171.8 Almost Landing

I'm a very nervous flyer. I don't like the take-off and have become hyper-aware of all sorts of things as the plane rises into the sky. Is it moving fast enough, is it going steep enough, and how does it sound, are just a few of the things I judge as the plane ascends. And, I am happy to say that so far all of my take-offs have been without incident.

Starting this weight loss adventure was a little like boarding a plane and then taking off. When I started I didn't have a goal, a destination, in mind. I just wanted to lose weight. And, the beginning was stressful because I didn't want to fail, I didn't want to crash.

And once the plane has leveled off and is heading toward my destination, I relax a little, until the first turbulence hits and then I'm a basket case! I do calm down as the plane calms down, but I'm always on guard. It is up to me to keep the plane up in the air, right?

I'm not sure you could say that I ever really relaxed during this weight loss program. I did gain more confidence in it over time, but for me it has been like being in the plane that has taken off and is not ready to land. Every bump up caused anxiety similar to that caused by a little turbulence, and when I bumped up a couple of pounds, it was major turbulence, major anxiety that I experienced. And this journey's success has definitely been all up to me!

And then I begin to wait for that change in sound, change in altitude, change in speed as the plane begins its descent. And I start making mental notes about how things are going as the plane approaches the airport to make its landing.

I'm in the landing pattern now, getting ready to complete the descent and to arrive at my destination. I may bounce a little depending on unforeseen happenings, but I definitely won't have to climb back up, circle and try again. This is the landing that I've been awaiting for a long time now. And, I'm filled with those same feelings of relief and excitement and anticipation that I always experience when I reach my destination.

177.6 Making The Voice and Emotion Connection

When I write these posts I often picture you, the readers. Some of you I know well and some I have never met. I can't see who you are, but through the magic (?) of technology, I can see where you are, what part of the U.S. or world you are located in! And, since I have a fairly stable number of readers each day, for which I am very grateful, I feel a real connection to you.

So today I'll reveal a little more about myself that you may or may not know.

My voice shows the ravages of life and time more than my body! I used to sing in small groups and in church choirs. No, I was never a soloist nor did I have a great voice, but I could sing harmony and really enjoyed it. About 20 some years ago I suffered a major depression accompanied by big hits of anxiety. I was treated with a lot of mind numbing drugs and gained my first big chunk of weight. Along with the depression and anxiety, my voice quality was lost. It became quite hoarse and it still has a croaky sound to it most of the time. I also lost my ability to feel/express a lot of emotion. I've been off all these drugs for about 10 years, but the voice and authentic emotion have never returned.

So, now I am going to try to change that. Tomorrow I am having my first session with a specialist in voice work, and I'm quite excited about it. And, I have good reason to believe that by doing it, I may be able to get some emotion flowing within me. We'll see!