no scale Getting It Back

No, not gaining it back :)... I don't like to talk about how I used to be, too often, but sometimes something happens and I get struck by how different I am now compared to about two and a half years ago when I couldn't walk or stand for more than about 5 minutes.

I had had a spinal fusion surgery in 2003 that I consider a total failure. I had another less invasive spine surgery in late 2008 and that was the miracle surgery. Laser Spine Institute had just opened a surgical center in Scottsdale and I went for it. It totally changed my life because I could walk without the pain that I had lived with for five years.

And, by that time I was working with Jennifer Scott (jscotthypnosis.com) on weight loss and spiritual awareness so that I had started losing weight. All this is leading up to the fact that today I hiked with the family and had a great time. Our three kids and their partners joined us at Bretton Woods in the White Mountains of New Hampshire for a family vacation and I was not going to be left out. We hiked almost straight up - the terrain was much like the hills of Cortona - for about a mile and then headed back, almost straight down. Down was trickier than up due to loose rocks and lots of tree roots, but I did it. Our kids were remembering when I was using canes and a walker so it was a great moment for us all.

I know the weight loss has played into my "getting it back" tremendously and I am just so grateful that I have been able to do this. I read and re-read the Geneen Roth book, Women, Food and God and find so many ideas in it that correspond to what I have learned working with Jennifer. Figuring out and separating physical hunger from emotional hunger seems key to making the changes necessary for losing the weight and keeping it off over time. What a gift to be able to enjoy this time.

178.5 Becoming Aware of Awareness!

I don't know if it is just me and my amazing brain or if it takes everyone as long as it has taken me to change habits related to eating and drinking. Just the other night something happened and it dawned on me how easy it is to slip into old behaviors. We were at a restaurant and I had a sip of Miranda's wine. I then gave the glass back to her and didn't think about having any more. But we were taking pictures and her glass which had about 1 1/2 ounces in it got moved by me and all of a sudden I realized I was reaching for it with the intention of finishing it off. I didn't even get it to my lips before I caught myself in the act and handed it back to her. It wasn't a big deal except that it reminded me of how totally unconscious I think most of my eating and drinking had been for many, many years.

Today I had breakfast with a great friend whom I've known for about 35 years. I hadn't seen her in a year so it was fun to see her double-take when I joined her at the restaurant this morning. Later I was with Jeff and Miranda and we were talking about what we were going to order for lunch and it was as if a loud gong went off in my head. I became aware that I was not the least bit hungry and didn't want to or need to order anything. Well, I did order a glass of iced tea and it was perfect. This awareness piece isn't easy to develop, but is so powerful once it takes the place of the compulsive, unthinking behavior. I think I've finally got it!

178.5 World Without A Compass

I almost typed World Without End, but I do know this weight loss will end in about 10 pounds.

It's hard to figure where I really am right now weight-wise because I'm weighing on my daughter Miranda's scale and I know in my heart that I weigh more than 178.5. You know, when I started this adventure and Jennifer Scott (check out her website on the right) was very adamant about weighing every day, I really resisted. First of all, all the experts said that weighing once a week was the way to go. (Of course now I believe that she's the expert.) I used to dread getting on the scale everyday but did it. What has happened is that I now value the fact that the scale has become my compass. It informs me of where I am in this vast place called weight and does help guide me through each day. So using Miranda's scale helps me know the block, but not a specific address, and I'm sure I haven't lost around 4 pounds since arriving here!

But right now I do know where I am in space. I am in a small suburb of Boston where we used to live and where our daughter Miranda now lives. We've been seeing old friends, went to a Red Sox game, we've been driving by all the homes in the area of Wellesley and Natick where we once lived (four to be exact in about an 8 mile radius - I know, I did like to move!), and we're looking forward to spending more time with our family and friends here.

Oh, did I mention we've been eating out a lot? We've been having the most delicious, fresh fish imaginable and loving every bite. We were with friends last night who have known us for about 20 years and were remembering what I used to eat and were asking if I didn't miss all the wine, the beef, the desserts, the pasta, etc., that we all used to eat together. What's so exciting and gratifying as a result of this process is that I truly don't miss the those things. I now prefer fish, salad, fresh berries, fresh veggies. And, the compliment I like best of all is not that I look so much more slender. It's that I look younger and happier. Who could ask for anything more?

181.0 Getting The Hang Of It!

Now that was a great surprise this morning as I stepped on the scale. In fact, I got off, let it go back into its sleep mode, woke it up and stepped on it again to be sure.

Jennifer has been encouraging me for a while now to do interval training on the elliptical instead of staying around the same speed throughout the workout. I've been doing that lately and I think my metabolism is wondering what the heck is going on, but has sped up in response to the change! Now I go for 3 minutes at about 3.5 mph and then do 30 seconds as fast as I can move my legs, and then go back to the slower pace for 3 minutes, etc.. And the workout lasts for between a half hour and 45 minutes. It's funny, but as the end of the 3 minutes is approaching, I get excited to speed up. I think my body really likes the switching back and forth. Another shift in response? The old me would have dreaded the impending speed up and work involved.

We are heading to the Boston area for a couple of weeks to see our daughters, son-in-law, and friends so the posts will be intermittent. Not that I'm counting :), but I've lost 22 pounds since visiting there last November. And, 3 of those pounds have been lost in the last 8 days! Maybe I'm getting the hang of it:)!

182.6 Living To Eat?

I never used to read the Wall Street Journal and now I read it everyday, because our local paper is, shall we say, very limited in its news and viewpoint.

What I've learned about the WSJ is that it is not just business news that makes it such a good read. It includes great book and movie reviews, and editorials. And, as you faithful know, I have cited at least one other article from it in the past about health and food issues. This morning there was a very interesting article entitled "Eating To Live or Living To Eat?". Here's the website: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704288204575363072381955744.html?mod=WSJ_LifeStyle_LeadStoryNA

I hope you'll check it out. It helps explain why some people have a very hard time saying no to certain foods even though they are not hungry, while others don't. From my point of view, they should have interviewed me :), because I truly believe that I have been able to change that brain function through the hypnosis and habit building that has been going on within my mind and body. So if you have a hard time saying no to food, even when you are not hungry, don't think of it as an excuse to keep eating. Rather, take it on as a challenge as something you want to change and can change.

Let's just say the article provides food for thought!

182.6 What's It All About?

I'm not sure if I've used that title before, but since I've been doing this blog for almost a year now, it does get hard at times to figure out what to call each post. (This is my 301st post! Ta-da!)

But today I'm wondering why my weight is dropping. I know, I know, usually I'm wondering why it jumps up. Here's what I've come up with - lately I have just basically stopped eating lunch. I do eat a couple of times in the afternoon but not a meal. I may have cherries, or an apple and some almonds, or half a yogurt with some blueberries. So I think that by eating a little more often my metabolism gets a boost, and I'm pretty certain that I'm eating fewer calories. And because I'm usually very hungry while I'm preparing dinner, I pull out a bag of little carrots and/or a bag of snap peas and munch while I cook. Then by the time I sit down to eat, I'm not ravenous and can handle eating slowly and enjoying every bite.

Whatever is going on, I'm loving it and want it to continue. I do feel hungry more frequently, but I really want to reach my goal and move on to other things. I was thinking today that maybe one of my voices from the past is that I need to eat three meals a day. I'm restating that message to say that I don't need to eat three meals a day. I need to be healthy, slim, and energetic. Some folks suggest 6 small meals a day. I've never tried that and think I might have trouble controlling what and how much I might eat, eating that frequently, and, what exactly is a small meal? So I'm sticking with this new plan and let's see how it goes!

183.2 On a Lighter Note...

A comment in yesterday's blog brought up the question about whether quitting smoking or losing weight and keeping it off is more difficult. Both are very difficult, but I think it's easier to quit smoking because, although you may think you need to smoke to live, you don't. However, you do need to eat to live and that means you are constantly faced with making decisions about food.

And now on a lighter note...I just bought a pair of size 12 jeans! Considering I was wearing a size 22 when I started on this weight loss process, I am thrilled. We are getting ready to spend a couple of weeks in the Northeast with family and these new jeans will keep me honest and help me continue to work toward reaching my goal (instead of reaching for a second helping)!

183.4 More About Voices

Ever since I posted yesterday's note about my use of hypnosis to get rid of those unwelcome, detrimental voices from the past, I've been thinking about ways to do it without hypnosis. And, I've come up with one idea that I think will work for those of you who want to tackle this.

My sister Priscilla wrote that she has started to write down the negative voices/messages from her past that she hears and confronts them rather than trying to ignore them. My suggestion takes it one step further and that involves taking a negative message and changing it so that it becomes positive. For example, if the message about not wasting food plagues you and you want to feel free to eat less than your serving, tell yourself that you can eat only what you want and that you will send a donation to a charity that supports child hunger programs (and do it) if that will make you feel better about not cleaning your plate. If you hear a voice telling you that you are so overweight it doesn't matter what you eat (one of the near and not so dear voices from my past) you can change that to I want to lose weight so every bite of food I put in my mouth matters, and I can control it.

I hope this is helpful and makes sense. There are lots of ways to make changes so that you will get to where we want to be. You may have better ideas of how to take charge of the negative and make it positive. Go for it, and let me know what you find is helpful.

184.0 The Voices of The Past

If you've been reading the Geneen Roth book, Women, Food and God, you are in very good company as it was reported in the Wall Street Journal this morning that it is #4 on the bestseller list for non-fiction. In it she talks about the voices that we hear from our past that are still dictating how we think about food, our bodies, our weight, etc., and, how we need to get over it, erase those voices.

I was talking to my sister Barbara about the book and she reminded me that we were definitely raised with the concept that all good children cleaned their plates (not by washing them!), and then there was the guilt about all the starving children elsewhere. It is a challenge to erase those voices or thoughts but as I have learned, extremely important to do so. Living in the past is never helpful if you want to change your behavior. Jennifer Scott's slogan on all of her publications, websites, etc., is Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. It is easier said than done, but can lead to wonderful benefits if you are able to do it. And for me, that's where the hypnosis has helped immeasurably. Replacing the old voices, the old thoughts, with new empowering ideas of how to handle life, and food issues, has been so helpful in this journey for me.

I still smile at the concept that by cleaning our plates as kids we were helping to feed the starving children of the world. I wish my mom was still living so I could ask her. I wonder if she ever really thought about it.

184.4 Grand Honey Hits Six Flags!

We're back from Six Flags in St. Louis and the boys loved it, and of course, we had a great time watching them have so much fun. A lot of the time was spent at the water park there because it was REALLY hot, and REALLY humid which we are no longer used to.

Since I am not big on roller coaster type rides and spinning around for dear life, I did a lot of people watching, which was a lot safer and very interesting. I did gain a pound, but with the food choices available, I did okay. I was on a search for fruit in the park and that was not on any menu, and you couldn't take food in.

I think a little of the let down has set in after so much activity and fun with Ted and Lynsey and the boys. Now to get back into the world of healthy eating and exercise! We did have a great time!

What was so cute and fun was that Julien, the 4 year old, started calling me Grand Helper (instead of Grandma) and then he changed that into Grand Honey! So Grand Honey will get back on track and go for her goal!

183.8 A WOW Moment!

Later today I'll be going to pick up my newly re-sized engagement and wedding rings. For about three hours on Thursday, I was in an absolute frenzy trying to find the wedding band. These rings are very special because Jeff and I had them designed around some diamonds that Jeff had given me over the years. I was so distraught and looked everywhere I had been that day. Finally, I realized that I had not asked my Guides (that Inner Power), or my subconscious mind for help. So I said a prayer asking for help and all of a sudden the thought of our dog Charlee came to mind and I remembered I had turned over her little crate mattress pad as I was straightening our bedroom in the morning. And there my ring was, as if it had been placed perfectly in the center of the pad! I was overwhelmed with gratitude!

I was so happy to find it, but I also was upset with myself because I knew my rings were too large as a result of the weight loss, and I had knew I needed to have them made smaller because they had slipped off occasionally during the night. When I took them in yesterday I learned that they were size 8.25, and that I now wore a size 7 ring! So obviously, it hasn't all been belly fat that I've been losing!

Jeff and I are going to spend some time with our son and his family so I probably won't be posting anything for several days. I'll be writing again starting on Thursday, but as usual, you never know with me so check back whenever. And keep me in your thoughts as I navigate my way through the food choices at Six Flags in St. Louis! Now talk about challenging...!

184.0 TTF ~ Temporary Total Failure :)

Even though we did eat out last night, I knew that I could get my weight to start dropping back toward the 182 number. I ordered a spuntini (that's Italian for "snack") off the bar menu at a favorite restaurant and it fit the bill just fine.

This morning I was reminded of a bit of family lore. When I was oh, probably about 11 years old, our family was driving through the olive growing region of California and for some unknown reason our car just stopped running! My memory is a little vague on the details, but we all sat in the car, confounded by this turn of events. It was hot in that car (long before AC) and soon my dad began trying to start the car. And within a few attempts, the engine turned over and we were on our way. My mom announced that we had just experienced Temporary Total Failure!

This morning after getting up at 6 AM and walking for about 45 minutes, I came in and was trying to focus on ordering some things on the internet and my mind just couldn't manage to accomplish this very simple, oft performed task. In spite of drinking about 30-40 ounces of water, I just continued to feel fuzzy brained and weak. Finally I went in to lie down for a few minutes and and slept for about 3 1/2 hours. It has been very hot here and I am sure I just got very dehydrated. When I got up I told Jeff that I had just recovered from TTF! The gal who doesn't like to take naps feels pretty good now!

184.4 Oh, Stop It!

Oh the dread! Oh the sadness! Oh the humiliation! Oh stop it! This is going to happen, does happen to all of us whether we are trying to lose weight or just hang in there! Why is always the question, and often I don't have an answer off the top of my head. But we did eat out and I'll go back to blaming it on the salt, or maybe it was something that caught up with me from the day before.

All I know and all I need to know is that I can overcome this large boulder in the road and keep at it. I have lots of reasons to get this turned around:)!

And, we're going out again tonight! ARRRRRGH!