169.6 Decisions, Decisions

I just made a decision. So what you say? Big deal! Sometimes it is a big deal for me to make a decision. Recently I read that most decisions should be made in about 30 seconds. I've barely gone through the list of pros much less the list of cons in 30 seconds. But it does feel good to quit dithering and just go for it.

I'm very conscious of talking about weight loss now. I don't bring it up to others, but so many folks have seen the transformation, and they start talking to me about it. Don't get me wrong - I like talking about it. It's similar to telling friends about a recent trip or encounter that you just had. But I don't like to be the instigator of the topic. Anyway, what I hear is a lot of indecision about whether they really want to lose weight, and if they could really do it. So, my take on this is that each person has to have a very clear reason for wanting to lose weight. And as long as the reason is theirs and not put on them by others I think that works. The most powerful reasons are health related, especially among those of us who are in our 60's plus, but among younger people there's always the motivation of doing it earlier rather than later and in the process saving a lot of wear and tear on their bodies.

I wish there was a way for everyone to understand that you can be happy with less food. A small portion of something yummy is just as enjoyable as a big portion as long as you stay aware of all of the goodness as you are taking small bites and really paying attention while you are eating that wonderful something.

As I'm adding some old favorites back into my food choices, I'm amazed and so relieved that I don't want a big serving of anything. But it is fun to be able to have a small amount and really enjoy it. I'm hanging in there with maintenance and it just isn't that hard, thank goodness, thanks to hypnosis, thanks to changed habits, and thanks to change attitudes. And, a big thank you to Jennifer Scott for her help in making all of these changes a reality for me.

174.4 From Desperation To Inspiration

As I was thinking about what to blog about today, two words popped up. The words are desperation and inspiration.

When I finally acknowledged the desperation I was feeling about my weight (about 250 pounds - EEEK!) two and a half years ago, I knew that I had to quit living in that most favored state of Denial, and move into a new place. That new place would provide tools for weight loss as well as be a place that would provide inspiration. And as you know, I am filled with gratitude for all the help that Jennifer Scott has given me in finding myself in this new, much happier, healthier place called Awareness.

Desperation for me meant without hope, being really stuck and not seeing a way out. From that low point, I reached out for help and became inspired and filled with hope.

Out of desperation came this blog, a lot of self discovery, and change, and my hope that for others this journey may prove to be a source of inspiration.

176.2 (yay!) Charlee's Been Hypnotized!

Last night we had a group of friends over for dinner and I asked the gal who had brought a lovely platter of brie, fresh fruit and crackers to put it on our coffee table. She was a little concerned that Charlee might get into it, but I assured her that Charlee would leave it alone and never thought any more about it.

That was last night. This morning I came into my office and was settling down to do my self hypnosis when I looked down and saw this gross looking object in the little cubby where Charlee spends a lot of time. I couldn't fathom what this object was until I reached down to pick it up and realized it was what was left of the brie from last night. Horrified, I scolded Charlee and then suddenly burst out laughing realizing that she had obviously been listening to my morning self hypnosis sessions where I always talk out loud about eating only half, about listening to my body and stopping when I've had enough, etc. This little dog is better at regulating how much she eats than most humans and dogs. Don't dogs usually eat all the goodies that come their way all at once?

So Charlee, good for you. Yes, I've let her out several times this morning and then have to remind her that cheese binds :) as she struggles to relieve herself. Just so it all happens outside, my dear little hypnotized dog! Maybe we could work on some dog behaviors now, Charlee and me.

179.2 The Bottom Line

Yesterday I met with Jennifer and was telling her about being at a social event where a friend complimented me on my weight loss. And then she asked me if I would start drinking wine again once I lost my final 10 pounds. I just joked that only if I wanted to regain all that weight would I go back to my old ways.

Another gal asked me how I did it, how had I lost 70 pounds. As I told Jennifer I mentioned that I used hypnosis, cut way back on how much I ate, and upped my exercise and had done a lot of therapy. Jennifer suggested that I forgot the most important piece and that is that I wanted to change my life, and it was because I was willing to change that I was successful. It was about the fact that I no longer wanted to numb my emotions with food and alcohol, that I wanted to be fully present to live my life and experience the highs and lows and not dull them down, and that played an important role in my success.

The conversation reminded me of one I had with my daughter who occasionally works with folks who are preparing to have the lap band (gastric bypass) surgery. She's become aware of how many folks have it and lose weight, and then regain it after going through the surgery and weight loss. As she told me, it seems odd that these people will go through the pain and expense of the surgery and then return to their former eating habits. My daughter agreed with me that understanding why you became so heavy in the first place is key to knowing if/how much you want to change.

Where we live now, a lot of people are retired and are just kind of waiting. I'm not sure what all they are waiting for, but they often are waiting for it to be time to break out the wine everyday. Having a future filled with goals and joys seems to be really important as we get older. And, that means we have to change as we move from our familiar lives filled with work, to lives filled with new interests, purpose, and commitments.

So the bottom line, I guess the very bottom line, is that changing more than the number on the scale (or as Geneen Roth writes, "the size of your thighs") is of paramount importance in achieving and maintaining weight loss.

Oh, yes, this weekend is the long awaited (how about 50 years?) Palo Alto High School Class of 1960 50th Reunion, so I'm not sure how often I will post! Keep checking in. I'm taking my laptop and hope to do a few posts, without weight, okay? Other people's scales just aren't the same! :)

178.2 Weight Loss Contagion

Recently I've been reading a lot about the fact that there is something to the notion that weight has a contagious element to it. In Women Food and God Geneen Roth talks about how the glue that can sustain a group of friends can be the 10 pounds each wants to but can't seem to lose. And in Mindless Eating, it is pointed out that those who eat together usually will eat the same amount. When you eat out, look around. You will probably see, especially among women, that they can often be close in stature and what they order is similar. One is rarely eating a salad while the other has a hamburger with fries. Before the weight loss, I would always encourage the others to order first so that I wouldn't be eating out of sync with them. If they all ordered salads, why, of course, I ordered a salad. If a dessert was ordered, ah, yes, I, too, would order a dessert! Someone relatively close to me wrote in response to learning that I had lost another 10 pounds that she hated skinny people. (Skinny I am not, but plump she is.)

Jeff has lost almost 40 pounds since I started losing weight. No, he doesn't see Jennifer, and he doesn't consciously use hypnosis (that could be the basis of another post), and we often don't eat the same things. And, I have never told him that he should lose weight or to do what I do :). Suggestions like those usually backfire. But he's been in my contagion zone, if you will. (I'm smiling as I write this because I'm hearing Elizabeth Gilbert's voice in my head reading Eat, Pray, Love in which she uses that expression at least 50 times - not an expression I commonly use!). He's seen me eat half of what I used to eat, never take second helpings, and he's observed my comfort with leaving food on my plate. And, he's probably eaten more veges and salads in the past couple of years than he'd eaten over the first 25 years of his life! He started working out in addition to playing golf, his passion that he used to assure me was all the exercise he needed as he drove a cart around the golf course everyday. Now he often walks the first 9 holes.

I am so lucky to be with a guy who has been able to go with the constraints I put on what food we have around the house. We simply don't have junk food because I don't want to be tempted every time I open the cupboard. He agreed to that. And, if he's willing to barbeque and I want fish or chicken and he wants a steak, that's fine with him. If he wants a potato and I don't, that's fine with me. And, it's been interesting to see how few potatoes actually get cooked, and how few steaks are eaten. We used to eat out very frequently, and he's accepted that I am much more comfortable staying home so that I can control the choices and preparation, so he's given that up to a considerable extent, also. And, when he just can't take it anymore, he'll offer to go to Costco alone so he can get his hot dog fix, and we joke about it.

And what about the wine? I have known couples that have trouble when one stops drinking. There can be resentment on either side and a shift often takes place in the relationship. I've told people that Jeff and I used to really enjoy drinking together. At around 5 every evening, that's what we did. When I decided to stop, Jeff did not stop. That was okay with me and I really didn't expect him to stop. And, thankfully, I didn't experience resentment on his part. But, guess what? He now probably drinks less than half what he used to. Who knew??

So congratulations Jeff on the weight loss, and thanks for all of your support.

179.4 What Are The Rules?

I've always been a great rule follower. I've been thinking about this whole weight loss journey, and how there have been some rules, like eating 1/2 the usual portion size, and there have been no rules. When I first started seeing Jennifer Scott a couple of years ago, I kept waiting for her to ask me what I ate. She didn't ask, and finally I asked her if she didn't want to know. She didn't. She wanted me to eat smaller portions of what I wanted to eat so that I wouldn't feel deprived, and it has worked. She's made a lot of suggestions about behavioral changes like adding exercise, more exercise, and faster exercise :), but she's never laid down a formula or set of rules for me to follow. Because I have had to devise my own way of moving through this territory to reach my goal, I've discovered the roadblocks, the challenges that I have needed to overcome. She has suggested taking new and different paths like developing the spiritual side of my life, understanding and using hypnosis and self hypnosis, and each of those new paths have been exciting and often very challenging, but because I've done it and learned from figuring out how, the changes have evolved from within. Self understanding has been an unexpected gift resulting from this adventure, and I know that will be the foundation for maintenance once I reach my goal.

180.2 "Don't Ever Change!"

I still haven't found my senior class year book, but I have been looking at my sophomore class yearbook and reading all the handwritten messages left by classmates. The first obvious feature of those written messages (by girls) is the hearts dotting the i's, and the big, fat exclamation marks! The second is the common thread of "don't ever change", fat exclamation mark.

Why, when we were in high school was it so important to never change? Can you imagine the world populated with folks, no matter what their age, who never changed after they turned 15? I remember listening to the valedictorian's speech at one of my daughter's high school graduations and the theme was...don't change!

Hello! Life is all about change! Physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual change is what life is all about. When I think of my life since I was 15 or 17, it is all about change. And, when I think about the past two years, CHANGE has been huge in my life. And, it has made my life richer, fuller, more fun, definitely more challenging, and it's been a remarkable time.

So when I arrive at this reunion, I am ready to be surrounded by changed people. I can hardly wait!

179.2 In Nine More Pounds...

Today I went to see Jennifer. I've been working with her for a long time on lots of things including the weight loss. This morning she talked about all of the changes that have occurred since we first met about 2 1/2 years ago. You know, it's funny when you are the person making changes in your appearance, unless you are constantly looking in the mirror you don't see yourself as much as the people around you see you. Even though I'm the one who has done the work, I just don't see it as much as others do. So this morning when she said that I am 15 - 20 years younger in how I am, my vitality, I loved hearing it but it's hard for me to see. I know I have more energy and can certainly move more easily, and I definitely know there is a lot less of me :), but that much younger? Then I thought to myself, OMG, how old was I looking and acting when I first met her?

But it isn't just about the change in my appearance that we talked about this morning. My connection with this inner spirit, my inner voice, has also grown and has played into my changed attitudes. She has been encouraging me to develop this guidance more so that as I move into the maintenance period of this weight loss, I will have that inner compass to guide me, keep me conscious of what I am doing and feeling and to help me deal with all sorts of life issues in the future.

And, we talked about the future. Jennifer is working on a book about spirituality, and I have plans to develop this blog into a book, and we have all sorts of ideas of ways we can work together. So rather than thinking of this adventure as ending, in nine more pounds, new adventures will begin.

So here we go! Nine more pounds!

185.0 More Mindlessness!

I don't think I have ever copied a comment that I received for a particular post, but yesterday's post prompted a comment from a co-researcher of the author of Mindless Eating and I wanted to share it with you in case you are interested. No, I am not promoting his line of Thinware, although I think it is a great idea. Here's the comment:

"My team works with Dr. Brian Wansink, author of Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think. Besides the fact that Brian is a truly nice and funny man, he developed a line of "Thinware" which are dish sets created to Dr. Wansink's specific instruction for measurement and design to encourage less and better eating. There are a lot of cool gadgets and cues on the site as well that are fun and MINDLESS!

https://www.mindlessproducts.com/mindless-products/thinware

Watch the man himself in some short videos and see the products that we promote. It will be worth the time!"

So check it out if you are interested in learning more about the author and his products. I figure we can use all the help we can get as we change our thoughts, our minds, and, as importantly, our habits as we travel on this weight loss journey.

188.2 Let It Go!

I was driving home today after a session with Jennifer in which we talked a lot about my need to let go of the past ~ all the stuff that we all carry around dealing with expectations (or lack of), real and imagined hurts, self image issues, etc..

So I am suddenly aware of the license plate on the back of the car in front of me that reads, "LET IT GO"! Why is it so hard to let things go that cause us pain and regret to remember? It's familiar, it can act as an excuse for our current behavior, and it seduces us with its power. The license plate has it right! I need to LET IT GO!

189.6 Changing Tastes, Changing Choices

As you can see, I'm slowly but surely getting rid of the Vegas weight, as I've named it. I didn't go crazy all the time with eating there. In fact, much of the time I was pretty aware of what I was eating and how much. It was just hard to find obvious healthy things to order much of the time. One of the best eating moments we had was at the Aria Hotel where we stopped for lunch at the Todd English Pub. He had opened one of his first Figs Restaurants in Wellesley, MA where we used to live, so it was a bit of home in the wild and wonderful world of Vegas. After studying the menu that was filled with half pound meat orders, and fries, fat and skinny (I got so excited about skinny fries until Miranda and Alee told me that was all about how the potatoes were sliced, not cooked), and no salads with meat or poultry unless I wanted the 1/2 pound portion added, I ordered the tomato and onion salad and prime rib chili. Both were absolutely divine. I ate about half the chili and about half of the salad and shared the rest.

Often, it is hard to find the perfect healthy choice on many menus. And, to be honest, I never would have ordered the tomato and red onion salad in the past. With the oregano, parsley and, yes, thyme sprinkled on it, it was perfect. I'm still learning, still changing.

190.0 Congratulations, Allison!

Today I walked into the Resource Center at Paradise Valley Community College where I tutor ESL once a week. I hadn't been able to be there for a couple of weeks and was looking forward to seeing my students. What I wasn't expecting was the reception I received from one of the gals who works there. Allison had asked me the last time I was there how I had lost the weight. I told her that it was basically eating about half of what I used to eat, exercise, hypnosis, and staying connected to my inner spirit. Then I told her about writing this blog and sent her the blog address later that day.

When I walked in this morning, she jumped up from her chair, told me with great delight that she had lost 10 pounds since I had last seen her, and that she is so happy. She said that she has been reading the blog and how much it has helped her. She is struggling with diabetes now and is determined to fight it with weight loss. She said that she decided she was not going to let diabetes be a part of her life from now on.

Obviously, I am thrilled by her success. And, I am so glad that the information in the blog has helped her make the changes that are leading to her success. She laughed and said that what I've written about in the blog are things that she can relate to. For example, she still whines about wine! (See 8/19/09.)

I hope there are lots of readers who are finding inspiration and information through this blog to help them change. That has been one of my goals in writing this since the beginning. So congratulations, Allison! You are on your way, and you made my day!

188.8 How About A Big Dose of Sunshine?

I just received an email encouraging me to be outside, enjoying the beautiful sunshine. So why am I sitting in the house instead? The drug I am taking for this #*$^! infection makes me sun sensitive and there is a big warning on the bottle and I was cautioned by the doctor about it. The hardest part is that I don't think the drug is working half as well as a big dose of sunshine might. Tomorrow I am calling the doctor's office to see if there isn't a better alternative.

Ah, boredom has set in, and thoughts of eating simply because I am bored have been rampant today. It's amazing to have these reminders of things past, and realize how things and I have changed.

Tonight I am supposed to be going to a potluck supper/discussion group, but am bagging that. Tomorrow, however, I am determined to feel better. Enough, already!

189.0 Thinkin' About Things

A couple of days ago I wrote that it has taken changes a lot of areas in order to make a significant change in my life. And then yesterday I gave lentil soup all the credit for my recent weight loss. I was kidding when I declared lentil soup the key to weight loss, but I have been enjoying it while not feeling good. Even though I haven't been exercising since I came home from visiting my grandsons because I have felt so yucky, I think that my metabolism has speeded up which has allowed me to handle the inactivity pretty well.

Doing lots of things that you know are good for you is key. Even though I like to carry on about a specific thing I have done (um, salad for breakfast!?), I know it is a juggling act involving fooling our bodies with variations in exercise, variations in food, and working on dealing with all the reasons we'd rather eat than deal with weight issues.

My friend Kathleen wrote recently in her blog Among The Savages that her cholesterol had dropped significantly and she was thinking about what had caused that. Since she had been making careful dietary choices and upping her exercise, and added flax to her diet, there have been lots of factors at play. And then there's Vegie Night! I really got a kick out of reading her post about adding a "vegies only night" once a week and how her three little boys reacted to that change.

Hope you are having a great weekend, and check out Kathleen's blog listed on the right if you aren't familiar with it. It reminds me of all sorts of craziness and fun that I experienced raising three kids years ago. How did I do it?! You go, Kathleen, and thanks for sharing your stories.

191.2 There You Go!

Well now, there you go! I get honest with myself and really look at what I am doing, and focus on the need for me to change and bingo! And, as it turned out, I only ate two meals yesterday in addition to a South Beach Peanut Butter bar and I lost! (I like the South Beach bars because they have less fat and more protein than most.) Another thing I did yesterday was the elliptical for 30 minutes and today I walked for about 30 minutes so I am keeping my eye on the exercise.

As I was getting ready for bed. I was thinking that maybe I would eat something although I wasn't really hungry, so I got on the scale and it read 193.8. (Often when I weigh before going to bed I will be up a couple of pounds from my morning weight. Last night I was up just over a half a pound!) Well, that was a huge motivation to just pop a piece of sugarless gum in my mouth and forget about eating more. Seeing that I was way ahead of the game before bed quickly convinced me that I didn't want more to eat. And, I since I never wake up hungry during the night, I am sure that late night eating is just a remnant of an old habit.

And, this morning, in my quest to change some more behaviors, I started off with 2 glasses of water, got busy getting ready for my sister Priscilla's arrival late today, and didn't eat anything until 12:30. Yes, by then I was hungry:).

Since I had such a big drop from yesterday, I might even pop up a little tomorrow, but isn't it fun to see the numbers start down again. Fifty-six pounds gone as of today and soon it will be 60!

194.6 Exercise As A Habit

In my dentist's office there is a poster that reads,"Twice a day, brush only the teeth you want to keep!" It always makes me smile because it is so simple and yet so important. This morning I was having a discussion with myself about how I was going to fit exercise into my day today. I am realizing that exercise has become an ingrained habit just like brushing my teeth. When I was very little my mom had to brush my teeth for me. As I got older I could do it myself but she would have to remind me. And eventually it was a habit and I would just brush my teeth. I didn't agonize about when I would do it, if I would do it, if I could skip it on a given day. Unfortunately exercise was not a habit that was ingrained in me as a young child or as an older child. Oh, I had gym class 3 times a week through high school, but that didn't involve choice. Once I left that environment and went on to college, I didn't exercise on purpose. I'd walk, but that was just something I did in order to reach another goal, to get to class or the library.

Since I have taken on this weight loss journey, I have had to add exercise to my life and I realize that it has a lot in common with brushing my teeth. By doing it regularly exercising has become a habit. I used to dilly dally around about it but what I learned is that I always have felt great both physically and emotionally once I just did it. I have never finished my walk or left the gym thinking that I wished I hadn't done that. And now it's not a choice I make everyday. It is something I do everyday. The question is not whether I am going to exercise, but what am I going to do and when am I going to do it. This body has gotten more slender, stronger and healthier since I have started exercising daily. And, I want to keep it that way.

195.0 What’s Hypnosis Got to Do With It?

I've frequently talked about the fact that I have worked with Clinical Hypnotherapist Jennifer Scott, and that I credit hypnosis with being one of the most important tools that I've used to lose weight. Rather than me trying to explain what hypnosis is, I’ll let Jennifer. If you go to Jennifer’s website you’ll see that you have the opportunity to download a MP3 option in which she explains what hypnosis is and gives you a chance to experience it. Here's her website address: http://jscotthypnosis.com/. If you look on the right side of her home page you'll see how to get the MP3 download.

So how do I use hypnosis? I listen to CDs that she has made for me that put me in a hypnotic state and then reinforce the ways I manage food in order to lose weight - for example, that I eat half of a normal portion, that I eat food that helps me become healthier, and that I love to exercise. The CDs also help me envision the outcome of the weight loss - for example, that I feel younger, more agile, more slender, and happier. They also reinforce the idea that I want to and can lose more weight.

And, I've also learned how to hypnotize myself. This is very powerful and enables me to remind myself of those ideas I want to reinforce for myself. In this state I can also connect with my inner spirit, as I call it, to be with me, to give me courage and guidance and stay involved with me on this journey.

I encourage you to learn more about hypnosis. Obviously, I believe that it has changed my life.

194.6 Giving Up The Comfort Zone

After a long break, I went back to Paradise Valley Community College to start the second semester of ESL (English as a Second Language) there. I had 17 students this morning, the most I have ever had since I started doing this in 2006. They are from all over the world and vary in age from early twenties up to over sixty. They do inspire me.

Today I tried to inspire them to challenge themselves. This is a free class and there is no preparation required. We do an hour of conversation and an hour of reading, and I plan everything. So, this morning I shared with them my weight loss saga and how everyday I have had to challenge myself to stay with the program. And, I encouraged them to set some new behaviors in place to reinforce what they are learning, and to practice. I talked with them about speaking English in their homes, even for a short time each day. And to watch American TV so as to immerse themselves in English, even for a short time each day.

You know, there are cable TV stations that originate in countries all over the world that can be made available to anyone who wants to see them. It used to be that if you lived here you could only watch stations that were transmitting from the U.S. What can happen now is if you are from Iraq, for example, you can watch only Iraqi TV, live in a neighborhood that is predominantly Iraqi, and you can get along pretty well...unless you want a job, or you want to experience life as an American. Obviously, the folks that are attending my class want to expand their horizons, but they are having trouble giving up their comfort zone. Hello! That's exactly where I found myself when I embarked on this weight loss adventure as I have called it. No matter what the new is all about, what it may promise, it is hard to give up the old.

195.6 Change and Gratitude

Last night's blog brought about a comment that simply stated, "Wowee"! I think it is even more appropriate for today since I am down another 6 ounces! And last night I had butternut nut squash soup with a delicious fig and mascapone toasted ravioli floating in it, beef tenderloin, and asparagus instead of risotto (all I did was ask, and no problem was the answer). It was a wonderful, delicious meal in an extraordinarily beautiful setting.

So how is it I lost 6 more ounces? I think I have stopped fighting with myself about all the reasons I couldn't make drastic changes. Well, I thought of them as drastic but in reality they really weren't that drastic. It just hasn't been that hard. Planning my food for the day first thing in the morning instead of waiting as time for a meal approached and then eating whatever, is not that hard. Doing more and varied exercise in one day is not that hard. Not eating three meals everyday is not that hard. What's hard for me is to figure out what I was afraid of, what was it that I didn't want to give up, why didn't I embrace these ideas as they were suggested to me instead of putting up mental road blocks.

I have definitely become more conscious of the fact that losing a large amount of weight has meant that I had to give up some things in order to make the changes. I had to give up the notion that I was disabled. I had to give up the notion that food was so important to me that I couldn't imagine being happy eating less and indulging myself less with food. I had to give up the notion that I couldn't do it because I couldn't exercise. I had to give up the old me, and you know, what has taken the place of that 247 pound disabled gal is a person that feels younger, is more agile, loves exercise and is beginning to take pride in how she looks and moves and lives. And, being conscious, being aware of the wonder of life within me and around me is such a gift and so much fun. I am filled with gratitude and wonder that I have actually lost 52 pounds. Furthermore, I am very aware of the need and desire to lose about, let's see, I believe we are now looking at only 25 more! Wowee!

199.0 Are You Sabotaging Yourself?

Things are not looking up. I still feel horrible even though I am now taking Azithromycin. I know, I know, I'm a bit impatient. I took my first dose at about 2 pm. I tried a new doctor today because I just haven't connected with the one that I usually see. Jeff highly recommended the doc he sees at this same practice. "It must be me", is what I said when I returned home. There was no connection and I don't think that I, as the sick party, should have to do all the work to get the feeling that any doctor really cares about what is going on with me.

While I was at Walgreen's waiting for my prescription, I saw that they were selling a magazine called Arthritis Today. Now I know that most of you don't have arthritis, but the magazine is full of great nutrition tips, exercises for agility, and good health information. I get the magazine delivered to me at home because I support the Arthritis Foundation. There's no surprise there, since my sister Priscilla and I have osteoarthritis and my sister Barbara has rheumatoid arthritis. Why I am writing about this? Well, there is a wonderful article on page 31 entitled "Are You Sabotaging Yourself?" I know I have done that a lot over the years. The article isn't just about weight loss. It's also about getting a new job, and/or, a new love interest. So check it out and see if some of it doesn't ring true for you. Self knowledge is crucial to changing behavior.