186.2 So Tired, So Happy

My son and his three sons arrived today, our second influx of relatives. The party has definitely begun. I wish I had had the presence of mind to take a picture of them today so I could attach it to this post. They are 10, 8, and 5 now and so much fun. They are very different from each other and that adds to the theatre of it all. Prill and Phil made a delicious dinner tonight and it was a very welcome gift.

Jeff and I just sat down and looked at each other and agreed that we are exhausted, but oh so happy. We walked, played basketball, played Guitar Hero, played Super Mario something or other, played the card game war, decorated gingerbread houses, and decorated the tree at the house where the boys and Ted (and Lynsey later in the week) are staying. As Kathleen wrote in her comment posted yesterday, it's time to make new memories. I think we have a great start on that and it's only day one.

176.0 Susan's Gainin'

I wasn't going to write the blog today. I think I should rename it Susan's Gainin'! I am so upset with myself. I can't blame anyone or anything including the scale.

But I did have fun last night. We were at a big gathering, sitting with good friends and I drank wine, ate Italian food and Jeff said I hadn't looked so relaxed and been so much fun in years.

So there you go! I did walk very fast this morning for about 45 minutes. And, I'm trying to put it all into perspective and at the same time figure out how I can be in a good healthy, happy place.

174.0 You'd Think...

You'd think if you lost 80 pounds you'd always be happy. Why doesn't that happiness, that elation that I felt when I lost that weight still exist?

We had a great time with our friends and I think I'm just tired tonight. I probably shouldn't even bother to write tonight, but this isn't the first time I've felt this way. When I was losing, even though it was hard and there were ups and downs, there was that anticipation that if not today, maybe tomorrow I would see a lower weight. And, when I did I was so happy. And then there were compliments, and buying clothes in smaller sizes and now it's sort of routine.

Maybe that's why people put weight back on...the thrill is gone and now what can generate that same feeling of anticipation and excitement. I think I need to rethink getting a life!

197.0 No Longer Obese!

I think the first time I noticed the word obese being used to describe me was on a medical report before my first back surgery. I think I decided that the transcriber was confused about what the doctor had actually written, because my age was wrong, also. In the aftermath of the surgery and further medical reports, I did see that word again, but just didn't let it get to me. I probably went and had something to eat each time I read it, as a way to lessen the emotional pain of that reality.

Recently, as I have become more aware of everything, the word obese has really bothered me and I began to think of it as a very harsh, bad word. There are categories of weight ranges based on the Body Mass Index or BMI that are calculated from the height and weight of a person. Last night, I got back on my Wii Fit after having not done it for several weeks, and low and behold, I am no longer obese! The word overweight has never looked so good to me. Yes, I am overweight and now will work to get into the normal range.

Having been raised on the adage that "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me", I am here to say that words can hurt. Obese is just a word, but for me it has been a reflection of very painful self knowledge. I now feel like I have graduated and along with losing the 50 pounds, I have a second reason to be very happy.

One way I have lost the weight is to eat fish more often. Here's a great recipe that is easy and quick that can be used with any fish similar to sea bass. http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/433/Sea-Bass-With-Ginger-Sauce91805.shtml Enjoy!