175.4 The Balloon In The Backyard

I know this really looks creepy, sort of like Minnie Mouse at age 68, but I became intrigued with this mylar balloon that Jeff brought in from the backyard last night. He was ready to pitch it, but I wanted to keep it so I could write about it today. Why, you ask, as did he! Because I always wonder where helium filled balloons that escape into space end up. I've had them slip from my grasp and I know my kids have been brokenhearted when that's happened to them. I remember wanting to tie the string around Alee's wrist but relented when she didn't want me to do that, and then seeing her little hand open up and watching the balloon fly away. Oh my, lots of tears.

So I think about the adventure this balloon has had, including having to pose for me so I could take this picture. I wonder about the little girl who let go of the balloon. Why was she given the balloon? What was she celebrating? Had she just received it, or had she grown tired of it? And, if the balloon could talk, what would it say about its hopefully amazing journey before landing in our back yard?

I think we are all always on journeys, some that we choose to take and some we find ourselves swept up in without ever having consciously made the commitment to travel that particular road. And, why does one journey end, as another or others take its place? I don't know, but this poor tired balloon surely sparked my imagination!

173.4 Living The Loss

Sometimes I feel a little odd because people will talk about how difficult it must have been/was losing all that weight and I have trouble remembering it. I have trouble remembering what I looked like when I was really heavy. And when I was really heavy I had trouble imagining how I would look when I lost my 80 pounds.

Well, today I went to get my hair cut and colored (shocking I know), and my hair stylist is one of the few people who has seen me high and seen me low! She lived the loss over the 2 and a half years with me, seeing me once a month. And, every time I see her now, she looks at me and says she still is amazed by the difference.

So when I get down on myself about a few pounds, I need to remember that what I did was a big deal and that there is no way I ever want to return to that heavy weight, and it doesn't really matter how well I remember all that transpired as I lost the weight. I just need to know that I'm not getting up there again.

186.0 Changing Views

I have been thinking about how my view of myself has changed during this weight loss process or journey. When I started and was weighing in at a grand 247.7 pounds, my life was based on what I couldn't do. I couldn't walk far, I couldn't stand for long, I couldn't exercise, I couldn't travel with ease, I couldn't climb, I couldn't...well, you get the point. Back issues exacerbated by the weight played into how I viewed myself on a moment to moment basis. Life was pretty boring, limiting, flat, unexciting, and I had my share of self pity going on, also.

When I started working with Jennifer Scott (www.JScottHypnosis.com) to lose the weight, and had the back surgery that allowed me to move with less pain, I started changing the definition of myself. I became more like the "Little Engine That Could". I was more about I think I can... and as I lost more weight and took more chances on trying new things, to do things that I hadn't thought I could do, it became all about I can!

Now I am realizing that I am at a new point in my view of myself. I am ready to take on new challenges, an unknown future that will be limited only by my imagination. There's a certain glee about being 67 and writing this. I am not shutting down! I am more alive and open to possibilities than I have ever been. How cool is that!