

So off I went and tried on *size 3 pants, the size that I'd bought about 3 months ago. They were too big! At first I thought that that wasn't possible and ignored it until the sales woman looked at me and announced for all to hear that those pants were too big and that she'd get the smaller size. So, now I'm the proud of owner of size 2.5 pants, 3 pairs of size 2.5 pants.

What's really interesting is that when I weighed much less and I didn't exercise like I do now, I usually wore size 14 or 16. So to wear the equivalent of size 12-14 at this weight means the exercise has changed my shape! Now I am wondering if I can get down to a size 2! Of course I can, but it will take time and exercise and more weight loss. What a plan! (And if I can change my shape at the age of 67, anyone can.)

* For those of you who aren't familiar with the way Chico's sizes its clothing, it's marked from 0 to 3.5.

190.2 Losing It and Gaining Weight!

We are home from a great time in Las Vegas. Miranda had never been there and she was happily surprised at how much it appealed to her. Alee and I had been there together a couple of years ago and she knew she loved it...especially the Bellagio and the gambling. We had a lot of great luck and some not so great luck, but we shared our fortunes (?) and laughed and felt so happy to be together in such a fun place. The several pools were as enticing as the slot machines and we had some great pool time, also.

And the food...it was so delicious and plentiful, and I have to admit I just sort of lost it. That's putting it nicely! I lost it! We all went over to the Y this morning to workout. It was really fun to look around the workout area and see Jeff, and the girls working out with me. I don't think we had ever done that before. Even with that newly gained weight, I was able to do the elliptical for 30 minutes and so I am already feeling like I am getting back into the swing of things. The adorable sculpture that is at the top of this post is in front of our new YMCA. Remember the song with the arm motions, "YMCA"? That's what this sculpture represents.

So I've thought a lot about the 2.5 pounds I put on while away. It wasn't hard to do! Eating out every meal is just plain full of temptation, hidden salt, and delicious choices. So I am back doing my hypnosis, surrounding myself with healthy food, and drinking lots of water. I'll lose it and since we don't get together like this very often, I'm not being too hard on myself.

194.0 The Cake Conundrum

Today I went to PVCC to teach my ESL class. Once I arrived in the classroom one of my new students presented me with two slices of gorgeous looking bundt cake. I thanked her and was really touched by her overture. During the two hours that I taught, I would glance over and see the little baggy with the cake in it wondering how I was going to handle this. After class I thanked her once again and went to the kitchen area where I had to sign out. By now it was 12:15 and I had been working hard for two hours, and yes, I was hungry. Maybe you'll laugh, but I asked my inner spirit how in the world I was going to deal with this cake, and I heard that I should taste it, and then decide what I was going to do with the rest of it. So, I took a bite and slowly chewed it. It was delicious. Although I had thought it was simply chocolate and white cake, it was much more. I could taste cinnamon, I could taste nuts, and I could taste orange. And then I knew that one bite was just the right amount. I threw the rest away and haven't thought about it until now.

What's really cool is that in the old days I really wouldn't have even experienced the flavors until I had eaten most of it, if then. I would have taken large bites, chewed it quickly and swallowed it, ready to take another bite. This small bites and chewing slowly way of eating has real benefits!

What makes this way of losing weight different from other weight loss programs is that it is not about depriving myself of any food. I feel free to eat whatever I want, but the questions I always ask are how much do I want it, and how much am I going to eat. It's working!

195.6 Change and Gratitude

Last night's blog brought about a comment that simply stated, "Wowee"! I think it is even more appropriate for today since I am down another 6 ounces! And last night I had butternut nut squash soup with a delicious fig and mascapone toasted ravioli floating in it, beef tenderloin, and asparagus instead of risotto (all I did was ask, and no problem was the answer). It was a wonderful, delicious meal in an extraordinarily beautiful setting.

So how is it I lost 6 more ounces? I think I have stopped fighting with myself about all the reasons I couldn't make drastic changes. Well, I thought of them as drastic but in reality they really weren't that drastic. It just hasn't been that hard. Planning my food for the day first thing in the morning instead of waiting as time for a meal approached and then eating whatever, is not that hard. Doing more and varied exercise in one day is not that hard. Not eating three meals everyday is not that hard. What's hard for me is to figure out what I was afraid of, what was it that I didn't want to give up, why didn't I embrace these ideas as they were suggested to me instead of putting up mental road blocks.

I have definitely become more conscious of the fact that losing a large amount of weight has meant that I had to give up some things in order to make the changes. I had to give up the notion that I was disabled. I had to give up the notion that food was so important to me that I couldn't imagine being happy eating less and indulging myself less with food. I had to give up the notion that I couldn't do it because I couldn't exercise. I had to give up the old me, and you know, what has taken the place of that 247 pound disabled gal is a person that feels younger, is more agile, loves exercise and is beginning to take pride in how she looks and moves and lives. And, being conscious, being aware of the wonder of life within me and around me is such a gift and so much fun. I am filled with gratitude and wonder that I have actually lost 52 pounds. Furthermore, I am very aware of the need and desire to lose about, let's see, I believe we are now looking at only 25 more! Wowee!

199.6 What's Up!

It's hard to control weight when you travel. Travel often involves gatherings (around food) with friends and relatives, and sometimes the food options that are presented to me cause me to feel uncomfortable. I have blogged about this before, since this year in particular has involved a lot of travel for me. But something is at work within me that has enabled me to travel without gaining much weight at all.

I have been thinking about this all day and I think I know what's up! Portion control and staying present are keeping me from doing too much damage. Staying present is tricky for me, especially when I am facing high stress, anxiety provoking situations. It is easy for me to become unaware, to go inward into my own little world that is far removed from how much I am eating, how fast I am eating, and what I am eating. Portion control is easier, especially if I check in with myself beforehand about how I am going to deal with the immediate challenges faced by a long buffet of all kinds of good looking food, or even a menu that offers very little in the way of healthy eating choices. One of the nights when we were in Indiana the waitress asked me if I wanted a small house salad with my order and, thinking that would fill me up and be healthy, I said yes and automatically asked for the dressing on the side. Well, the salad came so heavily covered with grated cheese that I could not possibly remove it. I apologized for not asking more questions before I ordered it and then asked for a salad without cheese. This is a new behavior for me because in the past I would have felt that I shouldn't bother the waitress about it and I would have just eaten it, including the cheese. When she returned with the new salad, I was delighted and surprised to see that there were several cherry tomatoes on the salad that weren't even visible because there had been so much cheese.

So now I am back home for a while, totally in control of all that I eat. Let's see if I can't knock some more of this weight off. Or, should I say, let's see if I CAN knock some more of this weight off!