183.6 Funny Ha Ha, Or Funny Peculiar?

So I'm so proud of myself, staying with the program, writing everything down like a real trooper, and recording my weight at the top of each day's entry. Now here's the issue...for three days in a row I recorded my weight as 283 (plus or minus a few ounces) rather than 183 and I didn't catch it until yesterday. What is up with that? I actually think it's quite funny. In my family we used to ask "funny ha ha, or funny peculiar?", and therein lies my quandary. It is both. But thank goodness I don't weigh 283 because just prior to starting on this amazing weight loss journey, I could have easily seen my weight go into the 280s, easily. Maybe I was just distracted, but truth be told, it is hard for me to become distracted when recoding my weight. It is still a big deal!

180.2 Ripples of Change

I've been thinking about this "weight loss journey or adventure" as I have referred to this experience of losing all of the weight. As you read, getting to the point of achieving success was indeed quite a journey, but once finding myself there as been very challenging. I'm thinking about all sorts of scenarios that might be similar to where I find myself now. For example, working extremely hard to get a promotion and then finding the work very different from what was imagined. Or moving to that dream house and then being faced with all the challenges of making it into a real home including finding a comfort zone with new neighbors, helping children to settle into new schools, etc. Change begets change begets change. I did go to church today so maybe that's why I'm thinking in terms of begets :). Is that what "nothing's over til it's over" is all about?

I've really appreciated the encouragement to keep writing this blog. It was definitely part of the disciplined life I was living as I was in the process of losing the weight. Not writing it has added to the maintenance chaos I've experienced and so I'll work to make it a part of every day once again.

175.4 The Balloon In The Backyard

I know this really looks creepy, sort of like Minnie Mouse at age 68, but I became intrigued with this mylar balloon that Jeff brought in from the backyard last night. He was ready to pitch it, but I wanted to keep it so I could write about it today. Why, you ask, as did he! Because I always wonder where helium filled balloons that escape into space end up. I've had them slip from my grasp and I know my kids have been brokenhearted when that's happened to them. I remember wanting to tie the string around Alee's wrist but relented when she didn't want me to do that, and then seeing her little hand open up and watching the balloon fly away. Oh my, lots of tears.

So I think about the adventure this balloon has had, including having to pose for me so I could take this picture. I wonder about the little girl who let go of the balloon. Why was she given the balloon? What was she celebrating? Had she just received it, or had she grown tired of it? And, if the balloon could talk, what would it say about its hopefully amazing journey before landing in our back yard?

I think we are all always on journeys, some that we choose to take and some we find ourselves swept up in without ever having consciously made the commitment to travel that particular road. And, why does one journey end, as another or others take its place? I don't know, but this poor tired balloon surely sparked my imagination!

175.4 Vitamin Stages!

I'm staring at my bottle of Centrum Silver vitamins and seeing "50+" on the silver label. I can remember when I graduated to the silver mixture, and how I really resisted the notion that I was ready for the last stage vitamins. There is nothing beyond silver!

But that was 18 years ago and now I wonder what the big deal was. I'm glad there isn't a black label! Now that would really be depressing. And I do recognize that our bodies change over time and need help in different ways. But since I feel so much younger, I'm wondering if I can go back to the basic Centrum vitamins rather than the silver. My hair isn't even silver, thanks to my hair stylist! There is nothing silver about me except occasional silver jewelry.

Here's a quote that I love that is taped next to my computer: "Live each day as if it will be your last. Learn as if you will live forever." (M. Ghandi) Come to think of it, there's a chance that I already shared this quote in a past post. Hmmm..., maybe I should stick with the Centrum Silver!

175.6 Susan's Gainin' !

But it's okay, I'm telling myself. We spent ten days in Boston eating out often twice a day and so I'm actually experiencing a great sense of relief that I didn't gain more. And I feel like I know what to do to get back down in the 170 range. I think that this is how my life will be now...enjoying my vacations, and eating out with friends and family and then getting right back on track. Last night it was chicken and spinach and fresh berries. Not too shabby, and oh so healthy.

We had a great time in Boston, seeing our family and friends, many of whom we hadn't seen since Miranda's wedding. Today I'm feeling so much gratitude for the friends in my life and my dear family.

173.2 Caring and Self-compassion

I subscribe to Jean Fain's blog on line. (www.jeanfain.com) She is a therapist who uses and teaches hypnosis in Cambridge, MA, among other professional activities. One of her main interests is weight loss. Yesterday her "An Encouraging Word" post included some thoughts on self-compassion. Here is some of what she wrote:

"The practice of self-compassion -- treating yourself like a good friend or loved one -- may be centuries-old news, but suddenly it's new again. Not only did Tara Parker-Pope's blog on the subject make headline news last week, it was the number-one most e-mailed New York Times article of the day." She goes on to say that "self-compassion is the missing ingredient in every diet and most other weight-loss plans."

She quotes Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion who writes, “Self-compassion is really conducive to motivation. With self-compassion, if you care about yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than what’s harmful to you.”

As I work at keeping these lost pounds from returning, I realize that I need to keep these thoughts in mind, on my mind, in my face so that I remember that it is caring about myself and for myself that this is all about.

172.0 Back To Botox

Today I did it! I had my third series of Botox injections since 2004. So, I don't think I am over the top in regard to cosmetic improvement attempts :). My concern, however, is with the clinician who injected the Botox. She's had a lot of work done on her face and looking at her this morning made me want to shrink away from anything besides Botox.

As I explained to her, since I started on this amazing weight loss journey in which I lost 80 pounds, I know I look older, a lot older. But I'm also three years older, and at my age that accounts for some of the aging, obviously. It will take about three weeks before I notice any improvement with the lines in my forehead, especially above my eyes, and the results should last about 6 months. No, I didn't walk out of the office looking dramatically younger or different.

So we'll see if I do this again. The clinician was ready to sign me up for all sorts of more expensive, more painful treatments, but rather than doing more I may just move into accepting my aging face gracefully. Hmmm...that's a positive thought and doesn't cost a dime!

170.6 Things Really Do Get Easier

Things really do get easier...if you keep at it. I'm one of those people who, especially before the weight loss, would respond either to myself or out loud with "Yeah, right!", to such a pronouncement. But I really have learned over this amazing weight loss journey that it is true. And, now I'd like to return to various times in my life when I simply gave up when things didn't come to me easily. I think of my aborted cello and clarinet lessons. No, I wouldn't have competed with YoYo Ma in my wildest dreams, but I still love the sound of the cello and wish that I could play it.

So what sparked this post today? I was out walking with one of friends and we walked very briskly for an hour. I was thinking about the first time we decided to do this walk and I was really hesitant that I could physically do it. I remember that day very clearly and it wasn't easy, but I did it. Today it was easy and enjoyable and oh, so good for me.

171.8 Almost Landing

I'm a very nervous flyer. I don't like the take-off and have become hyper-aware of all sorts of things as the plane rises into the sky. Is it moving fast enough, is it going steep enough, and how does it sound, are just a few of the things I judge as the plane ascends. And, I am happy to say that so far all of my take-offs have been without incident.

Starting this weight loss adventure was a little like boarding a plane and then taking off. When I started I didn't have a goal, a destination, in mind. I just wanted to lose weight. And, the beginning was stressful because I didn't want to fail, I didn't want to crash.

And once the plane has leveled off and is heading toward my destination, I relax a little, until the first turbulence hits and then I'm a basket case! I do calm down as the plane calms down, but I'm always on guard. It is up to me to keep the plane up in the air, right?

I'm not sure you could say that I ever really relaxed during this weight loss program. I did gain more confidence in it over time, but for me it has been like being in the plane that has taken off and is not ready to land. Every bump up caused anxiety similar to that caused by a little turbulence, and when I bumped up a couple of pounds, it was major turbulence, major anxiety that I experienced. And this journey's success has definitely been all up to me!

And then I begin to wait for that change in sound, change in altitude, change in speed as the plane begins its descent. And I start making mental notes about how things are going as the plane approaches the airport to make its landing.

I'm in the landing pattern now, getting ready to complete the descent and to arrive at my destination. I may bounce a little depending on unforeseen happenings, but I definitely won't have to climb back up, circle and try again. This is the landing that I've been awaiting for a long time now. And, I'm filled with those same feelings of relief and excitement and anticipation that I always experience when I reach my destination.

174.4 From Desperation To Inspiration

As I was thinking about what to blog about today, two words popped up. The words are desperation and inspiration.

When I finally acknowledged the desperation I was feeling about my weight (about 250 pounds - EEEK!) two and a half years ago, I knew that I had to quit living in that most favored state of Denial, and move into a new place. That new place would provide tools for weight loss as well as be a place that would provide inspiration. And as you know, I am filled with gratitude for all the help that Jennifer Scott has given me in finding myself in this new, much happier, healthier place called Awareness.

Desperation for me meant without hope, being really stuck and not seeing a way out. From that low point, I reached out for help and became inspired and filled with hope.

Out of desperation came this blog, a lot of self discovery, and change, and my hope that for others this journey may prove to be a source of inspiration.

179.0 Love Your Body!

My back has been acting up or acting out ever since the hornet tried to nest in my hair in New Hampshire. I've iced it, I've rested it, I've put heat on it, I've ignored it, I've exercised it and the truth be told, it is not responding. Often I move like an old woman with a bad back, reminiscent of pre-surgery days. But I am loving my back. Seriously, my back has been through everything I've been through and it is still supporting me and I know it will for the rest of my life. And, I know that my back and I will figure out how to help it heal.

I didn't used to be so loving toward my body parts. You faithful readers know that I've not liked the ankles and legs that I was born with. When so much emphasis is put on good looking legs and ankles, it's been hard for me to love them. In fact, until recently I hated them. I was venting to Jennifer about my G D legs and ankles during a session about 3 months ago, and when I referred them in such a negative manner, her eyes grew wide and she admonished me to never refer to any part of my body in such a derogatory way. A more conventional therapist would probably asked me to talk about the issue, but Jennifer doesn't work that way. She confronted me about my attitude and I am glad she did. What's really amazing is after we had the conversation about loving all of my body, every cell, I started wearing bermuda shorts with ease and quit judging every little and/or big flaw. Focusing on achieving a healthy body on this weight loss journey instead of being obsessed with its imperfections has resulted in an interesting change of attitude. I love it. It is me. Thanks, Jennifer!

no scale I'm Back!

Rather than make a comment, Jennifer Scott sent me an email in response to the last post. Here's what she wrote:

"What was so nice about today's blog is that you really stopped for a moment to take YOU in, all that you are and all that you've accomplished. If we don't do that, then the mountain will always continue to loom larger than life. We all benefit by stopping on a ledge or at a spot alongside the road and just taking note of where we've been."

Life is a journey and making time to go back over the map and seeing just how far we have come, no matter what our goal or destination, should be part and parcel of this experience we call life.

After that wonderful hike and writing that post, things did kind of fall apart. The next day a wasp/hornet type creature decided it had a crush on me and I ended up hurting my back trying to get away from it. We are home now and tomorrow I will see if my chiropractor can help straighten me out.

Tomorrow I will also greet my dear friend the scale and have a reality check about where I am with my weight. Being on vacation is wonderful but I do miss my routines and the foods that I love. My new comfort foods are fish, spinach and fruit! I'm smiling as I write this because I don't think too many people would consider those as comfort foods.

I'll be back with everyday posts starting tomorrow and I'm glad to be back with all of you.

185.0 More Mindlessness!

I don't think I have ever copied a comment that I received for a particular post, but yesterday's post prompted a comment from a co-researcher of the author of Mindless Eating and I wanted to share it with you in case you are interested. No, I am not promoting his line of Thinware, although I think it is a great idea. Here's the comment:

"My team works with Dr. Brian Wansink, author of Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think. Besides the fact that Brian is a truly nice and funny man, he developed a line of "Thinware" which are dish sets created to Dr. Wansink's specific instruction for measurement and design to encourage less and better eating. There are a lot of cool gadgets and cues on the site as well that are fun and MINDLESS!

https://www.mindlessproducts.com/mindless-products/thinware

Watch the man himself in some short videos and see the products that we promote. It will be worth the time!"

So check it out if you are interested in learning more about the author and his products. I figure we can use all the help we can get as we change our thoughts, our minds, and, as importantly, our habits as we travel on this weight loss journey.

185.0 Been Shopping

Jennifer has been on my case to go shopping and buy something that is too small. I've had a hard time doing that partly because I am tightfisted with my money, and partly because I have so few clothes that fit me because of the weight loss. I am sure that I am the only woman in town who has empty space in her closet. So the idea of buying something I can't wear right away has been hard to wrap my charge card around.

But today I did it. I bought a pair of black dress pants that I can't zip up - can't begin to zip up, but my legs fit in them so I think that they will be perfect to wear when I celebrate reaching my goal of 170. My plan is that at least every 2 to 3 weeks I will try on those black dress pants and check in with them to see how I am doing.

Yeah, I did buy some stuff I can wear now, and what I figured out was that I was buying clothes recently that were almost too big. So today I bought snugger things and I like the way they feel. Wearing baggier things reminds me of when I was a lot heavier and wanted to conceal every bulge. I also have learned that when clothes have spandex, which is a good thing, they do stretch out at least a size larger within the first hour of wearing them. So I am sitting here in a tight pair of capris and a top that fits, shall we say, very well!


Life is good in Scottsdale and I am heading down to 184!

185.4 A New Look at Books!

I have just added something new to this blog, a way for you to go directly from the post to learn more about books that I mention.

Recently I wrote about Geneen Roth's book entitled Women, Food, and God. Several of you have bought this book and from what I'm learning, have found it to be quite fascinating and full of good ideas to think about and possibly put into practice. I know I have some new ways of thinking about food and when/what I eat since reading it.



And yesterday as I was driving through our gorgeous desert, I heard an interview on the radio about the new book Mindless Eating. So much of what I have posted in this blog has been all about being aware and eating mindfully. This sounds like a great book and I am looking forward to delving into it.



If you are interested in learning more about the books I cite in this blog, all you have to do is click on the image of the book, and Amazon.com will take it from there. And, if you have some ideas for books that you think might be helpful for the faithful on this blog, please let me know. (I am not in the business of selling books, but if you order through this blog I do get a little kickback, and obviously will appreciate it.)

Hope you are having a great weekend.

186.0 The Power of ...

It just dawned on me that I hadn't written my post for today, so here goes1 When I got up and weighed myself this morning, happily I was back down to 186.0. Thank goodness! Then I went for a fast 40 minute walk, went to the bathroom (I don't know how else to say this), got on the scale and weighed 185.6!

I am so excited to finally see 185 on my scale. The title of this blog includes the words "a weight loss adventure", and sometimes I refer to it as an amazing journey. It's getting more amazing all of the time as I am now integrating the idea that the more I believe that I can do this, the easier it will be. Today I am a huge believer!