216.0 ... Staring Back at Myself

I've just finished talking to a friend on the phone about weight and eating! She admitted that she eats out of boredom. As I told her, I probably put on 20 of my magnificent pounds by eating out of boredom. It's a common reason and you've probably done that once or twice yourself. I have had to give up eating out of boredom. Now I prefer eating out of a bowl!

Seriously, I have had to give up eating out of boredom because it is way too scary. Scary? Well, I went through some old photos of me taken when I was in my hay day of weight gain. They were hard to find because I tend to delete any photo that doesn't fit the image that I have of myself on that particular day. But I did find a few, and they are now hanging either in the refrigerator or in the pantry. You know how you just happen to open the refrigerator door to see if the contents have changed since you opened it 10 minutes earlier? Now every time I open our refrigerator door this really familiar fat lady looks me right in the eye and says, "Forget it. Don't even think about it. The apples are on the counter, not in here." I quickly shut the door.

So then I turn to the pantry door and gear up my courage to open that door. There she is again, in a different outfit, but still as heavy as the refrigerator lady. She gives me the same chilling look and reminds me that I need to forget about the pantry as a place of solace or escape from boredom. In the pantry there are also pictures of another somewhat familiar person who is more slender, smiling back at me. She encourages me to listen to the fat lady and I back out and shut the door. She is, of course, me when I was slender.

When it was suggested to me that I do this, I wasn't sure that I wanted to confront my fat self that frequently. It is easier to have delusions of slender than to confront reality. But confronting reality is the best way to make changes and get on with life, so I am using these visions of my past to motivate me and help me stay with the process.