177.2 What A Difference A Day Makes

It is amazing how many changes occur in less than a day in the life of a newborn. She was able to lose 9 ounces and I was able to gain about that.

I just came back from attacking the elliptical. To tell the truth, it was hard today to stick with it. It seemed like I never got in the zone. I've got to get a plan set up so that I can work out while I'm in Boston helping my daughter. Having a schedule and keeping in control of my eating will help me stay conscious, aware of what I'm doing. It is very circular, I've learned. If I have everything in place, things stay in place. If I let things get a little haphazard, it can all fall apart.

And now I have even more motivation to stay fit and more slender. I had three very precious reasons and now I have 4... wonderful grandchildren.

173.4 Seeing Is Believing!

Well, yesterday was my big day! It's amazing how much energy was expended for a 4 minute segment on TV. If you cut and paste this address you can see Jennifer Scott and me discussing hypnosis and my 80 pound weight loss.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_58Ru__xNo

I thought it was good. Obviously I might have said things differently, etc., if I could do it over again. But who was that really fat woman whose pictures were shown while I was talking? I did send those before pictures to the station to use, but I had never seen them on a 52" screen like we have at home. Yikes! And what if I had never lost that weight, never experienced feeling so much healthier, younger and happier? What if I had settled, just sort of stayed the same?

I really hope that this TV appearance will help inspire others to lose weight and change their lives! Thank you Jennifer for your patience, your support, your hypnosis expertise, and your wisdom. Thank you.

172.2 Who Are These Women In The Video?

I'm still waiting for the post holiday drop as I've named it. Perhaps tomorrow... although we are going out to eat with friends tonight and that always seems to slow me down. But I have faith that I'll be back to 170 before too long. I have to get there before we head to Boston next week because that will be another time of eating out, etc.

I used to be so uptight about the ups and downs of weight loss and maintenance, but I am just more comfortable and more accepting of it all now. I can hear Jennifer's voice saying, "Just don't get too comfortable!":)

Jennifer and I have been meeting weekly to talk about the book we want to write and guess where we meet. We meet at a bakery. It's called the Paradise Bakery, and I think that is really cool on several levels. First of all, that I can go into a bakery and not feel possessed by bear claw demons is huge. And, I like the word paradise because that's a good word to use to describe the life I am living now. I feel really blessed by all of the changes.

Today I saw the "final video", the one in which I was hoping to appear alive. And, I do have moments of liveliness, which is good. I'm laughing as I write this because there are also a few moments of not so much aliveness, but they pass quickly :). Once the video is posted on you tube I'll give you the link and you can see it for yourself. Jennifer's husband Donn did a great job of editing most of the death scenes out of it. He was able to integrate some before pictures into the video and it is quite startling to see the comparison. (To be honest, I'm not sure who any of those women in the video are. I'm still in the process of getting used to the present version.)

171.6 The Last Picture Show!

Remember the movie by that name? For months, Jennifer Scott has said that once I reached my goal weight we'd do a final video. Today was the big day!

Now I've never liked any of the videos that we've done together. I really don't like talking about myself while being filmed. I do like to talk about myself with friends and family, as they will tell you without hesitation, but as soon as the camera is turned on me I morph into this totally unrecognizable person who seems to be high on some illegal drug.

I hope today's video is better than those done in the past. I was definitely more myself and more at ease that in the earlier videos, probably because of all of the changes that have taken place. I really wanted to explain all the elements that came together to make this weight loss possible, and, to explain that it hasn't been just all about weight loss. It's about me becoming free of all that old stuff, those old burdens, physical and emotional!

We'll see. Jennifer wants to put it on her Facebook page and I may put it on this blog once it is edited. If I look alive, I'll post it. Otherwise, you'll never see it :)!

174.6 Allowing vs Struggling

You'd think by now I would have this all figured out. This is my 375th post on this blog! Okay, big Wahoo as my daughter Alee would say. But what I've learned over the year of writing these and the two and a half years of being on this adventure is that there have not been any quick fixes or even truths written in stone about how to make all of the changes that are necessary to lose weight happen. Ever since I have been in this struggle to lose the final ten pounds to reach my goal weight of 170, I think it may be just as hard for those who want to lose 10 pounds as it is to lose 80 pounds. (This is not about quick weight loss tricks since I am in this for the last time and I want this lost weight to stay lost.)

So what I've been thinking about very recently is the concept of allowing changes versus the concept of struggling to make changes happen. It sounds kind of crazy, maybe, but this morning I allowed myself to take a big walk. I didn't go through all the stuff, the miles of stuff I would wade through about why I needed to walk, which route I would take, how it would affect my metabolism, blah, blah, blah,... I just put on my shoes and said Sue let's walk! When I put together my dinner last night (Jeff was eating something totally different from what I decided on), it wasn't about calories, or did I want to eat this or that, or all the stuff, again miles of it, that I sometimes have wrestled with before putting that plate in front of me. I just took out the salmon, cooked the fresh spinach, reheated a little rice and enjoyed every bite. And I did these things with this word allow floating in my heart and head - not should, have to, can't, etc. I think I might be on to a new way for me to move forward, hoping to sprint through these last few pounds by allowing myself to do the right things, not struggling to make them happen.

180.2 Happy Anniversary! Happy Marriage!

Today is our 45th wedding anniversary! You may be envisioning a romantic dinner out, flowers, etc., but to be honest Jeff isn't here. He's up in the Tahoe area attending a reunion of a group of guys he used to go on backpacking trips with when they were all much younger. This trip is more about golfing and playing cards. Before he left, he planned a wonderful night in a gorgeous resort, and there were flowers, and a card for me to find this morning telling me of a fantastic gift that I'll be receiving within a few days.

Do I feel bad, sad, neglected? Absolutely not. We talked about his going once the invitation was received and I immediately encouraged him to go. It took me a while (a very long time) to learn that by giving him freedom I always received more in the long run. I used to be all hung up on getting attention from him, and I thought by controlling him it meant he would love me more. Now I know that actually the opposite is true. And, he's great about giving me independence and freedom to live my life, to determine my own beliefs, to develop myself into the person I'm becoming without needing to control me.

I was only 22 and he was 23 when we got married and it is amazing and wonderful to look back over all the years and to think about how much we both have changed, and how that has deepened our love for each other, rather than threatened our marriage.

So dear Jeff, Happy Anniversary! You are the best!

183.8 Getting Untangled

It's been fun, as I wrote yesterday, to see the weight dropping off after having been stuck so long between 188 and 185 pounds. I've written that maybe it was all about not eating before bed, and upping my exercise, both of which have been changes I've made. What I didn't talk about was a real change in attitude that has also been taking place within me. That change of attitude finally took hold even though I have been thinking about it, reading about it, and wanting it for quite awhile now. You know how sometimes you get all tangled up in your own stuff so you can't begin to move forward? That's where I've been, and I was so frustrated that I turned this lack of weight loss over such a long period of time into some mammoth issue.

So I took a deep breath, and a leap of faith that I could do this, that losing 15 pounds wasn't a big deal, and that by believing I could, I would, and look what happened. Letting go of excuses and embracing the power of believing in myself has been freeing and getting the results I wanted.

Hope you are having a great weekend. Ours just got better because the air conditioning repairman just left and cool air is once again moving through our house. Since it will be getting up above 100 degrees today, this is a good thing! Getting untangled has been a good thing, too.

186.8 I Don't Know!

I saw the movie Crazy Heart a few months ago and immediately bought the CD. My favorite song is entitled "I Don't Know" and my favorite line is, "Where does the wind go? Baby, I don't know". Well, I don't know why my weight is messing with me like it is so I'll leave it at that for today, and entertain you with what happened when I consulted with an aesthetician this morning about my wrinkle issues.

After giving her a brief run down on my visits to cosmetic surgeons, eyelid specialists, etc., she graciously shared with me the different procedures that were available, performed by the dermatologist. After listening to all of this and hearing the prices (!), etc., I said, "So, if you were me, what would you do?" She smiled and said she would have a face lift! So there you go! I am back on that merry go round but have decided to spend some money on good facial products instead of procedures for the time being. I don't know!

187.6 The Long and Short of It

I don't know why I remember the things I do, but the song "Who Wears Short Shorts?" just popped into my head. Thank goodness there is a reason for that. I am thinking about going shopping today for shorts, but definitely not short shorts! So why I am writing about this?

Well, shorts and I make an odd couple. Remember, I am 67, my thighs look like they need ironing and I am the proud owner of cankles. I don't care what length, what color, what brand, or what size I buy, I am not going to look good in these shorts. Last summer I did wear shorts when I went out walking. It was easier then when I was so much heavier, because I thought I was sort of invisible, that it didn't matter what I looked like in them because I didn't look good anyway, if that makes sense.

Things are different now. I am different now. So, I can continue to wear long pants, (in 100+ degree weather that looks quite bizarre), or I can just pretend I have great legs and quit worrying about it! Maybe nobody cares what I look like! Now there's a novel thought.

My weight is coming down and my apple/fiber intake is going up! Happiness in Scottsdale!

189.0 Thinkin' About Things

A couple of days ago I wrote that it has taken changes a lot of areas in order to make a significant change in my life. And then yesterday I gave lentil soup all the credit for my recent weight loss. I was kidding when I declared lentil soup the key to weight loss, but I have been enjoying it while not feeling good. Even though I haven't been exercising since I came home from visiting my grandsons because I have felt so yucky, I think that my metabolism has speeded up which has allowed me to handle the inactivity pretty well.

Doing lots of things that you know are good for you is key. Even though I like to carry on about a specific thing I have done (um, salad for breakfast!?), I know it is a juggling act involving fooling our bodies with variations in exercise, variations in food, and working on dealing with all the reasons we'd rather eat than deal with weight issues.

My friend Kathleen wrote recently in her blog Among The Savages that her cholesterol had dropped significantly and she was thinking about what had caused that. Since she had been making careful dietary choices and upping her exercise, and added flax to her diet, there have been lots of factors at play. And then there's Vegie Night! I really got a kick out of reading her post about adding a "vegies only night" once a week and how her three little boys reacted to that change.

Hope you are having a great weekend, and check out Kathleen's blog listed on the right if you aren't familiar with it. It reminds me of all sorts of craziness and fun that I experienced raising three kids years ago. How did I do it?! You go, Kathleen, and thanks for sharing your stories.

198.4 The Eyes Have It

I don't know exactly why, but things have been changing for me, around me, and within me. The latest change that I have become aware of is that I have started looking at peoples' eyes. As I was growing up, I was admonished by my parents to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and have automatically done that. But looking at the eyes of another is a totally other experience. You see their life energy, their uniqueness, and perhaps, their soul. It is very different than looking someone in the eye. Try it. See if you don't feel the difference.

199.0 The Push and Pull of Change

Losing weight is always related to change. You can't do it without changing a few or many things about how and what you eat as you start undertaking a "weight loss adventure". And, your appearance changes as you lose more and more weight. In so many aspects of our lives, change is a constant, especially change brought about by external events. It is the change we impose upon ourselves that presents the biggest challenge. Folks ask if I feel different being 50 pounds lighter, and of course I do. But I am also getting used to the way it feels. And, I still face the challenge of weaving change into my everyday life everyday. Some things are very automatic now and for that I am very grateful. But there is always that tug of war going on between the push to change and the pull to return to the old. Change does not exist as something that you accomplish one day and then that's that.

I am at a very significant place right now. Twice before in my life I have lost 50 pounds and then at that point I would declare the diet a success, and slowly but surely regain those lost pounds. This time I am determined to continue to lose (30 more pounds) to reach my goal of weighing 170. But if you are keeping your eye on the number before the title of each blog, you will see that I have bogged down at this 50 pound point. Over the next few months I will lose those 30 pounds and then I will face the challenge of keeping them off. I am convinced the push to change will overtake the pull to go back and the result will be exciting and perhaps unexpected.

Oh, I also need to say that I may not be blogging everyday over the next few days. A dear relative passed away and I am not sure that I will be able to post any blogs. Do check back late next week.

199.4 The Doubt Devil?

I am thinking of calling this post the Doubt Devil, sort of like the Dirt Devil. Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about how often I play the doubt card so I don't have to even think about making change. And usually no matter what the goal is that I set for myself whether it be a new belief system or simply upping my exercise, there are lingering doubts about whether I really believe I should, can, or really want to reach a specific goal. Jennifer just wrote an interesting blog entitled Overcoming The Mental Barrier of Doubt. I know blogs are supposed to be short, but I do want to quote what she wrote:

"I’ve been asking the question on this Blog, “What is your biggest frustration?” Overcoming the mental barrier of doubt is one response I’ve recently received.
And MY response to this is that “doubt” is healthy, but letting it become a reason to stop, quit or not move forward in your life is not.
Doubt is healthy when it leads to your honest questioning about what you’re up to. For example: Am I on the right path? Is there a better way? Can I get through this? Am I strong enough? Am I up for the challenge? Can I handle the stress I now feel?
Don’t be afraid if you’re doubtful that you’re on the right path! You might as well find out NOW so you can change. There just might be a better way, and only your Inner Teacher will be able to Guide you.
But if you absolutely know that what you’re doing is right and you’re passionate about it, then your Inner Teacher or Guide will help you get through the challenges and stress. Once you learn to trust in that Inner Knowing, you’ll find your doubts will be replaced with confidence.
On the other hand, if you let doubts keep you from asking healthy questions, then you’re bound to freeze and become immobilized."

The weight loss path that I am on has had its fair share of doubtful moments, but as I have overcome using doubt to excuse inaction, I have also succeeded in making change. One of the first things Jennifer proposed to me as we talked about taking on the weight loss issue was weighing myself everyday. I was so filled with doubt that that was a good idea. Hadn't doctors told me to weigh only once a week? Hadn't a weight loss specialist told me not weigh myself because only she could be trusted to get it right, on her schedule? Facing doubt and then letting go of it and embracing new behaviors has been one of my important tools to success. So maybe doubt is a devil if I let it control my attempts to change without examining or challenging it.

199.8 Happy New You!

When our son Ted was just learning to talk, instead of wishing a Happy New Year, he would say "Happy New You!" It's funny the things we remember, and this year especially I think Happy New You is a great way to start the new year off. Since most of those who are reading this blog are interested in weight loss, a new you is a great goal to have. Because weight loss isn't just about losing pounds or inches. It's really about self discovery and as I get older I realize that a very significant part of our life's journey is about self discovery which goes back to my often blogged about need for being conscious and aware. Until I recognized my behaviors around food and became tuned in to them, there was no way I was going to be able to change my habits and my thinking about food for the long haul. (Oh, I am so rambleling, but there is a theme here.)

Since we lived in Boston for so many years, Ellen Goodman became one of our favorite columnists in the Boston Globe. Today her last column was printed as she leaves the working world to join those of us in retirement. Here is the link to her column which is not just about retirement, but also about reinventing oneself, becoming a New You.
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2010/01/01/letting_go_and_looking_ahead/?s_campaign=8315

So, in case you didn't notice, I've landed in the 100s as of today. Yes, you can laugh since I just squeaked under the wire, but for me it's a huge victory. And it's the beginning of a new challenge to reach the 170 mark when I will have lost 77 pounds! I can hardly wait to experience all of the other changes that I will encounter as I meet my new me.

204.0 Little Things Mean A Lot

If you are old enough you will remember a song with that title. I think Dean Martin sang it, or maybe Perry Como. Sorry if I am dating myself, but it is fun to look back, way back for that one!

Sitting on the plane today, after sleeping for about 2 hours, I started thinking about some little things that have changed as I have lost the weight. For example, I don't have that sinking feeling that the seat belt is going to be too small to go around me. I never did have to ask for an extension, but sometimes it was nip and tuck to get it on. Another flight related change is that the arm rest doesn't ride on my thigh anymore, and my hips aren't snuggled up next to some stranger's as we fly through the air. These are little things in a way, but they are really huge in the overall picture.

And there are more little things. I can get up from a chair or sofa without it being a major effort, and I can get out of bed easily, too. For a while, I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to leave a restroom if I couldn't use the handicapped stall. Too low meant all sorts of maneuvers to get up and off the toilet. Now I don't even think about it. Maybe that was too much information, but when it was happening to me, it was a significant problem.

So now I am back home, missing my family very much and I know that my old way of handling my sadness would have been to eat. Instead I am blogging and I know that I'll be seeing my daughters again before too long. The spinach is ready to be cooked, the fish is thawing, and I am definitely back to my routine!

208.2 Believing

A part of this weight loss journey that I am on relies on hypnosis, and paying attention to my inner voice, or inner spirit.  I can't explain how or why hypnosis is works, but I know it does for me.  I have talked to a few folks who are quite threatened with the concept and, no matter what I might say, would not feel comfortable being hypnotized.  I, on the other  hand, trust in it and find it safe and exhilarating and helpful.

Going to my inner spirit is a little like praying but more like having a conversation and then being open to how my inner voice or spirit responds. There has been a leap of faith involved that has had to be taken for this to become a part of me.  Sometimes it is hard for me to understand the whole concept  of listening to my inner spirit, but when I do, it has revealed amazing insights and thought provoking answers to my questions/requests.

As I was thinking about it today, it came to me that most of us don't really understand how computers work, how cyberspace is organized, or how we can receive an email almost instantaneously.  (Cher has recorded a song called "Believe".  I keep hearing that accoustically reverberated word believe in my mind as I write about this.)  But we use the computer to make all sorts of things possible even though we don't understand exactly how it all works.

I believe in many things I don't fully understand, including ideas and concepts that have no physical form.  I think it is a good thing to believe in an inner voice that I can't see but that has the power to transform me into the person I am meant to be.  So, inner spirit, you and I are going to develop a stronger and deepening relationship as I continue on this weight loss path.