181.2 My Very Own Haboob

Watch this youtube video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W4Cx44XKZ4) and you'll see what a haboob is all about. We missed it by one day, but flying into Phoenix was really creepy. The sky was gray but not cloudy. The mountains were indistinct and bleak looking. Our car, parked in the covered parking structure, was coated with dirt and grime and as we left the airport, the atmosphere of the city and road was more like that of a background scene in a disaster movie rather than reality.

What you see in the video is the slow unrelenting progress of this dust storm reported to be 60 miles wide and 10,000 feet high - very scary. When I got on the scale this morning the slow unrelenting progress of weight gain was also very scary. I thought about not writing at all today in hopes that if I waited until tomorrow I wouldn't have to confess to this weight gain. But I need to smack myself with what I've done, my own personal haboob. Oh, I can rationalize it all that I want to, but that doesn't change the new reality. (I had even brought my travel scale with me, but somehow just never chose to unpack it and can't even begin to explain that!) What's really interesting as I step back and think about what really went on during the past two weeks in regard to my weight is that compliments came from so many people I thought I could get away with not staying with the program. But I've been covered with the results of not staying present and aware so that now I'm in a state of disbelief and fear - a little like my feelings as we flew into Phoenix yesterday. Things are different now.

Our daughter MIranda with Zuzu

But, we had a wonderful time in Boston, getting acquainted with the most beautiful little girl in the world. Susannah had a rough beginning but she is thriving now under the exquisite care of her parents and doctors. Being born with a milk protein allergy was not part of the script that we had all expected to be played out. She's beginning to plump, and has the best temperament in the whole world, and no, she didn't get that from me!

One more thing :)... in the airport restroom I found this bouquet of flowers!

How could anyone not look at that and not smile. Is this an only in Boston moment?

171.2 More!

There's actually more to the story than just upping the amount of water that I have been drinking. As you know, I've been working with Jennifer Scott (Clinical Hypno-Therapist) and she's taught me to listen to my inner voice, for Guidance all through this process. Recently when we were together, by tapping into our inner voices/spirits, we learned something that neither of us had thought about or talked directly about, and that is that part of my inability to lose these last 5 -10 pounds has been a fear that once I reached my goal, I will start regaining the weight, all of the weight. And, I learned that I didn't need to have that fear anymore, that I will be able to handle the success and all other challenges that life will present to me in the aftermath of this weight loss. A wave of relief swept through me as I became aware of these messages. And, I started losing the weight and drinking the water and look what happened. I do have a new confidence about reaching the goal and moving on. Now I just wonder what life has in store for me. I know I'll be up to the challenge. This is exciting!

189.2 Confidence and Questions

Well now, there you go! I ate an apple, let some anger go, and lost a pound! Wouldn't it be great if that was all there was to losing weight? But from what I've learned, every little change that I make often helps. And, you know, a lot of it has to do with confidence ~ confidence that I really do want to lose this last 20 pounds, and confidence that I can do it.

The clinical hypnotherapist in Jennifer has wondered if I really want to reach my goal. In other words, how did being heavier in the past serve me, so that being free of it might be worrisome for me. What might I be afraid of? Is it sort of like being naked, without clothes to cover real or imagined flaws? She's made me think, as she always does, about what in the world is going on in my world. Maybe these are good questions to ask yourself. Nope, I don't have any answers for you, but thinking about things is always a good place to start. Happy Saturday.