176.2. Busy Days

We have house guests so things are a little busier than usual. So, I may not blog everyday for a while. But, I'll write as often as I can.

It is a challenge, a continual challenge to stay in control while celebrating birthdays, etc. Tonight was my friend Loretta's birthday. We ate here at home and had a great time, but there were special foods and it is often tempting to just give in. But then I remember that I don't want to gain the weight and that small amounts work for me.

Tomorrow I'm going to shop for some new clothes. That will act as great motivation to stick with the program!

176.2 No Whining!

Yesterday I was really feeling bad about not being perfect. I've always known I'm not perfect, but somehow with the weight loss journey I really wanted to have it all down pat, easy, without ever getting off track like I did the other night. What I did re-learn is that wine and food are not a good combination for me. I just lose all my inner governance, or what ever you want to call it.

This party also came on the heels of going out with neighborhood friends a little more often than usual, and then all the going out and special food that accompanied our having house guests. And so now we plan to eat all our meals at home during the next week and longer if possible, and to really focus on healthy food, small portions, no wine, and no whining!

169.6 Decisions, Decisions

I just made a decision. So what you say? Big deal! Sometimes it is a big deal for me to make a decision. Recently I read that most decisions should be made in about 30 seconds. I've barely gone through the list of pros much less the list of cons in 30 seconds. But it does feel good to quit dithering and just go for it.

I'm very conscious of talking about weight loss now. I don't bring it up to others, but so many folks have seen the transformation, and they start talking to me about it. Don't get me wrong - I like talking about it. It's similar to telling friends about a recent trip or encounter that you just had. But I don't like to be the instigator of the topic. Anyway, what I hear is a lot of indecision about whether they really want to lose weight, and if they could really do it. So, my take on this is that each person has to have a very clear reason for wanting to lose weight. And as long as the reason is theirs and not put on them by others I think that works. The most powerful reasons are health related, especially among those of us who are in our 60's plus, but among younger people there's always the motivation of doing it earlier rather than later and in the process saving a lot of wear and tear on their bodies.

I wish there was a way for everyone to understand that you can be happy with less food. A small portion of something yummy is just as enjoyable as a big portion as long as you stay aware of all of the goodness as you are taking small bites and really paying attention while you are eating that wonderful something.

As I'm adding some old favorites back into my food choices, I'm amazed and so relieved that I don't want a big serving of anything. But it is fun to be able to have a small amount and really enjoy it. I'm hanging in there with maintenance and it just isn't that hard, thank goodness, thanks to hypnosis, thanks to changed habits, and thanks to change attitudes. And, a big thank you to Jennifer Scott for her help in making all of these changes a reality for me.

186.0 Can 185 Be Far Behind?

Finally, a new all time low! What changed? I started eating less and I am trying hard to "listen" to my body about when I have had enough. This has been hard for me to pay attention to. I think I am distracted by: how much is left of my plate, will I literally die from hunger pangs if I don't "eat enough", since I exercised a lot I should eat more. Oh, and I am only having salad with salmon or chicken in it so shouldn't I be able to eat a lot more? And the familiar, I have lost 60 pounds so maybe I have lost enough?

No, I haven't lost enough. That new full length mirror has taught me that, and no, I am not consumed with being a perfect size anything. But fat is fat and when I see the collections I am still wearing (these are not fashion collections as seen on some Parisian runway), that is evidence enough. And, my doctors have encouraged me to lose more so this is not all in my head.



This was taken in mid April when I weighed 188. Jennifer has encouraged me to use smaller plates when I serve myself to help me understand the importance of eating less, to get a better visual picture of what that means! So using visual cues, checking in with how I feel as I am eating, staying aware and conscious of what I am eating and enjoying every bite, and keeping my goal in mind, I am on the road again!

Mamma Mia, Here I Go Again!

Remember when I used to write about singing with Willie Nelson as I walked? That does seem like a long time ago. Call me fickle if you must, but I have a new favorite - the soundtrack from Mamma Mia. Today I was in luck. I went to our community center workout room and no one was there! I had the room to myself. So I put the Olympics on the TV and pumped up my Mamma Mia music on my iphone, put my little ear phones in and off I went on the elliptical, singing in full voice! It was more fun, the time, 25 + minutes, flew and it was just great.

How are things going? I was in a big hurry this morning to get out of the house so didn't think much about not weighing myself. I probably ate too much for breakfast, two pieces of Ezekiel toast instead of just one. But I have a new way to eat it. I put light cream cheese on it with fresh berries and that's about half the fat and calories of peanut butter, which is what I used to eat on toast. I didn't get hungry until about 2 and then I had an orange and my favorite flatbread that is low in calories, high in fiber and tastes great. Tonight we are going out again and I am going to rely on my inner spirit and awareness so I don't over eat. I already know what I will order so that "dance" is over.

Today I taught my ESL class and it was quite touching. At a student's request, we spent a lot of time talking and thinking about how you say you are sorry if a friend is troubled. Sometimes you can plan all you want, and then something you never have thought of becomes very important. Life is often very unpredictable! I think that is good!

196.0 A Weight Loss Adventure

What if I develop a salad addiction, having to have one first thing in the morning? I was really looking forward to it as I got up today. I did add about 1/2 cup of kidney beans instead of only 10 which is what I did yesterday. And, I didn't eat anything else until about 2:30 when I was offered a very thin slice of chicken from the deli lady at the local grocery store.

But last night I was ravenous. I don't know what to blame it on and it probably doesn't matter in the overall scheme of things, but I just couldn't get rid of that feeling of gnawing hunger. So I ate oranges, bread, oh I am being so honest here, peanut butter, and I drank a lot of water, but it was "harsh" as my grandson Alex likes to say about anything uncomfortable.

So I am shaking up the regime. You won't see my weight posted next to the title for about a week, which means I won't be weighing every day. It's funny. I fought against that in the beginning and now I am having a hard time giving it up. But instead of focusing on numbers, I am going to focus on eating smaller portions, writing everything down, and listening to my body as I eat each meal. And, getting back into the habit of hypnosis everyday. I guess I did choose a good name for this blog! It is turning into quite an adventure!

194.8 Born To Run...Who Me?

My daughter Miranda suggested I read the book Born To Run. When she first told me about it, I dragged my feet :). I know I will never be a runner at this stage of my life. And, if you have been reading my blog, you know that I would never have said that I was born to run. But, according to the book, we were all born to run. The book talks about how complicated and efficient our feet are. Some of us just didn't know how to value that gift as we were growing up. The book is about many things to do with running, but also about the development and endurance of our spirits. And, it's also about healthy eating. It talks about the tribe of the "reclusive Tarahumara Indians of Mexico’s deadly Copper Canyons who are custodians of a lost art. For centuries they have practiced techniques that allow them to run hundreds of miles without rest and chase down anything from a deer to an Olympic marathoner while enjoying every mile of it. Their superhuman talent is matched by uncanny health and serenity, leaving the Tarahumara immune to the diseases and strife that plague modern existence." (I took this quote from the editor's description of the book on Amazon.com.) To eat like these tribe members, the first suggestion was extremely simple: eat less. The second was to eat mostly fruit and vegetables and to rely more on beans for protein than animal products. The concept of eating less does seem simple, but doing it is not as easy as it sounds. However, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be and becomes habitual quite quickly. Since my weight loss has really stalled out, I am thinking about cutting back even more. I can always fill up on celery :), apples, other veges. Oh, one thing I do occasionally while I'm preparing dinner so I won't eat while cooking is to put out raw veges. My favorite these days is a sliced red bell pepper, beautiful and yummy.

200.0 One Bite At A time

This morning as I got ready to weigh myself after being without a scale for 5 days, I was talking to myself about how much I probably gained over the holidays. Whoa! I was so pleased and happily surprised to see that on this last day of the year, I weighed the least I have in probably 10 years! Yep, I did get off and on again just to make sure.

Since we were eating out, eating in, eating special holiday foods, I was sure that I had gained weight. My clothes didn't feel tighter, but in my mind I didn't see how I could NOT have gained weight. I ate mashed potatoes, I ate persimmon pudding with real whipped cream, I ate oyster dressing, I ate ham, I ate ice cream, I ate a little cake. In other words, I ate what was offered and enjoyed every bite. But here's where the truth lies...I ate each item one bite at a time. I really savored each bite, thought about whether I really wanted more before I took another bite, and I did start out with small portions.

I also had a time each day where I went inside myself to ask for help in making the best of each day and staying aware of all that I ate in the coming day. It is so powerful to know that we have this resource within ourselves, and it is really working for me. All I have to do is ask and believe.

So now, along with all of my readers, I face the New Year with hope, tools for success and the goal of losing at least another thirty pounds. Welcome 2010!

201.4 Pride Goeth Before The Gain

I guess I knew in my heart that my weight would probably bounce up a little once I made a big deal about reaching 200! But, if I look at the history of this weight loss, it is certainly not a straight line.

Today I taught my last ESL class until late January and the class members brought food that is typical of their country of origin for an end of semester party. Wow! What a wonderful buffet! There were frog legs and escargots from the French student, Pad Thai, Spring Rolls, and a Tofu dish prepared by the sister (and former restaurant owner) of a student from Thailand, there were several Middle Eastern dishes brought by folks from Iran, Morocco, and Pakistan, and more. Of course, they all wanted me to try everything, and have seconds, and it was very hard. I did take very small portions of each offering, and then I just took a deep breath and reassured myself that I should enjoy the delicious flavors and leave a little of each thing I put on my plate. And, that's what I did. I will have a very light dinner!

Yesterday when I blogged about being on the elliptical I forgot to write that my physical therapist likened working out on the elliptical to running rather than walking and that is why I get so winded so quickly. Tomorrow I see her again and I know she will want me to up my time on it. I can't exactly write "no problem", but I do know I will increase my time.

And now I have to get back to work on my grandson Julien's Christmas stocking!

203.8 Beside Me In My Mind

I went back to see my physical therapist, today. After scolding me for being a little late - it was only 5 minutes- we got down to work. She runs a very tight ship. I "hopped" on the elliptical and did it for 2 minutes! I didn't feel like I had climbed Mt. Everest, but it does give my legs a workout that they are just beginning to get used to. It also works my heart, and that is what it is really all about. Because, if my heart rate goes up so will my metabolism.

So now I am looking Thanksgiving in the eye and am pretty secure that all will be well. We'll be with the Boston contingent of our family, daughters Miranda and Alee, and son-in-law Jud, and they all know what I am trying to achieve. The pressure to please people by eating will not be at the table with us. So, I can gently graze, tasting and enjoying small portions of whatever strikes my fancy.

But the day will only be partly about the food. It is really about being thankful for all aspects of my life and the people, all the people, that by being a part of my life have made it richer. This is my first Thanksgiving since I started writing this blog, and I am very grateful for every reader. I write it for me, but you are always beside me in my mind as I write.

I don't know when I will next blog since we will be traveling and I am not sure how the time will be spent while in Boston. Check in occasionally over the next few days. I may surprise you with a blog or two.

Happy Thanksgiving.