174.8 The 5 pound Albatross

It's been frustrating to be stuck with this 5 pound albatross pulling me down. I've been mad, sad, frustrated, angry, and discouraged. I've spent a lot of time and energy with these feelings. I've questioned my weight goal, also. Was I crazy to set such a low goal? Hello! Sue, 170 pounds is not low for your 5'9" height. And then I spend time and energy wishing that I had set the goal at 175 and then I would have achieved it -- or would I have achieved it? Would I be stuck at 180, close but no cigar?

I can come up with some psychological reasons for why I am stuck, pretty obvious to some I'm sure, but I just don't think I am stuck in that way. However, if you've read many of these posts, you know that I did get A+ in Denial for many years around weight issues.

Even though I have plans and ideas for myself after the weight loss becomes a reality, maybe I like this niche @ Susan's Losin, and don't want to leave, to move on? No matter, it's time to lose it and move on. One more time, all together now, get going! By the way, I never dreamed this would be the way it would be so close to the end. I'm ending with a whimper! Yuck!

204.6 Feelings and Being Real

I've been thinking lately about some of the changes that have taken place as I have been losing the weight. The one I feel (did you note that word feel?) like writing about is that of feeling my emotions. When you think of a heavy friend or just your stereotype of a heavy person do you also think of anger, energy, feelings? I don't! I think of a nice, calm, not very energetic person. Stuffing down negative emotions was part of what eating all that food was all about, at least for me. Wearing my mask of complacency, I hid all those feelings of discontent within myself. When I weighed 40 pounds more I didn't really think about it because that would have been too dangerous, too painful. As I have released the weight I am also releasing feelings. No, it is not always pleasant to be with me, but I am becoming more real and often, a lot more fun. Anger is the first emotion that I have uncovered, and I am also aware feeling sad. As I have been experiencing more anger and sadness, I have also been experiencing more laughter, happiness, fun! Not a bad trade-off.