195.6 Change and Gratitude

Last night's blog brought about a comment that simply stated, "Wowee"! I think it is even more appropriate for today since I am down another 6 ounces! And last night I had butternut nut squash soup with a delicious fig and mascapone toasted ravioli floating in it, beef tenderloin, and asparagus instead of risotto (all I did was ask, and no problem was the answer). It was a wonderful, delicious meal in an extraordinarily beautiful setting.

So how is it I lost 6 more ounces? I think I have stopped fighting with myself about all the reasons I couldn't make drastic changes. Well, I thought of them as drastic but in reality they really weren't that drastic. It just hasn't been that hard. Planning my food for the day first thing in the morning instead of waiting as time for a meal approached and then eating whatever, is not that hard. Doing more and varied exercise in one day is not that hard. Not eating three meals everyday is not that hard. What's hard for me is to figure out what I was afraid of, what was it that I didn't want to give up, why didn't I embrace these ideas as they were suggested to me instead of putting up mental road blocks.

I have definitely become more conscious of the fact that losing a large amount of weight has meant that I had to give up some things in order to make the changes. I had to give up the notion that I was disabled. I had to give up the notion that food was so important to me that I couldn't imagine being happy eating less and indulging myself less with food. I had to give up the notion that I couldn't do it because I couldn't exercise. I had to give up the old me, and you know, what has taken the place of that 247 pound disabled gal is a person that feels younger, is more agile, loves exercise and is beginning to take pride in how she looks and moves and lives. And, being conscious, being aware of the wonder of life within me and around me is such a gift and so much fun. I am filled with gratitude and wonder that I have actually lost 52 pounds. Furthermore, I am very aware of the need and desire to lose about, let's see, I believe we are now looking at only 25 more! Wowee!

204.0 Little Things Mean A Lot

If you are old enough you will remember a song with that title. I think Dean Martin sang it, or maybe Perry Como. Sorry if I am dating myself, but it is fun to look back, way back for that one!

Sitting on the plane today, after sleeping for about 2 hours, I started thinking about some little things that have changed as I have lost the weight. For example, I don't have that sinking feeling that the seat belt is going to be too small to go around me. I never did have to ask for an extension, but sometimes it was nip and tuck to get it on. Another flight related change is that the arm rest doesn't ride on my thigh anymore, and my hips aren't snuggled up next to some stranger's as we fly through the air. These are little things in a way, but they are really huge in the overall picture.

And there are more little things. I can get up from a chair or sofa without it being a major effort, and I can get out of bed easily, too. For a while, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to leave a restroom if I couldn't use the handicapped stall. Too low meant all sorts of maneuvers to get up and off the toilet. Now I don't even think about it. Maybe that was too much information, but when it was happening to me, it was a significant problem.

So now I am back home, missing my family very much and I know that my old way of handling my sadness would have been to eat. Instead I am blogging and I know that I'll be seeing my daughters again before too long. The spinach is ready to be cooked, the fish is thawing, and I am definitely back to my routine!

207.8 Keeping Focused on My Goal

early morning view of desert mountains

Some days I get so mad when my weight pops up again.  Like today!  Hello...yesterday I was on the brink of dropping into the 206 range and today I am back up .8 of a pound.  I walked, but I didn't do my water workout yesterday because of appointments and commitments, but that's life.

I do believe this weight is coming off and that I am going to see that 170 number on the scale.  I just need to stay out of the haze of losing focus and questioning if this is really working.  Of course it is working!  I have lost 40 pounds.