178.5 Becoming Aware of Awareness!

I don't know if it is just me and my amazing brain or if it takes everyone as long as it has taken me to change habits related to eating and drinking. Just the other night something happened and it dawned on me how easy it is to slip into old behaviors. We were at a restaurant and I had a sip of Miranda's wine. I then gave the glass back to her and didn't think about having any more. But we were taking pictures and her glass which had about 1 1/2 ounces in it got moved by me and all of a sudden I realized I was reaching for it with the intention of finishing it off. I didn't even get it to my lips before I caught myself in the act and handed it back to her. It wasn't a big deal except that it reminded me of how totally unconscious I think most of my eating and drinking had been for many, many years.

Today I had breakfast with a great friend whom I've known for about 35 years. I hadn't seen her in a year so it was fun to see her double-take when I joined her at the restaurant this morning. Later I was with Jeff and Miranda and we were talking about what we were going to order for lunch and it was as if a loud gong went off in my head. I became aware that I was not the least bit hungry and didn't want to or need to order anything. Well, I did order a glass of iced tea and it was perfect. This awareness piece isn't easy to develop, but is so powerful once it takes the place of the compulsive, unthinking behavior. I think I've finally got it!

185.8 Awareness

I write a lot about awareness while I'm eating, about what I'm eating, how fast I'm eating, and how my body/hunger level is doing while I'm eating.
















This morning, I got caught being extremely unaware. No, not about food, but about my surroundings. Living here in the desert has caused me to be much more alert to where I am in space when I am near the many cactus plantings in our yard, or when I go walking. Since balance is one of my issues, I have to be careful not to lose it while walking by one of the beautiful or not so beautiful cacti that seem to be every where out here.

As I was finishing dead-heading a large geranium plant I backed right into this cactus! Suddenly I was very aware of that plant and very aware that I had been stabbed in my arm. One thing I didn't know until recently is that you can get terrible infections if a cactus needle breaks the skin. Oh, it did break the skin and that area is now covered with antibiotic ointment.

So, I have a new respect for awareness! (Sometimes I wish there was an ointment I could apply when my food/eating awareness gets away from me!)

195.6 Change and Gratitude

Last night's blog brought about a comment that simply stated, "Wowee"! I think it is even more appropriate for today since I am down another 6 ounces! And last night I had butternut nut squash soup with a delicious fig and mascapone toasted ravioli floating in it, beef tenderloin, and asparagus instead of risotto (all I did was ask, and no problem was the answer). It was a wonderful, delicious meal in an extraordinarily beautiful setting.

So how is it I lost 6 more ounces? I think I have stopped fighting with myself about all the reasons I couldn't make drastic changes. Well, I thought of them as drastic but in reality they really weren't that drastic. It just hasn't been that hard. Planning my food for the day first thing in the morning instead of waiting as time for a meal approached and then eating whatever, is not that hard. Doing more and varied exercise in one day is not that hard. Not eating three meals everyday is not that hard. What's hard for me is to figure out what I was afraid of, what was it that I didn't want to give up, why didn't I embrace these ideas as they were suggested to me instead of putting up mental road blocks.

I have definitely become more conscious of the fact that losing a large amount of weight has meant that I had to give up some things in order to make the changes. I had to give up the notion that I was disabled. I had to give up the notion that food was so important to me that I couldn't imagine being happy eating less and indulging myself less with food. I had to give up the notion that I couldn't do it because I couldn't exercise. I had to give up the old me, and you know, what has taken the place of that 247 pound disabled gal is a person that feels younger, is more agile, loves exercise and is beginning to take pride in how she looks and moves and lives. And, being conscious, being aware of the wonder of life within me and around me is such a gift and so much fun. I am filled with gratitude and wonder that I have actually lost 52 pounds. Furthermore, I am very aware of the need and desire to lose about, let's see, I believe we are now looking at only 25 more! Wowee!

198.4 The Eyes Have It

I don't know exactly why, but things have been changing for me, around me, and within me. The latest change that I have become aware of is that I have started looking at peoples' eyes. As I was growing up, I was admonished by my parents to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and have automatically done that. But looking at the eyes of another is a totally other experience. You see their life energy, their uniqueness, and perhaps, their soul. It is very different than looking someone in the eye. Try it. See if you don't feel the difference.