Another great day at "The Ranch" as we sometimes refer to our small little house in Arizona. Above are picture taken early this morning. On the left is Lennox, 10, who wants to be a scientist. In the center is Alex, 8, who wants to play for the NBA and then play in a band, and on the right is Julien, 5, who is still thinking about what he wants to be after he plays in a band. Our son, their father actually is a drummer in a band so there is a reason that two out of the three boys have their dad's interest and some musical talent. Having such very different kids in one family is fun and often a challenge, but in general they get along very well - even better once we got a third Wii remote so all three can play Super Mario games together. Surprisingly, the 5 year old often wins.

Even though my weight is up way too much, I feel like I'm winning the battle of self disgust and holding everything steady. My back is giving me new challenges and that is helping to motivate me to get rid of these recently gained pounds. Life is so good and I just want to be as healthy and as good to myself as possible so I'm feeling confident about the future - feeling better, regaining control over how much I eat, and enjoying my life.

? My Numb Thumb And More

If you look you'll see that I didn't post my weight. Why? Well, it all started with my numb thumb. Yesterday morning I woke up and soon realized that my left thumb was totally numb. I'd been warned to pay attention to numbness in my limbs due to my back and neck issues. So I called my doctor who said that I needed to go to the ER because she couldn't see me and with the weekend approaching, she didn't want me to let it go until Monday. So off I went convinced that I probably had a pinched nerve in my neck and that was a problem I could get taken care of. Well, before I knew it, I had an EKG, a blood draw and a CT Scan and a diagnosis of stroke! OMG, Jeff and I were both in a state of shock and I was in total denial. All I had was a numb thumb and they were talking about a cardiologist and an echo cardiogram, a physical therapist, and an MRI, and that I would have to stay overnight.

I'm home now and guess what? I didn't have a stroke. I have a numb thumb. (The medical term is radial nerve sensory branch neuropathy.) To be fair, there was a area on the CT scan that looked like damage from a stroke, according to the neurologist, but in fact it wasn't related to a recent stroke or maybe not related to a stroke at all. I'm not sure if I even had the presence of mind to ask why there was this area in my brain that caused all of the confusion. I was so happy hearing him say I was fine, I really couldn't focus. And so about 30 hours after I drove myself to the ER, I'm home, feeling elated and exhausted and ready to go get in my pool, and put my fears away and enjoy my health and my life.

171.0 Going Inward

I've written about my inner voice, that inner spirit that I have learned to call on whenever I need support, information, comfort. After writing yesterday's post about whether I need to lose more weight, this is what I learned by going inward and asking for help.

Stay present in your life, stay aware of what and how much you are eating, and most importantly keep up the exercise. Exercise builds a framework for your everyday life and will trigger all of the good habits that you have developed. Let your body decide what weight it wants to be and it will find a way to make that a reality. For good health, you don't need to lose more weight but you do need keep up the exercise and take good care of yourself. Love your body most of all.

There's not much to add to that except that I feel gratitude for this help. Now let's see what happens.