205.6 Happy Halloween

Since my weight became such problem,  buying Halloween candy has been a pain!  On the one hand, I would want to buy candy I liked, so I could eat it and really enjoy it.  On the other hand, I wouldn't want to buy candy I liked because I didn't want to be tempted.  So, I would either buy all the yummy chocolate items and chow down, or, I would buy the sweet and sour stuff and feel righteous and sad.  And if I went for the chocolate, I would get into the it as soon as I bought it and then the guilt would settle in.  Obviously, it was hard to be happy on Halloween.


Where I live now, there are just a handful of kids in the neighborhood, and they don't live on our street.  So, I didn't buy any candy for tonight and I hope no kids will come looking for treats.  If kids do come, it will be better that they play tricks on us, rather than we play candy tricks on ourselves!


Happy Halloween!

206.6 Oops! I Almost Did It Again!

I think there is a Britney Spears song that has the line something like, "oops, I did it again".  Today I had an "oops, I almost did it again moment".  I used to reward myself with food for all sorts of unimaginable reasons so that I could rationalize buying/eating treats.  I used to reward myself just for doing the grocery shopping.  A little twisted?

Today I was at the grocery store picking up 12 dozen ears of corn for a church event tonight.  The produce manager asked to me wait in what turned out to be the area where the chilled wines were displayed.  All of a sudden my eyes locked onto bottles of Rombauer Chardonnay!  Yes, I know I don't drink wine anymore, but when I did, that was my favorite white wine and a very special treat at $36 a bottle.  As I am looking at it, I begin telling myself that I really should buy a bottle, a bottle that I would drink small amounts from with dinner, rather than a usual serving, which for me was at least 6-7 ounces.  I convinced myself that I deserved it.  After all, I did just have a birthday, and I have saved so much money by not drinking at all that $36 was not a big deal.  I placed the bottle in my shopping cart.  And then my inner voice, my inner spirit, my subconscious mind all yelled at me at once in a chorus!  "What do you think you are doing? What are you thinking?  Put that back!"  I did.  Then the produce manager appeared with all that corn and off I went.  Thank goodness for my team of counselors!

207.6 Why I'm Going Nowhere Fast

Are you frustrated, too, looking at my weight, not going anywhere fast?  I am and I have written about this before.  It is easy to be frustrated if I focus on tenths of a pound, but that is what I look at every morning when I weigh myself.  I do feel great about the fact that I have lost 40 pounds, but I forget about that when I get on the scale every morning.

This program is about discipline, and boy, have I learned to be disciplined about what I eat.  But if I am honest, there is one part of the program that I am not disciplined about and that is using self hypnosis.  I never seem to have time to take 20 minutes out of the day and just do it.  I need to do it if I am going to reach my goal in the 21st century.  This is just a little too slow.  By doing the self hypnosis I can remind myself of all the various parts to this program and the suggestions that will renew my attitude and energy.  Jennifer has taught me to do self hypnosis and I have no good excuse.  So, on that note, I am off to start the first day of doing self hypnosis everyday.

And here's a picture of the cutest smiling dog in the world.

Smilin' Charlee

207.0 It's Cold Outside!

I never thought that would be a title for one of my blogs.  It has been a little cold in the winter here, but nothing like this in late October.  It never warmed up today.  I went out for my morning walk and one big memory hit me as I walked as fast as I could through the cold wind.  My nose started running.  In Boston, in the winter my nose would start running when I left the warm house to go outside and then it would run when I came inside from being out in the cold.  I just don't have a runny nose in Arizona usually.

I finished a necklace today that has been in the making since Miranda's wedding.  How embarrassing is that?  But it is finished, I love it and I hope Karen,  my dear friend who asked me to make it for her, will love it too. The best news is that I really enjoyed putting it all together.  It is a three strand necklace and I haven't made many of those so it was challenging, but now it is like a puzzle solved.

I have also been better about not living on the computer.  I was all prepared for my ESL class tomorrow by 10 this morning, and that really felt good.  So there are lots of changes going on and I think they are all for the better.

Karen's Necklace

206.6 Mixed Feelings

New territory!  Yes!  Soon the scale will read 200 and I will look back on today as a ho-hum day.  But I am going to enjoy it for the moment.

Today is also special because I started trying on old clothes with the thought of giving them away because they are too big.  How's that?  But there is some sadness mixed in with the whole process because I really love a few of my old things.  There is one jacket that I especially love.  Jeff encouraged me to buy it a few years ago.  It is sort of a rag-tag affair, but no matter where I wear it people stop me and compliment me on it.  I may just keep it and wear it even though I could fit a small child in the front and still button it.  It is a winter jacket so I think I wear it in Boston when we go there for Thanksgiving for a last hurrah!

So now I am wondering if I am giving up more than just weight and clothes as I continue on this weight loss process.   Am I giving up a comfort zone - old, favorite jackets- as my weight, my shape, and my view of myself changes?  Are these exciting and hoped for changes also fraught with uncertainity about how I will be once I reach my goal?  And is this why I have always put the weight back on after I lose it? 

By using hypnosis and relying on my inner sprit,  I think I have already begun to replace the old with some new jackets - new ways to be clothed in a familiar and comfortable zone that will make me feel so at home that I won't have the need to return to the old.  By losing the weight slowly and thus changing slowly, I know  that my new jackets will feel just fine.

207.0 Multitasking Leading to Distraction

Jeff forwarded me an email this morning about multitasking and how, in fact, it makes us all less productive and more confused.  It used to be a badge of honor when you could brag that you were good at multitasking, especially on the job.  The article he sent me claims that it gets in the way of keeping on track with reaching completion of tasks.  (http://www.boston.com/business/technology/articles/2009/10/25/pros_offer_timely_tips_to_empty_that_inbox/?s_campaign=8315.)

I am wondering if this is the reason that my jewelry design business has fallen by the wayside.  I haven't really been involved with my jewelry since I started following Jennifer's program and began blogging.  Obviously, I don't want to give up either of those projects and maybe I just don't have the energy to do everything.  I am not sure, but I have been thinking about this for a while.

After reading the article today I am also thinking that maybe I am so distracted, trying to do my ESL work, and my blog and my walking and my water therapy that I have just run out of time and steam.

So, I will try to re-engage with jewelry, stay off of email and the internet except for specific times during the day, and see if I can't do it all.

in Assisi, Italy 9/09

207.0 Turning Older and Feeling Younger

I turned 67 yesterday!  And, it wasn't as painful as most of my recent birthdays.  In fact, it was painless.  No, I haven't been using wine to dull the pain.  In fact, I had a glass of wine to celebrate and after 2 sips I didn't want anymore!  I am so glad that I have completely lost my taste for alcohol, one of the unexpected twists in this journey.  It was painless because I feel years younger than I have over the past several years.  I have more energy, I can walk very fast for a half hour plus now, and I just move better.  I still have a few aches and pains from the arthritis/stenosis in my spine, but it is much less intense and less frequent.  I attribute this younger me to the weight loss of 30 pounds over the past year, plus the 10 I had lost the previous year.

And, to what do I attribute the weight loss?  I  keep writing this because it is so true and important:  I have learned to acknowledge and listen to my inner spirit.  Yes, I do eat a lot less, I do eat differently, I do exercise more, but all of this is the result of learning to use what I already had but didn't know how it could help me.

So here I am at 67, using Jennifer's program and my own inner resources to lose this weight.  I wonder how much younger I will feel when I turn 68?

Here I am at 66!

Yesterday, 67!

207.8 Keeping Focused on My Goal

early morning view of desert mountains

Some days I get so mad when my weight pops up again.  Like today!  Hello...yesterday I was on the brink of dropping into the 206 range and today I am back up .8 of a pound.  I walked, but I didn't do my water workout yesterday because of appointments and commitments, but that's life.

I do believe this weight is coming off and that I am going to see that 170 number on the scale.  I just need to stay out of the haze of losing focus and questioning if this is really working.  Of course it is working!  I have lost 40 pounds.

207.0 Valuing The Unexpected

I look for ideas all over the place for this blog.  Sometimes I write about something that has happened to me, or occured to me, and sometimes I write about other people.  So far I have been inspired to write something almost everyday.  Today I got my inspiration from an ad in the newspaper.  It was an ad for Accenture and featured Tiger Woods looking determined as he strode through some very high weeds, obviously looking for his golf ball.  The ad read, "The Road to High Performance Isn't Always Paved".  I think it caught my eye because of my venture into the wash by our house.  It certainly wasn't paved.  And maybe, because I was able to get up and move on, I could consider it high performance?  I am laughing now!

What really rang true for me as I read this ad is that my road along this weight loss journey has often not felt like it was well paved.  It has had its ups and downs, unexpected turns and twists and yet it continues to carry me forward.

One the the most wonderful things that has occurred as a result of walking everyday is the connection I have made with nature.  Below are a few pictures of some things I saw today that I found either very beautiful or unexpected, or both.   I will get better at uploading photos, I promise!  Scroll down and enjoy.

Note the bird's nest.
I call this one "Making do".
                                                                           Cactus in bloom.

                                                                      

Close up of blossoms

                                Bouganvilla

207.8 Just Do It!

You know how sometimes something just clicks and you didn't even know you were thinking about it?  That happened today for me. I was coming home from doing errands and started thinking about what I still had to do today, and taking my walk immediately came to mind.  But, on the heels of that thought came the very welcome realization that I had already taken my walk today.  In fact, I had walked further than usual in the same amount of time.  I had walked faster!

What I have figured out is that once I just do something that is good for me, I can let it go and live my life without it hanging over me.  It is sort of like ordering that meal that is a healthier choice than the rest on the menu, and then adding that I don't want any potato.  Once I do that, all the tension is gone, the meal is satisfying and I don't have to focus on it anymore.  (And, I don't ever remember wishing I had had the potato or whatever.)

So tomorrow when I get up and start thinking about when I will walk, I will open that front door and go!

207.6 What 's Old is New Again

Today was the day I was going to have mandoline practice, the slicer not the musical instrument.  I made arrangements with my friend Elaine, who was willing to take this project on.  I arrived with several zucchinis, and two kinds of Italian cheese in an effort to recreate the appetizer we had enjoyed so much in Italy.  (My husband and I belong to a wine group that is featuring Italian wines which is why I am so set on taking this appetizer as our contribution to the gathering tomorrow night.  If you are remembering that I have quit drinking wine, you are right.  I did, but I love this group of folks and so I go with my bottle of sparkling water.  It works!)

Elaine is a wonderful cook and has all the gadgets any woman could possibly want. For fun, she worked part-time at William of Sonoma for a few years.   As we were getting started, she reminded me that we had to cut the zucchini into shorter pieces so that the mandoline could handle it.  We did that and the results were very thin, rather short pieces of zucchini.  We curled up the 2 - 3 inch zucchini pieces, added some chunks of cheese and a little olive oil and congratulated ourselves on how good it tasted.  But I wasn't satisfied.  In Cortona, the pieces were 6-9inches long.

Suddenly Elaine's eyes lit up and she asked me if I thought a meat slicer might do the job!  They had a very old one that had been hidden away in her husband's father's garage for many years and had never been used until recently.  She dug it out of a kitchen cabinet and set it up and viola, or should I say prego!  We had long, thin slices of zucchini, looking exactly like it had in that wonderful little restaurant called FuFluns down a side street in Cortona.  As I was leaving with the meat slicer, she called out that if we had some salami to slice this would be a good time to do it.  Salami?  Me? The queen of the 40 pound weight loss?  Nope, but I may try it on tomatoes, cucumbers, fennel, and anything else I can think of while I have her slicer.

Now I have this little whirly-gig that makes radish curls that I bought at Sur la Table recently (see 10/11 blog), and I am wondering  how I can swap that out for a meat slicer of my very own!

207.4 Thinking Thin and Falling Down

What a crazy morning!  The scale made me so happy and I took off to walk a new walk!  After doing a familiar loop, I decided to walk on the golf course path from the ninth hole back toward our house.  It was early enough that I didn't have to worry about being conked on the head by a golf ball, which may have been better than what happened.

There is a wash between our house and the neighbor's and it leads from the golf course path to our front yard. I was so proud of myself for thinking of it as a new way to go home.  As I approached it, it did look like the plants had filled in a little since the last time I cut through there, probably about a year ago.  In my new mode of thinking of myself as a thinner person rather than a heavier gal, I really thought I could walk through it without any difficulty.  Well, it wasn't so much a width problem as a height problem complicated by stickery things growing on a tree that looked like its foliage was soft and silky.  As it  became clear that I had to bend down to go under some branches, and started to do just that, my center of gravity obviously shifted and I started to sink, like a rock!  So I grabbed onto a branch of this stickery tree. It didn't break, it just started to bend as I was sinking!  And, under me was a large cactus.  I was where the wild desert things are and didn't want to deal with anything else at that point so I was anxiously looking for snakes, etc.  I ended up sitting next to the cactus hoping no one was watching this quite funny site.   I did get myself up, not a pretty picture, and hobbled into the house feeling very silly.

Here's the good news - I could never have gotten up from that indelicate seated position a year ago when I would have had to support 30 + more pounds to do the maneuver.  And, there weren't any snakes or other critters to cause damage.

The bad news?  I will be going to the chiropractor tomorrow to get straightened out, and actually that is no big deal.  But next time, I think I will stay on the sidewalk.

208.2 Believing

A part of this weight loss journey that I am on relies on hypnosis, and paying attention to my inner voice, or inner spirit.  I can't explain how or why hypnosis is works, but I know it does for me.  I have talked to a few folks who are quite threatened with the concept and, no matter what I might say, would not feel comfortable being hypnotized.  I, on the other  hand, trust in it and find it safe and exhilarating and helpful.

Going to my inner spirit is a little like praying but more like having a conversation and then being open to how my inner voice or spirit responds. There has been a leap of faith involved that has had to be taken for this to become a part of me.  Sometimes it is hard for me to understand the whole concept  of listening to my inner spirit, but when I do, it has revealed amazing insights and thought provoking answers to my questions/requests.

As I was thinking about it today, it came to me that most of us don't really understand how computers work, how cyberspace is organized, or how we can receive an email almost instantaneously.  (Cher has recorded a song called "Believe".  I keep hearing that accoustically reverberated word believe in my mind as I write about this.)  But we use the computer to make all sorts of things possible even though we don't understand exactly how it all works.

I believe in many things I don't fully understand, including ideas and concepts that have no physical form.  I think it is a good thing to believe in an inner voice that I can't see but that has the power to transform me into the person I am meant to be.  So, inner spirit, you and I are going to develop a stronger and deepening relationship as I continue on this weight loss path.

208.2 Dreaming In Thin

I came out from the bedroom this morning to tell Jeff that I had had a dream in thin!  He looked at me strangely and asked me to say that again.  I dreamed in thin!  That's right, I was a very thin person in my dream last night.  I think that maybe this all came about because yesterday at my ESL class I had asked my students if any of them had ever dreamed in English.

What I dreamed was really cool.  First I was walking up a hill so quickly that I had to go around the folks walking in front of me, one of whom was Jennifer! I know, I know, she prides herself on her fitness and agility so she is not going to take to this kindly:).  Once I got to the top of the hill, there was a golf competition and when I came forward to try to hit the ball, everyone started chanting, "I don't want it, I don't need it, and I am not going to have it...!"  I really liked the golf part because one of my goals is to play golf again.

And, to top everything off, I lost about half a pound and now weigh less than I have in about 15 years.  I have been paying a lot of attention to going to my inner spirit for help after being so stuck and know that played a part in dreaming the thin dream and losing a half a pound!  This is getting to be fun.

208.8 I'll Go Out Walking...

I just came in from doing my water therapy.  While doing it, I was talking on the phone to my friend Barbara who I have known since my UCLA days.  She's the one I wrote about a while back who walks five miles everyday on the beach near her home.  Sadly she hasn't been able to walk since late August because she broke her foot.  And, her foot isn't healing well and there was a lot of frustration in her voice. What really has her upset is that she has gained about 4 pounds and can't seem to lose it because she can't walk.  As she so clearly pointed out, exercise has always been so important to her weight, her health, and her life.

I didn't walk today.  I took the day off, but after hearing her bemoan the fact that she can't walk very easily, I am feeling guilty because I can walk!  I know I don't have to walk everyday and it is okay to take a day off now and then, but I am so happy that I can walk.

I went to PVCC to do my ESL class today and one of the guys who works there complimented me on my weight loss, but more importantly, on how much better I walk and move.  It's funny, because I was never aware of how my walk/gait must have appeared to others before my weight loss, that has enabled me to be more agile.  I knew when it hurt to walk, but I didn't know how I looked when I walked.

So, walking is good, very good, and I will be back out there tomorrow morning, walking and feeling very grateful that I can.

209.4 A Closet Full of NEW Clothes

We are having our master bath area remodeled.  We are taking out the jacuzzi  tub that was put in every house that was built about ten years ago. Neither of us uses it, and we have a tiny shower, designed for very small people.  Neither Jeff nor I have been referred to as small lately, or probably within our lifetimes. Anyway, the reason I am writing about this is that they are coming on Monday to take out all the old stuff.

To reach our closet, we have to go through the bathroom.  So, here it comes... we have to empty out our closet so that the clothes will be accessible and so that they won't be covered with dust from the removal process.

What this really means is that I am getting rid of all my plus size clothing, forever.  No more 3X, 2X, or 1X labels, ever again.  I am a Chico's gal now, remember?  I have the greatest husband.  When I announced that cleaning out the closet really meant getting rid of 90% of the clothes I own, he agreed!!!  He's been a real cheerleader throughout this weight loss extravaganza and I have really appreciated it.

So, buy stock in Chico's because over the next few weeks the stock will go up.   Once I reach my goal, I am going to also be a Nordstrom gal, and a specialty shop gal.  Scottsdale is full of wonderful little shops selling beautiful clothes.  Now I really need to focus on drinking more water, eating a little less, and staying conscious around food, everyday!  I can do this!

209.4 Gifts

As I started out on my walk this morning, I saw my friends Terry and Louise, who had arrived here last night after being away since April. Louise has been following my blog from her home in Ohio since I first started to write it and she was so happy to see me 30 pounds lighter!  She called out to me as we approached each other about how much thinner I appeared.  And then she said you are walking so much better and standing so much straighter!  By this time we had hugged and she was wiping tears away.  This new me had brought tears to her eyes.

What she said next was the best gift of all.  She said that I have been an inspiration to her through my blogs.  Her husband, Terry, concurred as she told me that in restaurants she immediately moves one half of the portion away (to Terry's plate!), that she has cut down on the amount of bread she eats, etc.  What she didn't say but is so true is that she has become conscious about everything that she eats.

So Louise, it's great to see you looking so good.  Thanks for the gifts you gave me this morning, and welcome back!

209.6 Lost and Found

When I came back from Italy and had lost weight, I was ecstatic!  I was also so excited that my back had done such a great job of supporting me throughout the trip.  But after about a week the excitement started to slowly dissipate and I have been slogging through life on lots of fronts, especially this weight loss front.  I have been trying to figure out why. What is going on with me?

Today I think I figured it out.  The trip to Italy had loomed huge since May when we first decided to do it.  After returning home, I have felt a little lost without the trip to look forward to, and the accompanying motivation to lose weight, and to get stronger.

So, today I am making a recommitment to the program and to the new me that will continually emerge as I move forward toward my goal.  I may not be able to "see" myself as a thin person, but I can picture myself playing golf, doing Yoga, taking hikes all over this gorgeous state, and just moving with more ease as a result of losing the rest of the weight.

It is early evening and I just came in from taking my walk.  This time I didn't listen to Willie Nelson.  I listened to my own voice repeating the phrases of encouragement that have helped me through the first part of this program so effectively.  One of my favorites is "I don't want it, I don't need it, and I am not going to have it because I want something more.  I want my health."  Thanks to the hypnosis CD that Jennifer made for me I have a whole litany of similar phrases to help me deal with cravings, help me make good choices,  and remind me to love my body, love exercise, and be good to my self.  I think I have found a good alternative to Willie, at least for a while.

209.6 Food, Healthy Food

Today I went to Sur la Table.  For some reason, I'd never been in that store, but for years, I had heard how wonderful it was. The store was wonderful.  Everywhere I turned, there was something that I thought I really needed, well, wanted.  This is a store for cooks, serious cooks.  What was I doing there?  I was looking for a mandoline, so I can make a special appetizer that we had enjoyed in Italy. I ended up buying a different contraption that I am hoping will slice the zucchini even thinner and more easily than using the mandoline.

This morning before I went to Sur la Table I was reading the latest copy of Food and Wine magazine.  Those of you who have read this blog for most of its history know that I don't drink wine anymore.  So what am I doing, shopping at Sur la Table and reading a foodie magazine?

I am determined to still enjoy food even though I am eating smaller portions and healthier food.  I never would have ordered the zucchini platter in Cortona had I not been interested in healthier options.  After I master this new tool, and figure out how to put this appetizer together so that it is reminiscent of the dish we were served in Cortona, I will share the recipe with you.  Besides tasting delicious, this was beautiful to look at.

My sister Priscilla has been able to maintain her weight where she wants it, while cooking and eating an interesting and elegant array of food.  She is my role model and cheerleader.  Thanks, Prill.

209.8 Another Weigh to Go!

I am back in plateau territory, obviously, and am going to see if I can't get moving into a better place, so hang in there with me!  It seems to me that lately things in this blog have been kind of heavy :) in tone, so today I just want to post this delightful cartoon that a friend sent!

Since I am a big proponent of weighing daily, this really made me laugh! Enjoy and have a great weekend!

    

The correct way to weigh yourself:   

 I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years.  

209.8 Oh, Say Can You See?

I have a question for you.  Can you picture, imagine, visualize yourself as a slender person?   To be honest, I can't see myself as a slender person in my mind's eye.   Oh, I can remember a photo of me when I was thin, in some cases very thin, but I simply can't conjure up a picture of me at this age being slender.

Can you picture yourself wearing an outfit you love as a slender person?  I think I need to go shopping to get some ideas.  It puzzles me that I am having such a hard time with this.  How about you? I think it would help me lose weight a little faster if I could do this visualization.

When I wrote the blog yesterday about having lost 28 pounds, I was being honest about my weight loss since April.  Before that, I had lost 10 pounds during my initial weight loss work with Jennifer.  Other issues cropped up that we focused on together and I just stayed steady with the 10 pound loss for several months.  That being said, I can't imagine that I weighed 247 pounds, but I can easily picture that heavier person. So, I think I have some work to do, to let go of the heavier lady and embrace the hill climbing, healthier, more slender me!

209.6 Doing the Math

Today I feel bogged down.  That is different from being blogged down, and sometimes that also happens.  What am I bogged down about?  I want to get rid of this weight more quickly, which isn't a good thing to be thinking when I am on a slow and steady weight loss program.  But I think it is okay to question where I am in this whole process.  I did the math.  That sentence will make my sister Priscilla smile.  We are always telling each other to "do the math"!

And what did the math tell me?  It told me that I have been losing about one pound per week for about twenty-six weeks.  So, since I started this program in earnest in April, I have lost about 28 pounds. Doing the math, that comes out to just over a pound a week.  It feels slow and on paper, day by day, it looks slow.  But if I tell someone I have lost 26 pounds since April, the response is positive.  And what if someone told you that they had lost 52 pounds last year?  Would you be impressed?

I am sticking with the program and the goal of about a pound a week.  I am happy being me right now, and know I can do it.  By keeping my mind and heart on my goal, I'll reach it one week at a time, one pound at a time.

209.4 My ESL Experience

Tomorrow I go back to Paradise Valley Community College to tutor my students who are trying to learn to speak English well.  I blogged about them once before.  (See 9/03/09.)  They are an amazing group of folks from many different countries.  Each week when I go, I have to prepare a reading lesson and a conversation lesson.  The conversation lesson is easier for me.  Once I get them started, they love to talk, which is the point!  I spend a lot more time on the reading lesson.  At their suggestion, we've read about Arizona, soccer, baseball, idioms, dealing with medical problems over the phone, and many more topics.  It's fun, and I've learned a lot along the way.

I haven't been with my group of ESL students for three weeks and before that I had met with them only twice.  So,  I am looking forward to reconnecting with them.  Each person in the class has such a unique and interesting story about why they are in the US, why they happen to be in Phoenix, Arizona, and how they happened to find their way into my class.  The stories of what their lives entailed before coming to this country are also fascinating.  Many are highly educated, were professionals in their communities, and studied English for many years before coming here.  Others were not so lucky and are scrambling to learn English so they can get established here.  One common denominator they all share is that they knew someone in this community before they arrived.  I think that is common to the history of most who arrived in this country as immigrants.  Someone they had a connection with was already here to help them get started.

As I wrote in an earlier blog, I am so impressed with the determination and hard work that these people represent.  We all have immigration in our personal history if we go back far enough, and in some cases, we don't have to go back very far at all.  I am really looking forward to tomorrow.

209.6 Good Intentions Aren't Good Enough!

If you are paying attention to those numbers in front of the title of each blog, you will see that I am up about a pound.  I could blog on and on about why.  Okay, I'll confess.  It started with breakfast at the Westin Hotel where we met a friend visiting from out of town.  If you have never had breakfast at a Westin, give it a try!  I didn't think I did too much damage, but when I read in the WSJ this morning that cocoa was down 15% the guilt hit me.  Had I caused that by eating a mini chocolate filled croissant?  Since it was only about 2 1/2 inches in length I thought I was eating only half, well, half of a typical croissant.  Lunch wasn't off course.  Well, it was a little, if you consider butter and mayo and fresh onion and a little left over pork...I am laughing now, but OMG it was so good!  I did use only 1/2 a slice of my Flatout Flatbread, but still!  We had planned to have halibut for dinner, but Jeff got hungry, I was working on yesterday's blog, and he wanted to go out.  Let's go to a Mexican restaurant he hopefully suggested.  I decided to view this as a challenge and off we went to a new place near us.  Wow!  As we walked through the restaurant to be seated, the food looked wonderful.  After studying all of the amazing(ly fattening) choices, I had a chat with my inner spirit and ordered chicken fajitas.  I think that was a good choice, but I wasn't prepared for the cheese laden refried beans and the fluffy rice that came with the fajitas.  Okay, I had a big bite of the beans, but much less than half the portion on my plate (enough to feed a village anywhere in the world), and I just tasted the rice.  That's how I know it was fluffy!  Anyway, the vegies and chicken were delicious!  And, I just had water to drink.  OLE!

So, why is my weight up?  There is even more to this saga, sadly.  On my way home from a medical appointment yesterday I was starving.  After all, remember what I had had for lunch:).  So I stopped at the grocery store and bought two apples (so far, so good), and a bag of Brazil nuts.  I know, I know, I am one of the few people in the world who loves Brazil nuts!  And these weren't roasted or salted, but yummy all the same.  The bag said that an ounce was about 160 calories.  I kept trying to decide if I had had an ounce as I chomped my way home from the store.  No, I didn't finish the bag, but I know I had more than an ounce.

So now what do I do?  A while ago I would have just given in and given up.  Today, I am going to walk longer and further, drink more water, and get right back on track.

Not that I am counting, but today's blog is my 50th!  Thanks so much for being a part of this journey!

208.8 A Changed Mind

I have talked a little about hypnosis as a part of this weight loss experience.  The first time I was hypnotized I was a senior in high school and  my cousin Marcia, who had learned to use hypnosis as a tool to study for her PHD thesis orals, hypnotized me.  I had an English paper to write and through hypnosis she gave me enthusiasm for the subject and confidence that I could write this paper.  She also said that I would really enjoy writing the paper.  I remember that I did experience all of those things as I wrote that paper.  When the teacher returned it to me she had graded it with a big red letter A and then wrote "What happened?"  What happened was that I had been empowered by hypnosis!

In the most recent hypnosis CD that Jennifer made for me she says, "You have changed your mind".  This does not refer to dithering, something I have been known to excel in according to my husband.  It has to do with a real shift in how I think about myself since starting this weight loss program.  And this shift, this change in how I view myself is one of the best outcomes as a result of losing the weight.

How has my mind been changed?  I no longer think of myself as someone who is disabled.  I no longer think of myself as someone who is just too old to try something new.  And, I no longer think of myself as fat!  How's that?  Oh yes, I still have a lot of weight to lose and I am very aware of that, but instead of feeling fat and unattractive, I feel thinner, happier,  and confident that I will lose the remaining pounds to reach my goal.

Once again, I was empowered by hypnosis!  Having a changed mind is even better than getting an A on an important assignment.

208.8 Housekeeping?

I don't know what else to call this blog so I hope the title doesn't turn you off so you won't read it.  This one is really all about you!  Well, to be honest, it is about you and this blog.

First, I want to thank those of you who have made comments on specific blogs.  The fact that I have written something that has struck a chord with you so strongly that you have taken the time to make a comment means a lot!  If you have never made a comment but would like to, just go to the bottom of the blog you wish to comment on and click on post a comment.  You will see a text box in which you can write your remarks, and then you are asked to click on an option that will either send the comment directly to my email address, or, if you would like it to be available for others to see, you can click on Name/URL and just put your name in.  The URL thing is optional.  Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, choose that option.  Then click on publish your comment.  It doesn't show up immediately, but will appear within a short time.  So, keep those comments coming.

And, I want to thank those of you who have contributed recipes, articles, etc., to the blog.  I just put up Lynsey's Quinoa (pronounced keen wha) Pancake Recipe.  Lynsey is a great cook and interested in making everything as healthy as possible.  Quinoa is a grain that is common is Central America and it is very high in protein.  It is a healthy substitute for rice and has a yummy texture.  Try Lynsey's pancake recipe, especially if you are feeding young children. They won't detect the quinoa and you'll know it is good for them.

And finally, if you have ideas for ways that I can improve the blog, please let me know.

Thanks so much!

208.4 Spiritual Nourishment

I have just come back from my morning walk.  Today I walked the furthest I have walked since I started in April.  I think walking those hills in Cortona helped build up my endurance.  It felt wonderful to be back on my familiar route, listening to Willie Nelson and being surrounded by the beauty of this desert landscape.  Some folks tell me that they think the desert is barren, and I can understand why they might say that.  In fact, when we first moved here, I thought it was pretty uninteresting and stark.  That impression did not last for long.  Once I became aware (that important state of mind) of the seasonal changes in the desert landscape, and developed an appreciation for the vistas that are amazing beyond belief, the desert has become a source of spiritual nourishment.  One of my favorite sites is the ranges of mountains that arise out of the desert that may include up to five distinct rows of mountains, one in front of the other.

There is a tree that I walk by everyday that I pay special attention to.  In fact, I touch one of its branches as I pass it on my daily walk.  It touches my soul in response and fills me with wonder and pleasure knowing that I share this earth with it.

My son called the other day and was singing the old hymn, "For The Beauty of The Earth".  He had been to a memorial service where it had been sung and he was joking that he was proud that he had remembered all of the words as the result of us dragging him to church as a kid most Sundays.  It's a simple hymn, but it seems to have more meaning for me than ever before.  If you're not familiar with this hymn, here are the words to the first few verses:

For the Beauty of the Earth

---

For the beauty of the earth
For the glory of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies.


Refrain

Lord of all, to Thee we raise,
This our hymn of grateful praise.

For the beauty of each hour,
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon, and stars of light.

Refrain

For the joy of ear and eye,
For the heart and mind’s delight,
For the mystic harmony
Linking sense to sound and sight.

Refrain

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth and friends above,
For all gentle thoughts and mild.

Refrain 

209.4 The Power of Food

I have been thinking about the power that I have given to food over the course of my life.  I have given it the power to make me happy, to quell my discontent, to comfort my anxiety, and of course, to nourish my body, oh, and by the way, my spirit, too.  It is just food!  Why do I give it so much power?  In my family when I was a teenager, whenever I was unhappy my mom would jokingly ask if Susie needed a cookie!  Of course I did, at least two!

But I have friends who, maybe like you, can't eat if they are unhappy, or upset, or even very happy.  Why is it that they don't give food the power to help them through life's ups and downs?  Is this something we learn or is it just the way we happen to be wired to deal with stresses?

No matter why I am the way I am about food and its power, it has been important for me to change my view of the connection between food and my emotions.  I have needed to figure out how to make the situation better and leave food out of it.  Over the past months I have made big strides in this arena both in terms of awareness and in terms of  taking action instead of taking something to eat.  Susie doesn't need a cookie when she's unhappy anymore!

210.6 Looking Back and Forward

Yes!  I arrived home weighing less than when I left for Italy, and I have finally reached that elusive 210 number.  How did I do it?  I spent a lot of energy worrying about how I was doing weight -wise.  I would go over each thing I ate, how much, etc., and made it hard work.  Looking back, I think I could have lightened up a bit and trusted myself and my inner spirit to make the right decisions and not been so obsessed with food during the trip.  Jennifer talks a lot about the fact that discipline plays a big part  in her approach to weight loss, rather than effort.  That discipline was obviously at work and I now know that I can truly trust it to keep me moving forward toward my weight loss goal.  I spent 16 days away from home, eating at least two meals a day in restaurants, and I lost weight.  That would not have happened had I not been involved in this weight loss program.

What I also learned on this trip is that travel is about a lot more than food!  While in Italy, we visited six hill towns and found them charming and great opportunities for exercise whether we wanted to or not! I didn't realize that when these towns were referred to as hill towns, it meant that vertical climbs were everywhere!  The beauty of the Tuscan countryside was astounding.  We drove by acres of olive trees, their gray-green leaves contrasting with the bright green grass that surrounded them, a sight I will never forget.  And, the vineyards with their grape laden vines ready for harvest were spectacular.  The big dark purple grapes reminded me of beads that would work up into beautiful necklaces.  The hill towns themselves, perched up on cliffs to provide protection from invaders hundreds of years ago, were sources of beauty, history and charm.

In addition to this, we had a very special time while we were visiting our daughters and their partners in the Boston area for a couple of days before heading back home.  While waiting for my very dear friend Betsy at a funky breakfast place in Wellesley, I ran into three friends from our Wellesley church community, and later that day we took a walk down Central Street in Wellesley and saw one of our pastors! The night before these encounters we were surprised to see a friend who lives in Beverly Hills in a local restaurant in Wellesley.  All coincidences?  I am not sure about that, but I do know that these encounters were the perfect ending to a wonderful vacation.  So, travel is not all about food!  It is about renewal, spiritual and physical, and enlarging our view of our world and ourselves.