183.2 It's Simple But It's Not Easy

You know how on some days, disparate things come together? On Friday I attended a discussion at Paradise Valley Community College on using non-judgmental language in the classroom, and then I had a great phone conversation with Jennifer Scott. I hadn't expected the two events to have anything to do with each other, but they surely did.

During the non-judgmental discussion, the leader, a math prof and former therapist, talked about how she never tells her students that something is easy, because if they don't get it and she's said it is easy, it invites them to think that they are stupid. (The community college population is very different from that of a traditional four year institution. Often the students were not on a college track in high school, or they may be older and are trying to enter a college setting after being out of school for a while. In other words, confidence is usually not a strong suit for these students.) So she tells them that a concept is simple but it is not easy. She had many more great things to share with us, but this is the one that struck me as I was talking to Jennifer later that afternoon.

We were talking about the challenge that I'm facing in terms of maintenance and what she responded with is very simple, but for me it has not been easy. Exercise and consciousness...she repeated those two words several times during our conversation and the big click occurred when I realized that it is simple, but it is not easy. I love it when things like that occur because it is validation that I get it.

I wish I had had this insight when I was raising my children, this knowledge about how important language is on the listener's view of him or herself. Another example the discussion leader gave was to never tell someone that he or she isn't stupid. Research has shown that the person hears stupid (forget that you said not stupid) and the damage is done. One more thing she said that struck me is how special you can make a person feel if you simply say that you were thinking about them and wondered....

As you can see, I did get a lot out of this opportunity at the college. I'm so glad I went.