188.4 Seeing Beyond The Weight Loss

I had an appointment with Jennifer Scott today, my inspiration and support for this weight loss program. Actually, she has become much more than that. She has become a spiritual coach helping me to grow and change throughout this weight loss process. Check out her website listed on the right.

Today she challenged me to begin to see beyond the weight loss. She reminded me that the more important changes that have been occurring along with the weight loss have been increased health and happiness, and self knowledge. Sometimes, in my myopic view of life, I focus way too much on how many pounds I've lost instead of what's going on in the bigger picture of my life.

So what will be next for me? Losing the weight has been a great thing, but like Peggy Lee sang, "Is That All There Is?". What will my life be like a year from now, five years from now? It's time to start widening my view and moving toward a new future with enthusiasm and joy.

187.6 Not 50, 60 Pounds Gone!

I just came home from meeting with a new physical therapist. I jumped ship from my old one because this office is much closer to my home and I was ready for a change. I think she is going to be very helpful. The reason I wanted to start PT again is that I want to get stronger, so that I can start doing weight training and eventually, maybe, be able to play at golf again.

So, Allison, the physical therapist, was interviewing me about my recent past history and I told her I had lost 50 pounds. She was duly impressed and we kept talking and then it hit me! I have lost, not 50, but 60 pounds! It just seems so unbelievable. Is this an example of the mind and body being out of synch? Maybe, or does is the enormity of the loss too much to deal with?

When I reach my goal of 170 will I blithefully be able to say, oh yeah, and I lost 77 pounds over the past couple of years, or will I still feel a little staggered by it? I can hardly wait to find out.

186.8 Behind The Mask Of Time

Okay, I'm just putting it out there! It really did not feel great when Julien, my almost 4 year old grandson, asked me if I was old! (See post dated 3/19/10.) I tried to laugh it off, but it has hung around in my mind. In fact, I had noticed along with losing all this weight that I was gaining in wrinkles. The two are probably related. Depending on my mood, either I've been threatening to have a major face lift when I reach my weight goal of 170, or I have been more relaxed about the appearance of a large city road map all over my face and suggested just a good dose of Botox now and then may do the trick.

What's funny about wrinkles is that the wearer doesn't see them, except when looking in a mirror. Even though I'm older now, the essence of my being hasn't changed over the years. I'm still the 20 - 25 year old that I used to be experiencing the world from behind my face. And that's what I tried to explain to my grandsons after the shock of Julien's question wore off. I told them to think of my wrinkles as make-up that they may have worn as a part of a Halloween costume or for a part in a school play. Whatever they put on their faces didn't change who they were inside.

And, you know, I have to remind myself of that very idea when I see someone with more wrinkles than I have. I have to remember to look for that very special ageless being behind the mask of time.

188.8 How About A Big Dose of Sunshine?

I just received an email encouraging me to be outside, enjoying the beautiful sunshine. So why am I sitting in the house instead? The drug I am taking for this #*$^! infection makes me sun sensitive and there is a big warning on the bottle and I was cautioned by the doctor about it. The hardest part is that I don't think the drug is working half as well as a big dose of sunshine might. Tomorrow I am calling the doctor's office to see if there isn't a better alternative.

Ah, boredom has set in, and thoughts of eating simply because I am bored have been rampant today. It's amazing to have these reminders of things past, and realize how things and I have changed.

Tonight I am supposed to be going to a potluck supper/discussion group, but am bagging that. Tomorrow, however, I am determined to feel better. Enough, already!

189.0 Thinkin' About Things

A couple of days ago I wrote that it has taken changes a lot of areas in order to make a significant change in my life. And then yesterday I gave lentil soup all the credit for my recent weight loss. I was kidding when I declared lentil soup the key to weight loss, but I have been enjoying it while not feeling good. Even though I haven't been exercising since I came home from visiting my grandsons because I have felt so yucky, I think that my metabolism has speeded up which has allowed me to handle the inactivity pretty well.

Doing lots of things that you know are good for you is key. Even though I like to carry on about a specific thing I have done (um, salad for breakfast!?), I know it is a juggling act involving fooling our bodies with variations in exercise, variations in food, and working on dealing with all the reasons we'd rather eat than deal with weight issues.

My friend Kathleen wrote recently in her blog Among The Savages that her cholesterol had dropped significantly and she was thinking about what had caused that. Since she had been making careful dietary choices and upping her exercise, and added flax to her diet, there have been lots of factors at play. And then there's Vegie Night! I really got a kick out of reading her post about adding a "vegies only night" once a week and how her three little boys reacted to that change.

Hope you are having a great weekend, and check out Kathleen's blog listed on the right if you aren't familiar with it. It reminds me of all sorts of craziness and fun that I experienced raising three kids years ago. How did I do it?! You go, Kathleen, and thanks for sharing your stories.

188.2 Losing With Lentil Soup

I lost another half pound and I'm not sure why, except that maybe I have discovered a true diet food that enables the weight to just fall away :)! A couple of days ago I made a gallon of lentil soup, from one of those packages that includes the spices. I didn't add the ham or sausage that was suggested because I knew that the soup would contain plenty of protein without it. Anyway, I have been eating 2 to 3 cups a day. It's so delicious, fills me up and it's a great comfort food since I am not feeling very good. Oh, I am also eating other things, but the soup has been a staple over the last few days. What a way to lose weight! Yum!

188.8 Exercise AND Eating Less

Since I have been feeling so bad, I haven't been exercising... and I've lost about 2 pounds! I have been listening and reading about that study that claims to show that women can't lose weight just by exercising, and, in fact, need to exercise an hour a day just to prevent weight gain.

From my vast experience :) with all sorts of diets and exercise regimes, I have come to understand that you can't lose weight unless you eat less. This program that has enabled me to lose... are you ready?, 58 pounds, is all about eating about half less than you usually would, and building in exercise to help speed up your metabolism. When I used to exercise in my 30's and 40's, I always felt hungrier than ever after the exercise, and found that treating myself to something really yummy (read fat and sugar) was how I motivated myself to keep it up. What I didn't value at that time is that exercise is really all about getting healthier. Oh, and I didn't lose any weight!

If I go back and take a look at my weight loss history over the past couple of years, combining exercise with eating less shows a huge correlation. Without exercise (due to pain and back issues that pretty much prevented all exercise except water therapy), I lost 10 pounds. Just about a year ago, after a less invasive back surgery, I was able to start walking and I got in the habit of walking 4-5 days a weeks for 20 - 30 minutes, in addition to the water therapy, and I have lost 48 pounds since then. OMG, as I write this, it is just plain hard to believe!

Where did I get the support and courage to keep at this day after day? Jennifer Scott's encouragement and teachings about viewing life in a totally new way, listening to my inner spirit, along with using hypnosis, including self hypnosis, all played into it. Making a big change in my life has involved many factors, not just one. I think my success is a reflection of that.

190.0 More Tomorrow

I went to the doctor and the doctor said... (remember those jump rope rhymes?) You are sick! You are wheezing and you have a bacterial infection.

So, I think I'll go lie down again and do a new post tomorrow. Down another pound :).

191.0 Sick of Being Sick!

Yesterday's post about the ice cream didn't end with my writing it. When Jeff read it, he was so excited about the possibility of Peanut Butter Brittle ice cream being here, in our home. Then I showed him the empty carton! He was astounded and horrified, not by the fact that it was loaded with fat and calories, but by the fact that I had washed it all down the sink! I tried to tell him it hadn't tasted good, and that I did it for his own good, but he was not easily consoled. I think I should have let him decide for himself.

So I am off to see the doctor. I am sick of being sick. Ten days of this is ten days too much. But, when I think about it, I haven't been very hungry lately, so maybe...? No, I'd rather be hungry than sick any day.

191.0 The Evidence!

It's all about the scale. The scale in Memphis does weigh a couple pounds lighter than mine, so all is well. The fact that I didn't gain with all of the kid food and going out has me smiling. My sister Priscilla, in her recent comment about eating at kid friendly restaurants said that the food all contains the seven essential greases! She is so right. It was fun to see what the boys ordered. The youngest, Julien, always had mackee cheese, as he called it, and he would eat every single piece of macaroni that was served to him. Alex, almost 7 and Lennox, just 9 had a little more varied selection of either pasta or pizza. When we ate at their home, there was always salad and a much wider variety of food, so they are learning!

While we were away, Priscilla and her husband stayed at our home here in Scottsdale and when we arrived home you wouldn't have known they had been here. Everything was just as we had left it. But today, when I opened the freezer to take out something for dinner tonight, there was the evidence...Haagen Daz ice cream, peanut butter brittle or something like that staring up at me! Okay, so I'm not perfect. I took a big bite of it and YUCK! It tasted like I was eating pure fat, and I was! I looked at the container and read that there were 220 calories of fat in half a cup. And, it was so thick and sweet, it didn't even feel cool on my raspy throat! So, I spit most of it out!

So much for craving that ever again!

189.0 Half Is Plenty

We're home! We had brunch with the boys and their other grandmother, and then we headed to the airport. It was great to see her and we spent much of the time telling each other how great the boys are! (She asked me how I had lost so much weight and I told her I developed the habit of eating just half of my usual portion rather than depriving myself of particular foods, etc. It really does amaze me how natural it is for me to do that. Half is plenty, now.)

Tomorrow I will be back on my scale first thing in the morning. Since I have been sick with a cold during this whole trip, I think I will take tomorrow off in terms of exercise, but I've missed the elliptical and walking with Linda, so will soon be back at it.

It's good to be home!

190.0 What I Want To Eat!

Tomorrow we leave to go back to Scottsdale. This has been quite a week spent with our three grandsons. We had seen them at Christmas time, but all had changed in the past 3 1/2 months, especially the little guy, Julien, who turns 4 years old in June.

After spending most of our time in Arkansas, fishing, hiking, and having a campfire and cookout, we are back in Memphis and today went to a magnificent botanical garden in the center of town.

Eating with three boys who are continually hungry has been a very different experience from cooking just for Jeff and myself. They just aren't into vegetables like we are. Julien has promised when he turns 4 he will eat fruit and vegetables. This I have to see!

So tomorrow you'll start hearing about fish and brussel sprouts again, and I can hardly wait. It's hard to get that in kid friendly restaurants. It's really true that what I really want to eat now corresponds much more to what is healthy for me to eat than ever before.

no scale Grandma, Are You Old?

My three year old grandson Julien looked at me for a while today, and then said, “Grandma, are you old?” I had to think about that before I answered him, because I wanted to tell him how I am lot younger now than I was a couple of years ago. Finally, I said that I was old, but not very! He seemed satisfied with that. It is pretty amazing to remember when I was at this lodge in Arkansas about a year and a half ago with my grandsons, I couldn’t walk up and down the stairs without help, I couldn’t go on hikes with the kids, and I had to be so careful about not letting them climb on me, lean on me, etc. Since that time, I have had a back surgery, a neck surgery, and I’ve lost about 55 pounds. Today after a three hour car ride, we all went hiking, and I led the way. Yes, I am old, but I am still very young!

191.4 Letting Go of Three Meals Everyday

Letting go of 3 meals a day is new and exciting! Where is it written that we need 3 meals everyday? I am sure that kids and young adults need that much food much more than this 67 year old. Especially since I want to continue to lose weight, I clearly don't need to eat 3 times a day.

What I do need to do is make sure that I eat food that is good for me, that will leave me feeling satisfied and that I enjoy. I skipped breakfast again today. It's so easy to do and I am not missing it. I've read a lot about how skipping breakfast is not good for you and that folks who do that are headed for weight gain and other problems. So, I am paying attention, and if I find that I need to eat breakfast first thing in the morning, I will.

Today I did something else new - I walked for about 50 minutes and then did the elliptical for 20 minutes. Not that I'm counting:), but I don't think I have ever purposefully done two exercise components in one day. It didn't seem to cause me any irreparable harm, and in fact, it felt just fine.

I am heading to Memphis tomorrow to spend time with our grandsons so may not be posting everyday. But check in and see if there is something new on the blog. Graceland, here I come!

191.2 There You Go!

Well now, there you go! I get honest with myself and really look at what I am doing, and focus on the need for me to change and bingo! And, as it turned out, I only ate two meals yesterday in addition to a South Beach Peanut Butter bar and I lost! (I like the South Beach bars because they have less fat and more protein than most.) Another thing I did yesterday was the elliptical for 30 minutes and today I walked for about 30 minutes so I am keeping my eye on the exercise.

As I was getting ready for bed. I was thinking that maybe I would eat something although I wasn't really hungry, so I got on the scale and it read 193.8. (Often when I weigh before going to bed I will be up a couple of pounds from my morning weight. Last night I was up just over a half a pound!) Well, that was a huge motivation to just pop a piece of sugarless gum in my mouth and forget about eating more. Seeing that I was way ahead of the game before bed quickly convinced me that I didn't want more to eat. And, I since I never wake up hungry during the night, I am sure that late night eating is just a remnant of an old habit.

And, this morning, in my quest to change some more behaviors, I started off with 2 glasses of water, got busy getting ready for my sister Priscilla's arrival late today, and didn't eat anything until 12:30. Yes, by then I was hungry:).

Since I had such a big drop from yesterday, I might even pop up a little tomorrow, but isn't it fun to see the numbers start down again. Fifty-six pounds gone as of today and soon it will be 60!

193.2 Slip-Slidin' Away

Well, after my outburst yesterday, it did stop raining and I lost a little, so maybe that expression of frustration helped.

You know, there are so many pieces to the weight gain/weight loss puzzle. And, so many things that I realize that I either do half-way or not at all. And, there are some things I rarely do that I know I should be doing, and they aren't hard. For example, I don't always drink a couple glasses of water in the morning before my coffee. And, I don't always exercise everyday. I don't always yada, yada, yada. And, I may listen to my inner spirit but then do the opposite, or rather, not exactly what that voice is telling me. Why don't I do everything everyday? Partly because I feel overwhelmed by all the things I should do, and partly because I think it won't matter if I don't do everything. Obviously, it matters more than I have wanted to acknowledge.

It is hard for me to write this because it is hard to admit that I have been slip-sliding around. It's a lot easier to complain and blame my lackluster weight loss on the weather. But that is what I have been doing. I think I need to realize that in order for change to occur I have to change. That song by Paul Simon is floating in my head..."Slip sliding away...the nearer your destination the more you slip sliding away". I have thought about just being content with where I am now, but I really do want to get down to that goal of 170. That's where I will be healthiest, it will be much better for my back with its arthritis, and I'll look better. I want to quit the slip sliding away so I can get nearer my destination, my goal.

193.4 STOP!

I feel the same way about my weight popping up again and the rain! STOP!

This fall and winter Arizona has had more rain than any year since we have lived out here. We moved here in February 2005 never dreaming it would feel like Seattle, Washington where I was born. Rain and gray skies really get me down as does... my weight jumping all around.

So, here's to sunshine and a better weight report tomorrow! I'm mumbling to myself, "This is so upsetting because it makes me want to go take a nap instead of exercising, grumble, grumble."

192.4 And The Winner Is...

Well, how's that? Another new all time low! These are my best days. And, I know the drop in weight wasn't just about yesterday, but I do want to say that I like the new approaches I wrote about yesterday.

First of all, I did try to eat before the Oscar Night event. My plan was complicated by the fact I had a church meeting at 4 in the afternoon. So even though I wasn't really hungry, I ate some low fat cottage cheese and crunchy bar (containing 10 g of protein) before the meeting, because I had to leave there and go directly to the party. I was unsure how that was going to work out, but it worked out just fine. At the party, I was faced with pasta, chicken parm which looked delicious but too cheesy to think about, and meatballs. And salad. My plan was that I would eat salad while everyone else was eating the entree choices. But, the salad was drenched in some very oily/creamy dressing and so that didn't work. I nibbled on a meatball and that was enough! Oh, and I didn't have wine, which is always the best way for me to handle it. A little can often lead to more and that leads to eating more food. Now there's a lesson I have learned pretty well.

And, I did ask myself the question about how I would feel the next morning as I weighed myself, before lighting into a canoli or 2. I ate a couple little bites of the filling and that was enough. There was no contest about whether I wanted more of that gluey stuff or to see a good result on the scale.

So, Oscar Night was a great night, and the morning after was perfect!

193.2 A Novel Thought! (as in duh!)

Isn't there a song about having a "new attitude". It's probably from a commercial. I'm just not sure. But I am working on a new attitude about a couple of things lately.

The first is a question I ask myself before I eat anything that is a little"edgey". Do you like that word there? By edgey I am referring to food that is not something I need, not something that is particularly healthy, or anything that I might think about eating once I have had enough. So when I am faced with an edgey moment, I now ask myself, " How am I going to feel about the fact that I ate it when I get on the scale in the morning?". Just taking the time to ask this question has stopped me in my tracks from eating stuff that just isn't worth it.

The second thing relates to the fact we go out with friends more now than I ever remember, and we really enjoy it. We are going out again tonight to an Oscar Night party. I know it will be a lot of fun because we are sitting with a great group of friends, but it also means food that I have no control over, except for the amount I eat. I am thinking about eating before I go to the party and just basically ignoring the food. Jennifer suggested that I focus on my friends and the event rather than even trying to deal with the food. Now there's a novel thought!

193.8 Feeling Special

Today Barb and I went to my local nail place as part of her birthday celebration. Barb doesn't tend to do special things for herself so I thought that she might really like this. And she did. She loved it. I had a hard time getting her out of there. She and Henry, the nail guy, really hit it off. When he suggested the color "Sexy Red" for her toes, I knew she and Henry were going to get along just fine.

In the past we've frequently treated ourselves to special eating experiences, almost forgetting that there are lots of ways to spoil ourselves. I don't really like the word spoil because it has such a negative connotation, but you know what I mean.

After she left for home this afternoon, I treated myself to 25 minutes on the elliptical. It may sound corny but I do feel so happy that I can do that after so many years of being unable to do much in the way of exercise that I feel really like it is a treat. Now I would like to treat myself to 5 more minutes on it and get my time up to 30 minutes!

193.6 Getting Older, Feeling Younger

The weather is gorgeous today. It's about 74 degrees, sunny, no wind - perfect. I just came back from my excellent chiropractor who tries to keep me in alignment. No one has been able to achieve that since I seem to be too limber, too loose! But he tries and his efforts help keep my back strong and straight.

Near his office today there is an art/wine fair in progress. It involves about 200 artists with handmade art work, jewelry, sculpture, etc. We've gone many times and love to take visitors to these shows. It's a perfect way to be outdoors enjoying the beauty of nature and the creative achievements of the artists who are present there.

My sister Barb who lives in Prescott, about an hour and a half from here, is down here to celebrate her 70th birthday with us. She is the oldest and has always had to go first in age related things. I used to envy her being older, but I've wised up, and am happy to let her lead the way.

But being aware of her getting older, of course, reminds me that I am, too. What I am so grateful for is that since I've lost the weight, I feel younger than I did a couple of years ago. So as I continue to lose more weight, I wonder, will I feel even younger when I turn 70?

193.2 A Date With Bell Chimes

Click on the picture to enlarge it.

Jeff and I have revived an old routine that we had gotten away from for several years. We are planning weekly dates. We realized that we were getting so busy away from each other, that we were rarely making a special time just for us. We take turns planning the date, so we don't have to agree on all of the elements all of the time. This past Monday was our first date in a long time and I was the planner. The Scottsdale area is an absolutely magnificent place to live for all sorts of activities, places to visit, sports venues, and, of course, restaurants.

So where did we go? First we had lunch at a wonderful Italian restaurant in a very special area of shops called Kierland. I was able to order a gorgeous shrimp salad and I used only balsamic vinegar on it rather than any other dressing. It was delicious and I did that because I wanted to, not because I was on a diet. (I love balsamic vinegar on artichokes, asperagus, etc. What can I say? I really like it.) Jeff ordered a pizza and I had a couple of bites. It was definitely delicious also.

And then we went to Cosanti, the home and studio of Paolo Solari who designs and makes the Solari bell chimes that are hung in so many gardens all over this area and beyond. In fact, we had a Solari bell chime hanging in our yard in the Boston area for many years. The weather was beautiful, the bells are pieces of art work in their own right, and we had a great first date.:) Now I can hardly wait to see what Jeff plans for us next week.

194.4 Fabulous Fiber!

It was always about prunes. When I was little, any time I was constipated, prunes were the answer. And I can picture old people, as a young child, drinking prune juice whenever we ate breakfast out. And I'm not sure why my mom didn't suggest a bowl of split pea soup or a cup of raspberries instead of prunes. I never heard that. I just heard about prunes. (Since publishing this post, I did learn that it is the high sugar content in prunes plus other characteristics that make them do their work so well.)

So, I decided to go on line and get the low down on fiber. I have added a lot of foods that are high in fiber to what I eat, but I have never really known how much fiber was enough. Here's what I learned. People need between 24g -35g of fiber per day depending on how many calories they consume. One prune has not quite 2 g of fiber. To have a real impact, I think you'd have to eat a lot of prunes. And they are high in sugar. On the other hand, a cup of raspberries has 11 g of fiber and are much lower in sugar/calorie content. And artichokes, and split pea soup, and so many things that are delicious are high in fiber. And avocados, which are higher in calories and good fat are also very high in fiber. So if you haven't already, jump on the fiber band wagon. But as the articles below warn you, take it slow and easy so get your body can get used to it :).

Here are a couple of articles that will definitely inform you about the wonders of fiber. It is about so much more than just being regular!

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fiber/NU00033

http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/benefits-of-fiber/fiber-basics.aspx

194.0 Experimenting and Learning

I met with my jewelry making group this morning. It was a very small group this morning but it's always so interesting to see what others are making and how they put combinations together. The differences in taste, the fun of getting to know new people, and to see what they do really makes the class enjoyable for me.

While I'm with them I realize how different we all are and yet how strong the creative spirit is within each of us. When I ask folks if they'd like to join the class, I hear that they wouldn't know where to begin, that they don't have design talent, that they can't draw and therefore aren't artistic. The truth of the the matter is that there is hardly a right way. If I gave the same elements to 5 people, my hunch is none of them would combine them in exactly the same way. The bottom line is that with a little trial and error if it pleases you isn't that all that matters? I can't draw and I have never had art training, but I just keep trying until I get it the way I like it.

I think long term weight loss is a little like that. You have to use all sorts of elements in various combinations that feel right for you and in the end you have to like what you are doing and believe in it. When I started this I had no idea how all of the elements would work for me, and I have done a lot of experimenting and trying new and old things to help me get this weight off. I'm still learning, still trying new and different things (eating salad for breakfast :) ), and returning to some old, familiar tools (keeping a log of everything I eat). But the basics will always be there and knowing that with awareness and being engaged with the process I'll continue to lose is what keeps me going.

194.4 A Simple Pleasure

The other day I was at Costco and had so much fun. For probably 15 to 20 years except for very brief interludes, I have had to shop in the plus size /women's departments in various stores. It was really quite sad and frustrating, especially when we would be at a wonderful resort that had beautiful shops and Jeff would suggest that something in a shop window would look great on me. I loved that he thought that, but I could no more go in and buy something off the rack than fly to the moon.

Shopping at Costco has always meant that Jeff would roam over to the men's golf shirt area and buy a couple of golf shirts. I would feel really bad because for me to buy a couple of golf shirts every now and then meant heading for the specialty shops/department stores for the larger woman or ordering on line, etc., and paying full price. Well, a couple of days ago I went to Costco to buy berries, veges, and a roasted chicken. What did I come out with? The above, plus two fantastic golf shirts, size large, at $11.99 each. I brought them home and you would have thought I had won the lottery. What a simple pleasure!