183.2 Asking Questions

Asking questions is always a good thing...I think. As I've continued to work on losing a few pounds after trying to maintain my 80 pound loss and then regaining some, I have been trying to figure out why things took the turn that they did. I had to have my thyroid level checked (I had my thyroid removed about 3 years ago) so decided to talk over the situation with my PCP before having the blood draw. I really like this doctor because he listens carefully and responds with care. In other words, he doesn't trivialize my concerns. He checked my last lab results and noticed that the TSH was on the high side although not quite abnormally so. The end result is that because it came up so high or higher again, I am on a higher dose of synthetic thyroid replacement. I've only taken it for a few days and don't have the jitters or other side effects that he warned me about, so we'll see. I joked with a friend that maybe I'll become a Type A personality. Now that would be something new and different!

184.3 Good News Or Bad News?

I don't know if I am sad or glad about this item in the NY Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/27/health/biological-changes-thwart-weight-loss-efforts-study-finds.html

On the one hand, I don't feel like such a failure because I have put some of my lost weight back on. On the other hand, it makes me really sad to think that there is this (albeit a small sample) evidence that there are factors out of my control that have played into this situation.

I know it's a long, wordy article that basically says our bodies want to return to our old habits and our habitual metabolism after weight loss, that that doesn't change, in addition to the fact that the hormone leptin wreaks havoc with our systems and therefore regaining the weight is somewhat inevitable.

For now my response is that I will fight to at the least stay at this weight, and at best, get rid of it all over again. Ah, let's hear it for the amazing weight loss adventure. Who knew it would end with this new knowledge?

180.4 Answers and Questions

My daughter responded to yesterday's post with this comment:

I wonder if it's not taking the weight loss for granted, but the disappointment that it hasn't changed your life in every single possible way. People say all the time, if I only had more money, if I only lost those 20 pounds, if I only had a new car:) everything would be great and I will never feel sad, mad, lonely again. While weight loss/healthy living is a wonderful and healthy thing and does often change our lives for the better, it doesn't solve everything. And that's disappointing. Does this make any sense?

This makes perfect sense but I'm not sure that's where I am. What I am hearing in my heart and mind is that I have slipped back into old habits of less exercise and eating more, and eating less carefully. But why did I slip back after all of that work? Is there a stasis that we can't control without fighting it all of the time? I wrote recently that I thought maintenance would be easy or at least much easier than it has turned out to be.

So now the question is why did I fall back into old habits and maybe that's what Alee's addressed in her comment above. And another question is how am I going to go forward? I think I have already outlined the plan... more exercise and eating more carefully, with more care in terms of choices and amounts. Of course the over-riding question is how much do I want to do this?

180.0 Loss, Maintenance, Remorse

Now this is really something! One of my friends became inspired by my weight loss and we've had several conversations in person and via email about how I lost the weight and how he was handling food issues. I just got an email from him this morning and he's lost 12 pounds! I am so happy for him, but... did I attract that weight on to me?

I've been thinking a lot about the bump up in my weight and wonder if it is a little like buyer's remorse. Another friend of mine lost a lot of weight and has put a chunk back on. And another friend of mine achieved a total body make over through exercise and weight loss. In fact she won a women's body building competition and now seems to be suffering from depression.

What is it about getting what we want and then not appreciating it enough to live into the changes. What makes maintaining the change so difficult? I was convinced that by taking the weight off slowly and thoughtfully, consciously, I would be able to maintain the loss easily. That hasn't proven to be the case. There are lots of explanations/excuses I can give for the weight gain, but it really doesn't matter. Especially after my recent stroke scare, I need to work very hard at staying healthy. Weight loss is good! Remorse is not!

179.0 Where Is The Wiggle Room?

I just mistyped my weight and saw 199 when I looked up! Yikes! It's hard enough to acknowledge my weight as it is without adding 20 pounds. I met Jennifer at the Paradise Bakery this morning and she asked me why I thought I had gained weight while in Boston, why is it was so hard to just eat the right thing? I told her that there is a part of me that wants to be able to eat what I want or at least have some room to stray a bit now that I lost all of the weight. The fact of the matter is that I don't have much if any wiggle room. I need to always be vigilant and not think I can indulge with food. Hmmmmmmm!

179.0 I'm Back

We had a great time being with our son's family in Arkansas and then with our daughters and their partners in the Boston area! The wedding we attended in Wellesley was simply wonderful. We saw a lot of friends that we'd known for up to 30 years. Both the bride and groom are students at the Yale Divinity School and were able to serve communion to the wedding guests. There was something very special about being a part of that experience since I'd known the bride since she was an infant.

On a very serious note, I have got to get with the program. I know some of the weight is fluid since even this morning my feet are still swollen. I'm going to head to the Y and the elliptical machine and see if I can't get everything moving. It's good to be back home.

But, we won't be home for long since our daughter Miranda is expecting a baby within the next few weeks. We will head back to the Boston area once she decides she needs us :). Here's a picture taken this past weekend.

175.4 A Timely Conversation

One of my good friends who had lost a lot of weight recently told me that she is eating out of control. She described her weight loss as one during which she felt very deprived and she just can't sustain it any longer.

We talked about how factors such as gray weather, illness, and the resulting lack of exercise caused by the illness all contribute to a feeling of depression and then wanting to eat to feel better. She said she's rereading Geneen Roth's book Women Food and God to help inspire her. And I suggested putting notes in the pantry, a way of planting reminders that really helped me during my weight loss. I still have one hanging in my pantry that tells me I'm doing great, but to eat an apple rather than anything in the pantry :).

And if you read my post from yesterday you realized that I was feeling rather down about maintaining the weight loss, so having this conversation on the heels of writing that post was very timely. I do feel better today. I had a good night's sleep and the sun is shining. I've already walked with my friend and will do my water workout this afternoon before I head out for a meeting. I've also invited my friend to come visit me to enjoy the sunshine. I hope she'll come soon. And I hope you are having a great day.

174.4 Could It Be? The Peanut Butter Saga

So I am feeling like I am back in charge. I don't know who was in charge as my weight crept up, but I think that that's what unconscious eating is all about. This morning it dawned on me that yesterday was the first day in a long time that I managed to not eat any peanut butter. So you are thinking what was she doing eating peanut butter?! Well, I thought I could eat it on my Ezekiel bread toast for breakfast in the morning. And I could do that if that had been the only time during the day I ate peanut butter. But, I started spreading it a little thicker and a little thicker over time. And then it turned into a very delicious snack to eat in the late afternoon when I began to feel hungry, and/or just before bed, and since I wasn't eating it on anything, I could eat more of it. Well I can't!

So, now I am going to try to be more aware of other foods where the unconscious eating mode has taken over. This maintenance world is tricky, a lot trickier than the losing phase because options become greater in number and in amount. Maybe I should have joined the circus. Balancing on a tightrope seems easier than figuring all of this out.

174.2

I just came across this really concise, clear list of some of the best tips for weight loss that I think also pertain to weight maintenance. It's from a Canadian report published in the March 10, 2011 Montreal Gazette. Here's just one section of the longer report.

"Think smart.

--Be aware of your inner voice. Think about how the running dialogue inside your head encourages or excuses bad behaviour. As in: "I'll have these french fries now, but just a salad for dinner," or "It's too icy/cold/hot/ humid/late/early to go out for a walk."

--Practise saying "thanks, but no thanks" to colleagues who bring in baked goods or dinner-party hosts who offer yet another glass of wine.

--Learn to recognize true hunger. Before each bite of food, ask: "Am I so hungry that I would eat this even if it were something I didn't like very much?"

--Be especially vigilant around people you love. Research shows that adults tend to eat more in the company of friends and relatives, especially if they are overweight.

--Don't be hard on yourself. It takes about six weeks to form new habits. Be prepared for pitfalls and setbacks. Hitting a plateau is part of the process - the body's way of readjusting to a reduced food supply. If you stick with it, you'll start losing again."

I really like the explanation of the very frustrating plateau issue. I knew that but reading it again was quite comforting. :)

If you want to read more, here's the website.
http://www.montrealgazette.com/health/Maintain+your+balance+when+weighing+diet/4407537/story.html#ixzz1GPCfxXV3

173.6 Well, How About That!

I haven't been counting because I don't need to. The blog site I use does it for me! I am writing my 500th post as of today. I've written about the good, the bad, and the ugly vagaries of this weight loss adventure, and about a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with weight loss no matter how I have tried to make a connection.

So for all of you that have hung in there with me over these 500 + days, thanks for being a part of it all. And, even if you just read it now and then, I'm glad to have you along. I'm pretty addicted to writing these posts. It just doesn't feel right if I don't do it for whatever reason. Oh, here we go...the weight loss connection is about to occur :)! When I don't write it's a little like taking my eye off my goal of maintaining my weight loss. It just doesn't feel right. So I'll keep writing and watching my weight and I hope you'll check in with me now and then.

171.0 Boredom Vs. Hunger

I just came in from a fast walk and realized I had not written a post for today. I usually drag my feet about writing when my weight has gone up, but today I'm happy to say it went down!

Last night I received a very funny list of Adult Truths. Although I loved them all, there was one that has been so true for me. It's this: "I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger."

I still can find myself coming to standing in front of an array of food choices in my pantry. When I stop and think about it, I'm rarely hungry, but usually bored. I think it's a sign that I need to get a life! :)

172.0 Jumping Around On The Scale

You know, that was the easiest 3 pounds to lose and I have no idea how I did it. Well, I really do, but I didn't expect to see the results so quickly. I quit snacking on peanut butter and, I had fish and spinach and salad for dinner. For lunch I had a TLC bar and an apple. That's cutting back on a lot and a little. It wasn't that hard to do and I had just gotten lazy about my intention, and my staying aware.

But today I met a friend for lunch and had a 2 egg Greek omelet, a piece of multigrain toast and a little fresh fruit. It was delicious but certainly more calories than yesterday's lunch. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

174.8 Comments on Comments

Even though I don't often comment on comments that I get from readers, but I do want to say that I love getting comments. When I blog, I am writing to individuals in my mind, people I know who read my blog, and I'm writing to all those potential readers who may stumble onto this blog about weight loss.

Yesterday I really appreciated both the comments I received. My daughter gently reminded me that I had just written about The Little Engine That Could and that I should remember the phrase, "I think I can, I think I can". Since she was raised on that story, it made me feel great that it had resonated with her and her pointing out the fact that I had written about determination really hit home. And my sister Priscilla also wrote to encourage me. She's done so well managing the maintenance piece of weight loss over many, many years and her corroboration that this is a continual undertaking helps me put it in to perspective and to get on with it.

So I'm back at it, will keep at it, and know that there is no other option for me but to stay aware, weigh myself everyday, and eat wisely and with consciousness. Onward and downward!

173.2 Party Time

Not now, not today, but yesterday and that's what I'm blaming my upward tilt on (do you like that?) in weight. So I'm back at it. A couple of weeks ago I was writing about how easy maintenance was but now I'm not so sure. I'm bouncing around on the high side of paradise.

171.8 Pay Attention, Sue!

I just looked back through my posts to see when it was that I weighed this much and it was more than a month ago. The good news is that since reaching my goal I've been able to maintain my weight around the 170 mark pretty well. The bad news is that I've bumped up and I need to pay attention. I need to pay attention. One more time, I need to pay attention.

Now I could go through a litany of reasons why this fate has befallen me, and I will because I need to be aware of why I think this has happened. Yes, it's about salt, it's about too many nuts just before bed, and it's about being a little too cocky about how I've been handling food options. It's also about less exercise due to weather and PT constraints. It's about the fact my walking buddy left for about a month. (Thankfully she's back!) So I'm back to the basics, and returning to the stricter discipline. It's time to reverse this trend.

170.0 A Little Less Lunch!

I got that pound off in a couple of days and it wasn't that hard and sure didn't take very long. Remember when I was in the weight losing mode rather than maintenance, how I would be stuck forever at the same weight? Why is it that now I can turn things around in a couple of days?

Well, for one thing, my body has a new set point and I know a couple of tricks that I never really trusted when I was losing. A little less lunch is an obvious plateau breaker for me now, and I just go back to some of the old habits that I had strayed from lately. The raw carrots are out on the counter as I make dinner again, spinach again, less snacking even on popcorn, and apples when the hunger bug bites.

I think we are going to go to the movies today and then meet friends for dinner. After reading how many calories are in unbuttered movie popcorn, I'm thinking about bringing my own, since we do have plenty :)! The restaurant we have chosen has a simple, great tasting salmon entree so I won't even open the menu. Old tricks are turning out to be very good tricks.

169.6 Decisions, Decisions

I just made a decision. So what you say? Big deal! Sometimes it is a big deal for me to make a decision. Recently I read that most decisions should be made in about 30 seconds. I've barely gone through the list of pros much less the list of cons in 30 seconds. But it does feel good to quit dithering and just go for it.

I'm very conscious of talking about weight loss now. I don't bring it up to others, but so many folks have seen the transformation, and they start talking to me about it. Don't get me wrong - I like talking about it. It's similar to telling friends about a recent trip or encounter that you just had. But I don't like to be the instigator of the topic. Anyway, what I hear is a lot of indecision about whether they really want to lose weight, and if they could really do it. So, my take on this is that each person has to have a very clear reason for wanting to lose weight. And as long as the reason is theirs and not put on them by others I think that works. The most powerful reasons are health related, especially among those of us who are in our 60's plus, but among younger people there's always the motivation of doing it earlier rather than later and in the process saving a lot of wear and tear on their bodies.

I wish there was a way for everyone to understand that you can be happy with less food. A small portion of something yummy is just as enjoyable as a big portion as long as you stay aware of all of the goodness as you are taking small bites and really paying attention while you are eating that wonderful something.

As I'm adding some old favorites back into my food choices, I'm amazed and so relieved that I don't want a big serving of anything. But it is fun to be able to have a small amount and really enjoy it. I'm hanging in there with maintenance and it just isn't that hard, thank goodness, thanks to hypnosis, thanks to changed habits, and thanks to change attitudes. And, a big thank you to Jennifer Scott for her help in making all of these changes a reality for me.

168.2 Back To The Future

It's warming back up out here so today I was able to go to our community center pool and do my water therapy. I wore one of my water jackets that cut the wind and help to keep my upper body warm and that really helped.

I am seeing a new physical therapist about my cock-eyed pelvis and so had to modify some of my workout. What she's found that really surprised me and kind of bothers me is how weak my left leg is. I think I have more to work on than just getting my pelvis in alignment.

I may as well confess, last night I had my first hamburger in about 3 years. It came with cheese and bacon - no, it wasn't a Whopper from Burger King - we went to Flemings (a rather high end restaurant in the area), sat at the bar and paid $6 rather than the $12 they normally charge since we were there before 7 pm. No, I didn't eat all the meat, I asked for no bacon, and I ate about 1/4 of the bread. Yes, it was good, but somehow not as great as I thought it might taste. I think my "clean, healthy living/eating" has really changed what I want to eat. But what I really liked is that my weight didn't shoot up. I hope this trend continues as I venture back into carefully eating some of the old favorites.

169.2 Lost and Found

Happy New Year and I hope everyone had wonderful celebrations during the holiday season.

We're back from our trip to Memphis to visit our grandsons, and I'd post some pictures but I did the unthinkable! I lost my cell phone in the Memphis Airport yesterday and those recent photos are on it. Our plane was also delayed twice yesterday so let's just say it wasn't a great day.

But in fact it turned out to be a great day. Friends picked us up at the airport, being as flexible as our flight arrival time forced them to be, and when we walked into our home and heard our phone messages, we learned that my cellphone had been found and turned into the lost and found at the airport!

So where am I going with this? All over the place :)! I found out that worse things were happening to people in the airport. As we were complaining to some folks who sat down near us about the fact I had lost my cell phone, the woman explained that she had lost her brother the day before, and that they were on their way to be with family. Suddenly I found that my cell phone wasn't so significant after all. I also found that people were honest and did the right thing. And, I found the Memphis Airport folks to be helpful and resourceful in helping me to get my phone back. It's arriving tomorrow via FedEx.

And I lost some weight over the holidays, partly due to a stomach virus that took me out for a couple of days. This was my first big holiday season being on maintenance and I was very cautious. But I also ate some very wonderful things and enjoyed the choices I made very much. I have continued to use hypnosis and just keep reminding myself of what I have accomplished and there is just no way I want to eat more than I want to maintain my weight loss. I think I have found a great way to handle food.

170.6 And We Ate Out Last Night

How do I do it :) ? Changes in habits, amounts, hypnosis, and happiness can account for most of it!

Now for the bad news - my back is all messed up. It's a little ironic to me that I finally get all of this weight off thinking it will help my back and my back is laughing at me saying no way! So now I have to go to a physical therapist who specializes in treating cockeyed pelvises. Oh my! But at least there are people who are trained to help people like me and I'm very grateful for that.

And, if you weren't able to see the video, here's a new link:
http://youtube.com/jscotthypnosis