174.4 Could It Be? The Peanut Butter Saga

So I am feeling like I am back in charge. I don't know who was in charge as my weight crept up, but I think that that's what unconscious eating is all about. This morning it dawned on me that yesterday was the first day in a long time that I managed to not eat any peanut butter. So you are thinking what was she doing eating peanut butter?! Well, I thought I could eat it on my Ezekiel bread toast for breakfast in the morning. And I could do that if that had been the only time during the day I ate peanut butter. But, I started spreading it a little thicker and a little thicker over time. And then it turned into a very delicious snack to eat in the late afternoon when I began to feel hungry, and/or just before bed, and since I wasn't eating it on anything, I could eat more of it. Well I can't!

So, now I am going to try to be more aware of other foods where the unconscious eating mode has taken over. This maintenance world is tricky, a lot trickier than the losing phase because options become greater in number and in amount. Maybe I should have joined the circus. Balancing on a tightrope seems easier than figuring all of this out.

178.5 Becoming Aware of Awareness!

I don't know if it is just me and my amazing brain or if it takes everyone as long as it has taken me to change habits related to eating and drinking. Just the other night something happened and it dawned on me how easy it is to slip into old behaviors. We were at a restaurant and I had a sip of Miranda's wine. I then gave the glass back to her and didn't think about having any more. But we were taking pictures and her glass which had about 1 1/2 ounces in it got moved by me and all of a sudden I realized I was reaching for it with the intention of finishing it off. I didn't even get it to my lips before I caught myself in the act and handed it back to her. It wasn't a big deal except that it reminded me of how totally unconscious I think most of my eating and drinking had been for many, many years.

Today I had breakfast with a great friend whom I've known for about 35 years. I hadn't seen her in a year so it was fun to see her double-take when I joined her at the restaurant this morning. Later I was with Jeff and Miranda and we were talking about what we were going to order for lunch and it was as if a loud gong went off in my head. I became aware that I was not the least bit hungry and didn't want to or need to order anything. Well, I did order a glass of iced tea and it was perfect. This awareness piece isn't easy to develop, but is so powerful once it takes the place of the compulsive, unthinking behavior. I think I've finally got it!

198.4 Rain, Rain, Go Away

I am acting like a spoiled brat about the rain. We have had 4 days of off and on rain, and except for today, mostly off. But if you could read my mind you would think I lived in London and never saw the sun. Hello!!! I live in Arizona because of the good weather, and it seems that I just can't take rain anymore. Actually, I think weather played a big part in my eating too much and unconsciously when I lived in the midwest and in the Boston area. The gray does something to my emotions and in the past that meant a lunch of soup, grilled cheese sandwiches (yes, read sandwiches plural), or grilled ham and cheese, and of course, a sweet to finish off the meal because after all, the weather was so horrible. Also, when the weather is horrible unless you have to leave your house, don't you tend to stay home and cook or maybe bake? I definitely used to. I wonder if this is unique to me or if a lot of people find comfort in food on rainy days.

This time around I am working hard to stay away from those old habits triggered by the gray days. I have actually been busy helping Jeff set up a wine tasting event at our house. No, you're right, I don't drink wine anymore, but I may have a sip or two just to see what I think about a few of the choices. But so many things are different now and I just don't miss the food and wine of the past, or the frequent gray days.

Exercise update~I was going to do 10 minutes on the treadmill because, well, it's raining, but instead listened to my inner spirit and kept going until I had done 17 minutes. Setting higher goals for myself exercise-wise may be a new way to go!